by T. L. Haddix
CHAPTER 28
THE LIGHT IN THE BEDROOM was still soft when Gordon woke up the next morning. The house was quiet, and Stacy was still asleep in his arms. With the covers still drawn over their shoulders, they were cocooned in warmth. He burrowed his face in her hair, breathing in the scent from her shampoo. Finally, he was getting to wake up with her the way he’d wanted to for months.
When he ran his hand down her side, gently caressing, she stretched like a cat, arching her back into his hand. She turned over, eyes still closed, and wrapped her arms around him. Taking advantage of her embrace, he rolled her onto her back, resting his leg between hers. She opened her eyes when he kissed her collarbone.
“Morning,” he whispered, his voice husky with sleep and desire.
Stacy touched his lips with her finger. “Morning, yourself. You look happy.”
Bracing his arms on either side of her head, he let his weight rest more fully on her. “I am happy.” He traced the edge of her ear with a fingertip, taking time to simply look at her.
“You also look like you have something on your mind.” She turned away to hide a yawn. “What is it?”
Gordon shrugged. “You said something last night right before you went to sleep. I thought it was interesting, that’s all.”
She raised an eyebrow, and the corner of her mouth quirked upward. “I did? What did I say?”
“That you love me.” He looked straight into her eyes as he spoke and then waited for her response. He felt her slowly released breath as much as he heard it.
“Oh. I said that, huh?”
He nodded. “You did.”
Brushing back the lock of hair that had fallen into his eyes when he nodded, she gazed back at him solemnly. “Well, it’s true. I do love you.”
Gordon didn’t have words. He felt so much and needed her so much that he couldn’t speak. From the way her expression softened, Stacy understood that. She touched his cheeks, then slid her fingers into his hair. Raking her fingers across his scalp, she smiled.
“I love you. It’s so soon, but I do love you. And it’s amazingly easier to say than I thought it would be. I love you,” she whispered again.
“I love you back. It isn’t sudden. Not really. We’ve been slowly getting to know one another for months now, building our relationship. We’ve taken a lot of steps in the last week or so, but I wouldn’t say this is sudden.”
She shifted underneath him. The motion caused his desire to flare hotter, but he ignored it, determined to get to the point of the conversation.
“Marry me.”
Her eyes widened. Gordon held his breath as he waited for a response.
“M-marry you? Like, marriage?”
He fought a smile. “Yes, like marriage. House, kids, cats, the whole nine yards. Marry me.”
She shook her head. “But… you want to marry me?”
“Yes. More than anything in the world.”
“Is this because of last night? Because we didn’t use a condom?” She’d grown very still beneath him, and Gordon shifted his weight back to his side.
“No. It’s because I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I don’t want to wait to get started on that life.”
“How soon are you thinking we’d do this?”
Lacing his fingers with hers, he tried to look innocent. “Um, maybe today?”
Stacy sat up so fast that she almost hit his head with her chin. “Today? Are you nuts?”
He flopped onto his back with a sigh. “Apparently, I am. Is that a no?”
“I… I don’t know. Do you know what people will think?” She clutched the sheet to her chest and gestured around the room. “Especially after I’ve seen this.”
Gordon sat up. “I don’t care what ‘people’ think. I care what you think.”
Stacy threaded her hands into her hair and rested her head on her knees with a groan. “I think I need the bathroom… and coffee. Lots of coffee.” She threw off the covers and padded across the carpet toward the door, picking up her gown on the way. “I’ll be back.”
Gordon headed into the kitchen and started the coffee. He came back down the hall as she was leaving the bathroom. They looked at each other awkwardly, and he held out the steaming cup of coffee, almost as a peace offering.
“You don’t have to offer to marry me because of last night,” she murmured as she took the mug. She wrapped her hands around it and went in the bedroom to stand beside the window, looking out.
