by Magan Vernon
“Hey, Dom.”
He slowly turned toward me and I had to swallow hard so I wouldn’t gasp at his appearance. He was always the guy with a smile on his face, but this was a ghost of my little cousin. The bags under his eyes were so dark and thick I swore it was movie makeup. I’d never seen him like that. I set my briefcase down on the floor and walked over to him. “My God, what the fuck happened to you?”
Dominic shook his head. “I haven’t been able to sleep. This is all my fucking fault, Nicky. I let you down in a big way. I’m a fucking failure. I’ve let you and the family down.”
I licked my lips, trying to gather my words as I shook my head. “Don’t say that. Don’t you ever fucking say that. You’re not a failure. You’re anything but. This is not your fault. You did nothing wrong.” I took a step closer. “I’m the one who ordered the hit on Emilio. I told Phil to kill him. I’m the one who brought you guys to that fight. It was me who brought everyone in the middle of this mess and it’s me who’s going to fix it.” My hands curled into fists on their own, and I pounded them on my chest.
“Don’t try and make me feel better, Nicky.” The tears welled up in his eyes. The first and last time I’d ever seen Dominic cry was at our nonna’s funeral. For being a kid, he had one hell of a backbone. “I wanted to be like you so fucking bad that I put myself in the middle of everything. If I would have just stayed out of your fighting business I wouldn’t have invited Phil and Mark to the fight. I wouldn’t have gotten them involved in this. Phil wouldn’t be sitting at the hospital right now in a fucking coma!” he cried, throwing his hands in the air.
I grabbed him by the collar, forcing him to look me in the eye. “Look. None of this is your fault. If we keep pointing fingers and putting blame on this we’re both going to end up killing ourselves over it. Instead we have to fight. That’s what we do. Me and you, Dom, we’re both fighters and this is the biggest fight of our lives. We may have lost to El Lobo the other night in the cage, but that was because he pulled a dirty move on us in round two.” I put my finger up. “But there’s still a round three. We’ve still got time. We’ve got the training and we have the team. We can fight this.”
He bit his bottom lip. “You really think we got this?”
“Of course we do. We run this town. We always have. Do you think we’re going to let a bunch of fucking gang bangers take that from us?”
“But what about Jackie?”
I raised an eyebrow, letting go of his shirt and stepping back. “What about her?”
“Are you going to let her in on this? She was there when Phil got shot. She was Emilio’s woman. Whose side is she going to be on?”
I shook my head, putting my hands behind my head and walking away from him. “You don’t know shit, Dom.”
He followed, stepping in front of me. “I’m serious. Think about it, Nicky, all of this shit started when you met her.” He ticked off his reasons on his fingers as he named them. “You went after Emilio. Then fought El Lobo. Then Phil got shot. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing that you’re finally owning up to your title, but you just need to be careful.”
“I’m always fucking careful,” I snarled.
“Okay, okay.” He lifted his hands, palms out. “I’m sorry for bringing it up.”
“Don’t you think I’ve thought about all of this? Don’t you think it’s been eating me away for fucking days? I didn’t mean for anyone to get hurt because I fell for a girl. But fuck, Dom, I’ve fucking fallen hard for this girl and I’m not about to give her up. I’m in too deep and now we’re all into this.”
His blue eyes practically bored through me. “Do you love her, Nicky?”
I licked my lips. “I think I do, Dom. I really think I do. If I’m willing to fight this hard for her, then there’s no other word for it.”
He put his hand out. “Then I’ll fight with you.”
I took his hand, shaking it firmly. “You’ve always been like a brother to me, Dom. You always will be. You’re my best friend. My famiglia.”
I remembered the day he dropped out of school. My Aunt Jo gave him so much shit. I knew that he would get it from everyone else, so instead of giving it to him I took him with me to the tattoo parlor. We both got Trinacria symbols tattooed on our left biceps. It represented our brotherhood. Our famiglia. That we stood together no matter what. Now I knew we needed that more than ever.
