I hesitated for only a moment. Then either adrenaline or the fear of being left alone pushed me forward. I leapt onto the platform and followed the path JC had taken. As I rounded the curve, I noticed the garage-style glass doors at the back of the enclosure had already been shut for the night.
My pulse was already racing, but it ticked up another notch. “What if we get locked in here?” I whisper-shouted when I spotted JC in front of me. He didn’t answer or turn around. “Justin?”
He spun toward me, but instead of answering, he closed the distance between us in two strides, and, without any preface or preamble, wrapped an arm around my waist, tangled his other hand in my hair, and kissed me.
I stood stunned for a moment, while his mouth pressed soft against mine, asking. It only took a second before I answered, throwing my arms around his neck and parting my lips. Instantly the kiss grew deeper, but not so deep that I lost myself. Not so deep that I was consumed. Just deep enough that I could taste what he wanted to offer me, what he wanted to give me completely.
And for the first time since he’d come back into my life, I could imagine myself taking it all. One day soon, even.
But for now, in a dark pocket of shadow, among the wide-eyed horses and brightly painted chariots, he just held me and kissed me. Kissed me until time stilled and I was aware of only us. Kissed me until my lips felt swollen and bruised. Kissed me until I was reeling and dizzy and out of breath.
There, wrapped in each other on the platform, we never moved an inch, and yet my head spun faster than the horses ever had. The memory of my last trip on the carousel was eclipsed by the present moment. This was now, undoubtedly, the best ride of my life.
***
The carousel operator found us eventually.
He abruptly interrupted our kiss then cursed and shouted as we sprinted across the park, bumbling and giggling, drunk on each other.
We walked for a bit after that, stopping at an all-night diner for some pie and ice cream before hailing a cab back to Manhattan.
All too soon, we were standing in the hall outside my apartment saying goodbye. Then kissing goodbye, and not at all the way we’d kissed on the carousel. This kissing was hungry and frantic. This kissing was the kind that didn’t usually end on this side of the door.
I was already in a lust haze when JC asked, “Are you sure you can’t just forget your first-date-no-sex rule?”
“No. I’m not.” If he kept licking along my ear like that, I’d forget my own name.
He sucked my lobe between his teeth then let go. “Are you saying we can forget it?”
“Yes.” God, yes. I turned my head to nibble along his jaw, and I tried to remember why I hadn’t wanted sex in the first place.
And then I did remember. That frightened, nervous, panicked feeling was distant now, but still vaguely present. “No, I’m not sure. I don’t know.” I did know that if we stayed there much longer, Ben would see us on his way out for his morning run. And that didn’t sound like a fun encounter.
JC tore his lips from my skin and pinned me against the door where he could look me squarely in the eyes. “If you don’t know then we should stop. Because pretty soon I’m not going to be able to.”
Honestly, I was surprised that we hadn’t already passed that point. I leaned forward, desperate to reclaim his mouth, but he pulled away.
“You know what? I’m going to go.” He was as breathless as I was. “I know it’s important that we do this time right, and I don’t want you to have any regrets.”
“Really?” I didn’t bother trying to hide my disappointment.
He nodded so hard I wasn’t sure whom he was trying to convince. “Yeah. This is best.”
“It is?” My mind was muddled and I couldn’t decide what was best at all. This did not feel like it was best, no matter what I’d said earlier.
“Painful but best.” He sighed, leaning his forehead against mine. “You don’t have any rules about second dates that I need to know about, do you?”
“No more rules.” I wished I could figure out how to take back this rule. I couldn’t think of anything to say that would convince him I wasn’t making a decision under hormonal duress, probably because I was under hormonal duress.
“Good. No more rules makes me very happy.” The way he said happy, the obvious desire in his dilated eyes—I couldn’t help myself. I moved forward and brushed my lips against his.
He started to return the kiss then stopped, pushing me away firmly with both hands. “No. Uh-uh. This has to. I have to go.”
