by Smith, Wendy
“Surely you suspected?”
I shrug. “When it was over, she told me she and Ryan were back together and that they’d been blessed. I was happy for her.”
“Ava needs you, Owen.” Marie shifts her gaze to the floor. “She’s been so unsettled, and she was onto her fifth family when I got the news. I can try and find something more permanent, but it won’t be close.”
“Five families? In two months?”
She nods. “She needs you.”
If Ava really is my child, I need to do something, but my feet are lead and I can’t work out how to use them. For the first time in my life, I really don’t know what to do.
“Owen?”
I nod, pushing myself to stand. “I’m not letting her go to another family. Not when she has one here.”
Her brows knit. “Are you sure?”
It’s going to be hard. I’ve never planned a family. I’ve never planned anything like this.
But I can’t let Ava go on the way she has been. I’m not ready, I’m scared, but I think of Cara and although it’s upsetting she didn’t tell me I was Ava’s father when she was still alive, she ultimately did the right thing making a will that told the truth.
“If I’m her father, I’d be a shitty one if I let her go somewhere else.”
She nods. “I’m so sorry I didn’t know all those weeks ago, Owen.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“Where is she?”
* * *
I stop when I see her. Am I the man for this job?
Ava’s sitting on a chair on the back deck with another social worker. Her feet swing and her head is bowed, her long blonde hair hanging down. This poor kid has probably been to hell and back, and here I am, hesitating.
“Hey Ava.” My voice cracks, and she raises her face to look at me.
I never paid attention to Cara’s kid, but now my genes scream back at me when I see her. Maybe it’s because I’ve had the benefit of seeing Max and Rose from an early age, but from what I can see, there’s a family resemblance.
“You’re going to come and live with me. Is that okay?”
The poor girl looks terrified, but I know it’s not personal. She’s been shipped from pillar to post the past couple of weeks. I need to give her some stability.
“So you know what? Remember the gingerbread men I gave you before?”
She nods, her eyes widening.
“Maybe we can make a special one just for you.”
If baking for Ava is what gets through to her, what helps ease her into whatever new life is in store for her, I’ll do it. It’s all I know how to do.
She gives me a small smile.
I have a two-bedroom flat. At least I can give her a room of her own, and we can pretty it up for her.
My stomach sinks. What’s Ginny going to think? I’ve finally found someone I might just want to settle down with, and this happens. She’s already struggling with my history as a playboy, and now I have a daughter with someone from that past.
“Her things are in the suitcase.”
I raise my gaze and frown at the small case beside her.
“That’s it? What about all her toys?”
Ava bursts into tears, and I feel useless.
“We packed as much as we could. There’ll be a lawyer in touch with you in the next few days. There’ll be an inheritance for her from the estate. I’m not sure about the exact details. Cara’s lawyer will have all of the information.”
“As much as you could,” I mutter.
She places her hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry, Owen. We didn’t have a lot to work with.”
Shrugging her off, I reach for Ava’s hand. At least she trusts me enough to take it.
“We can help settle her in.”
I turn back to Marie. “What you can do is piss off. I’ll take it from here.”
To her credit, she doesn’t even blink, but she nods. “I’ll be in touch.”
“Please don’t.”
I pick up the case, and lead Ava into the house, dropping her bag on the living room floor.
“Come on.” I lead her out through the bakery kitchen and to the front of the shop. Mel looks up at me, confusion on her face, and nods toward Ava.
“Long story.”
I take Ava around to the display cabinet that contains the gingerbread men. “There you go, sweetheart. Pick whichever one you want.”
Her eyes are so big as I settle her on my hip and slide the glass cabinet open, and she slowly reaches her hand out to take one. I smile. “It’s okay.”
I need to go through her bag. What does she have in there? Just clothing? Has she got a toothbrush, pyjamas, everything else she actually needs? There’s so much to think about.
I set Ava down to eat her biscuit.
“Owen? Why is the Mitchell kid here?” Mel mutters.
“Because she’s my daughter.”
Now her eyes widen as she stares at me. “Serious?”
“Apparently so. She’s my responsibility.”
Her face falls. “That poor child.”
“Thanks.”
She laughs. “Oh, no, not that you’re her dad. I’m glad about that. Everything she must have been through, and she gets to live with someone who’ll take care of her and who makes delicious baked goods.”
Shaking my head, I look down at Ava. There are crumbs all over the floor, which would normally drive me bonkers, but I couldn’t bring myself to be angry with her if I tried. While I’m still trying to come to terms with the news I’m a father, it angers me that she hasn’t had the ground under her feet during the last few months. I might not know how to feel, but at least she’ll have stability with me.
“Okay, kiddo. Let’s go sort out this bedroom for you.”
The least I can do is to try and make this as easy for her as possible.
She follows me back into the flat, and I grab her bag on the way through.
The room smells a bit musty. It’s my spare room, with a double bed it in, and it’s not been used much, but I pull the curtains and open the window to let some fresh air in.
Ava wrinkles her nose.
