by Gina Drayer
“Emily—”
“I’m not asking for tomorrow, Cooper. I just want today. Can’t we just have this moment?”
There it was, that look. And I was a goner.
“I can give you that.”
I grabbed her around the waist and picked her up. The crutch slid to the ground with a loud crash as she wrapped her legs around me. I took the stairs two at a time afraid I’d come to my senses.
I set her down gently and kissed her again. “There’s still time to change your mind,” I say against her cheek.
For an answer, she reached down and pulled her cotton T-Shirt over her head and tosses it across the room. By the time the shirt hit the floor, my mouth was on hers again. I wasn’t soft or gentle this time. Our kisses were filled with weeks of pent-up desire. I swallowed her breathy moans as my hands slid down her back, over the curve of her ass, pushing the elastic waistband of her sweatpants down as I went.
“Lift your hips.”
She moved to comply, and I yanked the pants off the rest of the way.
Leaning back, I took in the sight of her stretched out; panting, hair wild, and hungry for me. I still wasn’t sure what changed since last night, but there was no way I was going to waste this opportunity.
Careful of her injured leg, I trace a path with my mouth along the curve of her waist to her breast, kissing and tasting along the way. My hand was already moving in to tease her. I rubbed my fingers against her already wet folds.
“You’re so fucking wet...” I groaned as I slipped a finger inside her, moving in and out slowly. Her eyes fluttered closed as I added a second finger and a needy sound bubbled up from the back of her throat.
“So tight...”
I knew this was probably the only time we’d have, so I was determined to make sure she never forgot me. I continued to fuck her with my fingers, pressing down on her clit with each stroke, until she was panting and her pussy gripping my fingers tight. I leaned forward and took one nipple into my mouth. I sucked it between my teeth, and I flicked the sensitive flesh back and forth with my tongue as I caressed her g-spot.
“Yes. Oh, God,” she gasped.
Her back arched off the bed, and she bit back a scream as she came.
While she caught her breath, I fished the condom out of my wallet and made short work of my pants. When I joined her again, she was smiling.
I brushed her hair aside and traced my fingers along the side of her jaw. “You should see how you look right now. Beautiful and wild.”
Slowly, I slid inside of her, filling her inch by inch, staring into her eyes. This was more than I’d counted on. More than just a fuck. I didn’t have the words for what I was feeling. But dammit, this wasn’t going to be the only time. I slammed into her, confident of that fact.
As if she could read my thoughts, her arms wrapped around my neck and pulled me in closer.
“Yes...” She gasped, biting down on her lip.
“No. Don’t hold back,” I growled and skimmed a hand down her stomach and to her clit, swirling my thumb around it.
Her cries grew louder and louder as I pounded into her, over and over and over. “That’s it, baby,” I said and kissed her mouth.
Her pussy was gripping my cock, and her nails were clawing my neck. “I...I’m about to...”
“Not yet. Not fucking yet...” My cock was throbbing, but I wasn’t ready for this to end.
“I can’t. I’m so close.” But despite her words, she held on for a few more seconds—looking into my eyes.
I changed my pace. My legs were starting to give out as an intense pressure built inside of me.
“Cooper.”
The sound of my name on her lips pushed me over the edge.
“Fuck. Now. Come for me.”
She threw her head back and dug her nails into my shoulders as she screamed out her release.
I collapsed forward, my release ripping through me like a wildfire. But I make no move to slide out of her, not wanting the connection to end.
When she opened her brown eyes to look at me, I was taken aback by the need and longing I saw in those dark pools. More so, because the feeling was mutual.
Trying hard not to think past the moment, I pulled her into my arms, letting her head rested against my chest. Neither one of us spoke as she pulled a blanket over our naked bodies, afraid that words would just ruin the moment.
I closed my eyes as the weight of what we’d just done pressed down on me. I know I shouldn’t have let this happen. She was vulnerable. I should have been a bigger man and walked away.
But dammit, this wasn’t going to be the end.
23
Emily
The sounds of a distant car alarm pulled at my sleeping brain. I can’t remember the last time I napped. And as I stretched, the pleasant burn in my muscles reminded me why I was so tired.
Did I really?
That had been one of the best… No, the best sexual experience of my life. I know it was just sex, but it felt like a turning point. The way Cooper had touched me—the way he’d kissed me, looking deep into my soul—it had to mean something.
No. Stop it. Those were the thoughts of a crazy woman.
I had to shut that down before I convinced myself things were different. It was one time. There was still the contract, the shelter, and his baseball career. Sex didn’t change the facts.
Mood dampened, I rolled over, reaching for Cooper one last time. But he wasn’t there. My eyes snapped open, and I scanned the room. The spot next to me was empty.
Of course, he’s gone. Why wouldn’t he leave? I told him this was a one-time thing, so he had no reason to stay.
And what was I really expecting? A confession of love?
No. I knew that wasn’t on the table. But a thank you and goodbye would have been nice.
Any inkling of hope that had blossomed about his feelings shriveled and died in the harsh light of reality. This is what I’d agreed to, and now, I needed to put on my big girl panties and live with the consequences.
