by T. L. Haddix
“It may not be fair, but I… I can’t get my hopes up again. Especially after he spent the night at my house and then disappeared a few days later.”
“At least give him a chance to explain.”
“I guess I can do that. But I really think it’s time I accepted the truth, and that is simply that I’m not cut out for a lasting, deep relationship.” Seeing the distress on Maria’s face, Stacy held out a hand. “Look, I’m tired. I’ve not been sleeping, and I probably just need some rest. Everything will look better tomorrow, I’m sure.”
Maria looked dubious. “If it doesn’t, you’re going to the doctor. Or the counselor. You’ve been down ever since the accident. It still chills me to think about what happened. You and Robbie were so lucky.”
“I know. I’m still having the occasional nightmare, and I know from talking to him that he is, too.” She rubbed her wrist reflexively as a twinge of phantom pain flared through it. “If he hadn’t reacted so quickly when that guy rammed us, things would have turned out very differently.”
Stacy had gone with Robbie to serve a warrant, and the man they were after had turned the tables on them. He’d come at them in his truck, pinning the sheriff’s cruiser against a guardrail, and had been in the process of loading up his shotgun when Robbie shot and killed him. The crash totaled the cruiser. Stacy’s wrist had required surgery. The break was so severe that it had almost ended her career. Both she and Robbie ended up on desk duty as well as in physical therapy for several weeks.
“As to this low mood you insist I’m having, I’m still blaming the anesthesia. I told you, I don’t react well to sedation. I’ll be fine after I’ve gotten a chance to sweat some of this out of my system.” She stood. “So you stop worrying about me. You have other things to worry about now. I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself.”
She could tell that Maria wasn’t convinced, but her friend let it go. “Are you getting ready to leave? If so, give me a minute, and I’ll walk out with you.”
“Okay.”
They stopped by Wyatt’s office on the way out. His assistant, Gretchen, had already left for the day. Stacy waited in the outer office while Maria went in to let him know she was leaving. He came back out with her a minute later, and they hugged. Stacy looked away, her eyes pricking with happy tears as Wyatt gently touched Maria’s belly.
“Has your family come around yet?” Stacy asked as they made their way down the stairs to the door that led outside.
“No. Vannie has a little, and so has Daddy, but the rest of the gang? Not even close.”
“It’s their loss, you know that, right?”
Maria’s face was a little sad. “I know. And when I think about how lucky I am to have Wyatt, and now a beautiful baby on the way… It’s hard to hold on to the bitterness when I consider my blessings.”
“Very true.”
They reached Maria’s car, and she touched Stacy’s arm. “Listen, if you need to talk, I’m here. Promise me you know that, and you’ll call if you need to, okay? Otherwise, I’m going to worry about you. As far as that goes, we’ve not had a girls’ night since before Christmas. Why don’t you come over tomorrow, and I’ll send Wyatt down to the basement? We can watch TV, eat more ice cream than is healthy, and catch up.”
“You’re going to worry about me regardless. And I can’t come tomorrow. I have a… well, not a date. But Gordon’s coming over to look at the kitchen. How about Saturday night?”
That announcement put a smile on Maria’s face. “Perfect! I’ll even see if I can convince my husband to make some brownies, too.”
Stacy grinned. “You love saying that, don’t you?”
“My husband? Yes. It never gets old. Call me Saturday morning, and we’ll firm up a time.”
“Will do.”
As she drove home, Stacy let her mind wander. She was exhausted. She’d been tossing and turning more than she’d been sleeping lately. “Note to self—make sure Gordon doesn’t plan on starting work at the crack of dawn every day. Sleeping in for a few days might do you some good.”
CHAPTER 5
WHEN HE SHOWED UP AT Stacy’s Friday evening, Gordon was surprised to find her frowning and distracted.
“What’s going on?”
“I’m sorry. I’m looking for something, and I can’t find it.” She led him into the dining room.
