by K E Osborn
I’m to blame for the way he looks, and I alone have to bear the guilt of that. I look over to Danger and he’s looking at me with his dazzling smile. He really loves me, and he’s been so good since he moved to the UK.
So why do I feel like I might be making the wrong choice?
I shake my head slightly trying to rid those thoughts as Annie reaches Aston and Dad hands her to him. I get lost in my own thoughts and don’t pay much attention. Annie and Aston say their vows and Annie cries. Aston says something funny and everyone laughs making me look up, but I’m still not paying much attention. I watch as they release some white doves to represent them being free when they’re together. It has some significance to their matching tattoos or something and then they kiss for an obscene amount of time. The ceremony is over before I know it, and the whole time was spent thinking about Chad and how wrecked he looks and how it’s breaking my heart. As I walk into the gazebo, I hand Aria back to Caleb and he looks at me raising his eyebrow.
“Hey, are you okay?” he asks as I go to walk off.
“Umm…yeah. Just concerned about Chad is all,” I say and he frowns and nods.
“Yeah, he’s not doing too well, but don’t worry I’ve been watching out for him. He’s okay, don’t let yourself feel bad for being happy,” Caleb says looking over at Danger, who’s chatting to Dad and laughing.
I swallow hard and nod. “Just make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid okay?”
“He won’t, don’t worry, Ella. I’m watching him.”
I exhale and nod walking off to find Danger. I need some comfort right now. As I approach, I hear Dad as they talk about a new band that Rob’s company is going to sign, and Danger is helping Rob decide whether they’re good enough.
“Hey, there’s my angel,” Danger says wrapping his protective arm around my shoulders and pulling me to him kissing my head.
“Hey, what’s going on?” I ask and Dad laughs.
“Nothing much, Danger’s trying to convince me that Gargoyle are the next big thing. I mean they have a name like Gargoyle for Christ’s sake, how good can they really be?” Dad asks and I chuckle.
“They can change their name, Colt. Their music is sound. Actually, you need to hear Omar’s voice, it’s hypnotic, and I’m a man imagine what it would do to the ladies,” Danger says and I laugh.
“Seriously, you’re crushing on Omar?” I ask and Danger grins and nods.
“Babe, the guy’s got a voice like a God.” I cuddle into his side and grin, loving that he gets so excited about his work.
“Well, send me a demo and if I like them I’ll talk to Rob for you, seeing as you’re so passionate about it,” Dad says. It’s so weird to think Dad and Danger are friends now especially considering Dad held Danger up by the throat naked in a hotel not that long ago.
The afternoon shifts into the night and the food and drinks are flowing. I’ve had a few champagnes myself, but I haven’t seen Chad again. I think he’s left, which in a weird way is good. It’s let me settle and spend the night cuddled up to Danger and I’m actually having a good time.
I excuse myself from the conversation about babies that Indi and Annie are having, and I make my way toward the bathroom. It’s so nice to be back at the manor and having a party. Well, it’s a wedding reception, but it feels like old times and I love being back here. I walk inside and to the downstairs bathroom. Feeling slightly tipsy, I use the facilities and wash my hands and walk out. When I close the door, I turn to walk down the hall and Chad is standing in the way stopping me from continuing down the hall. He’s just staring at me and it unsettles me slightly. My heart rate spikes and my tummy twists and turns in knots.
“Chad,” I say and he winces at the sound of my voice.
“Soy sauce,” he says and my chest tightens and I feel like I can’t breathe. He hasn’t called me a food name for so long, I almost forgot it was our thing.
Taking a deep breath of air, I look into his dull green eyes as he looks at me with such sadness. He takes a step toward me and I don’t step back as he closes the space between us. My heart is hammering as he continues to inch closer and closer until he’s right in front of me. He smells of stale beer, not like the Chad I know. I swallow hard as he lifts his hand and brings it up caressing my cheek. I close my eyes and relish in his touch for just a moment. I open my eyes and bring my hand up to his and move to pull him away. But when I do he brings his other hand to my hip and forces me back against the door, then pushes his body against mine trapping me there.
