by Marin Thomas
Sierra’s Bucket List had been printed across the top.
Beau read the items listed on the paper.
#1 Drag Race
#2 Bungee Jumping
#3 Vacation in Egypt
#4 Shop on Rodeo Drive
Beau skimmed the rest of the items, ticked off that he wasn’t on the list. If Sierra was taking risks, why wasn’t she willing to trust him and give their relationship a chance? He crumpled the paper in his fist. Sierra could have died today—all because of a stupid bucket list. He shoved the wad of paper into his pocket and started the truck.
The drive out of the park took forever and by the time Beau arrived at the hospital, a crowd had gathered in the emergency room. He waved Duke down. “How’s Sierra?”
“She’s got some bruising where the harness bit into her chest, and they’re keeping her overnight for observation, but the risk of a blood clot is minimal. She was lucky, Beau. The doctor said he’s seen people die after being suspended in the air thirty minutes or less.”
“Does Jordan know?”
“Yeah. Dad’s on his way over here with her. If you want any privacy with Sierra, you’d better talk to her now.” Duke pointed to the curtained-off cubical at the end of the corridor.
Beau walked down the hall, and cleared his throat before moving the curtain aside. Sierra slowly opened her eyes. When she saw him, she attempted to smile, but her effort was weak at best. He pulled a chair next to the bed and sat. They stared at each other for a long time, then tears trickled from her eyes. Beau’s throat tightened as he struggled to get a grip on his emotions. After a minute he pulled the crumpled note from his pocket and handed it to Sierra. “I believe this belongs to you.”
“I thought I’d lost it,” she whispered, wiping her tears with the edge of the sheet.
“Why?” Beau asked.
“Why what?”
“Why are you so hell-bent on taking chances and putting yourself in danger?”
“You wouldn’t understand,” she said.
“Try me.”
“When the doctor said I’d eventually go blind, I thought about all the things I’d dreamed of doing one day.”
“So why am I not on your list?” he asked.
Her eyes widened before she dropped her gaze to her lap. “Don’t, Beau.”
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t pretend there’s any future for us.”
Her words sucker punched Beau. After all they’d been through together, Sierra refused to admit that what they’d shared had been more than just a good time. He had to get out of there before he exploded and said something he could never take back. Beau fled the cubical but paused in the hallway, waiting…hoping…she’d call him back.
She didn’t.
Chapter Thirteen
“Have you called Ace?” Duke asked his cousin Colt when he arrived at his aunt’s house.
“Yeah. Thought he ought to see this.”
Duke leaned against the grille of Colt’s truck and watched his twin go head-to-head with Midnight in the corral.
“Mom saw him take a nasty fall a half hour ago and told him to quit.”
“He ignored her,” Duke said.
“Yeah, so she called me because—”
“Ace would have a fit.”
Colt grinned. “Sheesh, hoss. You’d think we were twins the way you finish my thoughts.”
Duke wanted to intervene but knew his brother would object. “Midnight’s not tiring, is he?”
“Nope.”
A horn blast caught their attention. Ace’s pickup barreled into the ranch yard. When he got out of the truck, he hollered, “What’s so all-fired important that I had to drive—” Ace stopped in his tracks and stared at Beau picking himself up off the ground.
“You didn’t tell Ace that Beau was riding Midnight?” Duke whispered.
“Nope.”
“What the hell’s he doing?” Ace joined his brother and cousin.
“Mom gave Beau the go-ahead to get Midnight ready for the rodeo in South Dakota,” Colt said.
“Nice of Mom to tell me,” Ace grumbled.
“She said you had enough on your plate with work and Flynn getting ready to have the baby.”
All three men winced when Beau stumbled on the way back to the chute and did a face-plant in the dirt. He crawled to his knees, then his feet and staggered forward.
“For God’s sake, it looks like he broke his nose,” Ace said. Blood dripped off Beau’s chin, but he wiped it away with his shirtsleeve.
“Why’s he beating himself up?” Ace directed the question to Duke.
