by Joanna Bell
I found myself at the Little Falls Saloon the next evening with DeeDee, Brandon and Brandon's girlfriend Jade, having kept my news entirely to myself.
"What's gotten into you?" DeeDee asked, studying my face. "You're acting strange."
"Am I?"
"We all go through rough times," Brandon joined in. "Not that I've ever been in as shitty a situation as you're in right now, but you'll come through it, McMurtry. Ain't no shame in working someone else's land if that's all you can get."
I knew that. I also knew that Brandon was enjoying my supposed destitution immensely and that his smarmily disingenuous words of comfort would be more accurately described as rubbing salt in the wound.
"What happened to that cute little brunette you had staying with you out at the Ranch? When it was still yours, I mean?"
"Brandon," DeeDee cut in, shooting him a warning look.
"What?" He asked, feigning innocence. "Just making conversation, sis!"
"She went back to D.C.," I said, sipping my whiskey.
"Did she? Not surprising, really. We're not in high school anymore are we, Jack? You need more than your looks these days. Women want security at this age. Someone who can provide for them."
It crossed my mind that Brandon Schneider was exceedingly lucky that I had come into a huge sum of money less than a day before he sat across the table throwing childish barbs at me, because the way things had been going before the windfall, I wouldn't have put it past myself to drag him out to the parking lot and give him the beating he was begging for.
But I had come into a huge sum of money – I knew it and he didn't – so I sat across from him and let him go on, thinking about how sweet it was going to be when he found out. Not that he was going to find out – I had decided that I needed the money first. Don't count your chickens before they hatch, Grandma Dottie used to say – and I wasn't truly going to believe that the money in that bank account in Ireland was mine until I went to the bank in person.
"You should give Kayla Landers a call, she's been sweet on you since grade school. I mean, I know she's looking a little rough these days but she wouldn't say no."
"Brandon, don't be an asshole," DeeDee said, getting up to tend to the customer who had just walked up to the bar.
Brandon laughed and put his arm around Jade's shoulder. She must have been new in town, because I didn't recognize her. "Yeah," he said, throwing an arrogant grin my way, "I guess we can't all have 19 year old girlfriends."
Ah, that's what he was trying to brag about. Dating a teenager. I looked over at Jade, in her too-revealing clothes and her too-heavy eye make-up and felt nothing but sorry for her. She sat quietly, smiling at Brandon every now and again as he made a horse's ass of himself.
"Guess not," I said, shrugging.
As the evening wore on, and Brandon consumed more beer, he got worse. At one point, Kayla Landers showed up and Brandon gestured for her to come sit with us.
"Kayla! We were just talking about you!"
Kayla looked at me and perked up a little, obviously assuming that Brandon wasn't just using her to try to make me feel like shit. "Were you?"
"Yeah! I was just telling Jack here that you might be a good girl to settle down with, even if you ain't no spring chicken."
"Brandon!" DeeDee yelled, having overheard the entire conversation and then watched Kayla's face fall when her brother got to the part about spring chickens. She was 28, just like me. Sure, it's not 18, but it's not old either.
I met Brandon's eye and shook my head, indicating that he needed to shut the hell up, right away. And like all drunk, belligerent men he just took it as a reason to go even further.
"What?!" He said, putting his arm around Kayla's shoulder and pulling her in next to him. "I'm just being honest, aren't I? We're all getting older – even you. Seems like Jack here doesn't want to admit he might not be as high and mighty as he thinks he is."
I sat back in my chair, irritated but determined not to rise to the bait. Brandon continued and I began to wonder if it might not be a better idea to spend the night at the motel in town rather than in his basement.
"Remember high school?" He said, turning to Kayla and slurring the word 'school' a little. "Remember how all the girls used to follow Jack McMurtry around like sad little puppies begging for a treat? You were one of those girls, weren't you? Pretty undignified, if you want my opinion. And it's even worse now you're losing your looks –"
"OK," I said loudly, standing up. "That's enough." Believe me, defending Kayla Landers' honor wasn't a task I was particularly interested in, but Brandon was getting louder and more offensive, and our table was starting to attract glances from other customers.
