by T. L. Haddix
“No. I’m okay. It isn’t something that talking will fix. I just have to come to terms with things, get past the need to murder whoever’s doing this with my bare hands.”
Stacy sucked in a breath, dismayed. “Gordon—”
He shook his head. “No. It’s my anger. Don’t try to take responsibility for it. Don’t try to fix it. It’s healthy anger, as long as I don’t let it take over my mind. You’ve had years to get used to this. It’s going to take me a little while. And I’m not angry with you. You should know that.”
The bottle of beer dangled loosely from his hand, and Stacy took it. She sniffed the contents, then took a tentative sip. Her reaction caused Gordon to laugh.
“Blech! That’s awful. Somehow, I expected it to be better than regular beer.”
“Don’t tell Chase that. He waxes poetic about the stuff. Gets his ‘lawyer’ going and delivers a lecture about microbrewery that would make our most pontificating professor from UK proud.”
She handed it back to him, and he set it aside. “Aren’t you freezing out here?” He was clad in lounge pants and a T-shirt, and she couldn’t imagine the cotton was much protection against the damp.
“I hadn’t really noticed, to tell the truth. Are you cold? We can go back in.”
“It’s nippy, but I’m okay. I don’t want to disturb your solace.” She stood, but before she could go back in, he grabbed her hand.
“You’re not disturbing me. I’m ready to go in, anyhow.” He dumped the rest of the beer in the grass, then stood. “We’ll leave that for the slugs.”
Both cats were waiting for them at the door. They circled Gordon as he locked the door, and Stacy’s heart melted. “They were worried about you.”
“Yeah, I guess they were. I didn’t know cats were loyal like that.”
“Living with Chloe has been a constant surprise, mostly in a good way,” Stacy told him as they climbed the stairs, guided by the light of the candle she’d picked up. The cats raced ahead, both going into the bedroom Gordon was using. “Looks like you’ll have two bed-warmers tonight.”
He stopped her by taking her hand again, gently tugging her around. “It’s a big bed. There’s room for one more. It would be nice to have someone to hold on to tonight.”
The words were quiet, and perhaps because he seemed so serious when he made the offer, Stacy considered it. Something about Gordon was so vulnerable at that moment, and even though the idea of sharing his bed made her nervous, she didn’t feel threatened.
“Just to hold?”
“Yes.”
“I’ve never slept with anyone before,” she confessed.
“Never?”
“No. I never felt comfortable enough to try.” She swallowed. “But I think I’d like to. If you don’t mind being a guinea pig, that is.”
He didn’t crack a smile, but his hand tightened around hers. “Something you should know—I’m probably going to become aroused at some point during the night. That doesn’t mean I’m going to jump on you like an animal, but it isn’t really something I can control.”
“I think I can handle that. It isn’t the first time I’ll have felt you, after all.”
“You noticed that before?”
He sounded a little embarrassed, and she smiled. “It was hard to miss.” Before she could chicken out and change her mind, she walked to his bedroom door. “I’m tired of hiding, of being afraid of getting hurt. This is a step away from that.”
“If you get uncomfortable at any point, you tell me. I won’t be offended.”
“Fine, I’ll tell you. I need to use the bathroom first, though.”
When she came back out a couple of minutes later, he was sitting on the edge of the bed, talking to the cats. A cool light from the skylight illuminated the room. He stood and gestured to the bed. “I wasn’t sure what side you wanted.”
“Which side do you usually take?”
That got her an abashed grin. “The middle.”
Stacy laughed. “Okay. Then I’ll take the left, if you don’t mind.” Somewhat awkwardly, she moved around him and pulled back the covers. Gordon went to the other side and got in. He stretched out on his side facing her and held out his arm. “Come here.”
Feeling self-conscious, Stacy scooted over to meet him. She turned so that his front was to her back, and Gordon’s arm came around her. After a bit of adjustment, she found a comfortable position and let out a contented sound.
“Good?” he asked.
She nodded. “Yes. You?”