He sat the bags of food down on the table and shrugged out of his jacket, which he hung on the back of a dining room chair. “Can I help?”
She shook her head, and her ponytail waved back and forth. “I don’t think so. I’ve looked the house over, top to bottom. Twice. It isn’t like I can overlook it.”
“What is ‘it,’ exactly?”
“Toilet paper.” Her cheeks flushed with the admission. With her hair pulled back and clad in an oversize college T-shirt and black leggings, she looked to be all of about twenty years old.
Gordon felt like a letch just looking at her. “Uh-oh. Do I need to make a TP run?”
Stacy laughed as she rubbed the back of her neck. “No. I have plenty in storage. I’m a little paranoid about running out, if you want to know the truth. So this was just to replenish my reserves. But I know I bought it, and I brought it in the house. I dropped it coming in the door, and Chloe pounced on it. I had to fight her to get it back.”
The image made Gordon chuckle. “Speaking of Chloe, where is the little darling?”
“Probably tearing into the rolls I do have.” Stacy’s eyes widened. “Crap! I left the door to the closet open when you rang the doorbell. Excuse me.” She dashed down the hall.
Chuckling, Gordon started unpacking the bags. Once the food was laid out on the table, he realized he’d brought way too much. He’d been hungry and nervous when he’d ordered.
Stacy came back in, carrying Chloe. Her eyebrows shot up when she saw the food.
“I was hungry,” he explained defensively before she could ask. Then he did a double take. “Geez, she’s grown! You weren’t kidding about her hitting fifteen pounds, were you?”
“No. She got to make her trip to the vet a couple weeks ago to be spayed. They grow up so fast.” Her smile belied her tone. She put the cat down in one of the dining room chairs. Chloe sat down, looking poised and proper, and started grooming her paw. “This is her chair, by the way. Just so you know.”
“I wouldn’t have known her.” He reached out and scratched the side of Chloe’s face once she’d accepted him. “I feel like I’ve been gone for years instead of a couple months.”
“How was your trip?” Stacy asked as she headed into the kitchen for plates and utensils. “And is tea okay to drink?”
“Sure, that’s fine.” He waited until she’d washed her hands, then followed suit. “The trip was good. I’m sorry I didn’t get in to see you before I left. It came about rather suddenly.”
“Don’t worry about it. I figured as much.”
Even though her tone was nonchalant, her shoulders stiffened a little. He figured he had his work cut out for him, but he was willing to take on the job.
They talked about his travels while they ate, and by the time they were finishing dessert, Stacy had relaxed. They cleared the table, and she fixed coffee using a single-cup coffee machine. “Maria got me this after the wreck. She swore that I’d soon be in love with the thing.”
“Was she right?” Gordon leaned up against the counter.
“She was.”
He crossed his arms and watched as she got the coffee accoutrements out of the refrigerator. “So your wrist, how is it really?”
Stacy held out her hand, turning it this way and that. Gordon could see the red, angry scars where she’d had surgery, and a surge of protectiveness shot through him. Without thinking, he reached out and cupped her arm, running a finger over the skin near the incisions.
Stacy froze, then visibly forced herself to relax. “It’s okay. Gus is pretty happy with the progress I’m making.” When he sent her a questioning look, she said, “My physic
al therapist.”
“Ah.”
“I still don’t have full motor function back yet, but I’m at about eighty percent. That’s ahead of the curve, from what he says.” She gently tugged her arm back, and Gordon let go. She moved across the room to grab a small box and brought it back to him. “So here’s the plan for the kitchen and the tile samples.”
The plan she’d drawn up was clear, concise, and well thought out.
“You’re adding an island?”
“Yeah. There’s no need to keep a separate area for the table, not with the dining room. Having the island will be a more economical use of the room. Plus, I had the utilities moved for the washer and dryer, so that they’re in the basement now. If I put in an island, I can use that space as a bigger pantry. I am determined to learn how to cook well enough to justify this kitchen. Come with me, and I’ll show you the cabinets. I picked them up for a song.”