Brandon stood up at the same time, pulling his t-shirt down over his visible gut and rounding the table to get in my face.
"What was that?" He asked. "What, Jack? What? You think you can talk to me like I'm a 2 year old?"
I shrugged. "If you're acting like this I can. Why don't you just sit down and have some coffee?"
At that terrible insult, Brandon took a swing at me and I caught his arm in mid-air, bending it behind his back and dragging him out the back door as he tried to twist away from me. DeeDee, Kayla and Jade followed.
"Stop it!" DeeDee yelled. "Damnit Brandon, just stop!"
I let go of his arm and met his eyes, waiting for some sign that he'd calmed down, but he just took another swing at me. I ducked easily – let's just say Brandon Schneider wasn't threatening to unseat any reigning MMA champions – and pinned his arm again. That time, I held him until I actually felt his body relax,
"Fuck you!" He bellowed, when he was free again. "Fuck you, Jack! You're not better than me! And you can stay somewhere else tonight, you piece of –"
"Brandon!" Jade cut in, stroking her embarrassingly out of control boyfriend's arm. "Let's just go."
"NO!"
DeeDee joined Jade in coaxing her sloppy brother away from me and I grinned a little as the sound of his slurred, shouted words echoed down the street. When DeeDee came back she was red-faced and out of breath.
"Damn, Jack. I'm sorry about that. I – I knew you weren't Brandon's favorite person in the world but I didn't think a few days in the same house would make him lose his mind. And Kayla, I hope you know he didn't even mean any of those things he said. This is about Jack and his jealousy problem with Jack – it doesn't have anything to do with you."
Kayla shrugged like it was no big deal but I'd seen the look on her face earlier, the shock at being attacked like that – and over her looks, too – when she hadn't done anything to deserve it.
The three of us started to head back inside but I grabbed DeeDee's wrist at the last minute. "Hold on."
"What is it? You can stay at my place if you don't have enough –"
"It's not that," I told her. "Listen can we talk? What time are you off?"
"Well we can talk right now, if we do it inside – it's not busy but I'm technically working until midnight."
DeeDee skillfully diverted Kayla away to another table of acquaintances I vaguely recognized and poured me a shot of whiskey as I sat down at the bar. When I sipped it, she raised her eyebrows.
"Taking it easy tonight?"
"Yeah."
"Good for you. I'd probably be shitfaced all day if I was in the position you're in right now, Jack. I'm not even kidding – it's awful that you lost Sweetgrass Ranch. Everyone in town feels terrible. Is it true that Blackjack didn't pay his taxes? I almost wish the son of a bitch was still alive, so he could see the people losing respect for him."
I smiled at DeeDee's full-throated support. "Yeah, about that..."
She leaned in a little closer. "What? Has something happened? Come on Jack, spill. I see that look on your face."
"OK," I said. "I'll spill. But on two conditions. You don't say anything to anyone. Anyone, I mean it. And you give me some advice."
"You know I can keep a secret Jack – and, hey, you also know how much I love telling ot
her people what to do! So what is it? Did you find buried treasure in the foothills?"
"Well," I said, anticipating DeeDee's overexcited reaction. "Not in the foothills –"
"What?!" She stage-whispered, leaning in even further and searching my eyes for signs I was lying. "Jack are you serious? Wait – what do you mean? Money? Enough to save the ranch? Where did it come from? How did –"
I held up my hand, chuckling. "I'll tell you, if you can keep quiet for more than two seconds."
DeeDee pressed her lips together. "OK. OK, I'm sorry. I'll be quiet!"
"I came across some money my Grandma Dottie left me – it's in a bank account in Ireland, so no one even knew about it – not even the IRS."
DeeDee eyes got big. "Really? Is it enough to save the Ranch?"
"Yes, but I haven't actually done that yet – I need to go to Ireland to –"
"What? Why do you need – oh, sorry. OK, keep going."
