by K E Osborn
“So are you okay?” he asks and I pull back from him and shake my head.
“No, not really. Danger’s avoiding me now, and I think it’s all my fault. I’m so fucking angry,” I say and Chad shakes his head.
“I don’t know what happened, just know that anything Danger does he only does for himself, Ella. You deserve way better than that dirtbag. Just forget about him. Chalk it up to a bad experience and move on I say,” he says holding me to him and leaning in kissing my forehead. “And hey, I’m sorry I’ve been weird the last couple of weeks. I’ve had a bit on my mind, but I’ll be here for you, I promise.” He pulls back holding me at arm’s length and looking in my eyes. His green eyes are shining brightly like he’s content and full of excitement. They’re not dull and distant like I’ve seen lately. Something has changed for him, I don’t know what it is but as I look into his eyes, something passes between us and a flutter of butterflies flurry around in my stomach. I swallow hard as he brings his hand up to caress my cheek and tucks a stray piece of hair behind my ear.
“Don’t cry over him, okay? I can see your beautiful eyes have been crying. But please, Ella, don’t shed another tear. Just forget about him, and if you need to just spend all your time with me, I promise I’ll help you forget him,” he says. His voice is soothing my anger and calming my nerves. With Chad, I feel at ease and a calm peacefulness washes over me making me want to stay looking into his mesmerising eyes forever.
“Let me heal you, Ella,” he suggests and I smile and nod.
He smiles and there’s a buzz in the air, a pulse that I can feel waving between me and Chad. It’s pulling me toward him and I inadvertently step closer. His hand wraps around my waist and holds me tighter as his other hand caresses my cheek. I bring my hands up and rest them on his bulging biceps and notice my breathing is faster than normal. I feel like I’m in a trance as I stare at Chad like I am seeing him for the first time. I look down at his lips and they look inviting. He licks his bottom lip and my skin tingles all over, thinking about his tongue. I gulp as our bodies are flush together and he leans down closer to me. Something is happening right now, I just don’t know what this is. My heart is racing and every inch of me is aching as Chad leans down. I take in a deep breath and my heart thuds as Chad’s face comes in line with mine.
“Hey guys, have you seen Aston?” Amber asks breaking our moment. Chad backs away and my heart races frantically when he breaks contact completely, leaving me reeling wondering what the hell that was.
“Ah no, last I saw he was down at the stage,” Chad says and Amber smiles and nods.
“Thanks, Chad. Oh, I think you dropped these,” she says, bending down and picking up his drumsticks. She hands them to him. He smiles and takes them from her as I wrap my arms around myself.
“Thanks, Amber,” Chad says as she skips off in her usual cheerful manner.
I’m trying to control my erratic breathing when Chad looks at me and smiles.
“I’m always here for you Ella, remember that.” He leans in kissing my forehead and then walks out of the green room leaving me in the doorway completely confused.
It’s been two days since the incident with Danger and his avoidance techniques are second to none. I’ve hardly seen him at all, and when I do he turns the other way and evades me completely. My anger is now ebbing and now turning into self-confidence bashing. Why aren’t I good enough for him? I know it’s stupid and I know it’s lame, but I can’t stop thinking that this is all because of me. Maybe if I was different somehow. Maybe if I were more experienced or prettier, he would like me better but, to be honest, I don’t care. He doesn’t want me so why should I want him. My self-confidence needs a boost and so does Annie’s so I’m going to try and convince her to go out on a girl’s night, just us two. Plus, even though we share a hotel room we haven’t really had any real sister bonding time. I want to try and get Annie out of the hotel tonight and out of her shell a little more. She needs to live a little and stop moping, and I need to stop thinking about Danger from fucking Recoil and get lost in some stranger for a night.
We’re in Ankara Turkey, and I’ve convinced Mum to let me take Annie out to a club without any of the other band members. We have to take a security detail with us seeing as we now have celebrity status, which I agreed with. Now comes the hard part…convincing Annie.