Gordon followed. “I know. I’m not. But I do hope you’re pregnant. As long as that’s what you want,” he hurried to assure her when she threw him a shocked look.
She sat the coffee on the nightstand, then faced him, her arms crossed. “You really are serious? Not just about marrying me, but about doing it today?”
“Yes. I know I want to be with you. That’s not going to change. The question in front of us now is what do you want?”
“I won’t have people saying that I’m marrying you because of the money,” she told him. “Assuming I even agree that I want to marry you. Which I’m not saying that, exactly. But if I did, I’d want a prenup.”
Gordon’s eyes narrowed. “A prenup.”
She nodded once. “Yes. That’s non-negotiable.”
“Marriage is a compromise.”
“Yes, it is. Except on certain points. I’m sure you have things you wouldn’t compromise on, too. And I won’t give up my badge if we get married. You’d have to be okay with me continuing in my job.”
Gordon realized she was throwing the obstacles out as a defense, and he relaxed a little. “I know who you are, and I know how much being a detective means to you. I’d never ask you to give that up, not unless you were deliberately trying to harm yourself by doing it.”
“And the prenup?”
“As long as you let me put provisions in there to take care of you and any children we have, I’m fine with that.”
She frowned. “You are?”
“Sure. Why wouldn’t I be?”
She didn’t have an answer for that. “And you want to do this today?”
He sat down on the edge of the bed. “I’d like to, yes. You have a valid picture ID with you, I’m assuming.”
“Well, yes. So what are you thinking, we’d go back to Leroy to do this?” She picked up the coffee and sat down beside him, sipping the cooling brew.
“No, actually. I thought we could keep it secret for now, as much as we can. We might be able to use the information strategically against your mother. If you agree, that is. Kentucky doesn’t have a waiting period, and I have a friend from when I was with the bureau who’s a judge. She owes me a favor.”
Stacy shook her head. “I can’t believe I’m actually considering this. You know this goes against my very nature, right? I don’t do anything big without months of planning first.”
“I do know. I’m usually more cautious, too.”
“Then why the rush?”
He bent forward, arms on his knees, and looked at his feet. “I don’t know. It feels right. Waiting feels wrong.” He sighed. “And I know we’ll catch some flack about this if we do it. I happen to think it would be worth it.”
“You’d be able to draw up the prenup today?”
“I think so. I should be able to download one from one of those legal sites and customize it. I am licensed in Kentucky, after all.”
She rested her head on his shoulder. “Get the paperwork pulled together. I’ll think about your proposal while you do that.”
“Really? You’ll consider it?” When she stood, he grabbed her hand and tugged her to stand between his legs.
She touched his shoulders. “Yes, I’ll consider it. No promises.” Despite her words, she leaned forward and kissed him softly. “Silly man. What am I going to do with you?”
“Marry me. Have my babies, hopefully. Let me love you.”
After another kiss, she moved to the dresser and started pulling out clothes. When the bathroom door closed quietly
behind her, Gordon let out the breath he’d been holding and flopped back on the bed. He was too weak to do anything else at the moment and too scared she would say no.
CHAPTER 29
STACY WAS SO STUNNED THAT she was shaking. She’d wondered if someday, possibly, marriage might come up between her and Gordon. Given her history, though, she had been afraid to hope too much. She couldn’t understand why he wanted to marry her. Despite what he said, she thought he’d proposed because there was a chance she was pregnant.
She got the shower turned on, and once the water was hot, she stepped under the spray. Gordon’s proposal was more than tempting, she had to admit. It was damned near irresistible. She was having trouble coming up with reasons to turn him down.
He knew how much being a detective meant to her and was fine with that. He conceded to her demand for a prenup without blinking an eye. As much as she’d wanted to argue that they hadn’t been building their relationship for months, she knew they had. Gordon’s prolific communication with her when he hadn’t stayed in touch with anyone else in Leroy, as far as she could tell, had shown Stacy that she was a priority. Deep inside, she knew Gordon was a good man. She knew he was probably one of the best men she would ever know. And he wanted to marry her? The idea was almost beyond her comprehension.