“My famiglia,” he repeated with a large grin that finally lit up his face.
***
I hadn’t been to Mercy since Jackie’s accident and being back didn’t make it any less painful, especially when the elevator doors opened and I headed toward the ICU.
I clenched and unclenched my fists, staring through the glass doors where my cousin lay on the bed. There were so many machines hooked up to him that he looked more mechanical than man. I had to swallow hard and it took everything I had to move one foot in front of the other as I walked into the room.
Mark sat on one side of Phil’s bed, his head bowed with a rosary in his hand. I knew that rosary. It was one of the ones the sisters at our church made from the roses that were on our nanu’s casket. Just seeing it put a lump in my throat and brought me back to the day we all gathered in his room after his heart attack. The day my father became the next Don and our family changed forever.
Mark looked up, his eyes bloodshot. “Hey, Nicky,” his voice cracked. “I didn’t even hear you come in.” He elbowed Phil’s lifeless body. “Hey, Phil, Nicky’s come to visit you. It doesn’t look like he brought you any cannolis though so you’re just going to have to keep eating that shit they keep giving you in the tube.”
Phil didn’t respond. He didn’t open his eyes or move. The only sign he was even alive was the beeping on the screen next to him that told us his heart was still beating.
I took a seat in the chair across from Mark, on the other side of Phil’s bed, keeping my eyes on Mark. His hair was sticking up everywhere and his clothes were so wrinkled I wondered how long he’d actually been here. “How’s he doing, cuz?”
Mark kept his hand on Phil’s, looking at him as if he would wake up at any moment and he didn’t want to miss it. “I guess as good as he can be for a guy that’s in a coma and probably brain dead.” He shook his head. “It’s weird, you know? Being that were twins and shit, the moment he got shot it was like I instantly knew something was wrong.” He put his free hand to his chest. “Like my heart stopped.”
Tears pricked my eyes. Whenever Mark or Phil talked it was about fucking or fighting. They never got emotional. I always just took them as the two dumb fucks who were the brawn of the business. But watching the way Mark cared about his brother was another side to him that made me want to show them both justice.
“I’m going to take care of this for him. For us. For the family.” I licked my lips, trying to find strength in my words.
Mark nodded, not tearing his eyes away from Phil. “We have to. For my brother. I don’t want him to . . . to . . .” Tears streaked Mark’s cheeks. “To fucking go out in vain.”
“Hey, Mark . . .” I stood, walking to the other side of the bed and crouching next to him. “It’s going to be okay.”
He turned slowly toward me, the tears now freely falling from his eyes. “You don’t fucking know that, Nicky. My brother is in a coma and hooked up to a fucking machine. He may never come out of it and even if he does, he’s never going to be the same. Those cowards just went up and fucking shot him. Didn’t even give him a chance to defend himself. They wanted him to suffer like this. To rip our fucking hearts out.”
I fought back my own tears. “That’s true. Those guys are fucking cowards and I will not let them win. I will fight for us, Mark. You have to believe that. Just like Phil is fighting right now.”
Mark stared at me, but a fire blazed in them so bright it could have burned down the whole fucking building. “You’re the best fighter in our family. I’ve seen what you’ve done in the cage and I saw how dirty that fucker fought a
gainst you. Don’t get distracted this time. Don’t fuck this up for me or this family.” He turned slowly and kept his eyes on Phil, squeezing his hand. “Phil’s counting on you.”
The distraction I knew he was referring to was Jackie. I had to keep her out of this mess. Mark was right. No distractions. I had to fight.
I stood up slowly. “You’re right, Mark. I’m going to take care of this. Soon El Lobo will know who runs this town.”
“Good.” He didn’t look at me, just kept staring at Phil.
It wasn’t enough to bring his brother back, but hopefully it would be enough to keep El Lobo down and end this war. To stop watching our family suffer and to keep everybody safe.
***
After visiting Phil I drove back to the office and spent most of my afternoon on the phone, burying myself in work. I told Jackie I’d pick her up after she was off work, but I was so distracted that I almost forgot.