I sat up and found my shirt and pants from earlier and hobbled my way to the bathroom. I desperately needed a shower now. The scent of sex and Cooper clung to my skin; a smell I immediately associated with bad choices and regret.
But did I really regret it?
I sat down on the edge of the tub and faced the hard truth. The only regret I had was that it wouldn’t happen again. It was a one-time thing. It had to be a one-time thing because I was growing to like him. A lot. And that was a slippery slope leading to a pit of heartache.
Deciding a shower just wasn’t going to cut it, I filled the tub with hot, soapy water. I took the brace off, noting the swelling and the dark purple bruises. It’s kind of how my insides felt right now. I was stupid enough to believe my own lie, and now it was time to regroup.
I eased in the tub and let the hot water soak into my bones.
Cooper was leaving tomorrow for Portland. He’d be gone for the entire Thanksgiving week, and our next date wouldn’t be until December. I had time to build back up my walls and fortify my heart.
I inched further down in the water, the ache in my muscles easing when I heard the door open downstairs. I held my breath and listened. There was definitely someone downstairs. Just a few months ago, there was a rash of break-ins. Did Cooper leave the door unlocked? Was there someone trying to rob me?
I hurried to get out of the tub, hoping it was only Tony and not some would-be-thief, and completely forgot about my injured foot. Pain flashed up my leg as soon as I put weight on it. And if not for the grab bars the former owner had installed, I would have fallen and cracked my head on the counter.
But I didn’t have time to stop for the pain. I could hear the person downstairs shuffling around. I wrapped myself up in a towel and quietly—as quietly as you can on crutches—went back to my room.
I couldn’t remember where I’d left my phone. I checked the nightstand and then the chair where I’d fallen asleep last night. It definitely wa
sn’t anywhere in my room. I had no way of calling the cops. This was it. I was going to be murdered because I’d lost my cell phone.
Heavy footsteps sounded in the hall, coming up the stairs. I wasn’t going down without a fight. I balanced my weight on one leg and cocked the crutch over my head.
The door slowly eased open, and a man peeked around the corner. Without hesitation, I swung the crutch and made contact with a solid shoulder.
“Fuck. What was that for?”
I pulled the crutch back and was ready to strike again when I recognized the voice. “Cooper?” I was already in mid-swing when I realized it was him. I tried to pull back, but ended up shifting my weight to my injured leg and collapsed onto the bed.
“Are you okay?” Cooper said, rushing to my side. “What were you trying to do?”
All I could do was blink at him, trying to figure out why he was here in my bedroom kneeling beside my bed. He’d left. Why did he come back?
“What are you doing here?” I said, finally finding my voice.
Cooper leaned back and shot me a funny look as if the answer should have been obvious. “I was trying to let you sleep. You needed it. And since, I knew you’d get hungry later, I thought I’d pick up something for lunch. I’ve seen the contents of your refrigerator.”
“Lunch?” Blink. Blink.
“Yes, lunch. It’s that meal between breakfast and dinner. I was going to get stuff to make sandwiches, but I wasn’t sure what vegetarians put on sandwiches. Sure, you have cheese. But cheese and bread just seemed sad, so I picked up stuff to make a salad.”
“You came back to make me lunch?” I sounded like a mental patient even to my own ears.
“I suppose we could have ordered in. But you made me that weird egg stuff this morning, so I figured I’d return the favor.”
Seriously. What the heck is going on? I felt a little like Alice waking up in a different world where everything was topsy-turvy. Did I hit my head again?
“I appreciate the gesture, but you don’t have to do this. This morning… I knew what I was getting into.”
“Oh, you did?” He laughed and sat down on the edge of the bed. “So tell me exactly what you thought happened this morning.”
“Cooper, really. What happened this morning…”
He gathered my wet hair and tucked the ends behind my ear. The gesture was more intimate than if he’d kissed me. I became fully aware that I was completely naked, having lost the towel at some point during my fall. I covered myself with the bedspread, feeling kind of silly. The man had already seen every part of me. I’m not sure why I felt the need to be modest now.
“So, what where you were saying about the sex this morning?” he prompted
“Yes, the sex,” I said, trying to shake off the mental fog. “It doesn’t change our arrangement. I didn’t have sex with you expecting things to change. I’ll still do the last few dates and go to the team New Year’s party.”
“I hear what you’re saying, but I’m no longer happy with our current arrangement. I want to renegotiate.”
Renegotiate? Of course, now that we’ve slept together he wanted to end our arrangement early.
“I should get dressed, so we can talk,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest. I felt more than naked. I felt exposed.
“What’s wrong?” He seemed genuinely confused.
“This,” I said, waving a hand in the air. “You staying over. You making lunch. This isn’t us.”
“What if I want it to be?”
What. The. Fuck? I was struck speechless. He took my silence as a signal to continue.
“Trust me, I’m as surprised as you. But this last week with you has been different. I’ve been different. I’ve never felt like this for another woman. I’ve been possessive. I wanted things I’ve never wanted before. Maybe we can make this work.”
