by Smith, Wendy
“Okay.” A little voice says from the back seat.
“Max, your mum loves you so much. That’s why she’s scared.”
I pull into the yard. One of the cops has returned, and Eric’s standing by the house, talking to him. Maybe Eric’s reporting what he didn’t find in the creek. Lily appears in the doorway.
When I come to a stop, Max is out of the car before me, running toward his mother and flinging himself into her arms. “I’m so sorry, Mum.”
“Where were you?” She wraps her arms around him tightly, planting her face in the top of his head.
“I wanted to look at the house.” His voice is muffled, she’s got hold of him so tight.
“What house? Oh …” She looks up at me and I nod.
“It’s my fault, Lily. If we hadn’t stopped …”
She shakes her head. “No. Max should know better than to do this kind of thing.”
A hand slaps me on the back, and I turn to see a man in a blue uniform smiling at me. “Glad you found him. Where was he?”
“Abandoned house on Main Street. The house Lily grew up in.”
His expression straightens, and he nods. “I know the one.”
“Thank you for all your help,” Lily says.
“You’re welcome. I’m just happy he’s home again. I’ll call it in, let everyone know he’s safe.”
Eric’s right behind him. “I’m glad Max is home okay, Lily.”
She nods. “Thanks, Eric.”
“Adam.” He nods and walks back to his car. I shift my focus to Lily and Max. She’s holding him tight, but he’s not complaining, and her eyes are closed.
“How about we get back inside and turn all these lights off? The power bill will be horrendous.” I try to lighten the mood, but Lily stays right where she is.
“Come on.” I wrap my arms around both of them, and she lets go enough for me to guide them inside. Closing the door behind us, I follow them into the living room. It’s much warmer in here, and Max sits on the couch while Lily places a blanket around his shoulders.
“What were you thinking?” she asks. There’s fear and hurt in her voice. The crisis is over, but she has every right to let him have it.
“I just wanted to see.” He pouts, but I don’t think his mother is angry. She’s over that and into the upset. If she was angry, her tone would be way different to this.
“There’s nothing to see.”
“I know now.” He’s so sad, and the pain she has is shared by him. It’s clear watching the interaction between them.
Lily sits and wraps her arms around him. “I’m just happy you’re safe. If anything happened to you, I don’t know what I’d do.” She gives him a little smile. “How about I get you a hot chocolate and a cookie. When you’re warmed up, you can get changed and brush your teeth.”
“Okay, Mum.”
She looks up at me with a smile. “Does Adam want a hot chocolate and cookie too?”
I laugh. “I’d love that.”
“Done.” Lily stands, and as she walks past me she pats me on the chest. “Take a seat.”
Her touch sets off emotions I can’t get a handle on. I walk to the couch and sit next to Max. “You okay, bud?”
He nods.
“Tired?”
Max yawns and lies down, his head on my lap. My heart’s warmed to see him so comfortable with me, and I place my hand on his head. If things hadn’t gone the way they had, maybe he would have been my boy—maybe he’d have siblings. We’d be living happily-ever-after with our children.
Lost in thought, I don’t hear Lily come back into the room until a tray with three mugs and a plate with cookies is placed on the table.
“You still awake?” she asks Max, ruffling his hair.
“I am now.” He pushes himself back up into a seated position. For a moment, Lily studies the two of us with this wistful look on her face. Could she be thinking what I just did?
“Drink up and have your cookie. Then it’s time to brush your teeth and go to bed.” She bends and kisses him on the head.
Max nods, and Lily lets out a tired breath, picking up a mug and settling into a chair to my left.
“Are you okay?” I ask her as I reach for my drink.
“Relieved. I’m glad you worked out where he was.”
“To be honest, I was heading toward the school.” I shake my head. “That place is such a mess.”
“I can imagine. It’s been abandoned for a long time.”
“What happened?” Last time I was there, her mother had had a nice little sewing business, and while they weren’t flush with money, they weren’t starving. I can’t remember Lily saying anything about her mother. But she’s here alone which tells me something went wrong.
“The bank foreclosed. Then the house didn’t sell. By then I was living here, so I just watched as it ended up the way it is now.”
“I’m sorry.” I took a sip of my hot chocolate.
“It is what it is. This place has been good to us. It’s old, but the roof keeps the rain off and it’s warm in the winter. That’s all you can really ask for.” She smiles and the whole room lights up. Lily always did see the cup as half full.
“It sucks to see it so bad. Looks like people have camped out there.”
She shrugs. “Probably. It’s very private from the street.”
Max’s head bobs, and I nudge his arm. “You still awake?”
He grins. “I just want one more cookie.”
“Grab one before I change my mind,” Lily says. Her voice has lost that shake, and she no longer sounds afraid.
The cookie’s in his mouth in an instant, and he munches on it, that big smile on his face, crumbs flying as Lily shakes her head at him.
“Love you, Mum,” he mumbles, more crumbs spilling onto the floor.
