Sighing in frustration, he started the truck and followed his brother back to the house. After today, playing with Mike’s kids was just what he needed. He loved those kids, and they had a way of taking the burdens off your heart with their sweet smiles and endearing comments. Within moments of entering the house, the troubles of the day were crumbling away. As he lifted both Rick and Karen in his arms, all thoughts of his failures, the pastoral position, and Kristina were far from his mind.
After dinner, the kids settled in the crook of each of his arms. He inhaled the sweet scent of their freshly-washed hair, and delighted in their giggles as he read them their favorite bedtime stories. When he kissed them each on top of their heads, his heart longed for the day when his own children would snuggle next to him for their bedtime stories. The sound of tiny bare feet running across his floor was a beautiful symphony he couldn't wait to hear. Unfortunately, he thought with a sad chuckle, Hamilton wasn’t filled with many eligible ladies. And if things stayed the way they were, it would take a miracle for him to find someone to warm his heart and side.
Chapter Five
As Nathan enjoyed the evening with his family, Kristina was not having such an easy time relaxing. She returned home and tried to look over Mrs. Rose’s notes, but she couldn’t shake Nathan from her mind. She was here in Hamilton to get a fresh start, away from David and everything associated with him. But Nathan threatened to take all that away from her. His presence alone caused her to be nervous. On top of that, he wouldn’t relent with his probing questions, teasing, and frustrating invitations.
And she was sure he had overheard her conversation with Mr. Shirley. Or had he? She nibbled on her fingernail as she wondered. Would he repeat it?
She thought about all of the pepper spray comments that had been thrown their way today. She could imagine how fast the tidbits of her past would spread through this town.
She’d come this far, she was finally free, but she felt more enslaved than ever. Her fears and her past were like heavy shackles around her arms, holding her down. Without David around, she thought that she would be free from constantly disguising her thoughts and emotions, but that’s exactly how she had spent her first day in Hamilton.
You should have never left me. David’s voice echoed in her mind. We are one. No one can separate what God put together. David had told her that after she tried to leave him the first time. The pain and degradation she suffered that night were forever burned into her mind. After he was done abusing her, he forced her to spend the night “proving” how much she loved him, and how sorry she was.
Wrapping her arms around her legs, she buried her face. David had often told the congregation that Jesus could wash you clean. “I wish You could wash my mind clean,” she said to the empty room.
She picked up the notebook and tried to concentrate. But after a few moments of staring at Mrs. Rose’s scrawl, she threw the notebook aside. Instead, she put on some music and set about putting the day out of her mind.
She had been so tired last night that she left everything packed, and this morning, she rushed out before getting around to it. Now she began unpacking her things. Several suitcases and an overnight bag were the extent of her belongings now. No, I have much more than that. I have freedom from five years of constant nightmares. I have a chance at a fresh start, a chance to heal.
As she put away her toiletries, she ran across her wedding ring. Turning the ring on the tip of her finger, she thought of when she and David first married. He was so charming. She remembered the laughter and love they shared in those earlier days. He would always say she was his angel, sent down from heaven, and he couldn‘t believe that a woman as beautiful as her would love a man like him.
Her family and friends loved him, except Lisa. Lisa always believed he was too obsessed with her. “I mean, you are a wonderful woman, don’t get me wrong.” Lisa would explain, “But he’s got you on a pedestal; you’re his angel, his princess . . . you’re perfect! And what happens if you fall off that pedestal?”
Tears rolled down her cheeks, and Kristina threw the ring in the back of the bathroom drawer. I found out that answer, she recalled with anger and bitterness choking her throat.
Shaking off the haunting memories, she dried her face and finished putting away her things, her chin quivering from time to time. Looking at her tear-stained face in the mirror, she admonished her reflection. “Stop! You are starting over, and this time nothing, and no one, is going to hurt you."
After unpacking, she set about preparing for her first day at school. Throwing herself into her work, she lost track of time. Before she knew it, it was midnight.
The next two days were filled with much of the same. She spent her time alternating between working on her classes and getting herself settled into her new home. There was plenty of occasion for breaks as a constant barrage of visitors came knocking at her door. She was delighted that none of her visitors included the high and mighty Nathan McKinley. May came by Friday morning to invite her to dinner at their house that night, and she was invited to church on Sunday by April, who stopped by Saturday night to bring her a pie.
“Yes, Nathan invited me too. I’ll be there.”
April chortled, “I can see that boy hasn’t lost his charm.”
“Oh no, it’s not like that. He just said it would a great way for me to get to know everyone at the dinner afterward…” she let her words trail off as she saw April's knowing smile was not relenting.
“Do I need to bring anything for the dinner?”
“Heavens, no darling. You are a guest…for now.”
Kristina managed a weak smile. April rubbed her arm, and said, “Well honey, I know you must be tired. I’ll be letting you get some rest.”
At the door, April hugged her and said, “Don’t let Nathan’s charm fool you either. He is much more than just a dashing smile. That man is one of the sweetest and compassionate men I have ever known, and godly too. Any woman would be lucky to have a man like him.”
