I nod slowly, affirming what she’s said back to me. Her body grinds against my leg, and small, needy mewls escape her mouth.
I won’t be there. I’ll walk away. I know I’m a monster and so does she because I’ve given her more than most in my life…a warning.
I pull my leg away, leaving her breathless and squirming. Goddamn, she’s beautiful, everything I’d hoped she’d be, and suddenly I’m unsure. I’m worried what I’ll turn her into.
She tugs against my hands, and my eyes look to hers again. She tries to pull forward.
“It’s okay, Luca. I don’t feel ashamed. You don’t make me ashamed.” My eyes search hers.
What I feel for this woman makes me want to break shit. Destroy it, because she has a hold on me, and no matter how much I want to satisfy some primal need, all I really want is to worship her. She makes me feel weak for her.
I let go of her wrists and grip her face with both hands, turning her away from the wall, and walk her back a few steps. My breath ragged from my emotion, I make a guttural sound from the pain I feel knowing that what I’m about to do will cause her fall from grace.
How do I condemn an angel to hell?
I run my thumb over her bottom lip, and her hands squeeze my wrists as we look at each other, no words, just understanding. Our first kiss satisfied the craving, but it wasn’t the most dangerous. It wasn’t even the one that makes what’s happening between us a sin.
“Forgive me,” I whisper as I lean down and bring my lips to hers softly, and she parts them, letting me kiss her again, slower this time, reverent.
This kiss, this one, this is my true infidelity, because it contains my heart.
We’re lost in each other when I hear, “Luca,” whispered loudly by Dante. He’s coming up the stairs. Gretchen’s hands push against my chest and shove hard as she squirms away from me.
My knee-jerk reaction is to reach for her and pull her back to me, but she’s already four steps ahead, smoothing her hair. I follow her toward Dante’s voice, seeing his ugly mug pop up as he reaches the top of the stairs.
I grab Gretchen’s elbow, pulling her to a stop, and spin her around to look at me. Looking over her shoulder, I hold up a hand to Dante.
“I’ll be down in a minute.”
He nods and turns back around, then disappears, like the bubble Gretchen and I were wrapped in. I can feel it, reality crashing in, bringing with it complications and excuses. She’s going to run from me, from what’s happening between us.
She takes a deep breath and says the words I don’t want to hear, not after I kissed her with everything inside of me.
“Luca, this was a mistake. We can’t. I won’t. I’m saying no.” Her eyes are sorrowful as she backs up and turns down the stairs.
Fuck.
“Hey, dick, snap out of it.” Dante snaps his fingers in front of my face, and I blink over at him.
“What?” I shrug, irritated at being caught in my daydream.
The minute I came downstairs, Gretchen had already said her goodbyes and was headed out the door. And I’ve been sitting here drowning my sorrows outside with my brothers.
“Answer my question,” he says amused, and I laugh because I don’t know what the hell he’s asked.
“What question?” I look between him and Dom, and they both laugh too.
“Jesus, Luca. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were hung up on a woman.” Dante’s face is too inquisitive.
“It’s the dreamy expression.” Dom nods to Dante.
Dante puts his hand on his heart. “And the way he writes her name with little hearts in his notebook.”
“Fuck you both.” I push Dom’s shoulder sideways. Asshole brothers.
“You sure you know what you’re doing with this woman? Are you sure things are over between you and Shelby?” Dante questions.
He knows the least about what’s going on. Having only met Dante a few months ago, sometimes I’m forgetful about including him in my life.
“I have no loyalty or obligation to Shelby, but I’m not divorcing her just yet.” I say, taking another sip of my scotch.
“I know you, Luca, and I know you won’t let Shelby go without taking a pound of flesh, but there are complications…” My brow furrows at Dom’s words, and I lean in.
Dom nods to Dante, giving him the okay to say what he needs to.
“Shelby’s been hanging around in places she shouldn’t, with people she shouldn’t. They know she’s your wife and they’ll use her to get to you. To get to all of us.”