“It’s Sierra.” The look in Beau’s eyes when he saw Sierra dangling from the bridge would haunt Duke for a long time. He’d never seen his brother so scared. There was no doubt in Duke’s mind that Beau was in love with Sierra.
“I heard about her close call,” Ace said.
Duke cleared his throat. “Shook Beau up pretty bad.”
“Didn’t know Beau and Sierra were a couple. Then again, I’m so dang busy with my practice I don’t know much about what goes on in this family anymore.”
“Leah said Flynn called her after talking to Dinah, who’d run into Cheyenne at the diner, who’d heard from Jordan that Sierra had made out a bucket list and bungee jumping was on it,” Colt said.
Ace stared at his brother as if he’d grown two heads. “I’m supposed to make sense out of what you just said?”
Duke clarified things. “Ever since Sierra found out she inherited her aunt’s eye disease, and will probably end up blind one day, she’s been participating in extreme activities like bungee jumping and drag racing.”
Ace whistled low. “Let me guess, Beau’s trying to stop her and she’s telling him to get out of her way.”
“That sums it up pretty well,” Duke said.
Colt pointed to the pen. “Watch this, Ace. Midnight backs himself into position.” The stallion spun then inched into the makeshift chute.
“If that don’t beat all,” Ace whispered.
Beau attempted to climb the rails, his boot slipping on the rungs.
“How long has he been at it?” Ace asked.
“Not sure. At least an hour, I’d guess,” Colt said.
Once he’d climbed onto Midnight’s back, Beau lifted the hay rake and clanged it against the metal rail. The horse bolted into the pen and Beau dropped the rake. “Midnight’s hardly winded and he’s still bucking high and tight,” Colt said.
All three men let out a whoop when the stallion leapt into the air as he bucked. “He’s a high-roller,” Ace said.
Beau went flying.
“C’mon, Ace.” Colt nudged his brother’s arm. “Admit it. Midnight was born to rodeo.”
“There’s no denying the horse loves to buck.” Ace shook his head. “Midnight’s already in the chute and Beau hasn’t even gotten to his feet.”
“Beau’s had enough.” Duke made a move toward the pen where his twin lay spread-eagle in the dirt.
“Wait.” Ace snagged his cousin’s jacket.
“Beau’s riding in the Miles City Rodeo this Saturday. If he keeps this up he’ll be in no shape to compete,” Duke said.
“I’ll talk to him.” Ace took two steps then stopped and pinned Colt with a glare. “You wouldn’t by chance be thinking of entering Midnight in the Miles City Rodeo, would you?” Colt remained silent. “There’s no sense taking a chance he’ll injure himself before the Bash.” When Colt remained mute, Ace grumbled and marched off.
“You’re taking Midnight, aren’t you?” Duke asked. “Never mind. I don’t want to know.”
Beau saw his older cousin heading his way. Ace didn’t look pleased. Dragging his sore butt off the ground, Beau ignored the man and limped toward the chute where Midnight waited for him.
“Haven’t you had enough punishment for one day?” Ace slipped through the rails of the pen and cut across the dirt.
“Butt out, Ace.” Beau stepped on the lower rung and a shar
p twinge shot through his ankle. He lost his balance and Ace’s hand shot out to steady him.
“Come on, look at yourself. Your nose is bleeding. You’ve got a split lip. You better…” Ace let his words trail off.
“I better what?”
“Stick to bulls. You suck at bronc busting.”
“Think you can do better?”
“Hell, yes, I can ride better than you, but—”
“Chicken shit,” Beau mumbled.
“What’d you call me?” Ace shoved Beau into the rails.
“Chicken shit!” Beau’s shout propelled his brother and Colt across the drive and into the pen.
“What’s going on?” Colt stepped between Beau and Ace.
“Get out of my way.” Ace climbed the rails and straddled Midnight. “How do I get him to leave the chute?”