“Love you too.” She’s tearing up again. I stand as she does, and Max rises when she takes a few steps toward him. “Come on, you. Let’s get you sorted and into bed. Say goodnight to Adam.”
“Goodnight, Adam.” Max throws his arms around my waist. I close my eyes as I hug him, resting my head on top of his.
“You have a good sleep, bud. I’m glad you’re safe.” I look up at Lily. “I guess I’ll get going now.”
“Let me get him into bed before you go?” She wants me to wait, and she shares a smile with me that makes my heart leap to my throat.
“Sure.”
I sit back on the couch as she takes Max upstairs and gets him into bed. Kid must be exhausted. It’s a decent bike ride to Lily’s old place from here.
On the wall is a photo I never noticed before, and I stand and walk across the room to take a look. It’s Lily and Max, and from the looks of it not long after he was born. She’s cradling him in her arms and has the biggest smile on her face. I recognise the living room. It’s this place. This must be the place she came home to after he was born.
Who took the photo? Was it Eric?
Despite her earlier ignoring him to get to me, I can’t help the pangs of jealousy. How did I stay away after Mum told me they were together? I should have come back home and fought.
I still need answers, but every time I’m with her something else gets in the way. Tonight is no exception. She’s been through a lot, and for now I’m content to see her reunited with her son. This isn’t over by a long shot.
“You waited.” She stands in the door, and the smile across her face tells me she’s happy about it.
I shrug. “You asked me to. Besides, I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
Lily crosses the room until she reaches me. “I wasn’t sure if you would. Thank you for everything.”
“All you have to do is call.” I’m lost in her eyes as we gaze at one another. There’s no mistaking the longing I see this time, the reflection of my feelings. “All you ever had to do was call.”
“I didn’t know.”
She lets out a little gasp as I cup her face and bring her in to kiss her. I taste her lips for the
first time in years and yet I’ve never forgotten them. Her mouth opens a little and I slip in my tongue, caressing hers as I drop my arms to her waist, pulling her in tight.
To my delight she kisses me back, moaning softly as the kiss grows in intensity. I’ve thought about this moment so many times, and it’s everything I ever hoped for.
Lily wants me.
I back off a little, ending the deep kiss and pecking her on her lips.
“Well?” I whisper. “What next?”
“Let me catch my breath.” She chuckles, placing a hand on my chest.
I’d give anything right now to throw her over my shoulder and carry her off to bed, but we have all the time in the world, and she’s had a big night already.
“I’m going home. Give you some space. I think you need it.”
She nods, and I have to confess to a little disappointment even though I suggested it. But from what I’ve seen the last thing she needs is for me to rush her into anything.
“I need to spend some time with Max after this.” Her eyes fill with tears. “If I ever lost him …”
“You didn’t. He’s safe. We had a talk in the car, and I don’t think he’ll do this again.”
Lily lets out a big breath. Her relief that this is over is obvious. “How long are you in town for?”
“I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be around.” I reach up with one hand and stroke her hair. “I meant it when I said I missed you.”
“I missed you.” She bounces on her heels and plants a kiss on my lips. “Just give me a few days to work this all out in my head.”
“Deal.”
I let go of her only to link my fingers in hers. “Walk me to the door?”
Lily nods, her cheeks flushed, looking more like the girl I used to know than the woman I’ve seen during the last couple of weeks. She leans her head on my shoulder as we walk toward the entranceway.
“This is like saying goodnight when we were teenagers.” I laugh.
“Except as soon as we said goodnight then, you’d double back and sneak in to see me.”
I bend my neck and kiss her hair. “It’s a bit harder to do here if the bedrooms are upstairs.”
Lily raises her face to smile at me. “One step at a time.”
“One step at a time.”
Before I throw all reserve out the window and ignore the nagging feeling that she needs room to breathe, I brush her lips with mine one more time and extract my fingers from her hand. “Remember to lock the door behind me. I need both of you to be safe.”
She nods, and I make my way out the door and towards to the car, turning to see her in the doorway. “Get inside. It’s cold.”
The door closes and I climb into the Commodore, grinning to myself.
I feel better than I have done in years.
16
Lily
That kiss.
That kiss took my breath away and with it twelve years of feeling that no one else understood me. Adam does. Adam always did. There are still so many unanswered questions about why he left, but for now it’s time for me to go to bed and sleep.
Max can stay home tomorrow. Tonight gave us both one hell of a fright, and I don’t know if I can focus on anything else. We’ve been through enough.
As I climb the stairs, my mind is awhirl with thoughts of Adam. What does this all mean? Surely he’ll be leaving again soon. Why would he kiss me like that?
I round the door to my room and smile as I spot the lump in the middle of the duvet.
“What are you doing in my bed?”
Max pops his head up. “I wanted a hug.”
“Wriggle over.” I drop my pants to the floor and slip my top off while he nestles into the far side of the bed. Slipping my nightgown over my head, I slide into bed beside him.
“I’m sorry, Mum.” He snuggles in against me as I slip my arm under his neck.
