“She never really talked to people anyway,” I said.
“And now she’s an outcast for turning in her own child.”
Gage’s voice had an edge of steel to it, and for the first time, I noticed how much he’d matured. He’d become a man while I’d been gone. His voice had changed and become deeper and a dusting of blond hair lined his upper lip.
“I’m proud of you,” I whispered.
He leaned away from me. “For what?”
“For being you, for taking care of Bailey, for being my rock.”
“If I was anything worth being proud of, I’d have been able to stop them from taking you in the first place. Are you the one they were looking for?”
I glanced at Shax as he gave a subtle shake of his head no. “I can’t talk about that,” I murmured.
Gage’s eyes shot to the demon behind me, and he leaned closer. “What about you, are they treating you well here?”
“I’m fine.”
His gaze raked over me. “You’ve lost weight.”
“We do a lot of training. Believe me, there is plenty of food for all of us.”
I refrained from slapping my hands over my neck when his gaze honed in on the fading marks there; it would only make him more curious if I did. “Are those… bites?”
My head spun as I tried to come up with some kind of believable response. “Ah, no… they’re shots. It’s the way they inoculate us here.”
I couldn’t tell if he bought it or not as his eyes remained locked on my neck. “River—”
“Really, I’m fine.” I took hold of his hand and squeezed it. “I’m learning new things every day and we have plenty of food and warm shelter. I’d prefer to be home with you two, but that isn’t my reality.”
“Why did they let us come here?”
“I don’t know.”
“What is up with the wall? What’s on this side that they don’t want us to see or know about on the other side?”
It didn’t surprise me that he’d struck right to the heart of the matter; he’d always been smart. “I can’t talk about anything like that, Gage. Please don’t ask me anymore.”
His jaw jutted out, and his mouth pursed in frustration. “We don’t have much time together.”
“No, we don’t.”
“Will you ever be able to come back to us?”
“I’m going to do everything I can to make that happen,” I vowed. “No matter what it takes.”
I didn’t look at Shax as I made this promise. I was afraid he’d be shaking his head no at me again, but if I somehow survived this journey to Hell, then I planned to reunite with my brothers no matter what it took.
“Tell me what has been going on in town, how everyone is doing. Is there any new gossip?” I asked. “What have you been doing?”
He settled in beside me with his shoulder against mine. He revealed the goings on around town and how he’d started to see more of this girl named Cherry. I’d noticed her interest in him before I’d been taken away. His head fell against my shoulder as he spoke and he stifled a yawn. I wrapped my arm around him, holding him close as his voice became more muffled.
I’d been thinking how grown he’d become, yet he snuggled against me much like he used to do when he was a baby. While the war was raging, I would lay awake at night, holding him and praying we would survive to see the morning. After the war, Gage had been plagued by nightmares. He’d often wake in the middle of the night and come to my room. He’d known better than to turn to our mother.
When he’d turned eight, I’d sometimes wake to hear him crying out in the night, but he had decided he was too old to crawl into bed with me. For all I knew, he still had nightmares, but he’d stopped talking about them after Bailey was born and he’d started keeping his bedroom door closed. He was determined to be the strong, big brother for Bailey.
I lifted my head to stare at the ceiling, fighting against the tears filling my eyes as I felt their warm breaths on my skin and inhaled their familiar, loved scents. Kobal had done this, and though he’d brought all the families of those who would be leaving tomorrow here, I knew he’d done this for me. I’d never be able to thank him enough.
Bowing my head, I pressed my cheek against Gage’s head. I tried not to fall asleep, what little time we had left together would go by too fast if I did, but sleep dragged me into its depths anyway.
***
Kobal
Standing in one of the hallways branching off the cafeteria, I watched as River ran and embraced her brothers. The youngest one stuck his arms out to her, eagerly going to her when she took hold of him. The older one beamed as he hugged her. The corners of my mouth twitched at the radiant smile on her face and the joy in her eyes.
So rare her smile, so fleeting. I felt like it had been months instead of days since I’d last seen it. She didn’t smile at me anymore, and she seldom had a reason to smile when she was around the humans. They barely spoke to her and most of the time they didn’t bother to acknowledge her existence.
It had to be lonely for her here. I’d never considered that until I saw the tears brimming in her eyes at the sight of her brothers. The faint freckles on her nose were more visible in the harsh light, as was the scar at the corner of her right eye. A scar she’d received as a child from an incident involving a fishing hook. The polished, seashell necklace she always wore shone in the lights overhead.
The pure violet of her eyes twinkled, causing them to stand out vibrantly against her sun-kissed skin and pitch-black hair. My greedy gaze ran over her round face and proud chin as I memorized this look of sheer joy on her face. Many wouldn’t consider her beautiful, but more pretty. To me, she was the most beautiful woman in the world. I would give anything to give her this happiness every day for the rest of her life. Instead, I was going to be tearing her away from this happiness to drag her into an endless nightmare that she may not survive.
It was the only way to save us all, and she was far stronger than even she believed. She’d survived against madagans and revenirs already; she’d withstood the distrust and seclusion she’d endured in this camp. She’d also taken everything I’d thrown at her in training and then again in my bed.