Kristina’s face paled; she’d had enough “godly” men in her life…she would consider herself lucky to never have to deal with one again.
The phone rang just as she closed the door, and she was relieved to hear Lisa’s voice. She was exhausted from plastering a smile on her face.
“Your students keep coming by and asking how you are doing.” Lisa said casually, though concern tinged her voice. “What should I tell them?"
“Tell them I’m doing great.” Kristina proceeded to tell Lisa about her encounter with Mrs. Rose, the steady stream of visitors and the invitations she had already received.
“Well,” Lisa admonished, “You better take the one to church.” At Kristina’s silence, she added, “I know how you feel. Don’t let what happened keep you from church. God’s the only one who can heal you.”
Silenced stretched across the line.
“So, I didn’t just call to chit-chat. David’s lawyer came by the school this week.”
“What did he want?” Kristina’s voice was barely a whisper.
“Your address, he has some papers that need your signature. I told him I would be willing to forward anything to you, but you wished your location to remain private.”
“Good, did he leave it with you?”
“No, he said he needed to deliver it in person. I told him I would convey the message.”
“Don’t give him my address!”
“Kristina, I didn’t. But you need to get past this now. David’s dead, you don’t have to hide from him.”
“I know, it’s just…I don’t feel safe yet. I know that sounds ridiculous to you, but I still want to remain hidden.”
Lisa was silent for a moment, before she said, “Okay, but just as long as it isn’t because you are hiding from dealing with your past.”
“I’m fine,” Kristina said, with more conviction than she actually felt.
Chapter Six
Sunday dawned like an overzealous and unwanted lover, the air smothering h
er with warm wet kisses and breathing its hot humid breath down her neck. Or maybe she felt smothered as she debated whether to go to church.
As stood before her closet, she pictured David eying her in the mirror on Sundays. No matter how modest she thought her choice, David was always near with a critical comment. “Are you trying to attract every wayward man in the church? Proverbs 9 talks about such immoral women: ‘She calls out to men going by who are minding their own business. "Come in with me," she urges the simple.’”
Pushing aside the memories, she yanked out a light and airy yellow short-sleeve dress with matching sling-back sandals. Gathering up her purse and her Bible, she headed out the door, brushing away an errant tear, I am not an immoral woman.
Arriving at the church, Kristina slipped into one of the back pews and laid her Bible and purse beside her. As she waited for the service to start, several members of the community came up and greeted her. Soon everyone seated themselves as the choir filed into their places. She had to restrain herself from gaping as Nathan walked out from one of the back stage doors and took a seat at the piano. The congregation stood and as Nathan's nimble fingers flew across the piano, the choir lifted their voices in a beautiful hymn. It was a few moments before Kristina remembered herself and began following along.
Apparently, he is not only a carpenter, my assigned escort and official interrogator, she thought, but he also plays the piano and leads the church choir. What does this guy not do? Later in the service, she would get her answer, as Nathan stood and faced the congregation. The children of the church were gathering up near the front, seating themselves before him. He smiled and asked, “How are you guys doing this morning?” There was a weak reply and he said, “I thought I was going to get a thundering response. What is wrong?”
One boy of about nine said, “It’s gonna rain, and I wanted to go fishing today!”
“Jeremy, I’m glad you said that.” Nathan said, sitting down on the steps in front of them. “What do you think would happen to the pond if God never sent a little rain our way?”
Jeremy shrugged his shoulders, and said matter-of-factly, “We’d get to fish a whole lot more?”
Nathan’s rich laughter rumbled out, reaching out to her where she sat in the back pew, and a soft smile touched her lips as she watched him with the children. “Well, yeah,” Nathan said, “for a while. But then eventually the pond is going to dry up.”
“Then we could just pick the fish up off the ground!” a little girl of about six said, her dark curly hair bouncing with her excitement.
The church laughed, and a blushed stained the little girl’s cheeks as she sensed that she had triggered the laughter, but not understanding why. Nathan continued, “Good point, Alyssa, but I was thinking more along the lines of how God blesses us with things that don’t always seem like blessings. Rain, for instance, seems like a hindrance when we want to play outside or go fishing. See, Jeremy, God knows you love to fish, and He sends rain to keep your mama’s freezer full of fish."
A little hand popped up from the sea of children, and Nathan said, “Yes, Jennifer?”
“And God does that because he hears mama always saying she doesn’t have time to be running around town all the time?” she replied, pride filling her voice. Everyone laughed and turned toward a blond woman who was burying her face in her hands, while the man next to her put his arm around her, his shoulders rocking with laughter.
“Okay, so we can see that sometimes miracles come in strange and unexpected packages. Sometimes bad things will happen to us, but God can turn those things around. Look at Joseph, a whole lot of bad things happened to him, didn’t they?”
“Yeah,” Jeremy said, “His brothers were mean, but God made everything okay for Joseph anyway.”
“In the end, but he had to go through some pretty tough things first,” Nathan continued with a smile, “Our Scripture today is Romans 8:28.”