I walk into the hotel room and Annie is sitting on the bed about to get into her pyjamas for the night, I grab them from her and she looks at me raising her eyebrow and smirking.
“Umm?” she questions as I throw them over onto the cupboard.
“We’re going out! Just you and me. No boys. Girl’s night and sister bonding time. Get dressed,” I demand and Annie groans and shakes her head.
“No, I wanna go to bed,” she says. I roll my eyes and walk over to her suitcase and pull out her favourite short black lace dress.
“Annie, put this on. The car will be here soon.”
She looks at me and shakes her head. “No Ella, I’m not in the mood.”
I throw my hands in the air and huff. “You’re never in the fucking mood Annie, for once in your miserable life do something for me. I’m struggling, okay? I’ve had an atrocious and confusing couple of days, so will you stop thinking about yourself for a change. I need to go and dance and get drunk with my sister,” I yell and she opens her eyes wide and gawks at me.
“Wow, you never yell at me,” she says.
I take a deep breath and calm myself down. “Sorry.”
She smiles and stands up. “No, I’m sorry. Anything you wanna talk about?” she asks and I shake my head and hand her the dress. She takes it and nods.
“Okay, well, I’m here if you need me. I’m sorry you’ve had a bad couple of days, though.”
“Yeah, me too. Now get dressed,” I say.
Once we’re both made up and looking gorgeous, we head downstairs and into the lobby where our waiting security team and driver collect us. We head to the best club in Ankara and as we move inside, we go straight to the bar and order ourselves a drink. The music is loud. There’s a ton of people and it’s hot in here. It’s a perfect place for me to forget about Danger, and for Annie to forget about Aston, even if only for one night. We grab our drinks and head to a booth.
“This place is fantastic,” I yell across the booth to Annie.
She nods and takes a sip of her beer. She doesn’t seem to be very into it or much interested in having fun. I huff and roll my eyes and look out to the dance floor. People are dancing up a storm and they’re all having a good time. I wish we were.
“Want to dance?” I call out and she shakes her head and looks back out over the crowd.
Wow, she really just wants to sit here and people watch. I notice a guy lurking at the edge of the dance floor staring at Annie. He’s smiling and really cute, and is apparently taken with her. He looks over at me and opens his eyes wide knowing he’s been caught staring. I smile and gesture with my head for him to come over. He tilts his head like he’s questioning whether I’m serious or not, so I wave him over subtly with my hand. He edges closer to our booth and stands next to Annie. She looks up at him and her eyes bulge out of her sockets when she sees him. He really is good looking and he has that tall, dark, and handsome look down pat.
“Hey, I saw your drink was nearly empty and was wondering if you’d like another one?” he asks with a slight Turkish twang in his accent. English is obviously his second language. Annie looks at me and I smile widely and she shakes her head.
“No, I can’t I’m with my sister.”
I notice one of our security guards stepping up to us. I shake my head letting him know we’re okay. He nods and steps back.
“No, I’m fine, Annie. Go get a drink,” I say and she purses her lips like she’s furious with me. I use my eyes to egg her on to go with him, she huffs as tall, dark, and handsome smiles at her.
“Okay, maybe just one drink.” She slides out of the booth and walks across to the bar with him.
I mentally high five myself as I take a sip through the straw of my cocktail. Suddenly my skin prickles and I look toward the door noticing Danger walk in with Ryan. I open my eyes wide and try to duck down, but he sees me as we stare at each other. He steps toward me then stops and turns away walking to another booth with Ryan totally ignoring me. I huff and shake my head. I’m so sick of him, he’s been ignoring me since he kicked me out of his hotel room after he stole my virginity. You’d think he’d have the common decency to talk to me about it, like a normal adult, but no he’s being childish.
Jerk!