“I’m fine.”
As soon as they stopped moving, Chloe settled into the curve made by Stacy’s bent legs. Gordon’s soft laugh ruffled her hair. “Hope you’re comfortable, because Murphy has me pinned on this side.”
“I am, actually.” She was amazed to realize it was true. The house was a little chilly from the damp outside that had made its way indoors. Gordon was warm and solid along her back, and Stacy felt protected like she hadn’t in a long time. Before she really had time to absorb how comfortable she was, she was asleep.
CHAPTER 16
GORDON STAYED AWAKE QUITE A bit longer, reveling in having Stacy in his arms. Her breathing had evened out almost immediately, and her muscles softened with sleep. Emotions threatened to swamp him. It had been a long, long time since he’d held a woman that he cared about on so many different levels.
He hadn’t been completely celibate since his wife’s death. He’d had a brief relationship with a woman he’d worked with a couple of years after Mallory died. Tired of being alone, he’d started a casual relationship with the woman, but they hadn’t been emotionally connected, and then he’d been stunned by his dissatisfaction. Sex without love left him feeling empty and lonelier than before. He had ended the affair and hadn’t been seriously tempted to try again until he’d started to get to know Stacy.
Lying with her wrapped tightly in his embrace, he relaxed into the moment and enjoyed the feel of her body against his, her warmth, and the smell of her hair. He closed his eyes and absorbed the memory. Soon he was going to have to tell her how he felt. She deserved to know, and he wanted to make it clear that he was serious and that she mattered to him. He hoped the depth of his feelings didn’t scare her off.
The muffled ringing of his phone, combined with Murphy’s insistent meowing, woke Gordon. He was on his back, and Stacy was draped partially across him. She groaned and shifted, and her leg came perilously close to his groin. He rolled over so that he could reach the nightstand drawer where he’d stashed his phone. He had to fight to get past Murphy, who shoved his body in the drawer as soon as it was open and grabbed the phone. With a low growl, the cat jumped out and took off down the hall.
“You little shit! Murphy, bring that back here.” Gordon’s angry words woke Stacy with a start, and he apologized as he stumbled out of the bed. “He has my phone.”
Half awake, more than half aroused, and fully angry, he chased the cat down the hall. By then, the phone had stopped ringing. Murphy, who had stopped in the doorway of Chase’s bedroom, waited until Gordon was nearly on top of him before darting off again. He came to a sliding stop on the hardwood floor as Murphy’s tail disappeared under the bed.
“This is not how I anticipated waking up, damn it,” Gordon growled as he got down on his belly to look under the bed. “And I’m not falling for this again. You’re not getting another shot at my hand.” He looked up when Stacy appeared in the doorway.
“What happened?”
“He took my phone out of the drawer. I didn’t even get to see who called.” He cursed again, virulently, questioning everything from Murphy’s lineage to the lack of intelligence of the cat’s offspring. Stacy collapsed on the floor, laughing, and some of Gordon’s ire toward Murphy cooled.
When another phone started ringing from down the hall, Murphy tore out from under the bed in a blur of orange. He looked under the bed. Relieved to see that the cat had left his phone behind, he reached in and snagged it, then let his head thunk to the floor with
a groan. It was barely seven o’clock.
Stacy, still chuckling, scrambled to her feet and hurried down the hall. “No good deed goes unpunished,” she called back to him.
“That’s the truth, especially when it comes to that evil spawn of Satan.” He checked his phone and saw that Jason had been the caller. The call had ended after a minute and some change, so he knew Murphy had answered. He called the detective back and stood, cringing silently when Jason answered with a laugh.
“I don’t think what you said to him is genetically possible, you know. Did I interrupt something, or are you always that friendly in the mornings?”
“We were asleep, thank you very much. What’s up?”
“I’m setting up the surveillance at Stacy’s house and needed to talk to her. She wasn’t answering her phone. Is she busy?”
