by Smith, Wendy
“Yeah, you do.”
20
Lily
Max wolfs down his breakfast, and I smile at him taking the morning in his stride. Finding Adam with me could have gone either way—he’s that possessive of me. Maybe Eric being at the door distracted him.
Max has always been a good judge of character. He took a dislike to Eric from an early age, but then, he’s seen enough of Eric pressuring me to move in with him. I couldn’t be prouder of my boy for taking a stand today.
I lean on my elbows at the kitchen table to watch him. Max finishes the last spoonful, and picks up the bowl, drinking the chocolate milk from it. “Finished.”
“Good boy.” I reach over and tousle his hair.
“Adam’s going to kick Eric’s arse,” he declares.
I stifle a giggle. “Max. You shouldn’t say things like that.”
A wide grin spreads across his face. “My daddy could kick anyone’s arse.”
My stomach falls to the floor, and I open my mouth to say something only to close it again. What on earth?
“I like Adam. Are you getting married?”
With a dry throat, I manage to croak. “I … I don’t know.”
He grabs a colouring-in book from the end of the table and a packet of coloured pencils. Opening it to a random page, he starts colouring. I have nothing more to say, so I keep watching. Soon the sky is coloured blue, the grass green, just the way it should be. The house in the middle of the picture becomes fuchsia.
“Is that supposed to be the colour of this house, Max?” It doesn’t look like it, our house is more of browny dirt shade. Is old a colour? The colour of rust?
He shakes his head. “This is your house, Mum. You like pink.”
I laugh. “I guess I do.”
“Maybe Daddy can build you a pink house.”
I close my eyes, holding back the tears that threaten. Sometimes Max is far smarter than anyone thinks. These little moments always catch my breath as my adored boy comes out with his words of wisdom. Has he worked out that Adam’s his father? Or does he simply wish for it? Whatever it is, it’s wonderful.
Max goes back to colouring in while I get up and run water for the dishes. Adam will be back soon, and my heart races at the thought of his arms around me again. Every nerve in my body comes alive with him, his touch setting me on fire. All those years ago when Max was conceived, Adam had been so unsure of himself, as had I. Now he’s back, knowing how to touch me, how to make my body hum.
When I first saw he’d returned, I tried not to get too emotional in case it all crumbled in front of me. One night is all it’s taken to melt me inside, and if I have any control left, I’ll hold onto that as tight as I can.
Lost in thought, I jump when Adam’s hand lands on my shoulder.
“It’s not too much of an issue to fix. The sheep are fine for now, and I’ll go into town shortly and grab some bits to sort out the fence properly.”
I sigh. “That should have been done last time. I even paid for it.”
“I’ll sort it. Don’t worry about anything.” His eyes are so full of love as he bends to brush his lips against mine.
“Daddy, look what I drew,” Max speaks, waving his colouring book around.
Adam’s expression makes me catch my breath, the awe written all over it. He smiles at Max. “Great going, champ.” He shifts his gaze back to me. “You told? I thought we’d do it together.”
I shrug. “He worked it out for himself. He’s not as dumb as some people think he is.” I shoot a glare at Eric who has walked in behind him. Eric who asked me to spend my life with him. Eric who wanted to send Max away to a home for special kids and then wondered why I wanted nothing to do with him.
“Wow. That’s great.” There’s a hint of disappointment in Adam’s voice, and I understand. He wanted to see Max’s reaction, and so did I. I twist the ring around on my finger—not that I need to give myself that reassurance anymore. He’s here.
“Thanks for sorting it out, Adam. Lily.” Eric nods before leaving.
“Ha ha.” Max grins at Adam. “He’s gone.”
Adam roars with laughter and walks around the table to take a closer look at Max’s colouring. “Mum wants a pink house, so I made it pink,” Max says.
“Oh, does she now?” Adam’s gaze penetrates me, and my insides melt at his intensity.