“Fine. Go.” I peeled his jacket off of me, disheartened that it wasn’t him peeling me out of it, and handed it over.
He didn’t bother putting it on, slinging it over his arm instead. “Sleep well.” He kissed me on the cheek, moving in and out quickly as if I might somehow trap him into staying if he didn’t. Then he started toward the elevator.
“Tomorrow,” I called after him. “Or, today, I mean. Will I see you?”
He turned to me, walking backwards now. “Yes. Second date is definitely happening today.”
“Okay.” I hesitated only a second. “I love you.”
He grinned. “Big words for a first date. You might ruin it.”
“They’re big words any time I say them.” Real big words.
He stopped, and I thought he was about to say it back when, instead, he cursed. “If I say it back, I’m going to have to stay. Go inside.”
I put my key in the lock, but I paused. If I didn’t go inside, would he come back? If he did, would I regret it?
“Inside!” It was an order this time.
With great reluctance, I obeyed. As I did, I heard him calling down the hall behind me, “This is painful, Gwen. Fucking painful!”
I leaned against the door and closed my eyes. God, I missed him already, even though in many ways he was still with me. The smell of him still clung to my clothes, and the feel of his kiss was imprinted everywhere his lips had traveled. His words from earlier played in my ears on a loop. “I’m still in love with you.”
And, yes, I was turned on and horny, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t think clearly. Didn’t mean I couldn’t make a smart decision. There was still so much I didn’t know about him, and maybe I never would, but what I did know was plenty. I knew that I loved him and I wanted him and I enjoyed being with him, and hell, if that wasn’t enough to base a relationship on, what was?
It certainly was more than enough to let him back in my bed.
Goddammit, why had I let him leave?
Chapter Eleven
I was still leaning against the door when there was a knock, jolting me out of my stupor. Ben had good timing, actually. There wasn’t any way I was getting out of my tank without help unzipping it.
But when I opened the door, it wasn’t Ben I found standing there. It was JC. The hormones, which had just started to calm ever so slightly, roared back into a storm. The look in his eyes said his had never calmed at all.
I was rushing to him even before he spoke. “I’m here for our second date,” he said just as our mouths collided, our teeth clacking in the frenzy of our kiss. He was already taking off his jacket as he pushed me toward the wall, and I was madly working at the buckle of his pants, my lips never leaving his, my tongue slipping and sliding against his.
Then his hands were under my thighs, lifting me to perch on the console table. My shoes fell to the ground as I spread my legs to let him stand between them, the movement knocking my mail organizer and the roses he’d brought me to the floor. I barely noticed, my sole focus on him, on getting as close to him as possible, as soon as possible.
His buckle was undone now, and after another couple of seconds, his pants were unzipped, and I slipped my hand down to grasp his cock through his boxer briefs. It was so big—bigger than I remembered—and hard and hot under my palm. I squirmed, wanting it out and inside me, my desperation ratcheting higher the nearer it got to happening.
JC was just as desperate.
His hands fell to my knees, sending a delicious shiver down my spine as he skated his hands up and under my skirt.
And then he found the hem of my shorts. He pulled away to examine the clothing that stood between his fingers and the sensitive skin of my thighs.
“Fuck,” I hissed, wishing now that I hadn’t been so goddamned precautious. “Take it off,” I urged. “Take it off.”
He didn’t hesitate, moving to the waistband of my skort. I braced my hands on his shoulders and lifted my ass while he pulled the garment and my panties past my cheeks, then sat and lifted my thighs so he could take them all the way down and off.
Huh, I guess they weren’t that hard to take off after all.
I threw my arms around his neck and scooted toward the edge of the table, eager to be pressed against him in all the critical places.
But JC’s fervor slowed, his attention moving to my now exposed cunt. He smiled as he slid two fingers down the length of my folds toward my opening. I let out a soft sigh as he entered me, so wet that his fingers slipped in easily.
