An Accidental Pirate, The Adventures of Captain Pigtail McQueue

by J.A. Sprouls

  Chapter 12

  The next few days were a whirlwind of activity. But it was the only type of wind going on. The Wind Hag apparently figured that any wind might help them back and she was refusing to help. But the Captain knew that wouldn't last long. With her temper she would, no doubt, start up some winds in the near future so they better have the Flummery ready when that time came. Once the ship was fitted with the axles and wheels all they had to do was set up the rope pulley system in order to steer it. The wagon train had already started on its way. The Wagon Master had warned the new Wagon Master not to bring any of his wagon trains through this territory in the future because of the scourge the Flummery was planning on causing. He had agreed and promised not to tell the other wagon masters out there who might head out in this direction. It seems he didn't like the Wind Hag either and hoped the Flummery succeeded in her quest.

  "You know, I don't think we can keep calling you the Wagon Master now that you really don't have a wagon anymore. And thank you for the sacrifice of your wagon for the sake of our revenge."

  "You're welcome. Anything I can do to get back at the little squat hag. As far as my name goes, my ma called me Jethro so if you want, then you can too."

  "All right then, Jethro, we will need a place to call our home port, a place where after a raid we can go and hide until things cool down. It needs to be a place not well known and hard to get to but not so hard that we can't actually get to it. Do you know of any such place?"

  "You bet. It's just off the caprock and has a bit of a cave. It's plenty big enough for the Flummery to fit and it'll hide you from any prying eyes. And the best thing is it's in the Bermuda Grass Square. The locals and the Flugs and such avoid it like a plague so they won't go looking for us there."

  "Why do people avoid it?" Tally didn't like the sound of it.

  "Well, when the Wind Hag gets a big old sand storm going, the wagons that are blown off the trail and end up in the square just seem to disappear, never to be heard from again. People think it's got some sort of supernatural element that swallows up the wagons and anything that goes there."

  "Now why the heck would we want to go there, let alone make that our home port?' Tally was mystified at the thought, not to mention a little scared too.

  "Well there ain't a supernatural element to it. It's just that people are used to traveling on the flat plains and then suddenly this sand storm develops and they find themselves blown off course and in a canyon area. They weren't ready for that so they end up crashing off a cliff into a canyon. That's all there is to it. The smart ones are the ones who see a sand storm coming just stop and hunker down and quit moving. It's the stupid ones that try to outrun it and end up in the square and dying, but since the story has gotten out about it being a bad place then everyone tries to avoid it. So you see, it would make a perfect place to make your home port, as you call it."

  "Sounds good to me. As soon as the Wind Hag forgets we're here and starts a wind up we'll head there first and foremost. From there we'll develop a plan of attack when it comes to taking the wagon trains that come into the area."

  It was a few days before they got enough of a wind to move the Flummery but once it got going it proved to move quite well on the land.

  Jethro steered the ship towards the square and showed Pigtail the difference in the terrain. "You see those tan areas where there aren't a whole lot of plants growing?" He pointed off the starboard bow. "That's where the Flugs go on vacation. They like to sun. They don't get much sun underground so when they vacation they go where the sun is. You never want to go into an area that the Flugs go to get some sun. The dirt there is not dense enough to hold up much of anything. Some people have actually been swallowed up by the Flugs because they dared to interrupt their vacation. Some people call it quicksand but there ain't nothing quick about being suffocated by dirt." This bit of information sent a slight shiver down Pigtail's spine. He knew that pirates had a reputation for being cutthroats but the Flugs sounded even meaner than any pirates he had heard of.

  Jethro then showed Pigtail to the cave. Pigtail was rather unimpressed with the cave.

  "Why, it's just a hole in the wall, it's not a real cave." He exclaimed upon seeing it.

  "Yeah, but that makes it the perfect outlaw hangout, don't it? Who would ever think that there would be some 'hole in the wall gang' out there to rob and pillage? It's unheard of, so that makes it the best place for your hideout." Jethro did have a point, though it did seem to Pigtail that he was grasping. After Jethro had steered the ship into the cave they tossed anchor and lowered the rope ladder. Pigtail felt it best if they got a lay of the land, that way they would know if there was anyone or anything that could cause them any trouble.

  "Tally, Wicket, Lark and Pill, you split up into teams and head off in different directions. Jethro and I will take off in the other direction so we can cover as much as possible. I don't want anyone going further than half a mile, got that?"