“Max thinks I do. I’m happy with a house that has all of us in it.” Have I said too much too soon?
Adam’s eyes blaze with desire, and I squeeze my thighs together thinking about what might happen if Max wasn’t here.
“I’ve got an idea about that,” he says, never taking his eyes from my face.
If he asked me now, I’d live in a tent with him.
* * *
Max has days where he fixates on one thing. Today, it’s colouring. It started with the pink house; now I lie on my stomach on the floor with him, doing some colouring myself. I love these quiet moments with my boy. He’s so full on, having them is a rare and wonderful thing.
I lick my lips. “Can I ask you something?”
“What?” He looks at me with suspicious eyes.
“How did you work out Adam’s your father?”
Max grins, chuckling as he picks out another coloured pencil. “It was easy. I thought maybe when I saw him I looked a bit like him, and he knew you. Then he was in your bed last night, and no one’s ever been in your bed but me.”
I gape, and he selects a different pencil, nothing disturbing him from his task. “How do you know?”
“I heard a noise. Thought it might be a visitor. You told me to check who it was first, but it was night, and I thought it might be the zombies so I went to make sure you were okay.”
Breathing suddenly seems difficult as I look at him. I love this kid with every single fibre of my being, and my little detective has hit the nail right on the head. “You’re so smart, Max. I’m so proud of you.”
He pauses, raising his head to smile at me. “I know, Mum.”
I don’t know if that’s a response to the first sentence or the second, but I do know that I couldn’t be more proud in this moment.
And then he tops it all off. “I’m glad he’s here, Mum.”
“Why’s that?”
“You slept. I’ve never been able to sneak into your room without you waking up. Last night you were asleep, and I don’t think anything could wake you.”
I can’t stop the tears that roll down my cheeks. I’ve been a light sleeper for as long as we’ve been in this house. It started when Max was born and never stopped. I’m so used to listening out for him, and the odd night when Eric would hammer on the door. I hadn’t even realised I’d slept so well.
“I love you so much, Max,” I whisper, wiping the tears away.
“Love you too, Mum. Don’t cry. Dad’ll make it all better.”
As much as I love Adam’s return, and now know he never would have stayed away if he’d known about what happened, the thought of him leaving again still terrifies me. He’s done without us all these years. What’s to say he won’t decide to do without us again?
“He makes you smile.”
At the sound of footsteps, I look up to see Adam in the doorway. “You two want fish and chips for dinner?”
Like the love-struck teenager I was the last time we were together, I push myself up off the floor and run to him, wrapping my arms around his waist and nestling in against his chest.
“What’s all this about?” he asks in an amused tone, kissing the top of my head.
“As much as I like the idea of fish and chips, I don’t want to let you out of my sight.”
“I’ve been out fixing the fence. Isn’t that out of sight?”
I raise my head to meet his gaze. “Even that’s too far.”
“You got it bad, Ms Parker.” The grin his lips have spread into says it all.
“So do you, Mr Campbell.”
“Always,” he whispers, sending a shiver down my spin
e. “I thought we might all go for a drive to get dinner. Especially if you’re not going to let go of me.”
“A drive?” I turn my head at Max’s voice, and his face glows with excitement.
“Just a little one. We can bring dinner back here.”
Adam leans his head on mine, running his hand up and down my back. His presence is more calming than I ever thought it would be. He can’t undo what happened, but us being together is the best medicine, even after all these years.
Max stands and wiggles his hips. “We get to go in Dad’s car.”
I shake my head, rolling my eyes. “Maybe we should take mine.”
Max’s face falls. “It’s not fair.”
Adam’s hand rests on my back, and he squeezes me a little tighter. “If it’s okay with your mother, we can take my car. We can fit more food in it. Besides, it’s not a death trap.”
I narrow my eyes at him and slap his chest. “You’ll keep.”
“I’m counting on it.” In his eyes, the only thing I see is love.