I look over to Annie and see she’s sitting on a barstool talking to her new friend. I can see Danger from here and he has a giant beer in front of him and Ryan is sitting with a girl on either side of him like normal. At least Danger doesn’t have girls all over him. That would be too much for me to handle right now. It’s almost too much as it is right now just sitting here on my own.
I can’t stop looking at Danger, and he seems extra broody tonight. He hasn’t looked up since he sat down in the booth and he’s just staring at the table drinking like something is wrong with him.
I want to go and talk to him.
No, I want to yell at him.
I want to tell him how much he hurt me and how bad he made me feel about myself. I want to tell him I hate him because I miss him, and I hate myself for that. I just want to talk to him, but he keeps avoiding me making it impossible. So I’ll stay here in my booth all on my own, festering on my own thoughts while everyone else goes about their business around me.
I look over at Annie and decide she seems occupied enough, and I certainly don’t want to sit here on my own all night so I’m bringing in reinforcements. I pull out my phone and message Chad asking him to come to the club and save me. He writes back immediately and says he will be here in fifteen. So, I’m sitting in my booth watching Danger down another beer while Annie continues to chat with her friend and I’m all alone.
Some fun girl’s night this has turned out to be!
I watch Danger and he’s drinking quite a lot, he seems troubled. I’m almost concerned for him when someone slides into the booth opposite me. I look up to see Chad so I smile and then look back down at Danger.
“You have it bad,” Chad says.
“No, I just don’t know what’s going on in his head,” I say and turn back to look at Chad.
“There she is. Hi,” he says and I half laugh.
“Sorry. Hi, thanks for rescuing me. I look like an idiot here all by myself,” I say and he shakes his head.
“You could never look like an idiot, mayonnaise,” he says and I laugh and shake my head.
“No, but you look like an idiot all the time,” I retort and he smirks and tilts his head to the side.
“But that’s what makes me so utterly adorable.”
“Right,” I say and look back at Danger, who’s now chatting with one of the waitresses.
I huff and fold my arms over my chest.
“Okay c’mon,” Chad says getting out of the booth and pulling me from it too.
“Whoa, where are we going?”
He leads me out onto the dance floor right in front of Danger and Ryan. “Dancing! Let’s make him see what he’s missing out on,” Chad says and I furrow my brows. Chad grabs my waist either side and pulls me flush. My body tingles when our bodies collide and the air is knocked from me with the force or is it from the electrical charge I feel? I’m not sure, but either way this is feeling really strange and I’m so confused right now. My heart is telling me to look over at Danger, but my body is telling me to grind into Chad.
“Look at me, Ella,” Chad says and my head snaps up to look at Chad. Inadvertently, my hands slide up his muscular arms and my fingers interlock around his neck. My eyes glance down to his pink lips and he licks his bottom lip slowly and my insides quiver as my breathing starts to hitch.
What the hell is wrong with me?
I mean this is Chad.
Chad Everly.
Our drummer.
The snotty nosed kid I’ve grown up with all my life. Who, admittedly, is actually quite a stunning and well-toned man.
Since when did my body start to react this way to him?
“Ella, look at me,” he reiterates breaking me from my thoughts.
I glance up into his eyes as we slowly sway to the music. He holds my body to him tightly. I look into his bright, intense green eyes and I’m hit in the chest by something I haven’t felt before from Chad. I don’t know what it is, but I think I like it. I swallow hard, as a slight smile crosses his face and he brings his hand up to caress my cheek.
“You’re so beautiful, do you know that? And if Danger can’t see what he’s throwing away then he’s more stupid than he looks,” he says. My heart skips a beat and my breath catches for a brief moment before a shadow catches my attention.
“Dancing with another man, sugar?” Danger asks breaking me from my trance with Chad.
My heart jumps out of a beautiful rhythm and into another, a faster more uncomfortable one, and my stomach starts to churn as I turn in Chad’s grip to see Danger staring at the intimate moment being shared between me and Chad. I have no idea what the hell that was or how to even explain what I was feeling, but that wasn’t the normal feelings I have for Chad. Something just happened and I liked it…a lot.
