by Smith, Wendy
“That one’s a bit more reserved. I think it’ll take a special kinda owner for him.”
There’s only one puppy I can choose.
I head back to the house with the puppy in the back seat of the car. He lies down like he’s told.
“If you’re going to be this good, we’re gonna get along fine. Although we might both have to sleep in the car for a while.”
Lily is going to kill me. Without discussion, I just did something that will bring a smile to her face. Eventually.
Max is going to go nuts.
I slow down along the driveway beside the garage. The section is fully fenced now, the result of a weekend of my brothers and I working together. The gate’s open though, and I pull up into the backyard before getting out to make sure it’s closed.
Flying out the door is Max. Nothing gets past him, and he never fails to greet me when I come home.
“Dad,” he calls, flinging his arms around my waist.
“Hey, bud. I’ve got a surprise. Where’s your mother?”
Max turns back toward the house. “Mum,” he yells for all he’s worth.
Lily appears in the doorway. She looks so full of life now, healthy. Better than she’s probably done in a long time.
“What’s going on?” she asks.
“Dad’s got a surprise,” Max shrieks.
“Is that right?” Her eyebrows raise in suspicion.
“That’s right. You have to promise not to kill me.”
She walks across the deck and down the steps toward the car. “What have you done?”
I take a step back to the rear door of the car and open it up. When I click my fingers, the puppy looks up and trots across the back seat, jumping out the door and onto the concrete pad.
Max’s eyes widen. “What’s that?”
“An elephant.” I deadpan.
He grins. “Don’t be silly. It’s a puppy.”
I shift my gaze to Lily. She’s shaking her head, but at least she’s smiling. It’s better than I hoped for. “It is. What do you think his name is?”
“What?” Max asks.
“Whatever you want it to be.”
He laughs. “Can we name him Happy?”
“Another one?” I close the car door and kneel beside the dog. It’s like it’s meant to be as he licks my hand and jumps up, his front paws resting on my chest. “Hey, boy.” I pat him on the back.
“How about Lucky?” Max asks.
“I think that’s a much better name. Because we’re lucky to have him?”
He nods. “And I’m lucky. I have my dad now.”
I look up, and Lily looks away. These moments still hit her right in the heart. I see it. “You do. And you have a puppy.”
Max gets down on his knees, and the puppy drops and turns toward him. These two are meant to be and Max giggles, the puppy licking his face.
“He needs to learn to behave, and we all need to teach him. But I think you two are a pretty good team.” I stand and Lily strides toward us, taking my hand in hers.
“Thank you,” she says quietly, pecking me on the cheek and resting her head on my shoulder.
“I thought you’d be mad.”
“Max was so angry with me when I told him we couldn’t keep Happy. Now at least we can afford to have a pet.”
“As soon as I saw him, I just knew.”
Our boy laughs as he hugs the dog, and I wrap my arms around my girl as we watch them bond. She sighs a contented sigh and buries her face in my chest.
I kiss the top of her head. “You okay?”
“I just love watching him. This could be the best thing for Max.”
“Until he has siblings.”
She raises her face to look at me. “Is that still part of your plan?”
I shrug. “Maybe. If that’s what you want too.”
A smile lights up her face, and I think I have my answer.
Lily’s not going to kill me.
* * *
In the evening, our new family member is settled in. Lily went down the road and got a bowl and food for him. Sure it’s another mouth for us to feed, and while we grow our business things might be a bit tight, but Max and Lucky are already the best of friends.
It’s dark early, and I stand on the back deck looking at our little empire. It feels as if I’ve been back such a short time, but I have everything I’ve ever needed.
“What are you doing out here, Dad?” Max comes through the door and stands beside me. When I’m home he’s my shadow, and I love spending time with him, making up for the years when I wasn’t here. I wish I’d had the chance to hold him as a baby, to clean up his scraped knees, to carry him around on my shoulders. But I didn’t, so now I’ve become friends with my son.
I gaze down at the face looking up at me, eager for answers. “Looking at the stars. The night seems even darker in the country.”
“The trees are scary.”
I look down at him. “Why’s that?”
“They’re so big and dark.”
Turning my head toward the house, I can see through the kitchen and into the living room. The dog sits at Lily’s feet. He’s already worked out who sorts his food.
“How about we go and take a look? I’ll show you there’s nothing to be afraid of.”
Max shakes his head.
“Come on, Max.” I hold out my hand, and though I can see his reluctance, he takes it, and we make tentative steps toward the bush.
The moon hangs big in the sky, illuminating where we’re going, but Max clings tight to me. It’s so gorgeous out here, and we brush against the ferns as we walk. There’s no path, but there are small gaps between the plants. Enough for us to make our way through.
We come to a small clearing. It’s so quiet and peaceful. The cry of an owl breaks through the near silence and I smile.
“Do you hear the owl, Max?” I ask, resting my hand on Max’s shoulders, crouching beside him.
My boy nods with eyes as big as saucers, staring up at the trees.
“I bet he’s hunting. They like little animals like bugs and mice.”
