by Lindsey Hart
He wanted to. Dear god, he wanted to dream of her. To picture her beautiful face, like an angel of mercy. He wanted to survive and be there for her. To make her believe that he cared for her. That he’d always cared even though he didn’t truly know what that meant.
“Grab my hand!” Jack pushed all other thoughts except reaching Lion from his mind. He crawled closer, over the cool metal. His t-shirt hitched up and the metal chafed and bit into his flesh. He didn’t even feel it. He felt nothing. Not the fear, not the discomfort, the cold, the pain, the ache in his chest.
It was like he’d gone back in time. Back to being a youth. When his sick bastard of a foster father used to beat him, wail on him, pummel him with massive fists, Jack went somewhere else. He just checked out of his body. Went to a place where he couldn’t feel it.
It was the same when he stole cars. He didn’t think about anything but slipping that lock. Fusing wires. Screeching tires. Delivering the vehicle. There was no other outcome. The sirens, the chance he took in being busted or discovered… that never registered with him until long after.
Like the beatings. When he finally crashed back down to earth, came back into his body, he felt it. The pain. The split lips, black eyes, bloodied nose. The ache and the humiliation and the betrayal.
Warm fingers closed over Jack’s, solid and real. His muscles screamed at the contact, at the fresh weight of Lion’s body latching onto his.
“Come on! Reach!” Jack extended his other hand, brought it over Lion’s. He had to pry the other man’s fingers away from the rusty metal. He braced himself with his feet, hooking them into the gaps in the rail. “Swing yourself up! Come on Lion! You have to help me!”
Lion glanced up at Jack, his large eyes round and dark. But no fear. Still no fear. Just what emotion Lion felt then wasn’t clear. Jack couldn’t think on it. Every muscle he had groaned in protest, screamed with the high wails of warped, aged metal.
Lion swung. Kicked his legs. Used that massive strength he’d always seemed to possess to help Jack. Jack inched backwards, tearing his skin on the cold metal, bruising his body, slowly, achingly slowly.
Lion worked with him. For once, the guy actually acted like a team. The catwalk shook and swung wildly. Always, always the wrenching sound of metal boomed through Jack’s brain. He knew at any second the thing could go down. That would be it for them. For them both. They would die like that. In front of Luna’s eyes, her tied to that pillar, unable to get help, unable to escape.
Would anyone find her? Rescue her? Save her?
That thought alone spurred Jack on. He crawled slowly backwards, pulling, his muscles nearly giving in from the strain of Lion’s weight.
Until finally, finally, at last, he pulled Lion over the edge and up onto safety.
Lion had the street smarts of ten men. He didn’t move. Didn’t make any sudden motions that would send them both down.
Instead he crawled slowly forward as Jack made his way back. Back towards the safer, sturdier part of the catwalk, where the stairs were anchored to the floor.
Jack reached the steadier part first. The stairs felt like a lifeline. As soon as he felt that solid weight below him he scrambled down to safety. He could have wept with relief as soon as the soles of his shoes hit the hard, dusty concrete floor.
He waited, waited until Lion was down beside him. Those large, dark eyes bore right through, seeing into Jack’s soul.
He knew then that Lion was right. The guy really was his brother. He didn’t believe in the lifestyle Lion lived. Didn’t believe that what Lion did or thought was right. That the man himself was right, but he wasn’t beyond redemption. Jack couldn’t believe that. He was willing to risk his life to save Lion’s. Not because Lion had once saved his, but because Lion was human. He was a man who had never known a kind word or a gentle touch. Not once in his entire existence.
“You saved me…” Lion panted. His chest heaved in and out, as though he too was still feeling the shock or adrenaline of what could have just happened. His eyes slowly swiveled to the broken part of the catwalk and down to the floor below. Was he imagining himself, splayed out, bloody and broken below?
“Yes,” Jack whispered. “Of course. You are my brother. Despite everything, you always were. That just can’t mean what it used to. You need help, Lion. Really.”
