by B. Love
She smiled softly before motioning for him to sit down with a bob of her head. After taking three puffs of the blunt, she handed it to Kannon.
“Have you eaten?” she asked.
“Yeah, but I bought you a fruit tray. It’s in the kitchen by your phone.”
Her smile widened. “You always bringing me food.”
“Yeah, ’cause I know it’s the way to your heart.”
With a quiet giggle, Makayla looked over at him. Her eyes were clear, so she hadn’t been crying, but it was evident by her distant gaze and wrinkled brows that something was heavy on her mind.
“You think you know me so damn well, don’t you?”
“No fuckin’ doubt. I know everything about you. At least the things you know about yourself.”
Her mouth twisted to the side, making him laugh. “Like what?”
“I know that you detach when you have a lot on your mind. I know you don’t eat meat often because your mother told you your body was a temple and that you needed to be mindful of what and who you allowed inside. And since your relationship with her isn’t the best, you cherish the few things she taught you and gave you while you were young. I know when you get upset your face reddens, and when you cry you’re really mad. I know you love musicals and movies about music and that if you’d had a more normal childhood you would have wanted to be in the entertainment business in some form. I know you love hood niggas and hood shit but you also like being soft and treated like a lady. I know how you process shit. How you think, feel, react. You’re quick tempered and volatile but it gets better as you age. You’re possessive and protective of those you love. And…”
“Okay, okay,” she almost yelled through her laugh as she squeezed his arm. “You know me well.” Her smile wavered. “So you know my heart has been heavy since my visit with Jason.”
Kannon nodded. “I do. You wanna talk about it?”
Her head shook. “I just have a lot on my mind. Jason and I got some things resolved but he also upset me with his desire to force his way back into my heart. I could never be with him again, and it frustrates me because I know if he pursued me that would automatically end things we could have possibly had.”
“So he wants you back?”
Her head nodded softly as she looked away. Mouth parted, she inhaled a deep, shaky breath. “He said he does but I think he was just talking shit because of how good I looked and he missed me, but I didn’t really take him seriously.” She took a quick sip of her wine. “What alarmed me was how I felt knowing what we have brewing. All I could think about was how it would hurt him and how the both of us would suffer and be apart just to appease him. And it hurts to know that I could potentially never be with the only man my heart has ever felt safe with.”
“I been thinking about that too,” Kannon confessed, taking her hand into his. “Realistically, we got more than we thought we had to lose if we did this. Fuck what the streets think, we gotta think about you and Austin’s safety. He’s safe with me now because no one knows he’s Jason’s son and they don’t think he’s mine either. The places we take him, none of our enemies or haters are there. Word hasn’t started circulating that Jason has a son. I know he’s going to keep it under wraps, but I’m just not willing to take that chance. We gotta think about enemies on the streets and in law enforcement and political circles. I don’t think I would have peace knowing Austin was at risk because of us. I know Jason had to know, but I hate it at the same time.”
“I agree. Even with the little shit he was saying during our visit. I feel like he’s going to want to be really present in his life. I wouldn’t be surprised if he tried to find a way to get out. And things are cool and calm now, but if he gets out and starts moving reckless again, I couldn’t handle a target being put on my son’s back. I was cool with that wild rah-rah shit when we were younger, but that changed the minute Austin was born. I can’t be fighting and shooting bitches for the hell of it anymore. And all it takes is for one young nigga to think he can come up off laying one of us down and that’s it. Kids and women aren’t safe in the business anymore like back in the day. I just don’t know anymore, Kannon.”
Kannon nodded as he thought over what she’d said. Massaging his chin, he accepted what he wanted to reject most.
“So… I think it’s best if we just… cool it on us. You’re too beautiful and valuable to be a secret. If I had you, I’d want to show you off every chance I got. If we didn’t have Austin, I’d be cool with it, but we both agree that we just can’t take that risk.”
“I agree.” She chuckled quietly and shook her head as she nibbled on her bottom lip. “Lord knows I don’t want to, but I agree.”
“And as far as Jason trying to get out is concerned, he hasn’t mentioned it to me yet, but I’ll see where his head is at. His whole reason for leaving was to keep those he loved free and safe, so I hope he has that same mentality. But I also understand how the thought of life with Austin could have him wanting his freedom. Either way, I promise you, I’m not going to let anything happen to either of you.”
Makayla nodded softly and stood. Making her way onto his lap and into his arms, she rested her head on his chest. Holding her close, Kannon inhaled a deep breath and closed his eyes. All he wanted was right here… and it was all he would never have.
37
Jason
Makayla was solid. Had always been, would always be. She’d never been the kind of hitta to bend or break. But having a child had softened her in ways Jason didn’t know were possible. She’d matured and grown, evident by her letter and their first two visits together. There was no doubt in Jason’s mind that he’d made the right choice of making her the mother of his son. She was the perfect mix of street, softness, and femininity.
There were so many ways that he wanted to get to know her, and even though she had her guards up, Jason was sure he’d have the chance one day.