“Cooper, that’s not good enough. I was willing to have the no-strings sex, but what you’re suggesting is crazy. We can’t build a relationship on maybe.”
He stood up and shook his head. “That’s not what I meant. Fuck, this is coming out all wrong.” He blew out a frustrated breath and rubbed the back of his neck. “I live a complicated life. Baseball players have shitty track records when it comes to relationships. That’s why I’ve never had anything serious. But I’ve also never met anyone who made me want more. When I’m with you, I want more.”
“A real relationship? Do you even know what that means?”
“I know it’s going to be work. And I’m probably going to screw it up, but yeah, I’m done with this fake shit. I’m willing to give it a go.”
“Cooper—”
“Don’t say anything. Let’s have lunch. Watch a movie. And then next week, let’s go on that date for real. We’ll see where it goes from there.”
“You’re not joking, are you?”
“Nope. I’ve never been more serious in my life.”
I closed my eyes and blew out a breath. “I can’t believe I’m seriously considering this.”
“We already have an expiration date. If we try this and it doesn’t work, we can just end things as planned. What do we have to lose?”
My dignity. My sanity. My heart.
24
Emily
After assuring Cooper that I wasn’t going to fall down the stairs or die putting on clothes, he went downstairs to make lunch. I took my time getting dressed, mostly because I needed time to think, alone.
I was still convinced that I’d wake up any second now and discover this had all been a dream. I knew things would be different after last night, but I wasn't expecting a complete one-eighty.
The change in Cooper’s attitude was so sudden, I was experiencing a bit of emotional whiplash. But he was right about one thing, there was something there. I didn’t want to dismiss the idea of us. I wanted to see how our relationship would evolve if we gave it a try.
So against my better judgment, I agreed to give this—whatever this was—a real chance before I decided. I could do a couple of real dates. And he was right, if things fell apart, we could walk away as planned. And like any fall, I might be a little bruised, but not completely wrecked.
At least, that’s what I told myself.
I finished getting dressed and hobbled downstairs, feeling as emotionally unsteady as I was on my feet.
“Do you need some help? I could have brought the other crutch upstairs,” he said when I finally made it into the kitchen.
“I’m fine. I can put some weight on my foot. I just need the crutch for support. Using both of them would just slow me down.”
“You do manage to get around like a pro.”
“This isn’t my first rodeo. I was in a full leg brace one summer when I broke my kneecap after falling off a stage. I was also in heels at the time. ”
“Note to self, make sure Emily is wearing sneakers at all times.” He pretended to scribble in an imaginary notebook and tucked it away in his back pocket.
“I didn’t know what you liked on your salad, so I got a little of everything.”
He wasn’t kidding. On the counter, there were your standbys—carrots, tomatoes, and cucumbers—but he also had things like apples, broccoli, beets, and avocado. I could almost picture him going through the produce section grabbing one of everything.
“I’m sure we can do something with this.” I went over and grabbed the bunch of beets and chopped off the greens. I put aside the beets to cook later, and started washing the greens for the salad. “You know, you could have gotten yourself something else to eat. Just because I’m a vegetarian doesn’t mean I expect you to give up meat.”
He stopped mid-chop and shot me a questioning look. “I was trying to show you that I’m willing to make an effort. If being with you means giving up meat occasionally, I’m willing to do that.”
I shut off the water and turned to face him. “That’s not what I want. And neither should you.” I took his hand, needing the physical contact, and looked him directly in t
he eyes. “You’re loud, crude, and arrogant. You flirt and drink too much.” He opens his mouth to argue, but I stop him. “You’re also sweet, kind, and caring. And when you look at me, my whole body comes alive. I’ve seen both sides. And I still like you because of, and sometimes in spite of, who you are. I realize we live vastly different lives, but neither one of us should have to change to make this work.”
“But—”
“No but’s. That’s how relationships work. If this is what you want, then we’ll have to figure out how to make it work without changing who we are.”
“So you won’t be mad if I tell you I stopped at a food truck and ate four tacos before coming back.”
I shake my head, laughing. “I knew you didn’t want a salad for lunch.”
“You’re right about that.” He tightened his hold on my hand and pulled me forward until I was flush with his body. “I’m hungry for something else entirely.”
His voice was thick like honey, luring me under his spell.
“Oh, really?”
“This morning was great. Even better than I imagined. And trust me I spent a lot of time imagining that particular scenario. But there’s one thing I didn’t get a chance to do.”
His hand skimmed down past my stomach to between my thighs. He slipped a hand under the waistband of my sweats and began to tease my clit through my panties. His fingers made slow circles until I was having trouble catching my breath.
“Every time I imagined us together, I always made you come with my mouth.”
“Your mouth?” I said on an exhale.
“Yes.” He got down on his knees, dragging my pants with him. “I want to taste that sweet pussy of yours.”
The break in contact let my nerves take over and I was suddenly unsure and self-conscious. Even though I’ve had my share of lovers, I’ve never let any of them go down on me. It felt too intimate.
“Cooper. No one’s ever…” He looked up from between my legs, a hungry look in his eyes, and I shivered. “What I mean to say is I’ve never done this before.”