by Smith, Wendy
Her eyes widen. “No. There’s no way that will ever happen.” She raises her right hand and runs her finger along my jawline. “I love you, James Campbell. No one else. I just think maybe it’d be less stressful if we weren’t having to hide for a while.”
“By staying apart?”
She nods. “For a while.”
I close my eyes as she presses her lips to mine.
I love Mia, with everything I have. She’s it for me. “Are you really sure about this?”
She shakes her head. “No, but I don’t know what else to do. If Garrett suspects, he’ll make my life hell before we’re divorced, and we both know he’ll do the same to you.” Tears appear in her eyes. “I’m just trying to protect you.”
I could tell her that I don’t care, but I know she won’t listen. She’s too sweet. I could tell her anything he does I’ll protect her from, but I don’t, because I know she’s made up her mind.
Instead, I let her walk away and hope she’ll come back.
And with that, it’s over.
10
James
When Ashley left, I fell apart.
I let my myself and my home become a mess before Drew showed up and sorted me out.
This time’s so much worse.
But I’m not going to let myself fall apart again.
I’m angry this time.
Was any of it real? I fell in love with Mia, and I thought she loved me back, but what if this was really a game to her?
I can’t stand the thought of her being with Garrett. What if they get back together?
It’s easier to keep away from people and throw myself into my study. While I haven’t neglected it since the start of this relationship, it’s been tough to cram my uni work into less hours. My weekends belonged to Mia and me.
I sit at home and pore over my books to the point that even Cody notices something. And he’s not the most observant person at the best of times.
Two weeks after our breakup, I’m trying my best to just get on with things. And I’m snappy as hell.
He sits beside me at a table in the quad. I pick at my food. I’ve been working out more than usual, and haven’t been eating as much as I should. I glance up just as my old biochemistry lecturer crosses the quad, and I hate that I checked to even see who it was. I shouldn’t hang around here between lectures. It’s just making things worse.
“Are you going to finish those chips?” Cody asks.
“I’m sure your main aim in life is to harass me into giving you my food,” I mumble.
“Dude. They’re long cold. You’re not eating them.”
“Help yourself.” I push the plate toward him.
“What’s up your nose?” he asks, picking up three fries and dangling them above his open mouth.
“Nothing.”
He wolfs down a bunch of chips and smiles. “Wanna know what I think?”
“Not really, but I’m sure you’re going to tell me anyway.”
“You need to get laid.”
I laugh. “No. I really don’t.”
He nods. “Sure you do. Your sexual frustration is written all over your face.”
If only you knew the truth. Sure, I miss sex with Mia. But what I miss more is the intimacy and the closeness we had. She wasn’t just my lover; she was rapidly becoming my best friend. The person I could confide in, and the person I could laugh with. My person.
Cody’s probably the closest friend I have in Auckland, but I don’t feel that I can confide in him. Not about this.
“I just need this year to be finished with so I can have a break.”
He nods. “Me too. It’s pretty intense.”
Behind him, I spot Mia. She’s coming out of a café, a takeaway coffee in her hands. For just a moment our eyes meet, and my heart skips a beat. She looks how I feel: tired and sad.
All I can do is to give her time and hope she comes to her senses.
11
Mia
I have so many regrets in my life.
All of them right now are about James. Not being with him is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Even harder than leaving Garrett. And that’s saying something.
James is unhappy, I’m unhappy, and Garrett’s sniffing around me like a dog on heat. I think he senses that I’m down, but of course he assumes it’s because of him.
It’s been a month since I spent any time with James. I’ve seen him around the university, and his eyes are so dead. I did that. It’s my fault.
I can barely think of anything else but him. Still, I know this is the right thing to do. I need to get my independence back all on my own.
Garrett sits at the same table as I do in the staff room. I would move, but the other tables are full, and I just want to eat my lunch and get back to work.
“We haven’t had lunch together for a long time.” He smiles, and my stomach flips. Not in a good way.
“There’s a reason for that.”
“You look tired.” Garrett reaches to stroke my face and I pull away.
“Don’t. I’m fine.”
“I’m not sleeping either.” He takes a sip of his coffee. “I miss you.”
“I told you, I’m fine. I’m just busy.”
He nods. “Sure. I still miss you.”
I take a deep breath. “I want to sell the house.”
Garrett makes a huffing sound. “We talked about this.”
“I want out now. Not at the end of next year.”
His gaze fixes on mine. And for the first time in a long time, I don’t look away. I can’t give in. “Then pay me out.”
“You know I can’t do that. Let’s sell the house and split it like we agreed.”
He nods. “We agreed you would have the house to live in until the divorce was final. The only way out is to buy me out.”
Tears form in my eyes, but I blink them away. “This is exactly why it doesn’t matter if you miss me or not. We’re not together, but you’re still controlling everything.”
“Not controlling. I’m trying to guide you back to the path you should be on. The one you deviated from. You belong with me, Mia.”