"I need to go to Ireland in person – and I need to figure out with the IRS how buying Sweetgrass Ranch back is even going to work. I did get the livestock back, though, so that's one thing."
"Even those brown and white cattle Blackjack used to treat better than his own children?"
I laughed. "The Moileds. Yes, even them."
DeeDee was quiet for a moment, a serious look on her face. "This is good news, Jack. I don't just mean for you – although obviously it is. But for everyone, in a way. For this town. So many little towns like this just seem to be in a process of slowly dying, and I think your family has been an anchor, or a backbone, or whatever crappy metaphor you want to apply to it. People were worried you know – really worried – about you losing the Ranch. Little Falls without any McMurtrys isn't something people wanted to deal with."
I nodded, acknowledging DeeDee's thoughtful comment. "Yeah," I told her. "Honestly, I didn't have a single clue as to what I was going to do. I grew up thinking Sweetgrass Ranch was permanent – that somehow it was impossible that it would ever be sold or fall out of McMurtry hands. So I never took the time to think about what I would do with my life if it wasn't living and working on the Ranch, you know?" I paused and turned my shot glass around on the bar a little self-consciously. "There's also, uh – there's something I wanted to tell you."
"Oh? What's that?" She asked, grabbing a cloth and beginning to wipe down the bar.
"I guess I just wanted to thank you."
"Thank me?" She asked, looking genuinely surprised. "Why?"
"For being cool this last little while," I told her. "I know I kind of fell out of the group there, for a few years. But you didn't give me shit for it, and you put up with a lot of my stupid, drunken antics. You're a solid person, DeeDee, and what I'm awkwardly trying to say here is that I appreciate the way you've been with me. There were definitely a couple of nights when things could have gone very badly wrong for me, if it wasn't for you being your sensible self."
My friend put down her cloth and looked at me, smiling. "Well thanks, Jack. But you're one of us – whether you like it or not – so we're gonna look out for you."
"Pour yourself one," I instructed, nodding at my shot glass. DeeDee poured another one for me and one for herself. I held mine up and she did the same. "To friends who've got your back."
"To friends who've got your back." She downed the shot. "So, Jack. What is up with that woman? The one you fished out of Parson's Creek? Is that true by the way? Jolene Waddell's brother said –"
"Yeah, it is."
"Really? You actually did rescue her from a flash flood? God, that's dramatic. No wonder she fell for you."
I looked pointedly out the Saloon window, towards the darkened parking lot, wondering if Brandon Schneider was sleeping it off yet or not. DeeDee took immediate note of the fact that I hadn't responded.
"What?" She asked. "A bunch of people saw you two looking like lovebirds in the grocery store. I don't know if you know this, Jack, but your love life is quite a hot topic around town – it has been since high school! So let's just say certain people were abuzz when you were spotted with a pretty girl."
"Certain people, huh?"
DeeDee laughed. "OK, mostly women. But for real, what's the deal with her? Was it just a fling?"
"You know what? I don't know what the deal is with her. Blaze, by the way. Her name is Blaze. With a zee. I –"
"Blaze with a zee? Like B-L-A-Z-E?"
I nodded.
"That sounds like a name for a h –" DeeDee actually managed to cut herself off before finishing the sentence. "I'm sorry, Jack, I –"
"It doesn't matter," I laughed. "I said exactly the same thing."
"You didn't, did you? To her face?"
I nodded. "Don't worry about Blaze, she can give it back ten times as hard. But was it a fling? I don't think so. Not for me. Not for her either, I don't think. But what are we going to do? Even when I thought I was losing the Ranch I knew I couldn't just move to D.C. and move in with her. What kind of man does that? And now I'm probably not losing the Ranch – what are we going to do? Her career is in D.C., and it's serious, she's dedicated. Long distance? Doesn't sound realistic, does it? I don't know, Dee. I miss her like crazy. Like I can't even describe to you how much –"
"You should take her to Ireland with you."
I looked up. "Huh? I should – what?"