“She’s in the bathroom,” Gordon told him. “Hang on. Here she comes. It’s Jason. He’s way too perky for this time of morning.” Handing the phone to her, he went in the bathroom and closed the door.
When he came back out, Stacy was making the bed. She looked over her shoulder at him with an impish grin. “Good morning.”
He ambled over to her and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her back into him. He nestled his face in the curve of her neck and groaned. “That is not how I wanted to wake up,” he grumbled.
“No?”
“Uh-uh. Not even close.”
She turned in his arms and slid her hands up his chest. “Me, either. But at least the power’s back on.”
Gordon rested his head on top of hers. “Small consolation.”
“You won’t think so when you get to take a nice, hot shower here in a little while.”
“There is that. Are you always this alert first thing in the morning?”
Stacy drew back and laughed up at him. “Poor Gordon. You’re not a morning person, are you?”
In answer, he let go of her and collapsed face-first on the bed, pulling a pillow over his head. “No.”
“Well, don’t go back to sleep. We have things to do today.”
When he felt a firm pinch on his backside, Gordon flipped over, eyes wide. His hand flew to the offended body part. “Hey!”
Stacy sashayed out of the bedroom. “Dibs on the shower!”
He watched her go with amazement. “She pinched me,” he told Chloe, who sat beside him with an unblinking green gaze. “She actually pinched me.”
He wasn’t angry in the least. For Stacy to have touched him in such a blatantly flirtatious way was a very good thing, and he fell back on the bed with a smile.
Stacy still wasn’t sure what had possessed her to pinch Gordon, but she couldn’t stop laughing as she pictured the shock on his face as he realized what she’d done. Maria would be so proud of her, she thought. As far as that went, Stacy was proud of herself, relieved, and feeling freer than she had in a while. Rather than scaring him off, telling him about the rape had perhaps drawn them closer. Time would tell, but she had more optimism about the future of their relationship than she’d felt in a while.
When she came downstairs, Gordon was in the kitchen, already cleaned up and ready to go for the day. She was surprised for a minute before she remembered there was more than one bathroom. He gave her a cup of coffee, then turned back to the microwave and pulled out a plate of warm cinnamon buns.
“Ooh, those look like they came from The Brown Bag.”
“They did.” He slid one onto a small plate and handed it to her, along with a fork. “What all did Jason say?”
“He needed the code for the garage door. Wyatt wanted him to set the surveillance up during shift change. That’s why he called so early.”
“Makes sense. The more people who are at the department, the less chance our perpetrator will have eyes on your house.” He didn’t say anything else while they ate, and Stacy took the opportunity to study him. Even though he’d showered and shaved, his eyes still had a sleepy softness and were not fully alert yet. Stacy cursed Jason’s timing in her head, wondering how they would have woken up if he hadn’t called when he did.
“So what are we doing today?” she asked.
Gordon pushed back his empty plate and picked up his mug. “Whatever you want to do.”
She thought about that as she finished her cinnamon bun. “I don’t know what that is. I don’t want to go back to my house, not yet. What we have to do at the department won’t take long, maybe an hour. Do you have things you need to do?”
“Not really. I’d like to stop by the condo, just to check things over. I have some library books to take back and need to check mail at the post office. That’s it.” He drained the mug. “We could go bowling, see a movie, something like that if you wanted. Have our first date.”
His casual tone was belied by his watchful gaze. His hand had tightened around the empty mug, and the flutters of nerves she’d felt at his suggestion faded away.
“Okay. I’d like that.”
His eyes lit up. “Good. What time do you want to go in to the department?”
“Early, if we can. That way, we don’t hold up everyone’s day any more than we have to.”
He stood and stacked their plates. “I can be ready in ten minutes.”
“It’s a plan.”
While Gordon checked the litter boxes, she changed clothes and gathered up the files on her father. As she dug through the briefcase, she frowned. Her gun wasn’t there. Perplexed, she went to the kitchen. “Have you seen my gun?”
Gordon shook his head. “No. Why?”
“It’s not in my briefcase. I thought it was, but I guess I left it at home.”