  They all nodded and Pigtail headed north and Jethro headed south. "Well, I guess that means we're gonna be going east and west. So how exactly shall we split up? Should it be the girls and the men or one girl one man each?" Wicket asked.

  Pill didn't know about Lark but she would really rather have at least one adult with her, even if that meant Wicket or Tally. They were a bit inept but at least they were much bigger than either of the girls. Lark saved her from having to point this out.

  "I think it should be me and Wicket and Pill and Tally. That way we have someone to protect us. I mean, let's face it, we're just girls and something might come up that requires a strong man." This statement made Tally and Wicket puff out their chests a little and start strutting around. They agreed and headed off in opposite directions.

  Wicket smiled down at Lark and assured her that everything would be okay; he'd make sure they made it back safe and sound. Lark smiled back at him and thought to herself, I hope he doesn't scare easily because I know darn well I'm the one who would be protecting him from anything that arises. Sure enough just as she had this thought there was movement and slowly rising up out of the ground was this blob. Wicket stopped dead in his tracks and started to whimper.

  "It's the supernatural element and it's come to get us. We're doomed!" he said as he fell to his knees in defeat.

  "It's not a supernatural element. I don't think you're supposed to be able to see something supernatural. It's just a feral hog. They live all around here and can be very mean. They have these sharp protruding teeth or fangs that can cut you to shreds." Lark explained to him.

  "Oh, well, that is soooo much better than a supernatural element. Though either one means we're doomed. I think I would rather have a supernatural element do me in because it would be quick and painless as opposed to being shredded. I'm thinking that's bound to hurt a little." Wicket said sarcastically.

  "It's way better than a supernatural element. Don't you realize just what this means?"

  "Nope, the sheer terror of this moment just before death has driven any thoughts aside from my funeral from my head. I'm thinking a simple service, nothing fancy but I would like Tally to be one of the pallbearers."

  Lark sighed and thought to herself, 'I'm so glad he's here to protect me.' To Wicket she said, "It means 'lunch.' And I can assure you, they taste great. Dad's caught them a number of times as we headed west. We can have a regular cookout and kick off our Land Pirating Days with a bang!" She was rubbing her hands together with excitement.

  "One slight problem, how the heck are we supposed to catch him? I know I'm not about to run up to it and fling myself on his back. That takes guts and I'm too afraid if I did, the hog would shred me and spill my guts out on the ground. I just thought you should know exactly how I feel about the situation." With that said, he bent over and lost his breakfast all over the ground.

  "Actually, I think you just spilled your guts, in more than one way, so why not try the literal way now by charging him full speed?" He just stared at her in disbelief. "I'm
only joking. I brought a rope and all we have to do is set a trap for it and then snare it. I've seen my dad do it a hundred times. That seemed to bring a small amount of relief to Wicket.

  They busied themselves with setting the trap and then Lark made a wide semi-circle until she was right behind the hog and then she started to bang some sticks together and charge at the hog yelling. That did the trick, the hog freaked out enough that it ran without thinking or, for that matter, looking where it was going. Sure enough, it headed straight for the trap. Wicket saw it headed his way and grabbed onto the rope even tighter. The last thing he wanted was for the hog to get away from him, most particularly after he had embarrassed himself in front of a girl.

  The hog hit the trap and the rope sprung, grabbing onto the back legs of the hog. That just made the hog even more scared and he tried to hop out of the rope. Wicket was not having that happen so he hung on even harder. The next thing he knew the hog was dragging him across the terrain. It wouldn't have been so bad except for the fact that the terrain seemed to have an awful lot of cacti. Lark watched in amazement and wonder. She was really surprised that he didn't let go of the rope even after going over the first five cacti. She was also pretty sure her dad never managed to catch a hog this way. He made it look way easier than this.

  It wasn't until the hog ended up going head first in to a canyon wall and knocking himself out that Wicket finally managed to get to his feet. He was a little wobbly but he made darn sure that he didn't fall down. That might push the cactus needles in further and he definitely didn't want to do that. Lark came running up to him clapping and yelling "You did it! You did it!'

  Together they tied the hog up in a secure manner; all the while Wicket amazed at all the knots she knew how to make and knowing just which knot to use. When the hog was secured he sat down and she started to pull all the needles out. He would wince every now and then but mainly he was just so relieved that the needle was out that he didn't react at all.