"You heard me. Take her to Ireland with you, Jack. When are you going – a few weeks? It'll be December by then, Christmas season. Damn, that's perfect! Yes! You have to do it!"
My instinct was to protest, because it's always my instinct to be the voice of reason when someone else is coming up with a hare-brained scheme. But as soon as the words were out of DeeDee's mouth I was picturing it – the holiday season in Dublin with Blaze. Cobblestone streets and Christmas lights in the fog. Blaze's soft hand slipped into mine, a cozy hotel room in a picturesque part of the city, an open fire, her needy little kisses...
"That is – DeeDee, damn. That's a great idea! There's a ton of stuff I have to get done here, but yeah, I was thinking December after I've had time to figure things out with the IRS and get the livestock settled into their temporary quarters in the Hardings' unused pasture. OK, yeah, so I have to book a hotel – and flights. I wonder if there are even any hotels left – isn't that a popular time of year?"
"Maybe you can AirBNB if there's no hotel rooms left? You can definitely figure something out – you could even stay in the countryside outside Dublin itself. You've been to Ireland, right?"
I shook my head. "No. I've only ever been to Mexico and the Caribbean."
"Well it'll be good for you to go," DeeDee said. "It'll be good for you to see the motherland."
We chatted and messed around on our phones looking for flights and hotels and places to visit for another hour or so, until it was time to close the Saloon for the night. I ended up spending the night at the Little Falls Motel, because I didn't want to deal with Brandon the next morning, and DeeDee's place was small – I didn't want to impose.
The next few days and weeks were probably the most frenzied of my life. I found myself falling into bed at night and having a head so full of tasks for the next day that I couldn't even get to sleep to deal with the exhaustion. I wanted everything to be right, though. As right as it could be without more time to actually finalize and carry out any of the plans I was making.
One evening, after another day full of phone calls, I found myself in my little hotel room at the Little Falls Motel with the semblance of a plan. My stomach churned a little when I looked down at Blaze's name on my screen - what if she said no? What if she'd managed to meet someone else – some suit-wearing businessman with a leather briefcase, a Lexus and a barely controlled coke habit?
No. I knew what it had been like to be with her. I remembered the look in her eyes, the one she thought she was hiding, when I was inside her and she was close to coming. She needed me. It terrified her, but she did. I found her number on my phone and placed the call...
Chapter Ei
ghteen
Blaze
I spent the weeks after talking to Jack going through the motions of my life like a distracted ghost. The fact that he hadn't called me back right away was disappointing – not just because I really wanted him to, but because surely he would have done so if the money in the account had been anything like enough to save Sweetgrass Ranch.
But I knew I didn't really have any right to be upset, given my stupid decision not take his earlier calls. And he did call, eventually, and then every couple of days after that.
"I like him too much," I said to Lulu, who was lying on the floor in front of me one night, chewing on one of the pile of new toys I'd bought for her. She tilted her head to the side, like she could understand every word I was saying. "That's my problem. I like him too much. And it's scary to like someone that much, isn't it? Isn't it? Yes it is!"
I doubted my dog felt the same way – she didn't seem to have any issues at all with wearing her heart on her sleeve. Every new person was another opportunity to make a friend for Lulu, and part of me suspected that just having her in my life, being witness to a creature who seemed to live for nothing but connection with and affection for others – be they human or canine – was better for me than any three-hundred dollar an hour therapist.
The phone rang just as I was about to go into the kitchen and start putting together a salad for dinner. When I saw Jack's name on the screen my heart leapt.
"Jack? Hey!"
"Hi Blaze."
Oh God, just hearing the way he said my name made my knees weak. "What's going on?" I asked.
"Oh, not much. I'm actually calling to ask you something. What are you doing for Christmas? Do you have any time off? I assume you'll be spending it with your family?"
That threw me for a loop. I did usually spend Christmas with my family, but that didn't mean it was some kind of ironclad rule. It didn't mean I had to spend Christmas with them. "Uh – why?" I asked, not willing to let on that a little flicker of excitement had sparked up inside me at the mere possibility of doing something with Jack over Christmas.