I shake my head. “No. I don’t.”
Standing, I pick up my rubbish and walk away. He won’t make a scene in public; he never does. Nothing to take away from that calm image that he has.
But I know he’ll be angry inside.
I’ve got a lecture next, and then I can go home, but there’s only one place I want to be. Where I always need to be.
With James.
Garrett won’t intimidate me anymore.
* * *
I stand in front of the apartment building and look up. I’ve only been here once before. There are other students living here.
But my agitation overrides my common sense, and I find myself in the elevator on my way to his apartment.
When I reach it, I pause, chewing on my lips before I raise my fist and knock on the door. It takes a moment, but it opens, and I suck in a breath.
He answers in a pair of sweat pants. The ones I like that sit low on his hips. Sweat drips down his chest, his face reddened with what I assume is effort from exercising.
His eyes widen. “Get in here.”
I step into the room, and he closes the door behind him.
“What are you doing here?” His tone is angry. He’s never been angry with me before. In the corner of a room, the punching bag still swings.
“I needed to see you.”
“You made your feelings clear last time we saw each other.”
I nod, and take a step toward him. “I hurt you.”
“Yeah, you did.”
When I meet his gaze, he scans my face. “What’s wrong?”
“Maybe I made a mistake coming.”
His expression softens. “No. I’m not sure how wise it is, but I’m glad you’re here.”
“Me too.” I pause. “I miss you.”
Tears prick my eyes, and he pulls me into his arms. I ignore th
e sweat, and close my eyes as he embraces me. Being in his embrace feels so right. This is where I’m meant to be.
“I’ve missed you too.” He sighs. “What’s going on, Mia?”
“Garrett pushed me to get back together, and …”
James lets go. “He what?”
“He tried to pressure me. But all it did was make me miss you more. I’ll declare the relationship, and deal with any fallout from him.”
James shakes his head. “No. You won’t. I won’t let you make yourself a target for him.”
“We have to, James. I can’t do this anymore, and I won’t give you up.”
He bites down on his bottom lip. “Why don’t we wait until the end of the year and see how we feel? All I want to do is protect you.”
For the first time all day, my heart warms. Garrett always does that to me—makes me feel like I’m frozen as he pushes and pushes for what he wants.
I’ll never go back to that.
I nod. “I like that idea.”
He smiles. “So … does this mean we’re back together?”
His eyes shine with happiness, and I nod again. “I can’t live my life without you.”
“Woah. You are strong, lady. Stronger than you know. I wasn’t even around when you left that dickhead. You don’t need me.”
I laugh. “I want you.”
“That’s what I want to hear.” He grins.
“But I do need you in other ways.”
“What kind of ways?” He places his hand on his heart, and gives me that oh-so-innocent look of his.
“I could show you, but …” I screw up my nose. “You stink.”
James makes a show of sniffing his armpits while I laugh. “Must be shower time, then.”
I sigh. “It must be.”
He holds out his hand. “Care to join me?”
My heart leaps, and I slide my hand into his. “Thought you’d never ask.”
His bathroom’s small, and the shower’s seen better days.
He turns on the water, and drops his clothing to the floor. I drop my skirt, pulling off the rest of my clothes while he steps into the shower.
“I’m sorry.” I follow him and close the door.
He wraps his arms around me. “I know. It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not.”
“You got scared. I understand. Didn’t like it, but I got why. Turn around.”
“Why?”
“I’m going to wash your back.”
I grin as I turn, bunching my hair in my hand and pulling it forward over my shoulder.
His gentle hands massage my back as he washes me with the shower gel. He runs them up until he’s grasping my shoulders, squeezing them as I relax. “Maybe I should just give you a massage.”
“I wouldn’t say no. It’s been a tough week.”
“It’s been a tough month.”
He wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me in tight as he nuzzles my neck. I gasp as he presses his erection against the cleft of my arse.
“Tell me how much you missed me,” he murmurs.
“I missed you a lot.”
“You can feel how much I missed you.”
I laugh, turning in his arms. His eyes are so full of love, just as they usually are, and any anger from before is gone.
James loves me.
I love him.
And I am never going to let fear separate us again.
* * *
When we’re out of the shower and dried off, he leads me into his bedroom.
I love just looking at him.
He’s tall, and his well-built frame with defined abs makes my legs turn to jelly. There’s nothing better than his strong arms wrapped around me. I’ve missed them and him so much.
He lies back on the bed and beckons me forward. I grin, joining him as I slide into his bed beside him.
“You’re lucky. I changed the sheets earlier. They’re clean.”
I laugh. “I’m glad to hear it.”
“I must have known you’d show up.” He reaches for me, cupping one breast in his hand, his thumb grazing my nipple. I suck in a breath. “I can’t believe you’re here.”
“I’m so sorry, James.”
