by Mima
Kor stretched, swinging his arms. “I could say the same about you, Malla. Hot damn, you pack a powerful punch.”
Grady took a drink of water, rinsed his mouth, then spat on the floor. “I hate that taste.
It only says pain and battle to me. It was your decision, Malla, but I don’t prefer it.”
“Arghunnh.”
All their heads swiveled to where Shon moaned on the floor. They stared at him a beat, and then he growled, a long, low rumble that promised violence.
“Shit.” Grady’s face closed down in angry concentration. “Lover, let’s get this done, before he causes problems.”
* * * * *
Shon opened his eyes to utter silence. The gray bulkhead of a freighter bay loomed
above his head. Throbbing engines vibrated the plating under him. He was laying on a padding of blankets, and he couldn’t move. Twisting his neck up, he saw that was due to the bindings.
Malla jumped up and hurried over to him. Her mouth moved, and her eyes filled with tears. Oh, baby. Don’t. Not for me. Was she safe? Where was his team? He tilted his head and saw Vel rise from a med table. A woman lay face down. Filthy hair… Radha. That’s right.
They’d gotten Radha. Then that firefight. If Vel and Radha were here, that was good news for Kor. Where were Kor and Grady?
Malla was undoing his bonds, crying so hard her shoulders shook. She wore an
unfamiliar red dress, torn at one shoulder, and simple sandals. Her one leg was extended as she sat by him. He recognized the bulk of a pressure bandage under her dress. She’d been hurt ? As soon as his hands were free, he lifted her dress, looked at the bandage.
Vel took his wrist. He didn’t try to talk. He knew Shon couldn’t hear him yet. The men looked at each other. Vel leaned forward and hugged him. Shon wrapped his Prince in his arms and hugged back just as tightly. Then Malla leaped on them both, and he saw that Vel laughed as he pulled away.
There was a bandage on her neck. He touched it. Swallowing, he tried to will his voice back. Vel left them as Malla undid his last ankle. Shon sat up on his knees, and Malla clung to him again. She was warm, soft. The joy of holding her was interrupted when she jerked from his hand shifting on her back. He turned her to look where he’d touched. Another wound on her back. His stomach twisted. He gently eased away, looking over the scattering of tiny red scabs on one arm. He knew this wound. Detritus damage, probably from a building shattering near her position. Her other forearm had a long, deep slash, full of skin sealant. What had happened to her armor?
Sighing, he watched her touch his side. There was a thick padding there. A wound.
Didn’t hurt. Yet. She cuddled into his opposite side, crying against his neck. He held her carefully. What had he done, allowing his Stardust on this mission? He needed to let Kor beat him into pulp. Kor was all right. Vel would’ve told him, wouldn’t be here if Grady wasn’t okay. Shon would stay calm.
He rocked her until the sound of the engines filtered into his brain. Then he held her a little longer until her soft sobs combined with the spreading numbness of field anesthesia. It felt like half his chest was missing, but it didn’t hurt. He reached up to his neck. Yup. There was the patch. Vel had good drugs.
“Malla.” His voice was gravel. Somewhere lost in Fury, he’d been doing a lot of
shouting.
“Oh, Shon! We did it, and that last fight was awful, but you were magnificent. And then they were so horrible to you again. And we used a decoy, just like I did, but they caught him! They caught that poor man. He sold us his ship and I just know they killed him when we weren’t there. Everyone is hurt, simply everyone, and Vel won’t let me serve. I’m better than I was last time, but he won’t believe me.”
He listened to her onslaught, piecing together that it hadn’t been quick, or easy, after he’d gone to Fury.
“Vel,” he croaked. “Status.”
Vel didn’t turn from where he worked on Radha. “We’re all whole, all alive. Best case scenario, Shon. We’ve got Char’s people, and Radha. Report says Kappa 49 isn’t away. Their backup is en route.”
Shon let out a shuddering breath. It was a selfish question, but he had to ask it. He always had to. “And me, Vel? Any problems?”
The door opened and Grady limped in. Looked like Kor was dragging his ass behind him.
“Got the message you’re up.” Grady crouched down next to him, looking at Malla
curiously.