Without warning Beau clanged the rake against the rail. The noise sent Midnight into action and Ace almost got tossed on his head. He managed to keep his seat, but his hat flew off as the stallion did its best to throw his rider.
Colt and Duke hollered encouragement. Beau stood silent—glaring. Eventually Midnight decided he’d had enough and launched Ace into the air. Beau’s cousin landed with a loud oomph but got to his feet smiling.
“Whoo-wee, Ace!” Colt hollered. “I thought you we’re going to ride the buck out of Midnight.”
The stallion trotted past Ace then stopped in front of Beau as if waiting for him to concede defeat. “You win.” Beau patted Midnight’s neck.
“I’ll walk him to the barn.” Ace removed the bucking strap and bareback rope from Midnight and handed them to Beau before leading the stallion away. “C’mon, Midnight. You’ve earned a rubdown.” Colt followed his brother, leaving Duke and Beau facing off.
“What?” Beau said when Duke watched him in silence. “Don’t you have criminals to chase after?”
“I’m going to give you a pass for being a jerk. You know why?”
“I don’t care why, but—” Beau spat at the ground “—you’ll tell me anyway.”
“You’re pissed off because Sierra doesn’t want anything to do with you.”
“Butt out, Duke.”
“Instead of beating yourself up, why don’t you see if you can make nice with her?”
“And tell her what? I don’t care that she’s going blind?” His outburst startled Duke. “Well, I do care! I frickin’ care that the woman I love—” Startled by the pronouncement, Beau lost his train of thought.
Love. Worried about Sierra’s eye disease and the impact it would have on their relationship…his rodeo future…having children… Beau had refused to say the word out loud or even think it until just now. The feeling had been inside him for a while, but the fear of her waking up one day in the dark and him unable to prevent it had him running scared.
“You ever consider Sierra might not believe it’s her you’re in love with?” Duke asked.
“What the hell’s that supposed to mean?”
“Are you sure the love you feel for Sierra isn’t grounded in your need to protect her and be the one she leans on for help? You have a habit of making people depend on you, Beau. Look how long it took me to stand up to you.”
“This is none of your business.”
“Actually, I believe it is my business, seeing how I was a victim of your overprotectiveness most of my life.”
Victim? Beau was speechless—good thing, since his brother had plenty to say.
“You’ve always looked out for me, Beau.”
Wasn’t that good?
“When Dad left me to fend for myself against the bullies on the playground, I was grateful you stood up for me.”
“But…”
“You don’t know when to back off.” Duke shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “You know what hurts the most?”
Beau waited for his brother to tell him.
“You didn’t believe in me.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“You never believed I was good enough to win on my own. You felt you had to lose to help build my self-esteem. You never gave me the chance to prove to myself, or you, or anybody for that matter, that I was good enough to beat you when you were trying your hardest.”
After giving his brother’s words thought, Beau said, “What does this have to do with my feelings for Sierra?”
“You smother people, Beau. You step in and take over for others when they don’t want your interference.”
Bullshit. Duke didn’t know what the hell he was talking about.
“You don’t even realize what you’re doing, but you make people dependent on you, then—”
“They resent me,” Beau said.
“I don’t resent you, but you should have allowed me to fail or succeed on my own.”
Beau didn’t say a word. His brother was on a roll and he sensed this discussion was far from over.
“Not until I met Angie did I realize I was riding for all the wrong reasons. Angie gave me the strength I needed to admit that, as much as I enjoyed busting bulls, I was winning for you, Beau—not me.”
Beau’s chest tightened, making it tough to draw a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”
“I didn’t bring this up because I want an apology, but because you’re headed down the same path with Sierra.”
Beau’s stomach bottomed out. He thought back to the times he and Sierra had been together—had he been overprotective? Smothering? If he had, couldn’t she see that it had been because he cared? “Sierra’s going to be blind one day. She should realize that she’ll need people to help her. She can’t go through this alone.”
“I get it now,” Duke said.
“Get what?” Beau had trouble following the conversation.
“I get why you’re upset.”
