“No, not at all. You know what you want, that’s important. Most of what you just said would make a provoking profile on a dating site.”
“Oh, don’t you start,” Payton said with a laugh. “Jana was trying to talk me into that on the ride over here.”
“I won’t deny that there are a lot of people who misrepresent themselves on those sites, but look at the pair behind us.”
Payton peered over her shoulder again. Jana and Melanie held hands as they talked. Jana’s face was alight with happiness, and Melanie seemed just as enamored. Payton was genuinely happy for her best friend because she’d gone through a great many oysters until she found what looked like a very promising pearl.
Ryann regarded Payton as she gazed at the couple. Payton appeared to be a good catch. She was certainly good-looking. Had Ryann been single, she would’ve picked Payton out of a crowd in a heartbeat. She liked what she considered Payton’s daring hairstyle. It was dark blond, so short on one side it bordered being shaved, and on the other was a shock of messy curls that hung down to her jaw. Her blue eyes were dazzling even in the muted light of the bar. Her sense of style was certainly appealing. Beneath a blazer, she wore a lightweight sweater, the tails of an oxford shirt hung halfway down her thighs. She wasn’t wearing any makeup, but Ryann could tell that Payton took care of her skin. Lines were faint around her mouth and eyes. She smiled easily, and Ryann liked that.
“You’re studying me,” Payton said as she slowly turned and faced Ryann.
“Yes,” Ryann admitted without hesitation. “I like your hair.”
“Oh, thank you. My hairdresser talked me into this. She said my look was too dated and suggested something edgier. I was in a mood for change, so I just let her do her thing. I nearly hyperventilated when what looked like a two-foot pile of hair hit the floor. My hair’s naturally curly, and honestly, I did look like a poodle that had been electrocuted. She wanted to add what she called subtle highlights, but it was too much change in one day for me.” Payton patted the short side of her hair. “I’m still trying to get used to this.”
“I really like it. I feel like my look is matronly. My boss knows I’m a lesbian, but it’s frowned upon to ‘advertise’ it in my line of work, according to him. By that, he means nondescript hairstyles and clothing. The more you blend in, the more relaxed everyone is, which I think is stupid since we’re supposed to ‘gently teach’ equality. It’s a private school, and Mr. Barnes doesn’t like to make waves.”
“I don’t see matronly at all. I would define your style as elegant.”
“You don’t think I’d look cooler with a mohawk and a teardrop tattoo on my cheek?” Ryann lowered her voice to a whisper. “Because that’s what I feel like inside.”
“Hey, it’s what’s inside that counts,” Payton said as she took a drink.
“I blast rap and club music in my car on the way to work and switch it to easy listening a block away from the school.”
Payton laughed. “What other wild things do you do?”
“That’s it,” Ryann said with a frown. “I’m afraid I’ve become a sedate adult. Mardi Gras, forget it, I prefer to be able to sit down in comfort and go to the bathroom when I want. Concerts make my ears ring. Now it’s just lazy Sundays and an occasional dinner out. The wildness of my youth has coalesced into a comfy spot on the sofa and a good glass of wine.”
“When I’m feeling really frisky, I turn my songs into profane ditties. Like Ponkey the Donkey I mentioned earlier, that mule gets really nasty and starts spanking a turtle named Myrtle.”
Ryann laughed so loudly that even Jana and Melanie turned and looked at them for a split second. Ryann wiped her eyes and asked, “Have you ever gotten your dirty songs mixed in with the children’s stuff?”
“On purpose once. I have a studio in my house, so I’ll write and record the projects there, then I send them to Tex. This particular tune was about washing your hands and went something like…” Payton shook her head and laughed. “I don’t think I should sing this in front of you. I’m trying to make a decent impression since we’ve only just met.”
“Oh, sing it. I have to hear this,” Ryann said with a laugh.