“Mum doesn’t like bugs and mice,” Max whispers.
“I bet that Morepork does. Do you know why he’s called that?”
Max shakes his head, inching closer to me as the owl calls again.
“Listen to his call. That’s what he’s asking for. Or at least that’s what it sounds like.”
Over and over again the bird calls, and Max slowly snakes his arm around my neck. He stares hard at the trees, clinging to me.
“Love you, Max,” I whisper.
“Love you too, Dad.”
My heart feels as if it’s about to explode, love overwhelming me. All the years I was away, I felt empty, like something was missing. Now I’ve found that something, and I bury my head in Max’s chest, holding him close.
“Let go. I can’t breathe.” Max laughs loudly. A flurry of wings above makes us both look up as the owl flies from one tree to another, dipping before rising up to land on a branch.
“I think he got some food,” I say softly. “Let’s go and tell Mum about it.” I stand, and Max reaches for my hand. “Come on.”
As we approach the house, Max waves at Lily through the kitchen window. She’s at the bench and smiling at us as he gets her attention. Catching my eye, she sends me a look that tells me exactly how she’s feeling. She’s happy.
“Want a hot chocolate when we get inside?” I ask Max.
He nods.
“Me too. Let’s go get one and settle in for the night.”
“Dad?”
I look down at those blue eyes, so dark in the moonlight. “Yes, Max?”
“Can we come out again tomorrow? Maybe the owl will be there again.”
I grin, tousling his hair. “You bet.”
34
Lily
It’s been six months since the day I chased my son down the road as he ran from the bullies, only to come face to face with my past and my future.<
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I write off the nausea to something I ate, but when it lasts a week, I know there’s something else going on.
My periods have been regulated by the pill for so long that they’re almost non-existent. I’m left pondering the seemingly impossible.
The only way to know for sure is to get a test and see what happens. I drop off Max at school and head toward the small pharmacy that sits next to the doctor’s surgery. The pharmacist has two assistants, neither of whom I can trust to keep their mouths shut, but I just have to know.
I grimace as I spot Sasha behind the counter. Of the two of them, it had to be her this morning. I bite back my urge to run and walk along the aisles.
“Lily.” She smiles at me, and I give her a quick smile back before looking away. “Can I help you?”
My mouth goes dry and I nod. “I’m looking for … paracetamol.”
One of her eyebrows does this weird quirk, and I can see in her face my hesitation has probably given me away. “I wouldn’t buy that here. It’s cheaper at the supermarket. Are you okay? You look a bit green around the gills.”
“I’m just getting over a bit of a stomach bug.” What am I doing? I’m a grown woman. Thirty years old and I can’t just buy a pregnancy test and leave.
“Ahh.” She smiles widely. “Am I correct in thinking this is what you’re looking for?” From behind the counter, she produces just what I’m seeking, and I freeze.
“Uhhh, I ….”
“Adam saved my boy. I won’t tell anyone.”
I’m torn between crying and puking as my stomach roils.
She laughs. “I think I’d better ring this up for you right now before I’m cleaning up after you.”
I swipe my card through the machine when it’s time and take the package as the little screen comes up ‘accepted.’
“Good luck, Lily. I hope you get the result you want.”
“I really appreciate your help, Sasha.”
She gives me a wistful smile. “I’ll be forever in Adam’s debt for what he did.”
“I understand. Thanks.”
When I walk away, it’s with a lighter heart. I thought that what happened that day at the cove would have had a passing effect on Sasha. Clearly, it’s something that’s stuck with her.
It makes me happy, until the nausea hits me again.
Time to see what’s going on.
* * *
“Yuck.”
I step inside via the back door, and take a deep breath in relief that the entranceway and hall have wooden floors. There’s water everywhere.
It doesn’t take long to find the source.
One of the few things we haven’t yet replaced had been my washing machine. I’d picked up a decent second-hand one a couple of years before and hadn’t felt the need to spend money on a new one until we needed to.
Water flows from along the hallway. The laundry sits up it to the left.
I moan at the sight of the tube that leads from the washing machine to the water dripping. There’s a leak near the tap end, and as the machine refilled the water must have come flooding out. I twist the taps to make sure nothing more will come through and turn everything off.
Following the water, I discover it’s also entered the kitchen where it comes off the hall and I drop my bag on the bench, retrieving the mop from a cupboard and starting my clean up. The water’s everywhere. I’ll have to cut off the end of the tube and re-clamp it. It’s not the first time it’s happened, but in the old house the laundry was separate and there wasn’t so much of a mess.
Bit by bit the water’s emptied into a bucket, and before I know it, it’s nearly eleven and I’m starving.
Owen brought some pies last time he visited, and I grab one out of the freezer and throw it in the microwave. The warm scent of pastry and steak fills the air.
“Can you chuck one in there for me too, babe?” Adam stands in the doorway. He’s in his work clothes, and I grimace as he sits at the dining table all greased up.
“Are your hands clean?”