Normally Beau was the one to hand out advice. That he took his brother’s words into account confirmed how shaken up he was over Sierra.
“You can’t handle the idea that Sierra doesn’t need you the way you want her to need you.”
“Of course she needs me.”
“Think, Beau. We grew up without a mother and Dad wasn’t all that affectionate. Aside from Aunt Sarah’s hugs, we weren’t raised in a warm, fuzzy home.”
“So?”
“My insecurities played out in my stuttering and yours played out by being overprotective of me. You wanted me to depend on you so you’d always feel needed.”
His brother had gone straight for the jugular. Beau stared into the distance, trying to make sense of Duke’s words. Had he unconsciously made people depend on him because of a need for love and affection?
“Remember when I told you I was quitting rodeo? You freaked out.”
Beau had flown into a rage, because he’d believed Duke hadn’t appreciated all the sacrifices he’d made for his brother through the years. If there was any truth to Duke’s words, Beau had been upset not because his brother had quit bull riding, but because he no longer needed Beau—Duke had found Angie.
Shit. He needed a frickin’ therapist.
“I don’t doubt for a minute you care deeply for Sierra, Beau. Just be sure your feelings are true blue and not tied to wanting her to depend on you.”
Well, hell. Did Sierra believe he was more in love with the need to rescue her than just plain love her? But he did love Sierra, and when you loved someone it was only natural that you wanted to protect them. The two went hand in hand. “Leave me alone, Duke.”
His brother walked off, but stopped a few feet away. “Beau.”
“What?”
“I may not need you to lose rodeos for me or beat up bullies on the playground, but I do still need you to be my brother.”
Beau struggled to draw air into his pinched lungs as he watched Duke get into his truck and drive away.
* * *
“SIERRA?”
Leave me be, Aunt Jordan.
“Sierra, dear? Where are you?” The sound of Jordan’s low-heeled shoes clicki
ng against the floor echoed above Sierra’s head.
As was normal on a Friday night, the diner had been packed and she’d closed a half hour later than usual. Physically and emotionally exhausted, Sierra yearned for a hot soak in the tub, but halfway up the back stairs the memory of Beau’s kiss in the darkened hallway had overwhelmed her and she’d given in to the tears she’d held at bay since the afternoon at the hospital when she’d hurt Beau’s feelings.
“Sierra?” Before she summoned the energy to call out to her aunt, the door at the top of the stairs opened. “I know you’re here somewhere.”
“I’m sorry, Aunt Jordan. I just wanted time to…to—”
“To what, dear?” Her aunt descended the steps, stopping when the tip of her shoe bumped Sierra’s shoulder. “Scoot over.”
Sierra inched closer to the wall, making room for her aunt. She didn’t want to burden Jordan with her broken heart, especially when her aunt’s love life was moving along strong and steady, but Sierra felt like she’d explode if she didn’t share her pain with someone.
“I’m in love with Beau, Aunt Jordan, and it hurts that we can’t be together.” The floodgates opened and tears dripped down her cheeks.
“Why can’t you be together?”
Sierra swallowed an angry retort. Her aunt acted as if going blind was just a bump in the road, but Sierra’s failing eyesight felt like a noose around her neck, slowly tightening and choking the life out of her. “I can’t be with Beau because I’d be a burden to him.”
And because he’d insist on doing everything for me. Instead of becoming independent, she’d become dependent on Beau and then if—when—he left her, she’d…Sierra couldn’t imagine the pain.
“Are you implying then that I’m a burden to Joshua because I’m blind?”
Sierra had never heard her aunt raise her voice before. “No, I didn’t mean—”
“Shame on you, Sierra. Just because you can’t see, doesn’t mean you can’t lead a fulfilling life or that you should sit back and feel sorry for yourself as the years pass you by.” Her aunt put her arm around Sierra’s shoulder. “And don’t you dare accuse me of oversimplifying the situation.”
“But you make it sound as if it’s easy to adjust to living in the dark.”