Interesting. Shelby’s been locking down her plan B with someone she thinks can take me on, someone that’s “family.”
“When were you two going to tell me this?” I question, irritated they’ve been keeping this from me.
“We’re telling you now,” Dante says levelly.
I take a deep breath and look up to the sky.
“Well, it looks like she just made this little arrangement of ours more interesting. Find out who she’s in bed with. I’ll be happy to add his name next to hers on my list.”
Dom shakes his head. “This ends badly, Luca. But I think you already know that.”
“I do,” I answer honestly. There’s only one way for me and Shelby to end, and none of those ways are amicable. “But I’ll never let this bullshit touch any of you.”
“Why bother with her?” Dante questions. “Just cut her loose. Who cares if she fucked half of Chicago?”
My hand curls around my glass with enough force to shatter it, and my jaw tenses.
“Every sin needs a goddamn penance. She doesn’t get absolution because I don’t love her.” I throw the rest of my drink back. “I gave her a place in my goddamn bed, in my fucking life, and what she did made a mockery of that.” Leaning back into my chair, my voice is calm and deadly. “I don’t forgive or forget, so she’ll pay a price. A price as high as I did, as high as Ella will. It’s not good enough to be sorry. I don’t want sorrow; I want to take away her hope.”
HOLY SHIT, IS ALL THAT’S going through my mind as I walk down the stairs. I have way too many questions holding court in my brain, the first being what the fuck did I just do? Because I think the answer is “I almost did Luca.”
He has me spinning in circles; it’s like his lips left an imprint on mine, and I can’t stop tracing my fingers across them, reliving the memory. Holy shit, I let him chase me—fuck that was erotic. It’s as if everything he’s made of was made for me.
I’ve never done that with anyone, but I’ve always wanted to. It’s just not something you bring up on a first date or ever, really. I’ve always tucked it away in a box, in the fantasy section of my brain, but Luca seems to have a key.
I grab my purse and walk to Drew.
“Hey, I’m so tired. I’m going to bail, but thank you for tonight.”
She hugs me and looks at my face. She seems concerned, but I ignore her and wave goodbye to the guys through the window. Drew gives me one more hug, and we walk to the door just as Luca walks down the stairs. I don’t look at him; instead I rummage around in my purse for my phone, pretending to pass him without noticing his eyes on me.
“Call me tomorrow?” Drews asks.
“Yeah.”
I pull the door open and shut it behind me, inhaling the night air like I’m being cleansed. My phone immediately starts to buzz, and I look at the screen to see Drew’s name.
“Um hey, did I forget something? I’m literally outside your door.”
I’m half expecting for the line to be dead like she accidentally called me.
“Nope, but let’s talk?” Shit. She knows something.
“What’s up?” My voice is as distracted as I feel, while I make my way to my car and hop in.
“When did you and Luca become friends? I can’t remember you mentioning it…” Fuck. Detective Drew Matthews is on the case.
“Am I being interrogated? Recently…actually, we started talking before his accident. We conspired a few times to g
et you and Dom back together, but it wasn’t until after the accident that we just kind of fell into conversation.” I can’t help but feel like I’m being judged. I’m pretty sure that’s my guilty conscience.
“Are you sleeping with Luca?” she blurts out. I start to panic, and laughter falls from my lips.
“What’s funny?” The serious tone in her voice makes me laugh harder.
This is all so crazy that if I don’t laugh, I’ll go insane. I take a deep, calming breath.
“Tact, Drew. What the hell kind of question is that?”
“An honest one,” she answers flatly. “Don’t take me wrong, I’m not judging. At all. But his life is more than just complicated. You’re my best friend—I want to make sure you’re okay, babe. I’ll pound him if he hurts you.”
I hold the wheel tightly as I pull into traffic, the call on speaker.
“I love you. Thank you.” She’s always got my back. “No, I’m not sleeping with Luca, but we kissed.”
She sucks in a breath, and I roll my eyes at her.