Jackie and one other girl with red dreadlocks were the only ones left in the shop. As soon as the other girl saw me walk in she smiled and looked at Jackie. “Looks like your boyfriend’s here.” She picked up her purse off her chair. “Lock up when you’re done, Marks.” She walked past me and out the door.
Jackie swept some black hair off the floor near her chair. “I’m almost done. Sorry, it’ll just be a few minutes.”
“That’s fine.” I took a few steps toward her. “Do you mind if I change the music though? The screeching metal is a little much.”
She glanced up, a small smile crossing her red lips. “Not a fan of Behemoth?”
I shook my head. “I don’t even know where to begin answering that one.”
She pointed toward a closet near the tattoo equipment. “In there is the stereo and you should be able to hook your phone or iPod or whatever you have up to it, if you really can’t handle this.”
I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before jogging back to the closet where a large stereo took up half of the available space while the other half was piled with various shampoo bottles and colorful dyes. I pressed the Stop button on the iPod that was plugged in and pulled out my phone, hooking it up to the stereo. I scrolled through my playlist until I found the right song. A classic. I pressed play and the music crooned the speakers.
“What the fuck is this?” Jackie yelled.
I snapped my fingers to the beat, stepping out of the closet. “This is real music, Jackie.”
She arched an eyebrow, leaning her broom against her chair. “Is this Frank Sinatra?”
I took a few steps over to her and put my hand out. “The one and only chairman of the board.”
She stared at my hand and then back at my face, her eyebrows lifted high.
“Come on and dance with me.”
“You can’t be serious.”
I grabbed both her hands and pulled her forward. “I’m completely serious.” I put my right hand on her waist and extended my left hand at my side with my elbow bent, palms raised, keeping my hand clasped onto hers. “Now put your other hand on my right shoulder.”
She did so, staring at me as if I’d told her to do something kinky. “Are we waltzing or some shit?”
I couldn’t help but grin. “That’s exactly what we’re doing.”
I stepped forward with my left foot, having her follow me. “How the hell do you know how to waltz?” she stared at our feet and then back at me.
“My mom made me take lessons as a kid. She said it would help me get girls.” I pushed her back with one arm, spun her around then dipped her slowly before pulling her back up.
By the time I had her back into the waltz position she was actually smiling. “And did it work for getting girls?”
I shook my head. “Not until tonight. It turns out that middle school girls aren’t actually impressed by guys that can waltz.”
She laughed, tilting her head back. “Well, I guess I can deal with some Sinatra and dancing. It’s a nice change of pace and it’s good to see you smiling.”
I spun her around again, pulling her close to me. “I like making you smile, too.”
Jackie wrapped her arms around my neck, pressing her body against mine. After all the shit I had to deal with the last few days it felt good to have her in my arms and forget about everything else. I wrapped both arms around her waist and inhaled all of her. Even after spending the day working with hair chemicals the scent of her perfume and shampoo were still in her hair, making me want to taste all of her.
“Tell me how you’re doing, Nicky. I’ve been worried about you,” she whispered into my lips before kissing them.
“I don’t want to talk about me.” I kissed her again. “In fact, I don’t want to talk at all.” I nipped at her bottom lip, hoping that would get her in the mood but she pulled back.
“I’m serious. You’ve been through a lot of shit these past few days and I want to talk to you. Not fuck you. Not make out with you. But talk.” She dropped her arms and wiggled from my grasp, slowly backing up.
“I don’t want to talk,” I growled, clenching my fists at my side. “Can we just forget about it? I just wanted to dance with you and have a nice evening with you. Is that so wrong?”
She shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest. “This is unfuckingbelieveable. I can’t believe this shit. I don’t know why I thought you’d be any different than Emilio.”
I unclenched my fists, stepping toward her. “I am nothing like your ex-boyfriend. Nothing!”