“It’s okay. By the time you go to bed, it won’t smell so funky. I don’t use this room much, but we’ll make it better for you.”
I pull open a drawer in the dressing table, and pick up her suitcase.
There’s fuck all in it.
I fume as I pluck out three tops and two pairs of leggings. There’s one pair of pyjamas and a spare pair of socks, but that’s it. The only other thing in the case is a tattered teddy-bear.
Ava grabs the bear from my hands and holds it tight, giving me a defiant look as if she thinks I’m going to take it off her.
I ruffle her hair. “Is that your friend?”
She nods.
“Well, there are enough things here to get us started. Looks like we’ll have to do some shopping.” I smile. “Have you had anything else to eat this morning?”
Ava shakes her head.
“How about I make some toast and hot chocolate? You already had the cookie.” I grin. There’s so much of Cara in there, but the more I look closely at Ava, the more I see me. Did Ryan ever see it? If they were that desperate, did he even care?
“Yes, please.”
I smile at the sound of her voice. “I might even have some marshmallows I can add to the hot chocolate.”
Her eyes widen. I’ll have to learn not to go overboard with sweet things, and I’m going to have to make sure I buckle down on her looking after her teeth.
Wait. Is that a dad thing to think?
“Come here.” I pat the bed, and she climbs up beside me.
I don’t really know what to say, but I know I need to say something.
“Do you know why you’re here?”
Ava shakes her head.
I let out a breath. “I don’t really know how to explain this, but I’m your other dad. So you get to stay here now.”
Her blonde eyebrows knit.
“Jackie said I don’t have a daddy anymore.”
Jackie. I still bristle at the way she knocked back my gift to Ava on the day of the funeral.
“Well, Jackie’s wrong about a lot of things. You don’t have to call me Dad. I know that’ll be a bit weird. Owen will do.” I smile. “You’ve got a whole family to meet.” And then there’s my girlfriend who might just decide this is too much to handle.
I can’t think about that, won’t think about it. Right now I need to sort out everything Ava needs and put some ground beneath her feet.
But for now, I need breakfast, and I’m sure Ava does too.
She wolfs down four pieces of toast like they don’t even touch her sides, and I frown. At least she won’t have to worry about food here.
This is so weird.
How do I do this? And what do I do now?
* * *
I spend the rest of the day around the house, unsure of what to do next.
Ginny’s not responding to texts, and while we didn’t have plans for tonight, I need her with me. I need to tell her.
Ava falls asleep straight after dinner. Today would have been a long day, and for a moment, I stare at her, curled up on the floor, and I have no idea what to do next.
I never thought I was destined to have a stable relationship, let alone one with a kid. Adam and Lily know way more about this stuff than I do. Maybe tomorrow I’ll take her over there and ask for help.
My phone buzzes.
Sorry I didn’t reply earlier. I’ve been in bed with a headache most of the day. It’s clear now.
Ginny. What’s she going to think?
I’m sorry to hear that. Want to come over and stay the night? If she still wants to be with me after she hears my news.
You could come here if you want.
I pick up the sleeping child on the floor and carry her to bed, thankful that I got it right and had her in her pyjamas before dinner.
Placing her gently in on the mattress, I pull up the duvet. The room smells fresh now, and I close the window and pull the curtains before going back out to the living room.
I need you to come here because I have something important I want to talk to you about.
Is everything okay?
It will be when you’re here.
Be there in ten.
My eyes wander to the hallway. Ava’s in a strange bed in a strange house, and maybe it’d be a good idea to leave the hall light on.
If she’s going to be here permanently, I’ll have to make changes to so many things.
What do I do with her during the day when I’m working? I haven’t even thought about that. There’s a day care not far from here. Maybe I can look into that.
There are so many things to think about.
But I don’t regret that she’s here. Five homes in nine weeks.
I sit on the couch and close my eyes. Nine weeks ago, I was happy and celebrating my brother’s wedding. Drew and Hayley went through their rough times, but they came out stronger on the other side.
Ginny and I are so new and fragile. It’s taken those nine weeks to build trust with her, and just when we get there …
I open my eyes and sigh, picking up the remote control. I need something to keep focused on while I wait. The irony of something this big happening just when I think I’ve found the girl I might want to settle down with isn’t lost on me.
There’s a soft knock on the door, and I catch my breath before rising to open it.
She’s there, all green eyes and kind smile, her raised eyebrows displaying her curiosity.
I don’t say anything. I pull her into my arms and kiss her. If it’s the last chance I have, you’d better bet I’ll grab it.
“Owen?” Her eyes are so full of confusion.
“How’s your headache?”
“A lot better than it was. Painkillers and a day in bed helped. I’m looking forward to another big sleep tonight.” Her lips twist. “Although, I’m sure you have other ideas.”
“I always have other ideas when it comes to you.” I grab her hands and lead her to the couch. “But first, there’s something I need to talk to you about.”
Her eyes well with tears, and her reaction bewilders me.