“Time for a team meeting,” Vel said. He laid down his tools, then covered Radha’s back with a blanket.
Shon fought not to clutch Malla to him. She sat back, gripping his hand tightly. He glanced at her and she had that serious draw to her brows but was trying a small smile. It made her look very worried.
He looked at Kor, who never sugar-coated. “What did I do?”
“You attacked Malla.”
No. All of the air left his lungs. His head knocked back as if the still-standing man had kicked him in the jaw. He couldn’t breathe. No. He couldn’t look at her. He stared at Kor.
“He did not!” Malla struggled to pull his limp arm back into her lap. “Shon! Look at me!”
He couldn’t. Couldn’t. The patch on her neck. The cut on her arm. No. “Tell me.”
“Kor! Vel! Stop this. This isn’t the time. You said the mission wasn’t over until Radha was in her father’s arms. For Spirit’s sake, you weren’t there. You have no right to scare him like this!”
It was Grady, hunkered off to his side, who delivered the blow. “We were all separated.
You found her first. We heard her scream. Your mouth was on her throat, and you’d bitten her. Your dick was out, and it was wet. Kor took the shot.”
His feet were moving before he knew, scrambling to push himself away from her. From them. From all of them. Their stares burned. He couldn’t breathe. “No…”
“Grady! How could you?”
“Malla, we’re not going to let you excuse this. He has to know.” Grady’s blue eyes razored into him again. “It’s our fault, too. We knew when we took her with us that this could happen. We gambled that we’d be there. We weren’t.”
Malla struggled to her feet, the red dress swirling in his vision. Her leg. Her back. What had he done?
“Stop it! All of you! You’re making him think he brutalized me and that isn’t true!”
He couldn’t breathe. He heard himself panting, small, frantic sounds, but somehow the air wasn’t getting to his whirling brain.
“Shon, you were fine. You were fine with me! Yes, we had sex, but you did not hurt me! At all!”
“Did you offer, Malla? Did you initiate it?” Vel’s voice sounded almost polite.
“It doesn’t matter if she did,” Kor muttered. “I found him chewing on her neck.”
Malla shrieked, and the sound bounced all over the metal bay. “Since when am I not chewed on when I have sex with any of you!”
“This was --”
“Shut up!”
Her pure rage sent a shudder through Shon. Look what he’d brought his team to. Her feet planted in front of him like she’d fight them all. For him.
“You will stop putting your fears and perceptions on me. Listen to the words of your server. Believe your lover when she speaks to you.” Her voice was low now, so low he had a hard time hearing her over his panting, his thundering heart.
“I don’t know why Shon attacked you in the past, but I am living proof that he is not a mindless, raving monster in his gift. He found me on the street. He took me to a safer place.
He claimed me and it was sexy! I was never scared, not for a moment, during our joining. Do you know what he said when he came?”
“He spoke?” Kor sounded shocked.
So was Shon.
“Yes. He said my name. He wasn’t lost in random, uncontrollable lust. He knew it was me. He was wounded, he was scared, and he was never too rough with me.”
“You were bleeding, Malla. On your back and your neck.”
“My back was an accident. My neck came later, after he’d finished and got a little confused. He had no enemies, and wasn’t sure where to go. He was a little excited, and yes, he startled me when he bit my neck, but it’s a tiny wound. Tiny! He didn’t do it as an attack.
I know he didn’t. He bit, and backed off. He was licking me, soothing it, when you shot him!”
Vel’s voice sounded mildly curious, controlled. Shon knew that tone. He was royally pissed. “And what next, Malla? If we hadn’t come. If enemies hadn’t come. If you were the only fresh blood in the room.”
“We don’t know what would have happened next. But I know this. He wouldn’t have
hurt me.” Her voice shook.
“You’re right. We don’t know what would have happened.” Grady’s low, regretful
voice clearly implied he didn’t agree. “I’m so glad we were there.”
“I’m so tired of you treating him like he’s rabid. It’s fine for you to take me on a dirty floor as part of a mission, but not him? It’s acceptable for Kor to grab me and carry me away, but not Shon? It’s right for Vel to bite me in passion, but not Shon?”