  "Um, you ain't gonna tell the others about this. Are ya?" he asked sheepishly.

  "Are you kidding, you hung on even though he dragged you through cacti. Lesser men would have let go after the first one. You did a very brave and strong thing; I think the others need to know that."

  "Actually, I meant the part about me whimpering and throwing up. I'd really rather them not know about that."

  "No problem. I'll just tell them the pertinent facts; anything else would just ruin the whole story." She smiled at him and he sighed in relief.

  They managed to drag the hog back to the cave and waited for the others.

  "You know we didn't get a lay of the land, Pigtail is gonna be mad about that," Wicket pointed out.

  "We brought home fresh dinner, which is gonna be more than they can say. So why would he complain. We acted on the moment as the hog presented itself. To have gone and gotten the lay of the land would have meant the hog might have gotten away. We are helping feed our gang of pirates. If he has a problem with that, then I'm pretty sure my dad will set him straight. He knows better than anyone, you don't pass up food when it walks right up to you and presents itself to you." She had her hands on her hips and made it quite clear to Wicket that she wasn't gonna let Pigtail get mad at either one of them. This was yet another relief to him.

  Meanwhile Pill and Tally were having a much less eventful time of it. They had walked a long way and had finally decided it was far enough and that they should turn around and go back. Since they had come one way they felt it was best to come back in a little different way, but not too different a way that they would get lost. The last thing either of them wanted to do was get lost. Pill had brought some paper and a quill and had been mapping out the part they had gone over. Tally thought that was a smart thing to do. If for no other reason than they might need the map to get back to the cave. They finally made it back to the cave and there stood Lark and Wicket. Wicket had his foot up on a hog and was grinning. He looked like he had been wrung through the mill but he was apparently happy despite how bad he looked.

  "We brought back dinner, what'd you guys bring?" Wicket asked them as they came into the cave.

  Tally looked a bit crestfallen but impressed at what Wicket had done. "We didn't bring anything back; well, except for the map Pill made. We didn't see anything that we could capture or eat, for that matter."

  Pill looked at Wicket and asked what happened to him so Wicket launched into a great dramatic tale of danger, risk and rope burn. He finally ended it with his hog tying and dragging the carcass back to the cave. Pill looked sideways at Lark and saw Lark, ever so slightly, shake her head. So Pill knew she needed to take the story with a grain of salt. She would have to be sure to remember to ask Lark just what really happened but that would have to wait until Wicket and Tally weren't around.

  Pigtail and Jethro came back about fifteen minutes later. Jethro was pleased to see the hog, as was Pigtail. Though Jethro wondered how much of Wicket's story was true and just how much Lark had done to catch the hog. Either way it didn't really matter. All that mattered was that they had fresh meat. Everyone helped with preparing the hog for dinner. It was obvious that Pigtail had been a really good cook because he deboned the hog in no time flat. Lark had gathered some prickly pears and was showing Pill how to make a jelly from them that would make a great addition to the dinner. It was a rather large dinner but it had been a harrowing few days and they finally felt that they could relax and enjoy themselves.

  "Okay, I think the main thing we need to do is plan how we will attack the wagon trains that come through the Wind Hag's territory. We need to know the trails they take and places where we can hide before we attack. The last thing we need is to have them see us and prepare to attack back." Pigtail explained to the group.

  Tally and Wicket weren't really paying attention. The food had made them sleepy. Pill and Lark were wide awake. They didn't want to miss anything. The whole thing was a great adventure for them both. It certainly beat traveling in a wagon train, as far as Lark was concerned.

  "I think we need to get the rules of engagement set, first and foremost," Jethro added. Pigtail looked at him in an inquiring way. So he went on, "We have the girls with us and I don't think there is any need to actually kill anyone, do you? All we need to do is take their stuff and maybe tie them up. But not so tight they can't get out of the ropes. I would hate to have them die from being tied up too long."

  Lark added, "We shouldn't take their food either. That's important for them to live. I think if we just took their valuables then that would be enough, don't you think so too?" She asked Pill.

  "Yes, that sounds good. Though we could take a few chickens so that we could have fresh eggs. We ate the last chicken the ship had for breakfast. But we wouldn't have to deplete them of their whole flock of chickens. Just a few from each wagon train and that would set us up with a good number to keep us in eggs and chicken for a good while."