I have got it bad.
* * *
The drive doesn’t take long, and we park a little down from the fish and chip shop. It’s Sunday, but the store is surprisingly busy. It’s usually a lazy day for the town with nearly all the other stores closed. Adam gets out of the car first and walks around my side, opening my door and Max’s. He holds my hand as I step out and wraps his free arm around my waist.
“I didn’t think. Are you ready for people to see us together?” he asks.
I shrug. “What difference does it make?” They’ll talk either way, and that’s the least of my worries if he leaves again. I’d had to stop worrying about what people thought a long time ago.
“Let’s just get this food and go home.” I look toward the store. Max stands with his arms folded, tapping his foot on the pavement.
“Max?”
Max and I both turn toward the voice that approaches. Owen walks toward the fish and chip shop, presumably having come from his flat, behind the bakery.
“Hey, Owen,” I say.
He pauses, not even looking at me, his eyes fixed on Adam. “What are you doing here?”
“Getting dinner with Lily and Max.”
Owen casts his eyes over us, lingering on Adam’s arm around my waist. “You’re with him?” Disbelief is all over Owen’s face, and my heart sinks. I owe him so much, owe all the brothers. They helped me through so many hard times. But then again, I don’t owe anyone any explanation about who shares my bed or holds my heart.
“Owen, I …”
“After what he did to you.”
“I didn’t do anything,” Adam speaks, but all it does is make Owen glower even more.
“Are you kidding?” Owen’s loud, louder than he should be around here. He knows how small towns talk.
“Owen. Please. Listen to me.” I take a step forward, placing myself between the brothers. There’s only one person who can defuse this, and that’s me. I know how protective Owen is of me, but now he needs to respect my wishes.
“What are you doing, Lily?” Owen’s eyes plead with me for answers.
“Adam didn’t know. You have to believe me. He didn’t know any of it. Your mother kept it from him for all this time, and now he’s back.” I speak before Adam can get a further word in and make things worse.
Owen scratches his head, the anguish on his face clear. I know it—I feel it. The complete and utter hopelessness when you know something must be true, but you can’t quite believe it. “How is that even possible? She never said anything?”
“Not a word. She told me Lily was with Eric after I left. That they were together. Why do you think I stayed away for so long?” Adam says softly. He’s handling this far better than I’d thought he would. When they were younger, the boys would often be at each other’s throats. Being so close in age, there had been a lot of sibling rivalry.
“Twelve years.” Owen chokes as he speaks.
“It broke me.”
I get pangs at Adam’s words, knowing how much hearing he had moved on had hurt me. Taking a breath, I lick my lips and place one hand on Owen’s chest. “We’re just going to grab some dinner and take it back to my place. How about you come and join us?” Meeting his gaze, I smile in the hope he’ll accept. That would be good for all of us.
His eyebrows twitch, and he glances between Adam and I. He’s still unsure, I can see it in his eyes, but he nods. “Sounds good.”
“Maybe you can bring over some of those gingerbread men,” Adam says.
I turn back toward Adam, my eyebrows raised. What that’s about I have no idea, but the chuckle coming from Owen tells me it’s some inside joke between them. All I know is that they’re Max’s favourite treat.
“Sold out today. Maybe I can make some fresh ones tomorrow, if you want to swing by the bakery?
“Can we get dinner now?” Max tugs at my sleeve, and I reach down and stroke his hair.
“Let’s get going,” Adam says. He steps around me now, and for a moment, he and Owen look one another over before Adam pulls his younger brother into an embrace. It brings a tear to my eye to see them together. Maybe it’ll be one more reason for him to stay.
“You’re still an asshole,” Owen says. Like all the Campbell boys, he still has a small hint of an American accent. Some words just don’t sound right to my ear and make me laugh. That’s one of them. I giggle.
Adam’s eyebrows creep up as he moves his gaze to me.
“What? You guys have always talked funny. You even more so since you’ve been away.”