She slid her bare feet into a pair of shoes sitting beside the back door and hit the garage door button on the wall. Gordon followed her out the door and across the concrete pad to the detached garage. She flipped on the overhead light and gestured to a large stack of cabinets.
“Wow. These are nice.” He ran a hand over the surface of one of the doors. Once the dust was wiped away, the wood underneath glowed. “Cherry?”
“Yes. I found them at the thrift store’s building center. Apparently, a builder purchased them for a client, and the client changed their mind. The guys who work at the store know me, and they know I’ve been stocking up to do this project, so they called me. I got all thirty cabinets for five hundred dollars.”
Gordon’s jaw had dropped, but he couldn’t help it. “Seriously? Five hundred dollars for cherry cabinets? These aren’t cheap knock-offs, either.”
Stacy smiled. “I did good, huh?”
Seriously impressed, he laughed. “Lady, you did better than good. So did you plan the kitchen around the cabinets, or the other way around?”
“Both, actually. Most of the cabinets I wanted were already there. I did have to special order three units, but still, I saved enough money that I decided to upgrade my tile plans.”
Still marveling over the deal she’d gotten, Gordon followed her back to the house. She walked him through the rest of the plans with animated movements and obvious pleasure. If it hadn’t been apparent before that she was serious about the remodel, as well as that she knew what she was doing, hearing her talk would have convinced Gordon. By the time they finished going over what needed doing, their coffee was gone.
“Do you want another cup?”
“No. I’m good, thanks.” Gordon ducked into the dining room and grabbed the soft leather briefcase he’d brought with him. “You ready to see your end of the deal? I’m almost afraid to show you what I was able to scrounge up.”
She smiled. “I’m not scared. Why don’t we go into the living room to go over it, though?”
“After you.”
They settled in on the couch and the stereo set to a local rock station provided background noise. Chloe, sensing the opportunity for some attention, jumped into the space between them and immediately set about inspecting Gordon’s case. He pulled out the thick stack of papers, and Chloe climbed into the empty space it left. Stacy tried to pull her out, but the cat wasn’t having any part of that. She grumbled and chattered in protest.
“Chloe! Come on. I’m pretty sure Gordon doesn’t want cat hair all over his things.”
“She’s fine. Besides, I’ll be staying with Murphy for the next ten days. Cat hair is going to be the least of my worries.”
Laughing, Stacy agreed. “From what I’ve heard, he’s a handful.”
Gordon sent her a look. “You have no idea. But you will. I’ll need you to come over there some evenings, if you don’t mind. I can’t leave him alone that long.”
“It’s the least I can do. So show me this daunting exam.”
He handed her a copy of the sample test. “Chase pulled some strings and got that for me. It’s two parts, essays and questions. And it’s a two-day test.”
“How long do you have before you’re scheduled to take it?” She flipped through the papers.
“I’m aiming at the July test date. I missed February, what with being gone. I wouldn’t have been ready, anyhow.”
Chloe purred a loud sigh from inside the case, where she had snuggled contentedly into a ball. She blinked at him sleepily and purred again. When he looked up, Stacy was glancing from him to the cat, and a smile played around the corners of her mouth.
“So what do you think? You can still change your mind, you know.” He held his breath while he waited for her answer.
“Uh-huh. I can, but I won’t. I really don’t think this is going to be as bad as you’re making it out to be. Stop being a scaredy cat.” She gently whacked him on the arm with the papers, then handed them back to him. “You’ll be fine.”
“I hope so. It wasn’t an easy decision, but now that I’ve made it, I want to succeed.”
Stacy scooped up Chloe, pulling her out of the case and into her arms for a snuggle. “I know you were struggling with things the last time we talked in person.”
Gordon put the papers back in their file and sat the case on the floor. He stretched his arm along the back of the couch and tapped his fingers on the fabric in time with the song playing on the radio. “I wasn’t in a good place back in February. I had to reconcile where I thought I’d be to where I am. As it happens, I’m excited about the direction things are going. But it took me a little while to get there.” He cleared his throat. “Speaking of February, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you letting me stay here that night.”