“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”
Nathan walked up to a little boy, probably no more than six, sitting so perfectly erect and still near the front of the group. “So now we know that all of those bad things in our lives have a purpose, right Kevin?” The little boy nodded his head, and Nathan continued. “We just have to believe that God is bigger than the junk happening to us.”
Picking up the boy, Nathan said, “We need to believe beyond our circumstances, and sometimes even beyond our emotions.” At the boy’s puzzled look, he continued, “Sometimes a person can say something to you that won’t make you feel too good about yourself, right?” When the boy nodded his head, Nathan continued, "Sometimes that feeling will stick with you right here,” he said as he pointed to the boy’s heart. “And you might start to believe what they said. But we need to ignore that yucky feeling going on inside of us, and instead remember who we are in Christ. We need to remember how much God loves us, and cares about us, in the big stuff and the little stuff. He cared enough to make sure we can go to Heaven, and he cares enough to make sure Jeremy can go fishing.” Putting the child down, he said, "So this week I want you to keep your eyes open for hidden miracles – one of God’s many ways of showing you He loves you. And don’t forget to thank God for everything He brings your way.”
As the children began filing out the side door of the sanctuary, Nathan took his seat back at the piano.
This morning while she walked to church, Kristina had been thinking about all the bad things that happened to her, and now it was as if God had spoken directly to her grumbling. She silently laughed; of course, Nathan had planned that sermon ahead of time.
Kristina’s attention was again snapped back to the front of the church as Nathan’s strong, deep voice rang out over the sweet music coming from the piano. Kristina was rooted to her seat as he began speaking directly to her heart. His song was an echo of the sermon he preached to the children, speaking of looking beyond the circumstances to knowing that God was there in the times of joy as well as in the midst of trouble. She was astonished to find tears rolling down her cheeks as he sang the end of the song.
And even though I don’t always see an answer to my prayer
I know that You are guiding me; I know that You are there.
For You will be my guide, through each and every thing
I may stumble - I may fall- but You will give me wings
As the song closed and the congregation stood, Kristina blindly opened her Bible and stared at the words blurred by her tears. She was moved by the song, moved by the passion in his voice, but most of all, she was moved because she wanted that kind of trust.
The pastor continued on the same line of thought as Nathan, speaking of trusting in God, not our circumstances. She wanted to scream at them. You don’t know what I’ve been through! Every man I have ever trusted with my heart has hurt me.
Tell me how you are going to turn that into good? She demanded of God.
Looking around, she self-consciously dried her tears. But the words continued to tumble through her thoughts through the rest of the service. She was still mulling things over as she walked out of the church. She was so wrapped up in her thoughts, she didn’t hear her name being called. She jumped when Nathan touched her back and said, "Kristina, I was calling you.” He smiled down at her and continued, “I wanted to apologize for the other day. I know we got off to a rocky start. But I want us to be more than just colleagues; I'd like us to be friends too.”
Kristina arched a delicate brow as she questioned, “A colleague, but aren’t you just a carpenter?” Realizing how that sounded, she corrected herself, “I mean, I thought you built houses. The day you found me stranded, you were talking about building a house.”
“A couple of us guys help build houses for some of the less fortunate families. I’m just a music teacher by profession.”
Kristina blushed, embarrassed that she had been so rude. “You sounded great, it was such a shock to see you singin
g and preaching . . . I mean,” she stumbled, “it wasn’t a shock. It was . . .”
Nathan put an arm around her shoulder and immediately she stiffened. “It was unbelievable how a man who repeatedly made you feel uncomfortable and unwelcome could minister to a group of kids.” His face sobered a bit, and his eyes took on a distant look as he mumbled, “I agree.” His shoulders slumped a bit. “I suggest we start over."
She smiled up at him, and said, “Agreed, and I’ll see you tomorrow at school.”
“Not so fast,” he said, catching her by the elbow as she started to walk away. “Aren’t you staying for the dinner?”
“Oh, I forgot.”
“Besides, I want you to meet my family.”
The shocks for today were not through as he led her to the pastor and his wife and introduced them as his parents. While she spoke with them, Mike and his family came over. She was introduced to Leanne, Mike’s wife, and their two children, Rick and Karen. The little two-year-old boy came up to her and began a series of rapid-fire sentences where every fourth or fifth word was distinguishable. Mike placed his hand on his son’s head and whispered, “We have no idea, so don’t ask what he said."
Everyone laughed, except Leanne, who just smiled sadly. Kristina wondered about her reaction, and it touched a spot in her heart.
In the fellowship hall, Nathan’s father blessed the food. “Let’s get you to the front of the line," Nathan whispered in her ear. Before she could protest, he ushered her through the line of tables piled with food.
“You’re just escorting her so you can grab the best food,” May said from behind the tables, as she and the other ladies were laying out more food.
“Guilty,” he confessed, “But if you all stopped making such wonderful food, I wouldn’t be so bent on coming up with excuses to cut in line.”
Miracles in Disguise (The Trampled Rose Series) Page 4