And that was the crux of the decision. She couldn’t believe he really wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Whether his offer was related to the possibility of pregnancy or the heat of the moment and the domesticity of having played house for a few days, she couldn’t believe Gordon found her that interesting. No one had ever loved her unconditionally, and she saw no reason why that would have changed.
Once she had showered and dressed, she grabbed her phone and tracked him down in his office. “Hey. I need to think about what we discussed. Do you mind if I take a walk, get out of the house a little?”
He sat back in his chair, the hint of a frown between his brows. “That’s fine. You have your phone?”
She held it up. “I won’t go far. Where’s the property line?”
“Everything inside the fence, including the stream at the back of the lot. Holler if you need me?”
“I will.”
She let herself out onto the slate patio, stopping briefly to turn her face into the sunlight. For a minute, maybe two, she breathed in the fresh air and tried to slow her heart rate. She hadn’t paid much attention to the yard the day before, but as she looked around, she was charmed. An extensively landscaped garden fell away from the patio, and the ground gently sloped toward a copse of trees. All in all, there had to be five acres, maybe more, within the boundaries of the wooden fence.
“Presumably, that’s where the stream is,” she murmured to herself. She set off down the gravel path and texted Maria. “Are you in the office yet?”
Maria’s response was prompt. “Yes. Why?”
“Need to talk. Have a couple mins?”
Her phone rang seconds later, when she was halfway to the trees.
“What’s up, chickie?”
The words made Stacy smile. “How are you this morning?”
“I’m fine, baby’s fine, Wyatt’s fine. Everyone’s fine, except you. What’s wrong? I can hear it in your voice. Did Gordon do something?”
“Sort of. Are you sitting down?”
“I am.”
She’d reached the stream, where she found a comfortable bench located across the small, trickling waterway. She sank onto it with a grateful sound. “He proposed.”
Maria didn’t respond for long seconds, and Stacy checked the phone to make sure the call hadn’t dropped. “Are you there?”
“I am. He proposed what?”
“Marriage.”
The strangled sound on the other end of the call could have been anything from a laugh to a cough. “He didn’t waste any time, did he?”
“No. Oh, God, Maria, what am I going to do?” Stacy rested her head on her palm, fighting the absurd urge to cry. Knowing the information would go no further, she told Maria about his wealth, about the nursery. “We didn’t use a condom last night, and then he proposed this morning. How am I supposed to know he wants to marry me for me and not because I could be pregnant?”
“Oh, sweetie, what a mess.” Maria sighed. “Knowing the man, I doubt that’s it. What do you want to do?”
“I don’t know. Yes, I do. I want to say yes. Why wouldn’t I? He’s wonderful. He’s everything I ever wanted. I just can’t believe that I’m everything he wants. How could I be? I’m not that interesting. My idea of a good time is reading a book or remodeling my house. What does he see in me, Maria? It has to be that he wants a family, and I’m available.”
“Oh, yeah. That has to be it. Because you know the man hasn’t had any other eligible women come onto him in the years since his first wife died, seeing as he’s so ugly. So it has to be that you’re the first woman who’s shown any interest in him at all, and he’s desperate to replace the family he lost. It can’t possibly be because you make him happy, or he enjoys being with you. If I were there, I’d shake you,” Maria growled. “Gordon isn’t Andre. He isn’t like anyone you’ve ever dated. If he proposed to you, it’s because he wants to marry you.”
Stacy’s laugh was half-sob. “Don’t try logic with me, damn it. I’m emotionally broken. Logic has no place in this conversation.”
“Apparently not. Did he mention if he wants a long engagement or not? If he’s wanting to wait a year, he’s not worried about you being pregnant.”
“He wants to get married today.”