He scowled. “That’s weird. Is your badge there?”
She shrugged. “Yeah. Both IDs are. I thought I’d put the gun in there, too, but I guess not. We’ll have to swing by the house to get it later. I’ll call Ethan, let him know when we’ll be there.” She headed up to the bedroom for her shoes while she dialed.
He answered on the first ring.
“Hey, it’s me. What time are you going to be in this morning?”
“I’m here, actually. You heading this way?”
Stacy glanced at her watch. It was just now approaching eight. “Yes. We need to make a stop first, and I know you’ll need time to get everyone together. Say nine-ish?”
“Sounds good. We’ll see you then.”
As she slipped the phone into its case, she thought back over the conversation. Ethan hadn’t sounded any different than he usually did, and she wondered if Wyatt had told him and Jason about the rape yet. He hadn’t mentioned it last night when they’d talked, and she didn’t think Wyatt would have had time to brief him this morning. She hadn’t explained her theory about the video or who she thought the woman might be to Ethan. Describing that out of the blue without answering questions she wasn’t prepared to was impossible.
Aside from her concerns over telling Gordon, she mostly dreaded that people would look at her differently once they knew. She didn’t want the people she worked with to see her as a victim. She said as much to Gordon a while later when they pulled into his driveway.
“I don’t think that’s something you have to worry about. If they didn’t know you as well as they do and hadn’t worked with you for so long? Maybe. And they’re going to be sympathetic. There’s no way you can stop that.”
She knew he was right, but the shame was still there. They went in, and Stacy waited in the living room as he did a quick walkthrough. His furniture was endearingly mismatched, and she teased him about that when he came back downstairs.
“Hey, blame Chase. The place came mostly furnished. I only brought a few things with me when I moved.” He went to a stack of books on the end table and sorted through them. “All these are ready to go back.”
“So you still have your house in Louisville, right?”
“Yes. I know I need to put it on the market, but I haven’t gotten to that point where I can let go just yet.” He looked around the room. “I’m
ready to go. You?”
Suddenly nervous, Stacy nodded. “I guess so. You think we can pull this off? Convince everyone that nothing’s wrong?” She played with the folds of her dress. When they’d decided to take the day off, she’d changed into a long, casual black-knit cotton dress. She’d put on a soft purple sweater over her bare arms, more for looks than warmth. “I’ll probably get teased about this, you know.”
Gordon set the books down and came to her. When she looked up at him, he drew her near. “Not while I’m there, you won’t. As to the ruse, I think we can. The best disguises are built around truth, right?”
“Yes.”
“As of today, we are officially dating.”
She smiled. “We are, aren’t we?”
“Yes, we are. And there’s something I’ve been meaning to do. I don’t want the first time I kiss you to be because we have an audience we have to fool.” His voice grew low and husky as he spoke, and he brushed his thumb along her lower lip.
Stacy slid her arms to his shoulders as he lowered his head. Even though she was wearing high-heeled sandals, she had to raise up on her tiptoes to help alleviate the awkward height difference. The movement brought their bodies into more solid contact, and Gordon drew her even closer.
For several seconds, his lips hovered over hers. Their breath mingled as he nuzzled her cheek with his nose. Stacy was ready to scream with anticipation by the time he finally closed the distance and their lips met.
In the past, she’d never really enjoyed kissing. It was too intimate. She discovered that kissing someone she was attached to was an entirely different experience. Even so, the closeness made her a little uncomfortable, and she pulled back. She didn’t want to break the contact, but straight kissing was too much.
“You okay?” Gordon let her down slowly.
Once she was back on her feet, she ducked her head into his chest. “Yes.”
He caressed her cheek, and she was amazed to see that his hand was trembling. She caught it and nuzzled his palm, placing a kiss there. When he sucked in a sharp breath, she did it again. This time, she caught the heel of his hand lightly between her teeth for a moment. She wasn’t enamored of kissing, but she wasn’t ready to quite let him go.