“Chad, stop,” I say and he looks into my eyes tilting his head.
“I can’t.” His hand on my cheek tightens and he leans in closer as my breathing escalates to a rushed and fast pace. He has me trapped against the door and he’s looking at me in such a way that it’s making my knees weak and I can’t let that happen.
“Chad, please,” I beg for him to stop, but he moves in closer.
“I love you, Ella,” he says and then crashes his lips to mine.
I open my eyes wide in shock as his hands tighten devouring me. His tongue tries to force my mouth open. I bring my hands up to push on his chest and even though everything in me right now wants to kiss him back, the rock on my finger says I belong to someone else. I push as hard as I can and he stumbles slightly and breaks the kiss. I look at him and shake my head glaring at him.
“Chad, why would you—”
He moves back in and kisses me again mid-sentence and he grinds his body into mine and in his drunk state I’m not sure what he might be capable of. I push hard on his chest again making him step back. Then I bring my hand up and slap him hard across his face. He grips at his cheek and stumbles back looking at me as I wrap my hands around my body for comfort.
“Chad, you need to sober up and move on,” I say and go to walk off.
“I can’t function,” he calls out.
Stopping I turn back to look at him. His body slumps and he’s staring at me like he’s desperately trying to keep me here.
“I miss you so much. I got a tattoo just for you,” he says. He pulls up his shirt showing me his forearm. I swallow hard seeing the ink, so I move closer to view it. It’s a tattoo of a shattered heart with an E in the middle. It completely unravels me. Tears well in my eyes and my breathing hitches. I look up into his eyes and both of our eyes are watering.
“You didn’t fight for me,” I whisper and he shakes his head.
“We needed to fight for each other, Ella. What’s the point in me fighting if you didn’t have the will to fight for me? I was never going to win against Danger, was I?” he asks and I start to cry feeling so dreadful. My hands race up to my face and Chad’s arms wrap around my waist holding me tightly to him.
I feel safe in his arms.
I feel like I might actually have chosen incorrectly.
I can still feel the chemistry with Chad, but Danger has given up so much to be with me that I need to be with him. I feel obligated to be with him. I move my hands and wrap them around Chad and hold onto him for a quiet moment.
“I’m so sorry, Ella, I didn’t want to make you cry,” he says.
“No, it’s okay. I feel so bad, I’ve ruined us,” I say and he sniffs like he’s upset too.
“I will always love you…always,” he says and leans down softly placing a tender kiss to my lips, and I let him.
“Sugar?” Danger calls out from a distance. Chad and I break apart, dramatically severing our moment and I turn around wiping my eyes to see Danger turn the corner and smile brightly when he sees me. “There you are. I’ve been looking all over for you. You okay?” he asks walking up to me as I wipe my face trying to rid the tears. I turn quickly to see Chad has disappeared. I guess he went into the bathroom. I exhale and try to calm my nerves as Danger approaches.
“I’m okay, not feeling the best,” I say and he walks up to me putting his hand on my forehead.
“Oh, you are a little hot. Want me to take us to bed?” he asks and I smile and nod.
> “Yeah, that would be great.”
He smiles and leans in kissing me. I feel bad, because not only ten seconds ago Chad’s lips were on mine. If only Danger knew.
Danger and I stayed over at the Manor last night because we’d both been drinking, and after my encounter with Chad I wanted to go to bed and try to forget it even happened. So we went to my old room and slept. Thankfully Danger didn’t want to have sex because I don’t think I could have given myself to him last night. My mind was completely on Chad and it still is this morning as I lay in my old bed cuddled into Danger.
“Morning sugar,” Danger mumbles as he wakes up slowly and caresses my cheek.
“Morning, how’s your hangover?” I ask and he groans.
“Well, I won’t lie, your dad fed me way too much whisky last night,” he says as I run my hand up his tattooed chest. “How’s your head, are you feeling better?” he asks gently kissing the top of my head.
I exhale and frown because my head is a mess. I’ve been awake most of the night thinking about my moment with Chad, and how it made me feel like what I’m doing with Danger is wrong. But I can’t stop thinking Danger has given up so much to be with me and he seems ridiculously happy. I can’t take that away from him for my happiness.
