At this moment, she was absolutely certain she could share it with the man in front of her. Jesus was encouraging her to voice the question. The man in front of her was Jesus to her. She knew she could trust him as she could trust Jesus.
She looked up into Jonathan's dark eyes, her own filled with tears waiting to spill over. Jonathan maintained an encouraging gaze, full of understanding and compassion, whilst keeping her hands in his.
“It didn't hurt when he couldn't come to me and tell me first. It didn't hurt when the other woman was my friend. Or that it was done in front of everyone whose eyes were filled with pity. But there is just one thing I can't get past.” Her voice was filled with sorrow.
Perplexed though he was, he just held her hands tightly in a reassuring grasp, waiting for her to put into words the one thing she needed to get past. Something he knew would bring release to her.
With great effort, she finally voiced, “Can a man kiss one woman passionately and make her feel special and at the same time love another?”
Many uncouth thoughts floated in his mind about this man that had hurt her so. He wanted to tell her that it should never be like that, that the man was an idiot, not worthy of her tears but that, he knew, would not make her feel any better right now. No man should ever portray Jesus as anything less than good but God was in the business of turning bad things around for the good.
Instead, he just wrapped his arms around her and held her close. Hannah knew her answer – Jesus was saying she should not have been hurt or betrayed like that but that she had to push past it. Give it to Him. The tears fell unheeded and her sobs were heart wrenching.
Jonathan's heart broke for her. She was so small in his arms.
It was some time before she could speak again. “Thank you,” she said finally, in a muffled voice against his chest, when the sobs subsided. He didn’t say anything, just continued to hold her.
Supporting herself with her hands, against his chest, she pushed her upper body away from his but didn't leave his embrace.
“I am so sorry for crying all over you,” she said shyly, the steady look back in her eyes.
“Don't be,” he smiled back. “I'm more concerned about your healing.”
For a while they just stared at each other until Hannah lowered her gaze and stepped back. Something magical was happening but she didn't know if she was ready for it just yet.
“I have to make a confession,” she said sadly, her gaze still lowered.
Jonathan's heart stopped for a moment. Would he like the confession? “Whatever, it is,” he said bravely, “remember God forgives openly.” So can I, he told himself.
“I...,” her hesitation was longer than he liked. “Simon and Gloria came back only to apologise in person, which I thought was big of them; they could have sent a note.” She shrugged. “And also to resign from my father's church. I couldn't let that happen, so I chose to leave. My father needed Simon more,” she explained her reasoning.
Jonathan's eyes grew wide with amazement at this wonderful woman who was so prepared to put her needs aside for others. But before he could say anything, she continued.
“It was also for selfish reasons, I guess. With everyone witnessing my demise, I could not see myself being around any of them. So I chose to run away. To allay any worry for my parents, I promised I would attend another church. I went to different churches where you didn't have to be accountable or God fearing. It suited me fine. For two months, I ran away from God. Even though I was dutifully going to church, I did not read my Bible, or pray or even talk to God; I was so mad with Him for not taking care of me.”
Jonathan wanted to let out a whoop of joy. That was the confession? he thought joyfully. If Jesus showed Himself in person, he would kiss Him. God's plans were amazing! He knew that God had brought the spouse He always had for Jonathan to him even if the circumstances were painful for her. At the same time, God was healing her! To tell her that right now, though, would put a spokes in the works.
Instead lifting her chin, he said, “Hannah, that is not an unforgivable thing. God knew all along you were hurting and He never left your side. In fact He has been watching over you for as long as you've been away from home. He sent you here to heal not feel condemned.”
She smiled, a beautiful smile. “Ever so the minister. But I figured that out when I started attending services here. I felt Him reaching out to me and I started reaching out to Him. I've been able to write music again.” She said the last excitedly.
The phone buzzed. Jonathan looked at it blankly before groaning.
“You should answer it,” Hannah said softly
With an irritated sigh, he returned to the other side of the desk. It was one of the junior pastors.
“The meeting?... Oh, yes the one with Gary and the team. Give me five minutes.”
Replacing the receiver he was about to address her when she stated, “You have a meeting.”
“That I can re-schedule,” he said firmly.
“No, please, don't. It's important.”
“You're more important. And right now I don't want to leave you.”
“Truly, I am better than fine. Thanks to you. I feel lighter. We can talk tomorrow,” she gave him an encouraging smile.
“Are you sure?” he was torn.
“Positive!” She was already walking to the door.
“I hate doing this to you,” he raked a hand through his hair.
“If I am to live this kind of life, I guess the present is the best time to start getting used to it.” With a small laugh, she was out the door before he could respond.
Jonathan sat there flabbergasted. Did she...just accept his marriage proposal? He could not be sure that he heard right. He should go after her to make sure. Unfortunately, his phone rang insistently, making it impossible for him to do that.
He winced. There was no way he could find out now and by the time the meeting ended, Hannah would probably be asleep. He would have to wait until tomorrow after school. How he would manage that, he didn't know.