“It’s okay. You’re with me, and that’s all that matters. Stop apologising.” His mouth closes over mine, and I sink into the familiarity of his kiss. He sighs. “I could kiss you all night.”
“I would let you kiss me, but I want more.”
“So do I.” He lowers his head to my breast and sucks my nipple into his mouth. His tongue rolls across it, and I gasp at the sensation I’ve missed so much.
I shiver as he runs a hand down my stomach and between my legs. But he doesn’t go for my clit straight away. Instead, he takes his time, stroking my spread thighs.
“You’re a tease.”
He raises his head and grins. “I’m just enjoying my lady being back with me. What’s the rush?”
“The rush is that I need you inside me. I’ve gone a whole month without you.”
I gasp again when he slips one finger into me, followed by another.
“Really? How much do you need me?” His thumb hovers over my clit, and I push my hips up to meet it. “That much, huh?”
He circles my clit with his thumb. To be honest, it doesn’t matter what he does—I just want him touching me. I need him that much. I’ve missed him.
When he gently presses on my clit, I nearly go through the roof. “Stop teasing me.”
He laughs as I push him onto his back, and straddle his hips.
“Top drawer of the side cabinet,” he says.
I lean over to pick up the condom, and roll it on before lowering myself onto his cock. I moan at him filling me.
“Happy now?” he asks.
“You make me happy.” I lean over and kiss him, rolling my hips.
“I’m gonna last about five seconds if you keep that up.”
I shrug. “Personal experience tells me that if that happens, I can get you hard again pretty quickly.”
“You have such a dirty mouth, Mia Scott.”
“You love it, James Campbell.” I push myself back up, riding his cock like it’s the only time I’ll ever have it in me again. How did I ever think I could last until the end of next year? Sex with James is sweet and sexy and everything I ever wanted. He’s everything I ever wanted.
My heart is full again. It always is with James. What I have with him is so different than anything I’ve ever had before.
“Mia,” he moans as I grind hard against him. I want him to come. I don’t care if this isn’t a marathon. All I want is to give him what he gives me—complete and total satisfaction.
“I love you,” he says.
“I love you too,” I whisper. I press my hands to his pecs, and he grasps my arms.
Forcing my eyes to stay open when all I want to do is close them, I meet his gaze. He does love me. I know I hurt him when I pulled away, and there’s no way I’m doing that again. This is it. We belong together. If I didn’t know it before, I know it now.
His body tenses under me, and I know he’s close when his thrusts grow harder and slower. He lets out a long groan, pushing his hips up and holding me in place. His expression is strained, and I lean over, peppering his face with kisses.
James laughs.
“I can’t stay away from you,” I whisper.
“I don’t want you to.” He rolls us to one side, and we lie there for a moment while he softens inside me. His mouth finds mine, and I’m lost in a tangle of lips and tongues, our bodies still pressed together.
When we finally break apart, he caresses my cheek, and I close my eyes.
“Where’s your car parked?” he asked.
“At home. I caught a taxi.”
He smiles.
“There’s no parking anyway.”
James laughs. “No.” He strokes my hair. “Are you staying over? I’ll sleep much better tonight with you here.”
“I can stay. I’ll j
ust leave early. And I’ll sleep better too.”
He plants a soft kiss on my lips. “My beautiful Mia.”
It doesn’t take long for him to fall asleep. He looks so peaceful.
When we were together before, I spent my time terrified that someone would find out about us. While I worried, he was my calm.
I’m in love with James Campbell.
Maybe I’m not quite so terrified anymore.
At the start I felt self-conscious about our age gap. I didn’t want him to see the dimples in my thighs, and that my stomach’s not as flat as it was when I was his age.
But he loves me. And he loves the way I look.
Every day he teaches me just how shitty my relationship with Garrett was. My ex never failed to tell me of my flaws.
James embraces them.
How did I ever think I could stay away?
12
James
We wake before dawn and make love again before Mia dresses and leaves for work. I doze, and I’m not sure how much time passes before I hear a knock.
It makes me smile.
I tug on a pair of boxer shorts and head out to answer it.
“Did you forget something?” I laugh as I pull open the door.
It’s not Mia.
Ashley’s been crying. Black tracks down her face, and her red-rimmed eyes tell me that. I hold up my arms when she throws herself at me, burying her face in my chest.
“Ashley? What’s wrong?”
She sobs, and I don’t know what else to do. I wrap my arms around her waist and hold her. Her body trembles, and I guide her to the couch to take a seat. But she won’t let go.
“Ashley. What’s going on?”
“I didn’t know who else to go to. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. Just tell me what’s wrong.” I pull back, unhooking her arms from around my neck. Looking at her closer, I see she’s exhausted on top of the crying. It’s not just the mascara under her eyes. She looks like she hasn’t slept for a week.
“I made such a big mistake.” She sniffs. “I thought Alex loved me, but the whole time we’ve been together, he’s been screwing someone else.”