Silence fell. Grady rose from his crouch. His team stood surrounding him, facing him, a beast on the floor. He wanted to puke. Malla. What had he done?
Vel’s voice. “Malla, your defense and loyalty to him is admirable. Understand, we love him, too. We’ve loved him through bad times with his gift before. But now it’s you. You, lovely. We can’t condone this. We can’t be part of it. And we can’t risk this again.”
“Oh, yes. Yes, let’s be sure to never risk an extraction on Dunru again.” Malla sounded sarcastic.
“Shon.”
Grady spoke to him, but he couldn’t look at him. Couldn’t look at any of them.
“It’s time, Shon.”
With a shaking hand, he covered his face. Spirit, take him to Nothing. “Shit, Grady. It’s not time. It’s too fucking late.” He took a deep breath. “Don’t worry. I’m gone.” The ship’s engines throbbed in his head. He closed his eyes.
“I see.” Malla’s voice was the coldest he’d ever heard it.
She moved away and Kor moved toward her. He could only watch their feet, but it
seemed like Kor tried to reach for her.
“Malla…”
Malla twisted away. “I need time to prepare before I serve you.”
“We wanted to make sure before we asked you to do that again. That you hadn’t been raped.”
“Yes, well, it doesn’t matter what I say. You believe as you like. Clearly, you have no respect for me and do not trust my opinion. Regardless, I will serve you.” The cold pride in her voice crushed the air from him.
“Malla.” Vel’s voice was commander hard. “That’s not fair.”
“No, Vel. You’re not. You’re not fair, you’re not kind, and you’re flat out wrong.”
Vel’s anger was usually disguised with mild politeness, but with every sentence his voice tightened. Shon’s guts tightened as well. “Fact: He ripped your back and didn’t even know it. Didn’t care, and didn’t treat it. Fact: He ignored your wounded leg. Didn’t care and didn’t treat it. Fact: He wanted you and would have taken you regardless of your choice.
That you were willing is only due to your generous spirit. Fact: He broke through your skin, outside of love play, in an act of dominance and aggression. It’s unknown if he was a second from ripping your throat out or if he would have stopped.”
Vel’s litany of guilt burned into Shon’s brain. Somewhere deep inside, he screamed.
“All your gifts have an edge to them. Grady can’t control the damage he deals with his gift, and you don’t attack him for it.” Derision oozed from Malla. “Shon is his gift, and his gift is beautiful, even with its danger. Just like Grady’s. Just like yours when you take my breath pulling me through space. You’ve always punished him for something he can’t help, and you’ve always been wrong. You need to change your thinking on this, Vel.”
“Face these facts, Malla. You can love him, but still understand this isn’t about being kind. It’s about your safety. It’s time Shon left the field.”
Pain lanced through Shon’s chest.
“You bastard. You talk to me about safety. You use him like a living weapon, and then criticize and fear what you condone.” Her voice was shaking again.
“Malla…” he croaked. They all turned toward him. Spirit, give him strength. “We’ve all known keeping me in the field is wrong. We thought we were being brave, for the war. I was wrong. Wrong to risk the lives of everyone around me, especially my team, just because I can kill more bugs than average.”
He wanted to disappear. His pride had scarred the purest women he’d ever known.
“I need to leave this team. I’ve known it for a long time. I have to keep myself from going to Fury as much as I can. Hopefully, I’ll never lose myself in it again. Don’t be angry at them. They’re not doing this to me. They’re doing it with me. It’s the right thing to do. Give it time, and you’ll agree.”
Everyone was silent. Too silent. Spirit. Grady came and knelt by his side, a hand on his back. His throat tightened. The best. The best friends a man could have.
Malla’s voice remained icy. “Like I said, I need time to prepare. You all need healing.
Work out how you want to use my harmony, because I’m only offering one service before we make the Ion Blade base.”
She could sound almost as haughty as Vel. She turned and moved away. Kor took one step after her, but stopped.
At the door, she paused and said, “I think you should tell him about the last battle. The one where you freed him to use him and he saved all our asses. Again.” She left.