“Ella?” Danger asks and I forgot to answer, lost in my own thoughts again.
“Sorry, yeah, I’m okay, a bit hungover I think.”
He chuckles. “Yeah, I think we all will be. One thing yesterday showed me though is that I can’t wait till our wedding day. To see you walk toward me in white looking stunning and knowing you’re all mine. I honestly can’t wait, sugar, I really can’t,” he says and my chest tightens and I close my eyes trying to calm myself.
“Me either,” I say so he doesn’t feel the rising panic I’m feeling right now.
“Let’s go down for breakfast, I’m sure Lia has put on an incredible spread as usual,” Danger says and sits up taking me with him.
We get dressed and walk downstairs to the kitchen hand-in-hand. The smell of bacon and sausages wafts through the air filling me with such a joy that I actually smile.
“There we go, there’s that beautiful smile. Are you sure you’re okay, you’re really quiet?” Danger asks and I look at him and nod.
“I’m fine, just need some sustenance,” I say and he nods as we walk in to see Mum and Dad at the stove cooking.
“Morning,” I announce.
“Oh, good morning guys. I’ve made a traditional English breakfast to help with the alcohol absorption. Sit down and I’ll bring some over, your father has some news,” Mum says and I raise my eyebrow in curiosity and sit down at the table as Dad walks over and sits at the table with us.
“What’s going on, Dad?” I ask as Danger takes my hand under the table.
“Okay, well we want to go on a holiday. All of Slayed and Staked, the two bands together,” Dad says. I tense up slightly not only because it’s weird, but because that means going on a holiday with Chad.
“Okay, why?” I ask and Dad smiles.
“We’re all going to Hawaii to spend a nice vacation together. It will be the last time the two bands are together with all the family,” he says and I furrow my brows.
“Dad you’re being weird. Why would it be the last time?” I ask wondering if he knows something I don’t.
“Just, will you come on the holiday or not?” Dad asks and I know going on a holiday with Chad and his family will be really horrible, but I can see in Dad’s eyes he really wants this. So I will do it if I have to.
“Okay sure, when’s this holiday?” I ask.
“We leave tomorrow. We’re kind of invading Annie and Aston’s honeymoon,” he says and I shake my head.
“Dad, can’t we go another time? Let them have their honeymoon and we can go after?”
“I’ve already run it by Annie and she thinks it’s a great idea. As long as they get their own room they’re happy to have us all there,” he says and I roll my eyes. “Right, we leave tomorrow.”
I turn to Danger.
“I might have to fly up the day after, unfortunately. Gargoyle are coming in to meet with Rob tomorrow, and I promised Omar I’d be there to help,” Danger says and I pout.
“That’s okay, I’ll wait and fly with you,” I say and he shakes his head.
“No babe, you go with your family. I’ll only be a few hours behind you and I’ll leave as soon as I can, getting there as quickly as possible, okay?”
“Yeah, come on the jet with us, Ella. One last ride with all of us,” Dad says and I furrow my brows again and wonder why he’s talking like that.
“Okay, yeah, let’s do it,” I say and then smile because I love Hawaii and I’ve always wanted to go as a tourist, not as a rock star.
“Breakfast’s ready,” Mum says bringing over a tray full of deliciousness. I smile and look at Danger and maybe a holiday is just what we need.
I finish packing for our two week long holiday and after our stay in Hawaii, Danger and I are continuing on to California to see his sister and parents for the first time. I figured we were in the country, so we may as well make the effort. Plus, I really want to meet Mouse. I’ve spoken to her a few times on the phone and she seems lovely, but I really want to meet her. Placing the luggage on the floor, Danger walks up to me and smiles.
“How will I cope not sleeping next to you tonight?” he says and I smile.
“I have no idea. All I know is for the thirty odd hours you’re not with me, it’ll be torture,” I say and he smiles brightly and leans in kissing me. He turns grabbing my luggage and starts walking with me to the front door.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to drive you to the manor? Getting a taxi seems so—”
“Ideal? You have to go to work, I don’t want you to be late, especially now you’re taking a month off. So stop second guessing and kiss me again.”