“Oh. Well, that’s, um, unexpected. Still, I don’t think he’d ask if he hadn’t been thinking about this for a while. You can’t tell me you haven’t been doing that, by the way. I know you.”
“Yes, I’ve been thinking about it. I’ve been thinking about nothing but that.” Stacy was afraid to spell out what exactly ‘that’ was. “Every time I see a baby, or a pregnant woman, or a family—or one of the ridiculously happy couples I’m surrounded by, I think of that. How could I not?”
“Okay, let’s do this. Take some breaths, and then tell me—no logic, just emotion—what do you want? What do you really want, deep down inside?”
Stacy closed her eyes and took several breaths, feeling slightly calmer than she had before. When she spoke, her voice shook. “I want him. More than I’ve ever wanted anything, I want him. And I want to have children with him, grow old with him, the whole enchilada. But I’m so afraid that it won’t work. I don’t think I can trust what’s in front of me. If we did marry, and it didn’t work out, it would kill me. And what would people think?”
Maria’s voice was softer, but her response was no less powerful. “If he walks away now or if he walks away ten years from now, it’s going to hurt every bit as much. You know that. And as far as what people are going to say, if I listened to what people thought, I would not be married to the love of my life, expecting his child. I know what people think—that Wyatt was having a mid-life crisis, that I married him for money. I don’t care. We know the truth, that we married for love. And none of us are guaranteed a happy ever after, Stace. Any of us could die tomorrow. Do you want to spend what time you do have being happy, or do you want to spend it worrying about what might happen?”
Stacy’s throat was so tight that she couldn’t respond. When Maria asked if she was still there, she forced out a strangled sound. She couldn’t speak for a little while, though.
“So you’re saying I need to quit being a chicken and just go for it?”
“No, not exactly. You told me what you want. I have the feeling that Gordon wants you exactly the same way you do him, but I can’t prove that. So consider that, and listen to your gut.”
“And if my gut tells me to marry him today?”
“Then do it. To hell with everyone else.”
“Just like that, huh?”
Maria laughed. “Yep. It’s pretty simple, really. Of course, if you do that, you won’t be able to tease Et
han and Beth anymore. You’ll essentially be doing what they did.”
“And that turned out pretty well for them.”
“It has.”
Stacy groaned. “I don’t know what to do. He wants me to meet his mother-in-law this evening. Did I mention that?”
“No, you didn’t. Look, take your time. Don’t let him push you one way or another. And make the best decision for you. That’s all you can do.”
After ending the call, Stacy stayed on the bench for quite some time, lost in thought. When she heard footsteps on the gravel path, she looked up to see Gordon approaching.
“Hey, I don’t mean to bother you. I wanted to check and see if you’re okay.” He stopped on the opposite side of the stream with his hands shoved in his pockets.
Stacy stood and made her way across the little bridge. “I am. You’ve given me a lot to think about.” Arms crossed, she started up the gravel path, stopping before they cleared the trees. She turned and looked up at him, trying to read his face. All she saw was concern and perhaps a little trepidation. A gentle breeze was blowing, and he pushed his hair out of his face as she studied him.
“Why do you want to marry me? Is it because you want to replace the family you lost?” she asked hesitantly.
Gordon’s jaw tightened. “No. That’s insulting, to you and to me.”
Stacy raised her chin, standing her ground. “Maybe. But I have to know. Why?”
He looked back toward the stream, walking away a few steps to break a small twig off a dead tree. He systematically broke it down, tossing the debris aside. “You make me happy. I think I make you happy.” He looked over his shoulder at her. When she nodded, he continued. “I want to be with you. The more time I spend with you, the more time I want to spend with you. Making you happy makes me happy. Making you smile makes me smile. And yes, I want a family with you. I want that so much… But it isn’t to replace Mallory or the child we lost.” He groaned and yanked on his hair with both hands. “I had a dream. That’s what sent me running, back in February. I wasn’t going to tell you that.”