Payton inhaled deeply and let it out slowly. Her voice was gruff when she began to sing, ‘Hello, friend, you know it’s a sin if you don’t wash your hands. You extend them to me after you take a pee, and don’t understand why I shy away. I haven’t been lurkin’, but I know you’ve been jerkin’ the gherkin—Ryann, breathe.”
“What are you doing to her?” Jana asked with annoyance.
Ryann was slumped against the bar wheezing with laughter. Payton shrugged. “I just sang her a little song.”
They watched Jana and Melanie for a moment, and Payton sighed. “We may be watching destiny unfold over there. Wouldn’t it be cool for us to be able to say years from now that we were here the night their future as a couple began?”
“You have a romantic heart,” Ryann said with a smile.
Payton turned back to the bar and took a sip of her drink. “Maybe all of us who are single are inclined to be that way. You dream of the moment like they seem to be having over there. You envision yourself with someone special doing something mundane, and it fills your heart with longing. But I’ve been there before, and even though I know the reality is that it’s a struggle to not get bored and a battle not to focus on those little nagging things too much…I still want it. All of the arguments and compromise are worth that initial all-consuming fire.”
Ryann’s smile faltered, and her gaze moved to her glass. “Where does it go?”
“The flame? It’s smothered by misunderstandings, bills, lack of communication, distrust. I suppose those who have stood the test of time figured out a way to reignite it. Everyone wants to know how. There’s books, talk shows, magazine articles that tell us how to do it, but for every couple, the mysterious key is different.” Payton held up a finger. “This is why I believe in soul mates. Some people are just joined at the hip because they need each other. Some people stay together because they fear they might end up in something worse, like jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire. Some have just given up, become complacent, and cohabitate with a lover who’s become a roommate. Then there are those two people who are so deeply connected that their souls have fused together. All the things that smother the fire are still there, but the communion between them is unbreakable. That’s what I’m searching for.”
Ryann took the last swallow of her drink and motioned to the bartender for another. “At night, when it’s really quiet, I can hear the whistle of a train. I have this crazy fantasy of stealing away in one of the cars not even knowing its destination just for the adventure of it. Leigh and I used to lay there and come up with all sorts of silly plans to make this happen and what we’d do. Now…” Ryann sighed. “Responsibility is a dream crusher, isn’t it?”
“It sure can be. I have a runaway fantasy, too. Actually, I’ve done it once, so I guess I can’t dub it a fantasy. Last year, my brain completely locked up, I couldn’t compose a thing. It was like ten in the morning, and I got in my car to go grocery shopping, but I just kept going when I should’ve turned into the parking lot of the store. Next thing I know, I’m on the interstate doing about eighty, headed to nowhere. I rolled down the windows, turned the music up, and just drove. I kept thinking I would stop, but I didn’t until I got off the interstate in Florida.”
“How long did you stay?”
“Just overnight,” Payton said with a laugh. “I got a hotel room, walked the beaches, stared at the water for a long time, and drove home the next day. No one even knew I was gone. Truthfully, you’re the first person I’ve ever admitted this to. It would’ve been more fun if I’d had company, but the experience did help clear my mind.”
“You didn’t pack anything?” Ryann asked. “It was really that spontaneous?”
“The only thing I had with me was a grocery list, wallet, and phone.”
Ryann smiled. �
��I think that’s much better than hopping a train. You can come back when you want, if you want, and there’s no danger of being run over. How far into Florida did you go?”
“Destin.”
Ryann blinked rapidly. “That’s a…”
“A four-and-a-half-hour drive. That’s about how long it took for me to have the ‘oh, shit, what am I doing?’ moment. I got off the interstate, filled up my tank, and bought a Nerd Rope and a Slurpee. The sugar rush made me giddy, and I decided to continue on with my adventure.”
“I’m going to have to try that,” Ryann said sincerely.
“You should. Grab Leigh and just go.”