Shon took a great, shuddering breath, the panic inside him settling into a writhing, bone-deep pain. “Thank Spirit you stopped me.” He whispered. “She’s forgiven me, that’s something. Are you going to press charges?”
“Shut the fuck up, Shon. Ass.” Kor stomped away. “I’m going to the helm. Get me
before you go to her.”
Vel came and stood over him and Grady. “No charges, Shon. Like Grady said, it’s our fault, too.”
“Any firefights expected between here and mission end?”
“No. Com package 2 and 3 are away. Saxon is coming to meet us, and we decoyed out again in case of further pursuit. Radha should be delivered in about two hours. I hope I can have her mostly detoxed and patched up by then. She broke a few ribs in that last firefight.”
Grady spoke with some satisfaction. “In about three hours, the Blades will be making the Duke feel some heat.”
Relief poured through him. “Sounds good. I’ll call in my resignation at mission end.”
Vel crouched opposite him. Reaching out, he took Shon’s chin and tried to lift it but Shon pulled away. “No.”
“Yes. Look at us.” Vel grabbed his jaw and with Grady’s hand against his back, he let the man turn his head. “Shon. Look at me.”
He would do this thing. He licked his lips. “It’s hard.” Swallowing, he managed to raise his eyes. The silver of Vel’s eyes never clashed with the glowing heat of his hair. The colors shouldn’t go together, but they did on him.
“You are the best warrior I know, and a damn fine leader. You’ll lead many more men, train them well. This is not the end for you.”
His throat tightened again, his heart thundering so hard he knew Grady could feel it.
He managed to nod in Vel’s grip but couldn’t speak. Vel’s hand fell away. His gaze shifted behind him, to Grady.
“It’s time for me, too. Past time.”
“You going back to the Palace, then?” Grady rumbled softly.
“Yeah.” Vel vibrated with intensity. “Are you coming?”
“You know the answer to that, lover. The bug gates are still open.”
Vel’s mouth thinned. He nodded once. “So be it.”
“That doesn’t mean…” Shon coughed. His vo
ice was so broken. Like everything else.
“That doesn’t mean you can’t still be together.”
Vel nodded. “Grady is my lifemate, and he’ll be my consort. But not yet.”
“Kor will stay,” Shon predicted. “He’ll watch over him.”
Vel nodded again. “Malla is a huge advantage as well.”
“Malla? She won’t stay,” Grady said.
Shon cocked his head, confused.
Vel raised an eyebrow. “She’s angry now, but she loves you and Kor both.”
“She won’t stay. She sees this as a betrayal. She’ll never trust us now.”
Shon didn’t understand. He’s the one that attacked her. “Can you get away with going without service for the rest of this mission? Give her a break from all of us?”
“Probably. If we hope there’s no trouble at the hand-off, from the Duke’s men, Char or Saxon.”
“Too many variables. You guys at least need to be at full. As long as she’s able to really take pleasure, not just pretend.”
“Not you, Shon?” Grady asked.
He choked on bitter laughter. “Could you, Grady? Really?”
“No,” Grady said sadly. “I understand.”
Shon nodded. He was no longer part of this team. He didn’t deserve to drink from their server. And he certainly couldn’t face the lover he’d misused. He would leave her in the hands of his best friends and try to forget. It was time to start trying to live with the shame threatening to drown him.
Chapter Thirteen
Six Months Later
Malla stood in the shadows, watching the crystal sparkle, the lasers dance, and the crowd whirl. It was a far cry from a cold exploration ship scanning the endless reaches of unknown space. The last six months had been like six years. She smoothed a hand down her deep purple dress, feeling the soft velvet. It was a far cry from the bulky overalls she was used to. Less comfortable but a fun change. She felt beautiful tonight, especially with the delicate, shimmering green line of gemstones her team had given her lying on her collarbone.
Rolling the stones between her fingers, she saw the heads of her teammates Marc and Frog together over one of the food stations. Of course. Jack, her team captain, had made his required appearance, holding Malla’s arm for comfort, and disappeared. She wouldn’t see him again unless she com’d him. Sweeping over the dancers, she saw Ragvald. She never knew he could dance like that. The blonde in his arms was gorgeous. He appeared mesmerized.