“Help,” Lion spat bitterly. His face reflected his disbelief on hearing that word. “Help.”
Jack nodded in affirmation. “Yes. Help. You need to go some place where you can learn to live in the world. I mean, really live, not just survive. I have money. People can help you. They can help you come back from wherever you are now. They can help you find your way. I’ll do what it takes to give you a fighting chance, like you once gave me. Just say the word, Lion. You don’t have to live this way, fighting for existence. You don’t have to be alone.”
Lion’s mouth opened incredulously. His eyes locked on Jack’s, and for just a second, an instant that was so fleeting it was probably imagined, Jack thought he saw something there. Something close to the one emotion he thought Lion could never feel. Love. Love between two people who had survived together. Who were each other’s family. Who stood against the odds and somehow made it through to the other side.
He slowly shook his head and Jack’s heart sunk. He knew it was irrational. Lion wasn’t the kind of man who accepted help. Not so easily.
“I’ll be fine. Take her. Take the woman and leave. A life for a life. Mine for yours. You didn’t have to save me. You could have let me die today. I don’t know why you did it, but I release you from that oath. You’re right. We are brothers. Always will be. We mixed our blood once but it’s deeper than that. Deeper than blood. I know you think I have no honour. Maybe I don’t, but I know what you risked today. Go, and on my oath, a new oath, I promise you will never see me again. You can live your life in peace. As you choose.”
“Find me.” Jack shocked them both. “Find me if you change your mind.” He glanced towards Luna, who had somehow pushed into sitting. She stared at them both, an unreadable expression, infinite sadness mixed with utter relief, suffusing her features. “If there’s anything I’ve learned, anything at all, it’s that no one is beyond saving.”
Lion laughed that familiar, bitter laugh. “If only I could believe that.” He had never been one for words. He’d spoken more today than Jack had probably ever heard him speak at once.
Just like that, like none of it ever happened, Lion turned and disappeared into the shadows. It wasn’t long before his footfalls faded away entirely, like a dream, like a nightmare, that was at long last, finally over.
Jack turned and finally, finally let himself truly look at Luna. Look at the woman who had been his hope and salvation. In such a short time, she taught him that anything was possible. All the things he never thought he could feel or hope for, she’d given to him.
And he in turn had brought her this. He didn’t imagine she could ever forgive him for this. He damn well knew he could never forgive himself.
CHAPTER 22
The sun spilled through the window right beside Luna’s bed. Bright. So very bright, like it had no notion, no care, that the world had nearly ended for her during the night.
Luna turned, pulling the covers up over her head, blocking out the sunshine. The bright light invaded the lightweight duvet and single thin sheet. She could still see the raw marks on her wrists, the painful bruising, the reminder that her entire life had come so close to changing forever.
Maybe she would have been fine. Maybe if that catwalk hadn’t broken, Lion would have let her go. Let her go in exchange for Jack. She understood that was the deal. Lion screaming up on that metal walk like a maniac, spittle spraying through the air and raining down to the ground below as he screamed the words at Jack. Screamed at Jack to break her heart by telling her he didn’t care.
He hadn’t been able to say those words. He’d saved Lion, the very man who had threatened them both.
Jack hadn’
t said anything after that. Not one word. He’d untied Luna with infinite care, lifted her in those strong, warm arms and held her against his wounded, torn up chest. He was bleeding. His grey t-shirt had dark stains all over the front of it. He hadn’t uttered a sound of complaint or a single word. He’d cradled her against his broad strength, so very, very gently.
They’d used Lion’s car. It was still outside the warehouse. There was no key. Jack fused the wires silently while Luna watched from the passenger seat.
He’d driven her home. Obeyed every single traffic law. Stopped the car, carried her into her backyard, to the unlocked back door. Set her on her feet just inside. Their gazes met for an instant, a second that would be ingrained in her for the rest of her life. Then he’d turned and walked back out to the deck. He’d waited. Actually, fucking waiting while she locked the door. Watched her with those haunted eyes.