She may have a heart attack if I tell her I rode his leg like I was in the rodeo and let him chase me down like prey. Instead I tell her my real issue.
“I wish I regretted it, but I don’t, and I have no idea where to go from here because that man is off-limits to me. My feelings just seem to be betraying me at every turn.”
Silence stretches through the speaker, and then she breathes out, “Well damn.”
“Yeah. Agreed. Solve my life’s problems in this car ride so I can actually sleep tonight?” I answer, running my fingers through my hair while sitting at a red light.
She laughs. “You want to know what I know so you can have some of the facts to help you decide?” Is she kidding?
“Hell yes. How is that even a question?”
I look at the phone system in my car, dumbfounded by her thinking that’s even a question.
For the next fifteen minutes of my drive, Drew tells me Luca’s whole story. How he met Shelby at Church, the sex club, during a wild night and married her months later after she showed up pregnant.
She tells me how hard trust is for Luca because so much of his life has been ripped from him, from his parents’ deaths to whatever mysterious fallout happened with his uncle. She says that Dominic always worries and hopes that Luca will lead a life that’s not as “complicated” as his own. I understand that to mean a life away from their mafia ties.
All of what she says takes up space inside of me, as if his sadness is my own. I get it—I understand how all the disappointments compound until you start to expect them, but they always sting. It doesn’t matter that he thinks he sees them coming, he’ll always have the wind knocked out of him each time it happens. He’s hurting, but this man is the definition of complicated.
I interrupt Drew as I park my car and get out in the garage of my apartment building.
“What’s his deal with Shelby now? It’s clear something’s happened. I don’t believe he’s a guy that just cheats on his unsuspecting happy wife.”
“Oh, something happened. And no, Luca is the most stand-up, loyal man I know besides Dominic. Gretchen, Shelby’s been cheating on him. No, cheating isn’t the right word. She’s fucked all of Chicago because Luca was just a meal ticket for her.”
I call the elevator for my floor, listening to what Drew’s saying.
“He only gave in to marrying her; it was never his idea. He tried for Ella and devoted himself to trying to fall in love with the mother of his child. He allowed himself to be vulnerable, and she rubbed his nose in it.”
My free hand fists my side. I want to gut her for this. I can’t believe someone could be so terrible as to manipulate another person that way, but what really makes me sick is how she used Ella.
“Does she even spend time with her kid?”
The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. This topic is sensitive to me; I don’t really want to welcome Ella into the “my mom doesn’t give a shit” club.
Drew’s voice grows somber.
“No, G, she barely knows her. It was clear to Dom way before Luca caught on. That’s what’s so heartbreaking—I swear I saw a light go out inside of Luca when he found everything out at the hospital.”
When Luca was attacked, Shelby was on vacation and refused to come back right away. When she did, she immediately consulted the lawyers and wouldn’t let anyone bring Ella to see Luca. I was unfortunately privy to that information, being that I was in the room most of the two days Luca was unconscious, with Drew.
“That stupid fucking bitch. She better pray I never see her.”
I’ve never felt the kind of hatred for a person as I do right now. I pull out my house key, now that I’m on my floor, and unlock my front door.
“Same,” Drew agrees. “But I don’t think that will be a problem because Luca told Dom earlier that he kicked her out.”
I turn on my lights and toss my purse on the first available stack of boxes.
“Out, out?”
I toe off my shoes and push them next to the couch as I walk to the fridge for water.
“I guess. I didn’t ask.” I’ll kill her for not asking.
I open the cabinet next to the fridge, grab the first available mug and begin to fill it with water.
“Wow. I don’t know what to say…”
She sighs dramatically.
“Have I given you more reason to try and steal him right out from under her?”
I don’t answer right away. Instead I look down at the mug that says “World’s Best Dad” and remember this morning. The man is such a force, so strong-willed and unforgiving, pushy and too honest. But he’s also tender, and when he shines his light on me, I feel special, seen, and cared for.
I don’t take my eyes from the mug as I answer.