Fortunately, for Hannah, neither Emily nor Derrick were around when she got in. For this, she was grateful. She was in a turmoil right now and could not deal with anyone just yet.
She needed to process all that had taken place in the last two hours. Agonisingly, she did. By the time she was ready for bed, she had pretty much sorted out her feelings. Today, she had been blessed and freed.
A pity she had not done this sooner. Never before did she feel so alive. The last thought she had before falling off to sleep was of Jonathan's strong arms around her as she cried. He was so comforting and a pillar. No longer could she deny her love for him.
Chapter 14
The next morning, she woke in high spirits. There was a lilt in her step. Even Emily, who was hanging up washing, commented on it.
“Morning, Hannah! You look so sprightly. Have you changed your hairstyle?” Emily questioned thoughtfully.
“Good morning, Mrs Garrick! No I didn't but I do feel different today. Must be something in the air.” Hannah smiled secretively.
Emily nodded absently before Hannah disappeared to the bus stop. School was a breeze. She sailed through everything with more enthusiasm than before.
Jonathan sat in his office and watched the clock. It was still four hours before Hannah was done with her class. It was killing him not to go to her. Several times, he thought he would just pitch up at her class and have her excuse herself, just so that he could get a straight answer from her.
But that would be selfish not to mention against school policy. So he bided his time. Alas, time was not his own. During the waiting period, he was inundated with calls, crisis and ad hock meetings. By the time he was ready to see Hannah, it was already three o' clock.
He went in search of her but did not find her in the classroom. Sarah was not sure of Hannah’s whereabouts either but she promised to let Hannah know that she was sought. Although he played it cool when asking for her, Jonathan suspected that Sarah
read more than she was letting on. Sarah, he suspected, knew from the very beginning that romance was inevitable between him and Hannah.
It was five o'clock when a knock sounded on his door. Hannah popped her head in and said with a mischievous glint in her eye, “You were looking for me, pastor Chandler?”
Jonathan rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Yes! Please come in.” He sounded very much the pastor. His secretary who was listening, didn't voice her opinions. Instead she closed the door to his office behind her after stating that she was leaving and would see him tomorrow.
After sharing with each other, yesterday, he expected her to be less intimidated but still she kept her distance. He started to doubt what he thought her parting words were.
“About yesterday,” she began ruefully. His heart sank. “I am not usually that teary.” She was looking directly at him as she usually did but this time he had the feeling she was looking for something within him. “I'm sorry if I came across as weak.”
“Oh, gosh, Hannah, not all! You are the bravest person I know, even if you don't look it.” He smiled affectionately. She looked at him blankly but didn't pursue it. “Hannah what you did yesterday took guts. I'm assuming that you spoke to no one about it before yesterday?” She nodded gravely. “I'm sorry that you had to keep all that in. We were never designed to bear burdens alone. And for you to be so forgiving especially when you were hurt so badly, takes real guts.”
She looked at him with a frown. “I didn't forgive them right away,” she confessed.
“But you did eventually,” he pointed out in a telling manner. She nodded again. “That is all that matters. God loves you for who you are not what you do.” She nodded again. “Right, yesterday, you said we could talk today. Can we?” He was uncertain.
Hannah had never seen him uncertain before. It was amazing that she could cause him to be uncertain. But she didn't like it. “Yes, we can,” she replied shyly.
“Before you left my office you said something but I am not sure that I heard correctly. What did you mean?”
“Does your offer for marriage still stand?” she asked hesitantly, not mincing words.
He was around the desk in a jiffy. “Yes!” he almost shouted gladly.
“Then I accept,” she said humbly with deep sincerity.
He searched her face for signs of doubt, frivolity, amusement but found none.
“Wait, I have to do this properly.” He got down on one knee taking her trembling hand in his and asked, “Hannah Wilkens, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?”
“Yes,” she said simply.
“Thank you!” He breathed in relief, getting up from the floor and hugging her tightly before releasing her.
“On condition that there is no engagement ring.”
“I'm afraid there can be no engagement ring.”
They spoke at the same time, she firmly, him regretfully. Then laughed.
“I just can't have everyone overwhelming you if the news gets out,” he apologised.
“That suits me just fine. I wouldn't wear it anyway.” Hannah laughed, but a tinge of sadness laced her voice. Jonathan understood it would take some time for her to heal completely so didn't take offense at her comment. “Thank you for thinking about me!” she said soberly.
His heart was soaring; he wanted to kiss her but knew that he had to tread lightly.
“So do you still feel intimidated by me?” he asked casually instead.
“Yes!” she replied honestly.
“Tell me what to do to change that,” he groaned.
“For starters, you can stop looking at me like you are going to devour me,” she said seriously.
“I do? I'm so sorry! Okay I will try to change the way I look at you. But I don't know if I will get it right. Especially since you are so beautiful!” He grimaced. “But I will try. So what was the other thing?”
Hannah hesitated but the look on her face told him there was more.
“What is it?” he asked gently.
“I...” she turned red. “Promise me you won't get upset if I tell you,” she requested beseechingly.