“Leigh…” Ryann looked at her watch. “She’s going to be home from work soon. I should make sure Melanie is comfortable and go.” She waved at the bartender. “I need to settle my tab, please.”
“Are you sure you won’t let me take care of the drinks?”
Ryann smiled and handed the bartender her credit card. “Drinks are on me, and it’s my pleasure. This evening has been such a break from the norm, and I have thoroughly enjoyed it because of your company.”
“I’ve had a good time, too. Thanks for restoring my faith in relationships.”
Ryann’s smile faltered again for a second, then she turned when the bartender presented her card and receipt. Payton watched Ryann sign the slip of paper, wishing their night wasn’t coming to an end. Had Ryann been single, she would’ve asked her out, but it was just her luck that the most alluring woman she’d met in ages was taken.
“If those two lovebirds over there take off, we might have the opportunity to see each other again,” Payton said as Ryann stood and gathered her things.
“I believe they will.” Ryann extended her hand, and Payton took it. “So let’s say until next time.”
Payton nodded as she reluctantly released Ryann. “Next time.”
Chapter 2
“I want you to understand that I won’t make your names public, and you’ll be able to read what I’ve written before I submit it,” Olivia said, meeting Ryann’s and Payton’s gazes for a moment. “With that said, I’d like to ask—”
“We didn’t cheat, and I wasn’t the cause of the breakup between Ryann and Leigh,” Payton said and sighed. “I left the bar that night feeling like I’d lost something.” She grinned. “We have this debate over love at first sight. I say it’s real. Ryann says it’s euphoria brought on by physical attraction. But the night we met, she took something from me. It was a while before I discovered that it was my heart.”
“We do have a difference of opinion on love at first sight,” Ryann said. “Something did happen in that bar. It wasn’t physical, the only time we touched was to shake hands. As I look back on it, I still feel a little guilty. I’d always considered being unfaithful as having sex with someone other than the person you’re committed to. I left that night feeling like I gave her something that should’ve been reserved for Leigh.” Ryann shrugged. “I had a desire to tell her all my secrets, and I wanted to know hers. On the ride home, I realized that I’d stopped caring about what went on in Leigh’s mind, and I had no idea when I had changed. Payton’s right, she didn’t cause the breakup, but after meeting her, I did start doing a lot of personal inventory.”
*******
******
***
March 2011
“I’m going to ask you one more time what you’ve done with her.” A single brow rose when nothing met Ryann’s ear but silence. “One or all of you know what happened. I will fold each of you into tiny little squares until I find her,” she said to a pile of towels and washcloths on her couch. She tossed the single sock aside. “Turn your back…or toe…don’t watch me do this. I will find your mate.”
Ryann had always surmised that those who talked to themselves were either lonely or crazy. She felt she was both. Leigh left at five thirty in the morning for work each day and didn’t come home until nine or ten at night. The only day she didn’t go into the office was on Sunday, and she slept most of it and was a grump when she woke up.
Leigh was caught in the middle of a corporate power struggle between two divisional offices that had merged into one. She was fighting to keep her job, which Ryann understood and supported. She made sure Leigh had something hot to eat when she came in, regardless of the time. Ryann also made sure that all of Leigh’s clothes were washed and pressed, so all she had to do was don them and go off to battle.
She just wished that her pencil-wielding knight could be more reasonable. When the long days and nights started, Leigh asked Ryann to wait for her to do things with their friends. As weeks grew into months, Ryann got tired of spending every free hour she had alone. The night she’d gone with Melanie to meet Jana was the first time Ryann had been out of the house in ages to do anything besides work, and that had caused a fight.
When they’d first started dating, Leigh’s jealousy and possessiveness were endearing, cute even, but the jealousy had grown into a monster very quickly, and Ryann grew tired of placating it. They were supposedly working on the issue, but things were only peaceful when Ryann didn’t rock the boat.