“I can’t steal what already belongs to me.”
He does. He belongs to me in so many ways, but I won’t play second fiddle either. He needs to be mine, free of Shelby.
God, this day has stretched on for what seems like forever, and to make matters worse, I have a difficult client that’s been up my ass about the branding choices for their product. But no matter what’s being thrown my way, my head is still in the clouds over that damn kiss. I’d hoped a good night’s sleep would help clear my mind, but it’s done the opposite.
All I’ve thought about is Luca all day. He’s taken up residence as priority thought number one. It was just a kiss and some really hot foreplay, but I need to get over it. My brain doesn’t seem to want to cooperate.
My cell phone rings again, and I hit the speaker. “This is Gretchen.”
Blair’s voice fills the space. “Hey, what’s up with these assholes and their shave kits?” Ugh. Difficult clients are the absolute worst part of my job.
I groan. “No! They haven’t made it all the way to you to complain, have they? I’m so irritated—they came in last minute this morning requesting a complete overhaul to the brand, but they want everything today: new logos, new taglines…all of it. It’s fucking ridiculous, and I’m losing patience.”
“Drew and I both agree that you should take a hard line with them. Don’t roll over. We know what will work; they’re amateurs, and nobody’s got time for their mansplaining. Fuck that.”
I love this girl. I’m nodding even though she can’t see me.
“Exactly. That’s the plan. But it’s nice to have a posse.”
Of the three of us, I’m known for my more aggressive approach with clients.
I hear Blair sigh. “So, what else is new?”
Too much to tell, I think to myself.
“I feel like we haven’t spoken in forever. You dodged a bullet Saturday with ‘nice guy Phillip’ and his douchebag cousin Josh.” I wait for her to answer, but she’s quiet. Too quiet.
“So, I went to Church…” she says in a rushed voice and pauses.
I stare at my phone, wondering how this is news. I didn’t think Blair was religious, but she must nee
d to talk about it because my gossip was so much juicier, and she didn’t even bite.
“Wow, I mean a spiritual journey is cool. I didn’t realize you were very religious,” I reply, not really knowing what to say.
“No, Church. Church, Gretchen. You’re slow to the draw here, buddy.” Oh! Definitely a different meaning.
“Oh shit!” I lower my voice to a whisper. “Like the sex club, ‘tie you up and whip ya’ Church…” I still laugh at the idea that Drew met Dom there.
“The one and only.” I can’t stop giggling. It’s so immature, but her BDSM club story 100 percent beats my douchebag cousin story.
When she doesn’t continue, I say, “I’m waiting. Everything, all of it. Now.”
She laughs.
“Drinks this weekend—this is an in-person conversation. Let’s just say, I highly recommend the rooms downstairs.” Oh my.
A thought dawns on me and pops out of my mouth.
“Oh my god. Does Drew know?”
“Who do you think gave me a key?” I can’t help but suck in a shocked breath.
“You have secrets. You’re all dead to me,” I state dryly, and she cackles because she’s a witch.
“Ciao, lovely,” she answers to my threat.
“Bye, ho.”
I hang up the phone in shock. I know Blair is adventurous, and she very rarely has any boundaries. She’s like the Samantha of the group, which is why I adore her. She’ll never give anyone permission to judge her. Her life on her terms. I’ve never met anyone more authentic. So, I’m positive whatever she has to tell me will be epic.
I grab my phone and send a text to Drew with an emoji of a key and a shocked face. She responds with the shrug emoji and laughing faces, and I laugh along with it. My office speaker buzzes and my assistant’s voice rings through. “Miss Andrews, you have the shave kit rep here for you.” Jesus, these guys are really irritating the hell out me.
“Send him in.”
My door opens and I stand and walk around my desk to shake his hand.
“Mr. Wells, it’s nice to see you…”
But he just looks at my hand and then back to me.
“I’ll shake your hand when you give me the news I’m looking for.” Okay, here we go.
Worship (Sinful Series Book 2) Page 9