She knew that was his version of goodbye. There was not a single word exchanged because there was not one adequate enough for the depth of emotion in his heart. Or hers.
So, she woke alone. Alone into the incongruous sunshine spilling through her window. Alone, like none of it had ever happened at all.
Except that it was so far from being over. At least for her. She knew Jack blamed himself for his past having finally caught up with him. For Lion. For everything.
It didn’t change how she felt. She was… unfinished. Like the tattoo on Jack’s back. For her, they were so far from being over. She had to make Jack believe in the good that was in him. In his heart. He needed to hear it from her. Even if they truly were finished, their beautiful, astounding connection severed, she had to let him hear that he was a good man.
“You sure you had a meeting? With the boss?” The large bouncer, a man who looked like he broke people in half and ate them for breakfast- or maybe just threw rowdy drunks outside the back door, eyed Luna skeptically.
She just nodded. “Yes. He told me to come at ten. And not to be late.”
Again, she received another skeptical perusal of dark eyes. The man in front of her might look like a brick shithouse with shoulders large enough to mount a small house on, a tight black t-shirt stretched over a massive chest, muscles straining to get out, and two legs that were each thicker than her waist, but he had a baby face that kind of undid the seriousness of all that physical mass.
“The boss doesn’t book meetings. He doesn’t see anyone without telling us first. And no one told us a damn thing. So, you need to turn yourself around and go back home.”
“Oh really.” Luna put her hands on her hips and stared the bouncer down. The guy annoyingly blocked her way down the hall where she knew Jack’s office was. God, the inside of that office… her face heated as she recalled the things they’d done in there. She was on her way to finding him to speak with him when this massive human mountain had blocked her way, demanding to know what she was doing sneaking into employee only areas. “Tell him Luna is here then. We’ll see if I have an appointment or not.”
A shadow of doubt actually passed over the man mountain’s face. “Alright,” he said gruffly. “Stay here.”
Luna saw no other option. She crossed her arms and waited while the man disappeared through the doors she’d been trying to sneak through. She knew the code. Eight, six, five, seven. She’d watched Jack punch it in before.
She didn’t have long to wait. The club pulsed around her, the music nearly drowning out thought itself. A group of young, scantily clad women giggled and flirted with men they only seemed half interested in, not more than fifteen feet away.
Luna suppressed a shudder. She was about to take a few steps closer to the door and lean into the wall, praying she’d become invisible, when that very door opened and the massive bouncer appeared. She knew by the look of disbelief on his face that she was in. She was a little surprised herself. She’d half expected Jack to refuse to see her, which was why she was trying to get in herself.
“Alright. Go ahead.”
“Thanks.”
He held the door open for her and Luna slipped through. One massive hand closed the steel door tightly behind her. She had the notion that the granite man was waiting just on the other side. Probably to usher her out of the club after.
Luna squared her shoulders, took a deep breath, and walked quickly down the hall. She knew exactly which door was Jack’s. It was closed but not locked. She didn’t bother knocking. He already knew she was coming, so why bother with the pretense of it all?
Just seeing Jack again brought a wave of unexpected relief so great it nearly buckled Luna’s knees and sent her crashing to the hardwood floor.
She somehow managed to remain standing. “Jack,” she whispered.
He stood slowly, blinked just as slowly. His face, normally so good at hiding emotion when he wanted to, couldn’t hide his surprise. Perhaps he hadn’t believed the bouncer when the guy told him she was really there.
“Luna.” His face quickly lost all emotion, hardening into the mask she’d seen when he’d first come into her shop. That day, really only a few weeks ago, felt a lifetime past.
She turned and shut the door firmly behind her, twisting the lock. The little click sounded loudly in the closed-in area. As Luna turned back, she tried hard not to look at that desk. The desk where she’d let Jack explore every single inch of her body before she explored his.