“I know. You can’t do that again, Max. You scared me.”
He leans his head against mine. “It’s a scary house. Did you really live there?”
“I grew up in that house. It wasn’t always scary.” There was also a time when it was, but Max never needs to hear about that.
Max hugs me. “I don’t want to go back there ever.”
“You never have to. Neither do I.”
I drift off with my son in my arms and dream of Max, Adam, and I being one big happy family.
What I always wanted.
* * *
When I wake Max is already out of bed, and as I come down the stairs, I hear the television playing cartoons. I poke my head around the corner. He’s sitting quietly with his backpack on.
“What are you doing?”
“It’s nearly time to go to school.”
I laugh. “Don’t worry about that. We’re having a day at home.”
His eyes widen. “Really? You never let me stay home unless I’m sick.”
“It’s okay for today. I think after last night we need it.”
He frowns. “I’m sorry, Mum.”
“I know.”
Max unhooks his bag from his shoulders, letting it drop on the couch. “Adam saved me.”
I laugh as I pick up the phone. “I know he did. I hope you said thank you to him.”
The phone rings twice, and the answering machine at the school picks up. I leave a message telling them Max won’t be there today.
“There, that’s done.”
“Do you think we’ll see Adam today?”
His words echo in my head. Give you some space. “I don’t think so.”
“I wanna see him.”
I smile as I sit beside Max on the couch. “So do I. What are you watching?”
With Max distracted with cartoons, I go into the kitchen and start working on breakfast. As the bread toasts and the water boils, my mind wanders again.
I have to try and keep my head together. I’ve got to organise the shearing crew to sort out the sheep. That means dealing with Eric. We get a better deal if we combine the flocks. He can be so hard to talk to sometimes. This is the man who asked me to marry him, but there were conditions attached. He would pay for Max to go to a special school, but it meant Max not being with me. I couldn’t handle that, neither would Max.
Eric turned up last night uninvited, but then again, he did me a huge favour checking out the creek.
Beside me the toast pops up and I jump at the sudden sound, even though it should have been expected. Last night’s events still have me on edge, and I need a coffee and something to eat to start this day.
I make a hot chocolate and put some Coco Pops in a bowl. Max is laid out on the couch, sitting up as I place his breakfast on the coffee table.
“Are we really staying home today?” he asks.
“We sure are. You can watch cartoons if you want.”
As I turn to go back into the kitchen he leaps up, wrapping his arms around my waist. “I’m sorry, Mum.”
“I know. It’s okay.” I hold him tight and close my eyes. He and I have this connection that’s unbreakable, and it goes deep. All we’ve ever had has been each other.
“It was so dark. Is that why you don’t like the dark?”
That’s such a loaded question. “A little bit. It wasn’t so scary when I was your age. It was my home, just like this is our home.”
That seems to placate him for the moment, but if I know Max, there’ll be other questions later. He’s so inquisitive. It’s a trait he inherited from his father.
“I’m going to go and have my coffee. Eat your breakfast and maybe you can help me make some more cookies today.”
Max smiles and releases me to sit back down. As he loses himself in television and breakfast, I make my escape to the kitchen. Coffee brings me to life and calms me all at once. I close my eyes as I sip it.
Draining the cup gives me the nerve to call Eric. I try to avoid it; it’s hard to say what kind of mood he’ll be in. But this is important to Max and I. I don’t have the capacity to pay the shearing
gang by myself. Eric will sort it out and give me the balance of what I’m owed. This is one of those times when I hate that I feel I owe him, but it’s better than being homeless.
His mobile rings a couple of times before he answers. It depends where he is on the property as to how good his reception will be.
“Lily,” he says as he answers the phone. His voice is full of warmth, although it always is until our conversation takes a turn he doesn’t like.
“Hi. I need to talk to you about organising the shearing.”
“Sure thing. You at home today?”
“We’re not going anywhere. Max and I both need to recover from last night.”
He laughs. “Fair enough. I’ll be over soon. Put the kettle on.”
When he’s not being a dick, I don’t mind Eric. His mother was my saviour and the reason I have a roof over my head and Max with me. I’ll be eternally grateful for that.
I make my way back into the kitchen and flick the kettle on. From the window, my flock of sheep come into view, the only thing enabling us to make it through the year in one piece. In comparison to other families, I know I’m lucky. But it still scares me at times.
As far as earning money, this is a time of the year I look forward to. It helps me catch up and get a little bit ahead.
It doesn’t take long for Eric to turn up.
“Thanks for coming over,” I say as I answer the door.
He grins. “You’re welcome. I was thinking yesterday it’s almost time to get things sorted for this year. Seems like five minutes since we organised last year’s shearing.”
“Tell me about it.”
“I also wanted to make sure you were okay, that Max was okay.”
“We’re fine.”
Eric trails in the door behind me, following until I reach the kitchen. “So, you and Adam. What’s going on there? I thought he’d be the last person welcome around here.”
I roll my eyes. No beating around the bush with him. I turn and shrug. “I don’t know yet.”