As he waited for her to arrive with Austin, Jason kept reminding himself that this visit was about his connection with his son only, but he couldn’t deny that ever since he’d found out about him, thoughts of him and Makayla had been plaguing his mind. This was the part of getting Makayla pregnant that he hadn’t taken into consideration. How his love and respect for her would deepen. How he’d miss not being there to watch Austin grow in her belly, feel his kicks, hold her hand while she gave birth. He missed so much of Austin’s life and development, and though he was happy to have the chance now, Jason wished they could start all over again.
When the door opened, his eyes first went to Makayla. It was covered with hesitance but she still smiled. Looking down at the chocolate little boy holding her hand, Jason clutched his chest. He could count on three fingers the times he’d cried outside of when he was a baby, but the moment Austin’s eyes widened and he smiled Jason was unable to hold his tears back.
“Daddy!” he yelled before releasing Makayla’s hand and running over to him.
Falling to his knees, Jason held his arms open to receive him.
“He knows me?”
Makayla nodded. “Kannon showed him pictures and told him about you.”
His eyes closed as he held Austin tightly and lifted him off his feet. There was no doubt about it in Jason’s mind… he was getting out of prison… no matter what it takes.
38
Makayla
October 2020
Things were progressing slowly between Makayla and Nixon. Though that was okay for her, Nixon called her out on it. He felt like it was a waste of his time. When they were together, she didn’t tell him anything about herself, and their conversations were often one sided. It wasn’t even about sex, though they hadn’t had any yet – he just wanted more. Since he seemed to be a decent guy, Makayla agreed to allow him to take her on a real date instead of randomly meeting at a bar after she dropped Austin off with her mother.
As she browsed the dresses that hung in her closet and hummed to the Savannah Ré that was playing in the background, the scen
t of Kannon’s fresh, crisp cologne invaded her nostrils. Smiling, Makayla resisted the urge to turn and face him. He’d had an attitude all day today when he found out she had a date. Makayla found it cute as hell, but she didn’t want to tell him that and irritate him more. It was one thing for them to agree to keep things friendly between them, but it was a whole other thing to watch each other date other people.
“You sure about this?” Kannon asked, finally making his presence known verbally.
“Yes.”
“And he gotta pick you up?”
Makayla shrugged. “He doesn’t have to, but if I’m going to take this dating thing seriously, I want to do it the right way. So that means I can’t spend another three months meeting him at bars to drink and talk about meaningless shit. He’s cool and he deserves better than that.” She paused and huffed. “I deserve better than that.”
“You gon’ fuck ’em too? You coming home tonight? Maybe I should go with you.”
Her laugh was quiet as she turned in his direction. With her hand on the Tiffany Blue silk dress she was considering, Makayla called Kannon over to her. With her free hand, she took ahold of his. On the tips of her toes, she placed a soft kiss to his lips.
“I know you’re worried about me, but I’m gonna be okay. Okay?” Pensive, Kannon stared at her silently. “Kannon.”
“I hear you.”
“But do you understand?” she clarified, entangling their fingers.
“I understand,” he grumbled. “But I don’t like it.”
Makayla smiled with one side of her mouth. “Well we agreed…”
“I know that we agreed,” he interrupted quickly. “That don’t mean giving you to another man will be easy, though.”
She scoffed. “Why do you feel like you have the right to give me to anyone?”
“Because you mine. You been mine for the past five years. Now you want me to just trust you with this random nigga?”
Makayla rolled her eyes and sighed. “Would you feel better if you met him first?”
“I would actually.”
“Okay. So when he picks me up, I’ll introduce you to him.”
“Aight,” Kannon agreed, eyes drifting to her dress collection. “If you want to make a great impression, wear the red tight joint that come down to your knees. That shit is seductive and sexy as hell.”
He shot her a wink before leaving. Makayla took the dress he suggested, taking in its deep cut in the back and a smile crept across her face as she considered how well it would hug her curves. Deciding on it, she grabbed a pair of clear pumps to match her clear clutch. It didn’t take her long to apply some makeup and brush out the pin curls she’d had setting for a few hours. Nixon arrived before she was done, and the sound of their hushed tones talking downstairs made her put a little pep in her step. Once she was content with her appearance, she inhaled a deep breath and headed downstairs.
She could tell by the look on Kannon’s face as he stared at Nixon that he wasn’t too pleased, but she just hoped he didn’t say anything to embarrass her. Nixon stood, licking his lips as he took all of her in. Makayla blushed, making her way to Kannon’s side.
“I don’t know about this,” he said loud enough for Nixon to hear.
“Excuse us,” Makayla requested, taking Kannon’s hand and pulling him closer to the hallway. “What is the problem, Kannon?”
“Some about him don’t sit right with me. I don’t trust him.”
Her eyes rolled as she sighed. “Of course you don’t trust him. You don’t really trust anyone with me.”
“That’s true, but I’m for real. At least let me have my guy look into him before y’all leave.”
“I’ll be fine, Kannon. And I don’t want you invading his privacy and having him checked out.”