I’d been so determined to go easy with her while I was within her. She was mortal, I didn’t want to harm her, but she’d never allowed me to keep myself restrained and had taken my marking of her flesh, my claiming of her, and my insatiable appetite for her body with an eagerness that more than matched mine. I’d never believed I would find my Chosen, and certainly hadn’t expected for my Chosen to be the mortal daughter of Lucifer, my greatest enemy, but she’d been more than I ever could have imagined from my Chosen, and by her own choice, she was no longer mine.
I should walk away from her and give her the freedom she’d requested from me, but I couldn’t. I had no choice in the matter; she had to stay with me. I was the only one who could keep her safe from the looming threat ahead of us, and she may be the only one capable of putting a stop to Lucifer’s reign of terror.
Lucifer had already managed to break one of the seals of Hell. If he succeeded in breaking more while the gateway was still open, no wall would be able to keep the horrors living within Hell away from the human race.
I couldn’t let River go back to her old life. Her old life wouldn’t be there for much longer if I did let her return to it and the gateway remained open.
Besides, she was mine. She was angry with me now, and I knew I’d handled the situation with the woman who tried to kill her poorly, but when I witnessed her lunging at River with a knife, I reacted as I should have and slaughtered her. The appalled expression on River’s blood-splattered face when she’d gazed at me as if she didn’t know who I was afterward was forever emblazoned in my mind. I’d hated that look and that I was the one to cause it.
If I could change things, I still would have killed the woman, but I would have done it in a much more private setting, far away from River and human eyes. As much as I didn’t like it,
we were a part of the human world now, and I had to consider them. None of them had taken the woman’s death well.
They’d all been exceptionally distrustful of the demons afterward, but especially me. That was why I’d had Mac gather all of the families here instead of just River’s. The original plan was to bring only River’s family to the wall, but we decided to bring them all here as a gesture of goodwill and to remind the soldiers what they were fighting for. I resented having to do anything to coddle the inferior, overly sensitive human species, but I’d do it all over again to see the radiant look on River’s face.
I’d get her back, but I wouldn’t apologize for killing that woman. It had been necessary. River would come around eventually; she had to. Hopefully, sooner rather than later as I didn’t think I could take much more of this separation from her.
Every night I lay awake, listening to her sleeping, inhaling the scent of her. I tormented myself with memories of what it had been like to be inside of her and to hold her close against my chest while she slept. I couldn’t take it anymore, and for the past two nights, I’d slept on the ground a little distance away from the tent. Outside, I couldn’t hear her sighs as she tossed about in her restless sleep.
I’d half expected her to walk back into my dreams, but the real her had yet to return to them, while I held the dream version of her in my sleep. I didn’t know if that was because she had completely shut me out, or if it was because she had shut everything out after she’d connected with Lucifer.
Resting my hands on the sides of the metal door leading to the cafeteria, my claws extended to dig into the concrete wall as I watched her sit in a corner with her family. Their heads bent close together while they eagerly spoke with one another. Her brothers’ coloring was opposite of hers, but I could see some similarity in all of their features. The way they tilted their heads or waved their hands in the air was especially alike as they interacted with each other. The smallest one, Bailey, I remembered her saying, gripped her shirt with his tiny fists and closed his eyes.
This is how she would look holding our children; she’d shower them with the same affection and glow with love for them like she did for her brothers. I wanted it so badly I shuddered with the need for it before recalling she’d told me to get out of her life. My claws tore holes into the wall; the broken bits of concrete clattered against the tile when they fell around my feet. I slammed my hands against the wall and turned away.
I struggled to regain my composure as I walked down the hall to where Mac stood with Bale and Corson. He’d put those fucking earrings in his ears again. I resisted the impulse to tear them out.
“How is it going in there?” Mac inquired.
“They all seem happy.” In truth, I’d only paid attention to River. “Thank you for arranging this.”
“You were right. It will help them to trust you more and you’re going to need that for what you’re about to face.”
“How will the humans in camp react when they learn what went on here tonight?” Corson asked Mac.
“There will no doubt be some resentment,” Mac said, “but I think they’ve all learned they can’t always get what they want. If things go well tonight, I’ll arrange to have more families brought in for brief, monitored visits. Future visits will be on the other side of the wall, and in smaller groups, but it will help build morale if they’re occasionally able to see their families again.”
“If we’re successful, there may not be a reason for the wall anymore,” Bale said.
“True,” Mac agreed.
“Is everything ready to go?” I inquired.
“It is,” Mac said briskly.
“Good.” I leaned against the wall to wait until morning, but after a half an hour, I found myself wandering away again. Shax was inside watching over River, but I couldn’t resist seeing her smile again. Stepping before the door, longing speared through my gut when my eyes landed on her once more.
CHAPTER 4
River
“River.” I lifted my head to blink against the dim rays of sun filtering through the windows of the cafeteria. The warmth against my chest made my heart swell when I looked down at Bailey and Gage nestled within my arms. “It’s time for us to go.”