His eyes flew up to mine. “Holy shit, Gwen.” He added another finger, and I bucked as he rubbed against the magic spot inside that only he had ever been able to find. He pressed his thumb against my clit, and I thought I might come right then.
“You’re so beautiful when I’m fucking you with my fingers.” He stroked in and out of me, his tempo excruciatingly lazy. “I could watch you like this for hours.”
“No, no,” I moaned. “Please.” I couldn’t form anything more coherent while he was pleasuring me, but as good as it felt, I wanted him to stop. I needed his cock inside me, and every second that passed that he made me wait for it was torture.
“Shh.” He bent in to nip my lower lip before pulling his hand from my pussy and placing a single wet finger over my mouth. “I know what you need, Gwen. And I’m going to give it to you because I need it too.”
He smeared my juices over my lips, then leaned in to kiss me, his mouth bruising me with his greediness to devour my taste. Damn, it was hot. Naughty and dirty and so, so hot.
As he ravished me, his hands were absent—taking out his cock, I hoped. I inched my hips toward him, frantic to sheath him.
Somewhere in the haze of my desire, it struck me how much this was like the first time we’d been together, when our lips had been molded and my legs spread around him as I sat on a stainless steel table and eagerly waited for him to enter me.
Then it struck me how different it was as well. How far we’d come since then. I wasn’t doing this to hurt myself. We were sloppy in our kisses, but out of longing, rather than newness. And I didn’t have to be in charge like I did then. So far we’d come together pretty equally, but the minute he demanded my submission, I’d give it to him, willingly.
Eventually, his hand tangled in my hair and he pulled me backward, abruptly breaking our kiss. Now, I thought. Now is when he’ll let me become his again. I glanced down and saw his cock was out. I watched with hungry eyes as he lined himself up to my entrance. “Please,” I begged. Please, please, please.
But he paused, and I knew why. Because this was the time where a condom would go on. Or not. We’d never used condoms. I’d been on birth control and he’d provided a medical record that showed him free of disease. That first time, however, before we’d discussed it, we’d been reckless and ignored any thoughts of responsibility.
This time, JC paused.
I still had an IUD. But I’d been with someone else. I knew he had to be thinking about that as he stood there, his cock in his hand, ready to enter me, and I knew I had to say something.
I searched for a way to say what I needed to while leaving Chandler out of it as much as possible. “I’ve used condoms,” I said between ragged breaths. “There’s never been a time that I wasn’t protected.”
His eyes never left mine. “Yeah, but do you trust me?”
Until that moment, it hadn’t occurred to me that he could have been with anyone else in the year we’d been apart. Jealousy raged through me. And anger. I had no right to either since I’d had my own affair, but there they were, real and pulsing with the same magnitude as my desire.
And there was no way I was letting go of my want. Not when it was so close to being met, no matter what my other emotions were.
I tilted my chin up and gave him my answer. “Fuck me, Justin.”
He didn’t wait another second. With his hands gripping my hips, he shoved into me, burying his cock deep inside. I cried out from the relief, from my anger, from the unbelievably exquisite pleasure. He pulled out and drove in again, out and then in, quickly attaining a rapid speed. He filled me completely, but I was so wet, so slick, that I adjusted to him easily, my walls fitting him like I’d specifically been made for him to be inside me.
God, it was everything I’d remembered and more. Being with him. Even with my lingering fury and frustration, I was transported to a state of bliss. Only he could ignite me this quickly, this thoroughly, lighting every nerve in my body like his cock was a torch and my cunt was a pool of gasoline.
My fingers clutched onto his shirt, and my mouth tilted up to latch onto his. I wanted to be as close to him as I could, every part of my body touching his. I hated the clothes that separated us from contact, but I hated the idea of halting to disrobe even more.