“Ah ha!” Ryann pulled the missing sock from a towel melded there by static cling. “Your mate, milady,” she said as she laid it with the other. “I shall now vanquish her kidnapper and—” It’d been so long since someone knocked on the front door she almost didn’t know what to make of the sound.
“Ryann, open up, my hands are full!”
Ryann sprinted across the living room and unbolted the door. “What’re you doing here? I was coming to see you today.”
“I know,” her younger sister Shelly said as she laid a sleeping bundle in Ryann’s arms. “Evan made the boys fries—for breakfast and guess what? He didn’t turn the stove off when he finished. They were all in the den watching some stupid game he recorded when the smoke detector went off. I left to keep from killing him.” She paced back and forth, diaper bag still hanging on her shoulder and slippers on her feet. “The only thing going for me is the ride over put Anya back to sleep. Do you have any tequila?”
“It’s nine in the morning, and you’re breastfeeding.” Ryann closed the door gently with her foot. “How about coffee?”
Shelly was vibrating with anger and waved a hand in front of herself. “Do you really want to caffeinate me?”
Ryann nodded. “Good point. Tea or juice?”
“Water,” Shelly said grumpily as she followed Ryann into the kitchen.
“How much damage did the fire do?”
“I couldn’t go in there, for no other reason than I would kill Evan in front of witnesses. I’m not even dressed, look at me.”
Ryann knew better than to laugh as she regarded Shelly. She had on one of Evan’s dress shirts buttoned incorrectly, a pair of boxer shorts, also Evan’s and way too big for her, fuzzy pink slippers, and a single curler dangling from a strand of hair.
“Where’re the boys?” Ryann asked as she watched Shelly root around in her refrigerator.
“Grant saw the look on my face and disappeared somewhere in the yard. Brody was being given a tour of the firetruck. I love my sons, but I need to be far away from anything that has a penis. That’s why I came here.”
Ryann was happy to see Shelly and thrilled to cuddle her new niece, but she’d truly been looking forward to getting out of her house. Shelly was the only sister who lived locally and about the only person Ryann could spend time with without Leigh throwing a jealous fit. She was about to ask Shelly if she wanted to go to the mall and do some retaliatory spending when she noticed the big smiley face on the butt of the boxers. The likelihood of Shelly fitting in anything she or Leigh owned was a million to one.
The youngest of Ryann’s siblings, Shelly drew the short straw when it came to height. Though her driver’s license stated she was five feet tall, she was really four-eleven. Breastfeeding had stripped off her baby weight fast, and she was skinny as a garden rake. Ryann would never dream of taking offense over b
eing confused for a child, but it incensed Shelly because all her life, she’d just been little. But Shelly made up for her size with her big personality.
“Do you want to sit out on the patio? It’s like summer outside,” Ryann said, trying not to sound disappointed.
“I have a love-hate relationship with this kind of weather. We get a day like this, and it makes me feel like planting a garden, then boom, the cold comes back and really pisses me off.” Shelly slammed the refrigerator door. “Yes, let’s go outside. Maybe it’ll clear the smell of smoke out of my senses.”
They chose the swing since it was mostly in the shade, and the first thing Ryann did when she sat down was pull Anya’s socks off, so she could see her tiny little toes. “Month-old baby binkies, so adorable.”
“If you start kissing on them and wake her up, I will choke you. She’s been fussy since four this morning.” Shelly growled low. “Evan has a pristine safety record at work. He’s never had an injury, has never done any serious damage to the equipment. When he comes home, though, it’s like his brain goes on vacation. He’s like a zombie that can talk, enjoy whatever sport that’s on TV, and beg for sex, but he can’t seem to do anything else that takes a thought process. The other night—no lie, he put the milk in the laundry room. I watched him do it, and I asked him why. He claimed he had no recollection. I need to get his head examined. He’s thirty-six, way too young to be senile. Leigh’s been working a lot, is she that bad when she’s home?”
“She showers, eats, and goes to bed. One grunt for yes, two for no.”
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