  "Don't forget the rooster. We would need a rooster too," Lark added.

  "I cannot believe you guys. We are supposed to be blood thirsty land pirates. Pirates are unemotional and unprincipled. We shouldn't be taking into account the survival of our victims. Most pirates kill everyone and the ones they don't kill they take on as deck hands. How are we gonna be the 'scourge of the plains,' if we show mercy to our victims?" Pigtail said in a rather exasperated voice.

  "Okay, any killing to be done, you can do it. But you can't do it in front of the girls. They don't need to see such things." Jethro said to Pigtail.

  "Fine, no killing, but we can't show them too much mercy simply because we need to make people afraid of us. You know, too afraid of us to want to come after us and arrest us." Pigtail wasn't about to be the one doing the killing. Taking care of the hog was more than enough for him.

  Wicket and Tally had been nodding off and were starting to snore so Pigtail shoved the table towards them to wake them up.

  They both awoke with a start and looked around at everyone. Everyone looked ba
ck at them. "What? What'd we miss? Did we miss something?"

  "We are trying to get the rules of engagement down so that we know exactly what to do and expect when we attack a wagon train," Pill told them.

  "Oh, well, as far as rules of engagement go, is you have to get the gal a ring, otherwise she'll be mad at you. That and you have to ask the father for his blessing and permission, which, in and of itself, can be very dangerous." Wicket said.

  "Not that type of engagement. We're talking about how we shall go about robbing the people in the wagon trains. Lark doesn't think we should take any food because they will need it to survive. And Pill thinks we should take a few chickens when we get the chance in order to make sure we can feed ourselves, but not take too many chickens to deplete them of their stock. Jethro doesn’t want any killing, least of all in front of the girls and we shouldn't tie them up too tight when we make our getaway, to insure they will be able to free themselves and not die from being tied up. Does that pretty much cover everything we've talked about so far?" Pigtail asked the others. They all nodded in consent so Pigtail turned to Wicket and Tally, "Do you have anything you feel we need to add to the list?"

  "I think we should figure out a way to move the ship without wind because we can't get away if the wind dies down. If it does that, then we would be caught and I can see the Wind Hag not blowing just to get us caught." Tally said off the top of his head.

  They all looked at Tally and were amazed at the intelligence it took to come up with such a plan. This was short lived but only because Tally felt the need to add, "I think we should get a big old wheel and get us some of these feral hogs and have then run inside the wheel and make the outside wheels move. That way we could get away without any wind."

  "Hog power? Are you kidding me?" Wicket snorted at his friend's solution. "Whoever heard of riding on hog power? That's the stupidest thing I have ever heard of."

  "You're the one that is always coming up with the next big thing. Well maybe that's just what I did. I bet there will be people in the future who go around riding hogs. It could happen, you just don't know."

  "Yeah, well, they're gonna have to be pretty big hogs for a man to ride around on one of them." Wicket said sarcastically.

  Tally felt the need to defend his line of thought, "You don't know, they could breed some type of super hog that is big enough to hold a human. It could happen."

  In an attempt to quell yet another disagreement with those two, Jethro told them, "I do think the initial idea is good but I'm not too sure about the hog power. It might be best to use human power. But in order to do that we would need to really cut down the ship to a reasonable and manageable size. I saw this new-fangled thing back East last year. It was called a bicycle. You would pedal it with your own legs and make it move. I bet I could figure out how to rig something using that technology to make the wheels move. If you could figure out how to cut the ship down to size I think we could manage it. But we would all have to pedal to get it going good."

  "Okay, we'll work on tearing down the ship and making it smaller and lighter and you figure out how to make these 'pedals' you mentioned. And that was a good idea, Tally. Keep up the good work." Praise coming from the Captain made Tally smile even bigger.

  "Yeah, well, we caught the pig that fed all of us tonight." Wicket said feeling he deserved some praise too. After all, he was dragged through cacti and Tally just came up with an idea. It took a whole lot more effort on his part than it did on Tally's.

  "Yes, and it was a great meal. You and Lark did a great job on doing that. In fact, you two might ought to be in charge of seeing to it we have all the necessary supplies to keep us fed. That would be a very important job. Pill, I think you could help them do that too.

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