She tightened her jaw, locking her eyes on mine. “Then fucking talk to me! Don’t just get angry and lock yourself up! I’m not some fucking doll you can take off the shelf and play with when you feel like it and then put back up when you’re done.” She put her hand to her chest. “I’m a human being. I need to know what you’re thinking. I need to know what’s going on in your head. Don’t just leave me wondering.” She stepped closer, taking my hands in hers and interlacing our fingers. “Please, Nicky, I know you’re a fighter and I know there are some pretty big demons you’re fighting. Let me fight them with you.”
I sighed, shaking my head. “No matter what I do, you’re going to hate me for it. If I talk to you and tell you everything, you’re just going to hate what I have to say.” I bit my lip, running my tongue along it before I spoke again. “And if I keep it all inside you’ll just think I’m keeping secrets from you and I don’t want to do that either.”
She blinked hard, staring at me like the weight of the world was on my shoulders and maybe it was. There was so much resting there that I had to do something. I hated to lose everything, but eventually I’d have to come clean to her. She knew who I was. She knew my family was Mafia; everyone did, but if she knew about Emilio, would she still want me?
I let out a deep breath. “There’s some heavy shit that’s going down with my family and it involves El Lobo’s gang. We’re pretty sure they’re the ones that shot my cousin Phil.”
If possible, her eyes widened even further as she squeezed my hands. “Why? How? Is that even...? How do you know?”
I shook my head slightly. “I guess I don’t for sure, but it’s a pretty good guess after what El Lobo said to me at the funeral. He wants a war with the Ragusas, especially me.”
“So what? You guys are just going to duke it out? Shoot each other up on the streets of Chicago until you’re satisfied?”
I let out a puff of air through my nose. “That’s not exactly how it works.”
“Then enlighten me, Nicky, how does it work?” Now instead of being shocked, her tone turned angry, her voice tinged with pain. This wasn’t where I wanted to go with her tonight. Not down this road.
“I don’t fucking know right now, Jackie.” I squeezed her hands. “You have to understand, I never wanted any of this. All of this, this whole fucking mafia lifestyle, I didn’t want it. All I’ve ever wanted to do was be a fighter. To live my life in the cage. And then this all happened and now I have to fix it. I have to fight for my family and fight for you.”
“For m
e?” She shook our hands. “What do you mean for me?”
“As much as I hate it, you’re as much a part of this as we all are. You were with Emilio and now you’re with me. El Lobo is going to try and drag you down. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if he tries to put a hit on you.” I let go of her hand and put my own on her cheek. “But I won’t let anything happen to you. Ever. You have to believe that. I care about you so fucking much. You mean everything to me. I’ve never cared about someone so much until the day you crashed into my life. And if you walked away now and never wanted to see me again, I’d completely understand. But know this: I’ll never stop fighting for you.”
A single tear fell down her cheek and I wiped it away with my thumb. “That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”
I finally smiled. “It’s only going to be the first. I never want to stop saying nice things to you and making you happy. Are you going to stick around?”
She nodded, biting down on her bottom lip as tears welled up in her eyes. “Of course I am.”
I grabbed the back of her head, pulling her closer to me until I crushed her lips to mine. I ran my tongue along her bottom lip as she moaned into my mouth. The sweet sound of her voice instantly made my dick hard and I pulled her tightly against me, moving my hands down to cup her ass.
She giggled, pulling back slightly and looking into my eyes. “If we’re going to do this ...” Jackie pulled out of my grasp and walked to the door, locking the deadbolt and turning off the neon Open sign. Then she pulled down the curtains on both the windows.
“Good thinking.” I smiled. “Now come here.”
She threw off her apron and ran from the door, jumping into my arms and wrapping her legs around my waist. I took a few steps back, trying to regain my balance and gripped onto her ass as she kissed me fiercely. The girl had a mouth that made me melt into her. Kissing her made me forget what was going on in the world. It was better than anything else in the world and I’d take it any chance I’d get.
As her tongue ran across my bottom lip I stepped back until I collapsed into the chair behind us. She broke the kiss, laughing into my lips and straddling me, pushing the chair back. “Well, this is a new position and kind of a fantasy that I’ve had.”