And it didn’t matter what I wanted anyway, because it was then that JC took total charge, breaking our kiss and pulling back so that the only place we were connected was between my thighs. In an act of defiance, I swung my legs around his waist, but he reached behind and wrapped his fingers around my calves and pushed out and back so that my knees were bent and my body spread.
I followed his gaze down to watch him fuck me, his cock stroking in and out of my pussy. The sight was so erotic that I automatically clamped tighter around him, and my orgasm began its upward climb.
JC leaned in to my ear. “Tell me what it feels like,” he demanded in a husky voice.
He’d always liked talking during sex, liked me to verbally acknowledge what he did to me. I hadn’t forgotten, and I’d always liked being prodded by him. My head spun so much when he was inside me that it was hard to form thoughts, let alone words. His questions helped direct my attention, made me have to focus and participate in the pleasure, which made it that much more enjoyable.
“It’s good,” I told him now. “You feel good.”
“How else?” He took my lobe in between his teeth and bit.
“Ah,” I cried, the sting at my ear humming through my entire body. “You turn me on everywhere. And you’re so deep. So hard. I love how you feel.”
“More. Tell me more.”
His tempo had changed since he’d begun talking, slowed to a torturous pace. I tilted my hips forward, urging him to pick up the speed. “I’ve missed this so much. Missed having you inside me like this. Please, JC.”
But he went even slower, his cock moving languidly inside me. “Go on.”
“JC. Please. I need. I can’t. Please.” I squirmed and pled, unable to concentrate on anything but the tension in my belly, begging to be unraveled, aching to be pummeled into release.
He ran his thumb along my jaw then lifted my chin up until our eyes met. “I’ll go on when I’m ready, Gwen. Tell me what I want to hear.”
I didn’t know what he wanted to hear, and fuck, I was going to die if he didn’t let me get to my orgasm, like, now.
But the look on his face said that his patience wasn’t leaving any time soon, and he had no problem tormenting me. He placed his thumb on my clit, just to make sure I was clear on that.
At the pressure of his touch, the tension grew tauter. I was desperate now, frantic with need. Keeping my gaze on his, I tried again. “It feels so good. So right.” I paused, searching for what else. “Like I was made for you.”
I wasn’t sure, but I thought his face brightened. He swirled his thumb around my nub, and I knew that despite his leisurely pace, it wouldn’t be long before I burst.
But it was the words that truly brought me closer to release. The intimate, honest words he was drawing from me. More fell from my mouth, raw and unshaped. “Like you belong here. With me. Like we belong together.”
His eyes definitely sparked. “That’s it, Gwen.” He pulled my legs in, keeping them bent, and wrapped his arms around them so that his hands could dig into my ass while he rammed into me with revitalized ferocity. “We belong together. We’ve always belonged together.”
The new position paired with his driving pace sent me over the edge. My body went rigid and my eyes slammed shut. Sensation roared through my body—my limbs tingled and my chest expanded and my pussy clenched and vibrated with intensity, screaming in ecstasy. On the underside of my lids, I saw rainbow streaks of light. My whole face contorted as I sang out with a long guttural sound that I didn’t recognize as coming from me. It felt like crying, but without tears, my body shaking as though sobbing, my throat opening with the long-needed release. It was wonderful and painful and cathartic, my entire being letting out so many emotions I’d kept buried.
“Fuck, Gwen. Yes. Like that, yes.” JC chased his own orgasm, spurred on by the sight of me, by my sounds, and I realized in that moment what this really was. Realized that this was his reclaiming of my body and soul. He’d demanded it before he set me free. Demanded my acceptance of his ownership over me.
And something else—I couldn’t explain how or why I knew this—but I was certain that at least a part of him resented me as much as I resented him.
That final realization was punctuated with his climax. He ground against me, jabbing into my cunt, and groaning as he came.
His arms flew up to embrace me as soon as he finished, and we sat like that, sweaty and spent, finding our breath, calming down. Me slumped on his shoulder while he held me.
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