“I won't get upset,” he promised solemnly.
“It's just that you seem so invincible. So tough and unbreakable. Like conquering the world would be all in a day's job for you. I feel that if I come anywhere close to you, I will probably get incinerated; it scares me,” she said softly but he heard.
Expecting a negative reaction, she was thrown by the amazement in his eyes. This clouded her thoughts so she babbled on. “I sometimes wonder if you are human at all. As if you would be unscathed by any disaster." Her eyes were imploring him to understand.
“Invincible,” was all he said as his thoughts raced. Then suddenly he laughed a victorious laugh. “That's exactly what we should be as children of God. Invincible is how the devil should see us. You have just given me my next sermon. Hannah you are so brilliant, I could kiss you but I'll settle for a hug,” he added quickly at the anxiety on her face.
“I have? I am?” she questioned confused against his arm that embraced her in a bear hug causing her breathing to be slightly laboured.
He let her go and said tenderly, “You certainly are my darling. And I have to write these points down quickly before I forget.”
With that, he grabbed a piece of paper off his desk and wrote something on it then returned it to the other side of his desk.
“That is the most flattering thing ever said to me,” he grinned. “I feel like superman!” his eyes held amusement.
“Oh, no! Your mother told you even though she said she wouldn't!” Hannah gasped.
“Don't be upset. She thought it was sweet. However, it might be tough for me to maintain that standard,” he said with mock hardship.
“Oh, dear! I didn't mean to make it sound like a burden,” she gasped. “I am so sorry!”
“Don't be! I rather fancy having a wife who thinks of me as superman,” he laughed. “I am ever so grateful that God brought you into my life,” he said soberly.
“And you into mine,” she said with a wide smile.
“Now, about our marriage,” he began. Hannah raised her eyebrow. “I want to get married soon, before Christmas. I don't think I can wait even that long. We can have a small wedding, mostly family and close friends if you're happy with that.” His eyes were hopeful; hers were wide with astonishment.
She studied him for a long while before agreeing, “I don't want a big wedding and all the trimmings.”
“Perfect for me too. A family affair?”
“Yes, that will be fine,” she answered distractedly.
“The first Saturday in December?”
Her head was spinning at how fast everything was moving but she had known that it was going to happen. Hadn't the Lord told her already? He just hadn't informed her it would be this soon.
“I would like to continue teaching after we're married,” she bargained gently but firmly.
“Off course you should!” He was taken aback that she would think he would take away her joy. “Which reminds me that you haven't replied as to the music teacher post?”
“Need you ask?” she lifted her eyebrow.
He broke into a grin. “About the marriage date?” he asked gently.
“Won't it be too soon? We hardly know each other,” she stated matter of factly.
Looking at her with understanding, Jonathan asked, “Do you have doubts about marrying me?”
It was a gentle, neutral question and Hannah didn't hesitate to answer. “No doubts! Do you?” she added as afterthought.
“Not at all!” he readily replied. “Hannah,” he continued, taking her hand in his and looking her in the eye, his shining with all the love he felt, “we both want this and since we are both committed to it, we have a lifetime to learn about each other.”
Hannah chewed on that a bit before answering, “Alright!” with trust. “The first Saturday in December. But no kissing until we're married.” She was firm.
<
br /> “For someone who looks so timid, you sure are tough,” he smiled. She gave him a withering look not backing down. “Agreed. No kissing until we are married, I promise.” His eyes held no emotion as he made the promise but his head was trying to wrap itself around it. For Hannah's sake he would try very hard to keep his promise, no matter how difficult it got. She seemed satisfied.
“Do you have a preference for the officiating minister?” he asked suddenly.
She looked at him blankly. Then shook her head. Her father would have to walk her down the aisle so she would definitely not want him officiating. And the other ministers of her father’s acquaintance, she did not know well enough.
“Then it's okay if I choose?”
She nodded.
“I would like my mentor to officiate, Reverend Matthew Plain from Grace Christian Church.”
“Certainly! If you hold him in high esteem, then I'm happy with that,” she responded agreeably.
“He does, however, require all couples to attend marriage preparation counselling. We do run a course for engaged couples but it would be disastrous for me to attend with those who are doing it in this church. They would never be able to get through it without feeling intimidated.” He said the last with a grin. “Also, I would not like to introduce you to the congregation just yet. I would like to keep that for after we are married.”
“Then how are we supposed to do it?” she asked ignoring his teasing about intimidation.
“Grace Christian Church runs a similar course for their engaged couples. We could attend there. It just means driving forty five minutes there and forty five minutes back.”
Hannah shrugged. “I'm fine with that. Will you manage it?”
“Attending it with you? I most certainly will,” he answered decisively.
“Oh, we have to tell our parents!” she said suddenly. “I haven't said anything about my feelings to them,” she said fearfully.
“Both our parents will be expecting the announcements,” he declared.
“Uh?”
“I already got your father's blessing when he visited. So he would have shared with your mother by now. But I swore them to secrecy until I could speak to you.”
No Engagement Ring Page 12