“Why are you here?” Jack’s hand, the only sign that he wasn’t as unaffected as he pretended to be, slid out and gripped the edge of the desk. He still hadn’t moved, stood just a fraction of an inch in front of his pushed back leather office chair.
Luna felt like reaching out and gripping something as well. Bracing herself to borrow from a strength that wasn’t hers. Except that she had to tell him this. Standing on her own strength and nothing more.
She took a deep breath. I can do this. I have to do this. His eyes flicked over her wrists. She’d covered them with a long, black shirt and paired it with jeans. Not exactly club material. “I’m here because I needed you to hear this. From me. So, you wouldn’t be left with doubts, no matter what happens. You’re a good man. Far better than you even know.”
Jack sighed. His lips twitched, though on their way to a frown or a sad smile, she wasn’t quite sure. His grip on the edge of the desk tightened. “If that was true, none of what happened last night would have taken place. Nothing would have happened to you if you didn’t know me. It’s better, no, safer, for you if I’m not in your life. All I bring is heart ache and trouble. I don’t know how to be with someone. I don’t know what love means any more than a man like Lion does.”
Luna moved her hands to her hips again. She winced as pain shot through her sore wrists. “So, you have a past.” She shrugged slowly and let her hands fall away. “We all do. We all have a story. I just want to be the people we are. I never asked for anything more. I never wanted anything more. I just want you. And all that means. All that comes with it. All the baggage and hurt and pain and all the beauty and passion and happiness we’ve found despite it, or maybe even because of it.”
“You… you don’t know what you’re saying.” Jack’s eyes closed as he blinked. Hard. Fighting back emotion.
Definitely not as unaffected as he wants me to believe. How much did walking away last night cost him? “We came together for a moment, an unexpected, incredible moment and we were both happy. At least I was. So incredibly happy. I never expected to feel that way. I’ve never truly known it. I thought I did but I was wrong. We started something that could be incredible if we are willing to let it be. I know this is different than anything else I’ve ever mistaken for caring or love before. I hardened myself against ever being here again and yet, here I am. With you. I want to be here. I need to be here.”
Jack shook his head, refusing to meet her eyes. His denial was frustrating, slow, and heartbreaking but she wouldn’t give up. “You don’t even know who I am,” he protested, finally looking up.
“No,” Luna admitted. “I don’
t. And you don’t know who I am either. The only thing I know is that I want to. If you’ll let me. We aren’t finished. That tattoo on your back is only half done. We are only half done. I don’t want to leave things like that. I’ll always wonder if I could have done something more. If we could have been something more.”
The laughter that escaped Jack’s mouth was soft, with just an edge of the old bitterness. “Even if you don’t know my name?”
“Even if I don’t. Even if you don’t know mine.” Luna extended her hand. “I’m Stephanie. Stephanie James.”
There was a second of hesitation. Brief yet unending. It lasted forever before Jack finally turned his incredible blue gaze to hers. Those eyes were so full of life. Brimming with impossible hope and unfiltered emotion. He hesitantly reached out and took her hand. Their fingers met, lightning and thunder and earth shattering desire. Her heart raced and trembled as her hand was tucked safely into his firm grip.
“In that case, I’m Alexander Fehr.” He laughed low, long and slow and this time the bitterness was gone. “It’s been so long since I’ve said it, I’ve almost forgotten. But please, never, ever call me that. I’m Jack. I actually like that name.”
“Pleased to meet you. At last.” Luna shook Jack’s hand once before her fingers curled around his, turning his hand and flattening his palm. Their hands stayed locked together. She broke the hold and gently caressed his palm.
“What are you doing? Reading my future?”
Luna made no effort to stop the broad smile that curled across her lips. “Absolutely. This line here, it says that you are going to have a long, happy life. A life filled with only good things and so many blessings. Your generosity, the very heart you sometimes doubt, will be filled with love. More love than you can even stand.”
Jack swallowed hard, loudly. His gaze roved over her before meeting and locking with hers. The room moved. She swore the whole earth moved when he looked at her like that. Like he wanted to believe her.