Shax’s words drew my attention to him. I tried not to cry while I hugged my brothers closer. Gage stirred, but Bailey’s breath warmed my skin as he kept his mouth against my neck. I’d just gotten them back and now I had to leave them again. Maybe for good this time.
I will not cry.
“I have to go,” I said when Gage lifted his head from my shoulder.
Tears filled his eyes. He blinked them back and bit into his quivering lower lip. “We’ll be okay. I’ll take care of him,” he promised.
“I know you will.” I squeezed his hand and rested my forehead briefly against his. “I’m going to do everything I can to see you again.”
I went to pull Bailey away, but his arms tightened around my neck. His lashes tickled my skin when they fluttered open. “No!” he cried as I tried to pull him away again.
“Stink Bug, you must go,” I choked out. “I’ll see you again soon.”
I kissed and hugged him before Gage lifted him away from me.
“No, no, no, no!” Bailey shouted.
His screams hurt far more than any revenirs shriek ever had as they stabbed through my heart. My throat clogged; I was finding it increasingly difficult to breathe. Bailey waved his hands in the air and tried to squirm free of Gage’s hold. Shax stepped away from us, moving a few feet toward the table to stare at one of the side doors.
Straightening my shoulders, I leaned forward and kissed Bailey’s head. “It will be okay, Bailey. I love you forever and a day.”
Bailey burst into tears when I embraced them both. “They told me I have to let you go, but I don’t wanna!” he sobbed.
I brushed his hair back from his forehead as I bent to kiss his flushed cheeks. “I know, B, but I have to go. I promise to do everything I can to see you again as soon as possible. I love you.”
Bailey inhaled hitching sobs, but he didn’t cry out again or try to grab for me.
“I love you,” Gage said. “Be careful and take care of yourself.”
“I love you too, and you make sure to do the same.”
I turned away and strode toward the main door before I started screaming no, no, no in the middle of the cafeteria too.
You’re doing this for them. They must be kept safe and this may be the only way to ensure they have any kind of life.
I joined the other soldiers filing through the door. I could smell the scent of their tears as they left their loved ones behind again, but I sensed a resoluteness in the set of their shoulders. Muffled sobs from those we were leaving behind followed us out the door.
Looking back, I gave a final wave and smile to my brothers before stepping into the hall and heading out on a journey where I would most likely meet my death. Tears slid down my face, not for the possible loss of my life, but for the loss of them. They’d been my entire world since they were born, and if dying meant saving their lives, I would do it.
I wiped the tears away and stopped by where Kobal stood at the door to the outside. He stared across the grass toward the tents on the top of the hill before turning his head to look at me. I had no idea what he was thinking when his eyes met mine, but a muscle twitched in his jaw.
“Thank you for this,” I said.
His full lips remained compressed for a minute more before he finally spoke. “It was necessary to rebuild the trust with the humans.”
I stared at him, uncertain of how to take that. “I’m sure it worked.”
“Did it?” he inquired.
I really didn’t know how to take that. Was this his way of apologizing? If it was, I had to admit I didn’t think he needed to apologize. His nature caused him to act the way he did when he killed Eileen, and my humanity caused me to be a bit disturbed by it. He shouldn’t have to apologize for who he is. His actions hadn
’t been right to me, but they had been right to him. For him to apologize for that would be like expecting a shark to apologize to a fish after eating it.
He continued to stare at me expectantly, but I was still trying to figure out what he meant when he turned on his heel and walked away. “You will be riding with me.” The words were thrown at me over his shoulder. “And if you think about arguing or doing something different, I’ll have you strapped into the vehicle in front of everyone.”
I should be mad over his high-handed command, but he’d given me back my brothers, if only for a little bit, and I found I didn’t have any anger in me right now. I was certain that feeling wouldn’t last long.
***
Kobal
I couldn’t look back at her as I strode across the grass passed where the vehicles that would take us from here had been parked. The tears in her eyes tore at my insides, and the cries of her youngest brother resonated in my ears. I’d never before felt any sympathy for a human until River walked into my life. I never would have gone out of my way to make one of them happy, because their happiness meant nothing to me.
Now all I wanted was her happiness, more so than finally claiming my throne—a throne I’d worked my entire fifteen hundred sixty-two years to claim. The gateway had to be closed, Lucifer had to be stopped, but right then, I would have walked away from it all, given Bailey back to her, and taken her far from here.
The seals would eventually break open, Lucifer would one day feel his growing army was strong enough to walk the earth and take on the obstacles he would face here, and the wall would fall, but River would be happy until then.
And then she would die.
My claws tore into my palms when I fisted my hands. I would do what must be done, like I had from the second of my creation, but instead of doing it for my throne, I would do this for her. I would kill that bastard once and for all to give her the life she deserved, even if she never allowed me into her life again.
Finally feeling stable enough to look at her, I glanced over at her bent head. Her gaze was on her boots as she followed me across the grounds to the tents. Pulling the flap of my tent aside, I waited for her to enter before following her inside.
Carved (The Road to Hell Series, Book 2) Page 3