“Well, seeing the guy I would’ve been dancing with hasn’t shown any interest in me over the last few days, since he used me, screwed me and threw me aside,” I say and he takes in a deep breath as Chad rubs the back of his neck letting me go.
“About that—”
“About what? What could you possibly say that could make me feel any less than one stop shop to you, huh?”
Danger rolls his eyes and Chad winces.
“Sugar, it’s not like that—”
“Oh really? ‘Cause to me you used me for sex then avoided me for three days until someone else showed interest. To me, you’re just someone who uses girls to get what you want and then when you’ve got it, you move on. Well, that’s fine, take my virginity and then leave. You haven’t taken my heart, so don’t think I’m broken without you Mr. I-Think-I’m-God’s-Gift-To-The-Fucking-World,” I say a little louder than I wanted to because I’m actually pretty angry.
Chad rubs the back of his neck seeming uncomfortable and Danger ducks down like he’s trying to hide in case anyone is watching. Probably Dad, but I don’t care, he hurt me. Maybe I’ll tell Dad just so he’ll know what real fear looks like.
“Ella, not here,” Chad says and looks at Danger pleading with his eyes.
Danger grabs my arm and pulls me with him. I furrow my brows and pull against him. “I’m not going anywhere with you…ever,” I say and he huffs and shakes his head.
“Just let me explain, but not here and not with an audience, okay?” he whispers in my ear.
I look around the room and see people staring at us and suddenly I feel very exposed. I look back at Chad and then over at Annie, who’s still talking to the guy from before and is luckily not witnessing my meltdown.
“Watch Annie,” I call out to Chad and he nods.
“You have five minutes,” I say to Danger. He nods and takes my hand and drags me out onto the balcony. No one else is out here, so we’re alone in the crisp morning Turkish air. I let go of his hand and take a few steps away from him, I need my space.
“So hotshot, please explain this to me because I’d love to hear what bullshit story you’ve come up with.”
He turns his back to me and runs his hands through his hair and exhales.
“See you can’t even look at me, fuck this I’m leaving!” I start to turn to walk back inside.
“Ella wait,” he says turning to face me and grabbing my arm. “Please.”
I look into his blue eyes and I can see the desperation in them. It stops me in my tracks, and I take a deep breath and fold my arms over my chest.
“Okay, go.”
Nodding, he wipe
s his hand over his mouth and takes a deep breath and pauses before speaking. “I like you,” he says and then silence.
I stand here waiting for him to say more but nothing. So instead, I stand here and ponder what he’s said.
He likes me!
Danger likes me?
“Well, you have a very weird way of showing it.”
“I know, I’ve never really liked anyone before,” he admits and I literally laugh out loud.
“Like…ever?” I ask and he shakes his head.
“Like ever! I’ve never had feelings to deal with, and I have all these feelings and I don’t know what to do with them. I slept with you, then you asked about my family and my name and I hate talking about that shit, it freaked me out. I don’t want to talk about that stuff, but if I like you then I guess I have to tell you all that stuff, right?”
“Generally telling the people you like about yourself is a given,” I say and he huffs and runs his hand through his hair.
“It’s just that shit about my family…well, to be honest, it’s embarrassing and I don’t want you to think less of me. I got scared, okay? I got scared that you’d think I was a freak and that you wouldn’t…like…me back,” he says and I crease my brows.
“You ignored me because you thought I wouldn’t like you back?”
“I know it seems stupid to me too now that I think about it, but I don’t know how to deal with these feelings. I’m twenty, Ella, and I’ve never in my whole life felt anything for anyone, and then you came along and made me feel something amazing and I got scared. I don’t know what I’m doing, and I don’t want to ruin anything with Colt. Recoil’s relationship with him is important and me being with his daughter could jeopardise that. My band is important to me, you know?”