“I washed them before I came in.” He pokes his tongue out. “I just felt crazy hungry. How’s your morning going?”
Sighing, I pluck another pie from the freezer and place it on a plate. “Had to clean up after a washing machine leak. You’re lucky I didn’t float away.”
He frowns. “That bad? Maybe we need to replace it after all.”
I shake my head. “It wasn’t the machine. Just where it connects to the tap. I’ll sort it out.”
The microwave beeps and I pull out one pie, sliding the other one in. Opening the cutlery drawer, I place a knife and fork on the plate and drop it on the table in front of Adam.
“You’re amazing. Have I said that to you today?” He beckons me with his index finger, and I get a tender kiss in return for the pie.
“Not yet.” He smells of oil, and the scent is enough to turn my stomach again.
“If I wasn’t so busy, I’d stay for a little lunchtime fun.” Adam waggles his eyebrows.
I empty the microwave of the second pie, and grabbing a knife and fork I sit at the table with him. “While I love that idea, I’ve got to get this sorted and put the washing back through the cycle.”
He reaches across the table, taking one of my hands in his. “I know it’s still tough and we have to watch our money, but I hope I’m giving you a better life.”
Tears prick my eyes. “I wouldn’t give this up for anything.”
“I’m glad.” A smile crosses his face, and with a final squeeze he lets go. “Let’s have something to eat before my stomach eats itself.”
“Good idea.”
The test can wait a while longer.
* * *
Among my dreams are the ones about Max’s birth.
The fear that hit me when I realised there was no going back, the waves of agony as each contraction hit. I cried for Adam, I cried for myself, and I cried for my baby.
When they found the cord around his neck.
In that moment, I thought I’d lost everything I’d fought so hard to save. I’d only known about him a few short weeks, but already Max was the most important person in my life. Nothing and no one else mattered but him.
His birth caused me the most pain I’d ever had, and yet I’d happily go through it all again to end up with the child I now have.
With his Apgar score at birth being five, this tiny grey baby was briefly placed on my chest, and I cried all over again after he was whisked off to NICU. At least in the moments in between being born and going to intensive care, his score had changed to a much more respectable seven. Even then I knew Max wouldn’t be like other kids, but he was alive and he was mine.
With each successive day I swore that he would have my full attention, that I’d do whatever I could to give him the most normal childhood he could have, one light years from the childhood I’d had. Though what was normal?
As I sit in the bathroom today, staring at a positive pregnancy test, my stomach clenches at the thought of going through all that again.
Tears stream down my face, and I scrub my cheeks with my palms before burying my face in my hands.
Maybe if it wasn’t for what I went through with Max, I’d be over the moon. Adam and I have been back together for mere months, but he’s made his feelings clear. He wants to pick up where we left off and start a family together, or rather, extend our family. Looks like he’s getting his wish.
The garage is still in its infancy, but Adam’s busier than he dreamed. For the moment, James helps him, but when he leaves for university, Adam will have to find someone else to assist. Looks like Copper Creek missed having a local mechanic.
I check my watch. It’s nearly time to pick up Max from school, so I pat my cheeks clean with a washcloth and look at myself in the mirror. My face has filled out a little, and my eyes, though rimmed with red, look more alive than I’ve seen them in a while. Blonde hair sits piled on top of my head in a messy bun. Maybe it’s time for a change.
There’s a fancy hair salon not far from Callahans, and in my new car I’m not worried about the journey. Adam upgraded me to a little Suzuki Swift. It’s basic but it’s only had one owner, and I don’t need to worry about it breaking down. Max loves the crap out of it. Maybe I’ll go tomorrow.
Giving my face one last wipe, I head out to the backyard toward the car. It purrs as it starts, and I set off slowly down the driveway. Adam stands out the front of the garage, waving me down, and I pull up to a stop.
He bends and gives me a kiss when I open the window. “You off to get Max?”
“I sure am.”
His eyebrows twitch. “Are you okay?”
He knows. He sees the pinkness of my eyes, understands there’s something wrong.
“I’m fine. Just a bit tired.”
“Lie down when you come home. I’ll sort out dinner.” He reaches in the window and palms my cheek. “Just chuck Lego Batman on for Max. He’ll be fine until I pack up.”
Max is close to finishing that game; there’s just one bit he’s struggling to complete. He’ll spend hours playing it if we let him.
“See you soon,” I say. Adam waves in response.
School is a lot closer than it was from the old house, and I could have walked if I’d felt up to it. But I love my new car, and any chance to drive it brings a smile to my face.
Sasha waves as I pull up in front of the school. Max and Karl have settled into an easy friendship. I never thought that boy would ever sit at my dining table eating ice cream with Max, and yet it’s happened more than once.
When the bell rings, Max is first out the gate, and straight to my car. He loves it as much as I do.
“Did you have a good day?” I ask as I pull onto the road.
“I went up a reading level and I got one hundred per cent in my maths test.”
“Again?”
He rolls his eyes. “Every single time, Mum.”
I chuckle. “You’re right, Max. Every single time.”
“I’m always right.”