Adam’s large hands land on my waist, and I lean back against him. “I know where you’re ticklish, remember?” he mumbles in my ear. Every nerve in my body is alive, and we haven’t made it to ordering dinner yet.
“You do talk funny,” Max says, and I hold up the palm of my hand so he can high five me.
“Two against one, huh?” Adam says. He rests his head on my shoulder, and I’m surrounded by him.
I close my eyes for a second and take a deep breath. “Not all the time. Just most of it.” I lean my head on his.
“What did you want, Owen? We’ll grab it and meet you back at Lily’s if you’re coming,” Adam says.
“A piece of fish and some chips. I’ll stop by the bakery and grab some drinks from the fridge.”
“Sounds good.” Adam lets go of my waist and laces his fingers in mine.
“See you soon.” Owen smiles and turns back down the road toward the bakery.
I face Adam as he reaches up, stroking my hair. “You defused that pretty quickly.”
“I hope he believes me. At least you’ll have a chance to talk.”
Max tugs at my free arm. “Come on.”
* * *
Owen waits outside the house when we arrive back home, and he’s got James with him. The two of them lean against Owen’s Toyota. He’s got a newer Corolla than me, though only by a few years. So many times I’ve threatened to switch them while he’s not looking.
I unbuckle my seat belt as Adam pulls to a stop, climbing out the car and opening the rear door for Max to get out. This time, my son does what he should without leaving dirty scuff marks everywhere. Adam says it doesn’t matter, but it matters to me.
“I tried to get hold of Corey, but he’s probably up the mountain shooting possums or something,” James says.
“Just as well we got some extra food. I figured Max would eat more than he asked for,” Adam says. From the back seat, he picks up the box of paper packages. Max isn’t the only one with a big appetite. “I missed these so much. Never managed to find anything quite like it overseas. Nothing like Kiwi fish and chips.”
“Shouldn’t have stayed away so long.” Owen laughs, and my heart aches. Why didn’t Adam come back earlier? Twelve years is a long time to have carried this on his shoulders. It bugs me, maybe way more than it should. It’s an indication of just how deeply he was hurt thinking I left him.
Lost in thought, I stay st
anding beside the car.
“Mum, are you going to unlock the door?” Max calls.
I blink slowly, shaking my head awake to the amusement of the boys in front of me.
“Wake up, Lily,” Owen says.
“Be quiet, smart arse.” I poke my tongue out at him as I walk past them all then slip the key into the front door.
Inside, the boys busy themselves getting plates and unwrapping the food. I feel like a visitor in my own home as they do all the work and I sit back and watch.
“Help yourselves,” Adam says, stepping away. He walks to the dining table and grasps my hand, pulling me to my feet. “You first. I’ll help Max.”
“I can wait.”
“I think you’ve waited long enough.” He pushes me toward the bench and the pile of plates. In front of me is a huge feast. The fish and chip shop was busy before we got there. I’m pretty sure the Campbell boys cleaned them out.
One by one everyone fills their plates, and we all file into the living room, the dining table abandoned.
“It’s good to see you two,” Adam says to his brothers.
“Yeah, well, it seems like I wasn’t fair to you when you came into the bakery,” Owen says between bites.
Adam shakes his head. “It’s understandable. Once James explained it everything made sense.”
I’m sat next to Adam on the couch, and he tangles his ankle around mine as I lean against him.
“So you two really are back together?” Owen asks.
“I think so. If she’ll have me.” Adam shoots me a smile.
“Maybe. If he behaves.”
He plants a kiss on my lips, all salty from the fish and chips.
“Eww gross, you two. Do you have to do that in front of me?” Owen raises his eyebrows.
“It is gross,” Max says.
I laugh, leaning my head on Adam’s shoulder. Maybe we are gross, but we’re together.
* * *
After half an hour of eating and laughing, the stories are flowing and I need some quiet.