She looked down at the sleeping cat in her lap. “I was glad to do it, but you’re making it into more than it was. I let you sleep in the guest room. Anyone would have done that.”
“Maybe,” he conceded, “but it means a lot to me. Especially coming from you. I know you don’t like letting people in, so it means more than if someone else had made the offer.”
Her eyes shot up to his, and Gordon watched a becoming flush climb into her cheeks. She nodded once and returned her attention to Chloe. Right when the silence was starting to drag into being uncomfortable, Stacy spoke. “You more than made up for anything you owed me for that night when you sent me the bear.”
“You liked him, then?” Gordon felt inordinately pleased.
She smiled. “He’s adorable. He presides over the office now.”
When Gordon heard about Stacy and Robbie’s wreck, he’d considered coming back from his trip, but he wasn’t sure he’d be well received. Instead, he’d ordered Stacy a custom-made teddy bear online. More personal than flowers, it also gave her something tangible to hold onto while she was in the hospital.
“Beth said you gave her a bear when she was shot. Donovan, I think she said, named after you?”
Gordon let his head drop to the back of the couch. “Yes. I’d forgotten that’s what she called him.” The couch cushions moved, and when he looked up, he saw that she’d stretched out her legs toward him. She was so short that her feet didn’t reach him, but they were close enough that they were within his personal space. The move surprised him, and he struggled to keep his face neutral.
“So why not just send flowers? Not that I’m complaining, but I’m curious.”
He shrugged, a little uncomfortable with the question. “Most people send flowers. They’re pretty, they lighten up the room, but sometimes… Flowers don’t comfort. They symbolize sickness, or come to. When Mallory was sick, we’d be in the oncology ward for her treatments, and if ever there was a place where people needed comfort, that was it. She saw that, especially after she talked to some of the other patients. So we stopped at a toy store the first chance we got. The next time we went in, she took bears and distributed them. She’d do that every time we went in, for as long as she was able to do it.” Remembering the stunned surprise and gratitude that had met Mallory’s offeri
ng, he sighed. “That’s why I don’t send flowers anymore, not to people who are hurt or sick. The bears provide something else, something that’s forgotten too often, and that’s the fact that if we’re hurt, we want something to hold onto.”
When Stacy sniffed, Gordon saw that she was blotting her eyes. “Ah, hell, I’m sorry. Don’t cry.”
She laughed. “No, I’m fine. It’s just that… It’s so true. Most people don’t see that. She must have been very special, your Mallory. I can imagine how much those bears meant to the other patients.”
“She was, and they did.” Taking a chance, he gently tweaked her toes as he stood. “And before we’re both sobbing messes, I’d better go. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow. What time do you want to get started?”
“How does nine o’clock sound?” Stacy eased Chloe to the couch and followed him to the front door. “I want to sleep in a little bit.”
“Sounds fine.” He stopped at the door and turned to face her, not wanting to leave, but knowing he had to go. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then.”
“Bright and early. But not too early.” She smiled.
“Not too early. Noted. Lock up behind me.”
“Aye-aye, sir.”
The words were accompanied by an eye roll and a teasing salute, but she did lock the door behind him. Despite the evening’s somber endnote, Gordon felt optimistic as he got in his car and headed back to town. He was looking forward to the next few weeks more than he’d anticipated anything in years.
He was worried about Stacy, though. The incident with the toilet paper bothered him for some reason he couldn’t put his finger on. She simply wasn’t the kind of person who misplaced things, especially not something as big as a package of toilet paper. Something was bothering her, and he didn’t know what, but he was definitely going to keep an eye on her.
Stacy headed down the hall to the living room, where Chloe was waiting on the couch. Needing to feel some of the comforting touch Gordon had described, she picked up the cat and hugged her. A sad breath escaped, followed by a tear.