I reach up and stroke her cheek, catching a tear as it falls. “Why are you crying?”
“Is this it?” she asks.
Damn it. Damn my reputation. I’d give up the memory of every single girl I’d ever been with if it stopped this reaction in her. “Only if you’re dumping me.” I try to smile, but it comes out a bit wonky.
She still has this worried look in her eyes, as if she’s not convinced. “Why would I?” Her voice shakes.
I take a deep breath. “I had some unexpected news today. I don’t want it to cause us any issues because I love being with you, but I’m scared it will.”
“What is it?”
“Can I show you? I don’t know if I can find the words by themselves.”
She nods.
I take her hand and stand. She follows suit, and I find myself looking into her eyes. I pull her to me and kiss her again. Her lips are as warm and welcoming as always and give me comfort when I need it.
“Owen,” she whispers.
“There’s something important I need you to see. Someone.”
Her eyebrows twitch, and the words get caught in my throat. My daughter.
I lead her up the hallway to the door of the spare room—Ava’s room. Light from the hallway illuminates the bed, and there’s Ava, her blonde hair spread across the pillow, her thumb in mouth.
“Ava?”
“She’s my daughter.”
Ginny’s head spins back as if it’s got a life of its own. “Your daughter?”
“I only found out today.”
She raises her hand to cover her mouth. I pull the door to and walk down the hall, Ginny following me.
“Social services fucked around for a while.” I hold my hands up in exasperation. “No, that’s not exactly true. They didn’t know, and when they found out, they brought her here.”
“Oh my God.”
I lick my lips. “So, if you want to walk away from me, I’ll understand. It’s not what I want, but this isn’t what you signed up for.”
She looks back toward the bedroom before refocusing on me. When she opens her mouth as if to talk and says nothing, it’s the longest moment of my life. “To tell you the truth, I’m not sure what I signed up for anyway.” She lets out a loud breath. “If this is you, I’ll take it, Owen. I’ll take all of it.”
“Really?”
A smile spreads across her face. “It’s you I want. This is your life.”
Relief floods through me. “I thought you might change your mind.”
She reaches for my face and runs her fingers through my stubble. “Taking responsibility for Ava says a lot about you. That you’re opening your heart and your home to that little girl tells me that you’re not as afraid of commitment as I thought you might be.”
I capture her wrist in my hand and plant a kiss on it. “Ava’s been through so much. And she deserves so much more than she’s had the past few weeks.”
“No matter the reason, you’re a good man. One I’m proud to be with.”
Pulling her into my arms, I lose myself in her kiss. How lucky am I to have found her?
“I know it’s early, but can we go to bed?” she whispers.
As if I’d say no.
13
Owen
The bed’s cold when I wake, but it’s still dark.
My alarm clock tells me it’s a little after two. I could roll over and go back to sleep, but Ginny’s absence worries me. Has she had second thoughts?
I stagger into the hallway, half asleep, and take a couple of steps before hearing a soft voice singing. Ginny’s sitting on Ava’s bed, stroking her hair and singing “The Owl and the Pussycat”. It takes a moment, but she smiles when she notices me.
“She okay?”
Ginny nods. “Sh
e is now. I heard her crying and came in here to find she’d wet the bed. She was so scared she’d be in trouble.”
“In trouble?”
“I get the feeling that somewhere along the way she’s been with someone who’s told her that. She kept saying ‘Heidi said it was naughty.’ Any idea who Heidi is?” She continues to stroke Ava’s hair as she whispers.
I shrug. “At a guess, one of the places she stayed in the past few weeks.”
“Well, I made sure she knows it’s not naughty. She’s four, and she’s been through this crazy, traumatic experience. How could anyone tell her that?”
Walking to the bed, I squat beside it, and lay my hand on Ava’s head. “I don’t know, but she’ll never be treated like that here.”
“I found the spare sheets in the linen cupboard, and I had to dress her in what I could find. She’s only got one pair of pyjamas. The washing machine’s on.”
“Thank you.” Nodding, I sigh. “I’m sure there’s some huge legal process to go through with the estate. For the moment, she’s been left with only a small amount of stuff. I need to get her more things.”
“We’ll go shopping tomorrow.”
My breath catches. “You don’t have to do that.”
“I can and I will. We’ll go for a drive and get some new clothes.” Ginny places her hand over mine. “We’ll have her feeling like this is home in no time.”
My heart surges with emotion, and I love this woman. I love what she does for me. I love what she’s willing to do for us.
I take her by the hand. “Come here.”
Leading her out to the hallway, I wrap my arms around her.
“Move in with us.”
Her eyes widen. “What?”
“Not just for Ava. For me. I feel like tonight things changed for us, changed for the better.”
“Me too. But I’m not going to move in. Not yet.”
I swallow. “Okay.”
“I need to know that you want me to move in for you, for us. Not just for Ava.”
I flick a lock of her hair back. “What do you mean?”
“You now have a four-year-old, and all of a sudden the biggest commitment-phobe I know wants me to move in?”