Kannon’s head shook as he crossed his arms over his chest. “Nah, I’ma do that regardless. I need you to keep your phone on and send me your location whenever you get to where he’s taking you. If I find some shit that’s suspect, I’ma pull up.”
“Fine,” she grumbled, knowing damn well she wasn’t going to send Kannon the address. With a smile, Makayla headed over to where Nixon stood.
“Good evening, beautiful,” he greeted, arms wrapping around her waist as he kissed her cheek.
“Good evening. Sorry for the wait.”
“You were well worth it.”
Makayla smiled as he took her hand and led her out of her home. Resisting the urge to look back at Kannon, she told him to lock up when he left for the night.
The ride to Nixon’s restaurant of choice was chill. They didn’t talk much, but it wasn’t an awkward silence. More than anything, they talked about music, celebrities, and trending topics as the songs changed. When they arrived at Ruth’s Chris steak house, it dawned on Makayla that this was the first real date she’d ever gone on. Even with Jason, they didn’t really date. They kicked it and grabbed food or played pool here and there, maybe rented a hotel room in a different city before hitting a club or casino… but nothing was ever planned or given much thought.
That truth had her palms and underarms sweating as her excitement turned to nervousness. This night meant a lot, for several reasons now, and she wanted everything to be perfect.
Nixon didn’t bother opening the door for her, but instead of allowing that to be his first strike, Makayla decided to let it ride. She had to remind herself that not all men were taught to be gentlemen and that that was something she’d need to tell him she expected instead of getting an attitude about it.
While they waited for their table, they remained in a comfortable silence as Nixon held her hand and scrolled his social media. Even though Makayla appreciated the affection, she didn’t like that he was in his phone so early in their date. Since it was obvious this wasn’t going to be the romantic date night she’d seen in movies, Makayla pulled her phone out to check on Austin. She noticed the text messages that she had from Kannon, the earliest of which had been sent fifteen minutes prior.
Kannon: That nigga is flawed. Send me your location NOW.
Makayla: What are you talking about?
Kannon: He’s Carmen’s cousin. I knew he slick looked familiar.
Makayla: So? Maybe it’s a coincidence.
Kannon: Ain’t no coincidences when it comes to her. Send me your location.
Makayla: No! You have to give me more than that. I’m not going to let you come up here and ruin this for me!
“Everything okay?” Nixon asked, regaining her attention.
“Hmm?”
“I asked if everything was okay.”
“Oh, yes. Everything’s good.”
She smiled as he nodded and returned his attention to his phone. As much as she hated to admit it, Kannon’s texts were heavy on her mind. Makayla kept thinking about how she and Nixon had met. How he just so happened to be at the right place almost at the right time. He wasn’t there to see who had done it, but he was there to tell her about it.
It had never crossed her mind that he could have been the one who slashed her tires, because what reason would he have had? But, there hadn’t been any other issues since that evening.
Makayla had always thought she was a good judge of character, but admittedly, she and Nixon hadn’t gotten to a level where she was able to judge his. As of now, he seemed respectful and caring, interested in getting to know her better, but that was pretty much it.
When they made it to the table, Makayla checked her phone again.
Kannon: Just send me your location. I promise I won’t pop up unless you need me. I need to know where you are just in case something happens Makayla. Please.
Makayla: Fine. We’re at Ruth’s Chris. The one on Poplar in the East.
Kannon: Thank you.
“So,” Makayla started after their waiter left with their drink orders. “Tell me about yourself. Your childhood, what schools you went to, things like that.”
Makayla listened as Nixon shared the details about himself. She waited f
or a way in to ask him about his relation to Carmen, but he didn’t give one. If only she could ask him about her, she’d be able to tell if he was worthy of her trust. One lie and anything they could have had would be over. If he was Carmen’s cousin, he would know Kannon for sure.
“This is kind of random but did you know who Kannon was?”
Nixon’s eyes shifted. “Nah, why do you ask that?”
“Well… he mentioned you being related to Carmen James. So I figured if you were, you’d know him.”
He chuckled as his head lowered and he sat down further in his seat. “Nah. I don’t know him and I don’t know nobody named Carmen either.”
Makayla chewed on her cheek as she nodded.
Why did he lie?
The rest of their date went by in a blur. She half listened and gave the smallest responses she could. As Nixon paid the check, Makayla excused herself to go to the bathroom. Inside, she called Kannon, and he immediately picked up on the first ring.
“You good?”
“Yeah. He lied about Carmen being his cousin.”
“They up to some shit. I called her three times and she ain’t answer my phone calls.”
“What could she possibly want him to do with me?”
“Shit, I’on know, but we gon’ find out. Where you at?”
“Still at the restaurant. I was going to tell him I would uber home but he already knows where I live so…”
“Nah. Let him bring you home. I’ll be waiting.”
When Nixon pulled into her driveway, Makayla forced her irritation to take a backseat. The whole long ass ride back, she kept thinking about what Nixon could have been up to. She wished it would be a coincidence, but his lie kept her from believing he was capable of telling her the truth.
“Would you like to come in?” she offered with a smile, sliding her hand up his thigh.