He chuckles and leans in kissing me forcefully, his dominant side still very much there. He can be gentle sometimes, loving always, but his rough and dominant side still shines through in the bedroom, and I’ve grown to like it again.
Although, I do miss the gentle caress of Chad.
Stop Ella!
I bring myself back into the now and kiss Danger rather than thinking about Chad and the fact I’m going to be seeing him shortly on the band’s jet and then spending the next two weeks with him on holiday. Danger pulls back as the taxi arrives at the front of our house.
“Just remember, I love you. Call me when you land, okay?” he asks.
“Of course. I love you too. I’ll see you soon,” I say leaning on my toes and kiss him once more before turning and dragging my luggage to the waiting taxi.
“Enjoy your trip, when we get back we can start planning our wedding,” he says and I smile and nod.
The driver lifts my bags into the trunk and I slide into the car and turn back to look at Danger, who’s smiling and waving. He really does adore me and I’m so grateful for that. The taxi pulls away from our house and I wave and blow a kiss as I drive away from Danger toward the manor.
Mum and Dad are going to drive us to the airport to board the jet to travel the fifteen hours to Honolulu. The taxi to the manor is short, but the whole way I’m thinking of the jet ride with Chad. I want to talk to him on the jet if he lets me. I need to try and see if we’re okay because this holiday will be very awkward if we’re not. I want to try and make an effort with him and sort something out, and for a moment I’m grateful that Danger won’t be on the flight. It gives me time to work with Chad to sort us out, without Danger being in the way to get all broody about it.
After arriving at the Manor, Mum and Dad were ready to go straight away so we left for the airport and drove to London. The hour and a half drive had me thinking and dwelling even more on Chad and the things I wanted to say to him. I’d have my speech all worked out in my head then I would second guess myself and work out an entirely new speech. I just wanted us to be okay, and for this holiday to work.
I want Staked to be okay, because it was only a matter of time before we start again after Annie and Aston have their break, and Chad and I being at war won’t help the band at all.
We pull up on the tarmac. I see the jet. We haven’t been on it in so long that I’d forgotten how big it was. I smile remembering all the good times this jet has brought us all. It started as Dad’s band’s tour jet and became Staked’s jet as well. This jet has been everywhere and seen us through a lot. It’s amazing how one object can do so much. I slide out of the car and walk with Mum to the stairs, my nerves are wreaking havoc. I have no idea if Chad is on there yet, but all I know is that I’m silently freaking out. Walking up the stairs, I step inside the jet and Tamara is there like always to greet us.
“Good morning, ladies. Lia, your pill,” Tamara says handing Mum her customary relaxation medicine for her fear of flying.
“Thanks, Tam, you’re always the bright star on this jet, you know that?” Mum says taking the pill and swallowing it with some water.
Tamara laughs and shakes her head. “I’ve been working with you guys all my working career, trust me the bright stars have always been you guys,” she says.
I smile and pat her shoulder as I walk past and into the cabin. I take a deep breath and look over the seats of people. Caleb and Indi with Aria next to Hux and Macy. Annie cuddled into Aston. Johnny and Anna sitting with Sia, Dingo and the twins Carter and Carlton. I tense seeing them if they’re here there’s a good chance Chad is too. I look at Sia and she looks up at me and exhales and half-smiles. I smile back knowing there’s tension between us. She knows I’m the reason her son is off the rails, and I know I’m the reason too. I just wish I could help him. And I want to, I just need to find him.
I keep walking to the back of the jet and spot him sitting at the very back by the window curled up on the seat. I huff and walk over and look down at him.
“Chad,” I say quietly and he turns to look at me exhaling placing his feet on the floor and sitting up straighter. He turns and looks out the window. I swallow hard. The circles under his eyes are bigger, and he looks pale like he hasn’t been eating. He really looks terrible. “Chad, can I sit here?” I ask and he shrugs so I sit down next to him. “Can you talk to me, please?” I beg as my heart races looking at this broken man in front of me.