by Khan, Jen
“No,” I push through the golf-ball-sized lump that is caught in my throat.
“I can’t believe that you of all people would be so devious.”
“Tristan, please,” I whisper. I am still trembling, only now it is so bad that I can barely stand. My knees are going to buckle under me. I am so terrified that all I can do is watch him.
Tristan jerks back and rounds his desk. When he gets to it, he slams his fists on the top of it. “You worked your way into my life. You made me feel shit that I’ve never felt for anyone. I was falling for you, only for you to be a selfish, conniving daughter of a piece of scum.”
My feet move as I take three strides before the look on his face again brings me to a screeching halt.
“Don’t you dare come near me, Holly.”
On a shaky breath, I crack. “Please.”
“Please what?” he growls. “What could you possibly want from me now? You fucking played me for a fool. You were in my bed. You wanted so badly to drive that knife into my back that you spread your legs for me and gave up that pussy so easily?”
His words hit me like a fatal blow to the heart. “Tristan, I can—“
“Get the fuck out,” he finishes and jabs his finger at me. “You didn’t spend two days trapped in a car that was flipped over in a ravine watching your mother’s life slip away with every ragged breath she took! She died wheezing with every. Fucking. Breath.” His voice cracks on the last word.
I freeze completely as Tristan continues to speak in a chilling, level voice.
“I watched her bleed all over the place. The metallic scent stung my nose, and I can still smell it to this day. It was leaking from a gash in her head, from her nose, her ears.” He closes his eyes.
Oh God!
“Tristan—” I exhale, but he cuts me off.
“Do you know what that’s like? To watch someone who means more to you than anything die right in front of you while you are in agony from your own pain?” His eyes move to the ceiling as he takes in a deep breath.
My heart is hammering against my chest and the tears fall over sliding down my cheeks. “I was in the car with my father.”
Tristan’s startled eyes found mine. “What?” he asks, his tone full of disbelief.
I shake my head and go on. “You didn’t make it that far in the article, did you?”
He says nothing.
“That’s how I got the scar on my arm and up here.” I move back the hair that somewhat covers the scar. “He asked me to lie. Tell them that we hit a deer. I was only nine years old and I didn’t know what to do.”
Tristan watches me as I tell him the details of that dreadful night. “You hit a deer?” he asks as I see the light in his eyes completely extinguish. My heart can’t take it as it skips a few more beats. I put my hand to the wall to steady myself.
Holy shit! This is killing him. I don’t know what possesses me to do it, but it just comes out. No warning.
“I’m pregnant.” As soon as the words leave my lips, I regret them. I slap my hand over my mouth as the sudden silence fills the room. I can see the rage vibrating off Tristan as his body stills and his jaw ticks.
“Lies,” he bites out as he closes the distance and grabs my arm, pulling me towards the door.
I yank my arm free. “It’s not a lie, Tristan. I’m pregnant with our baby. I just found out this afternoon.”
His body goes solid while my heart stops and my gut twists into a tight, little knot. His head sags for a second before he releases the fury in his eyes on me.
“That bastard you are carrying is not mine.” He takes a step forward. “I can’t trust anything that comes from your lips. The only good thing that that mouth of yours is good for is sucking my cock, and darlin’…those days are over.”
“Oh my God,” I murmur, placing a hand over my midsection as if covering my unborn child’s ears.
He peers down at me, emotionless.
“I haven’t been with anyone else. It’s only been you, I swear it.”
“Get out!” he shouts so loud that it makes me jump.
I don’t move. My feet are planted where I stand. Whether it is out of fear or shock, I don’t know. I swallow past that nagging lump that has yet to subside in my throat.
“Get the fuck out,” he growls.
“This isn’t fair, Tristan. You have to listen to me.”
“Life isn’t fair, cupcake,” he returns.
“Please,” I try once more.
“I was fucking falling for you,” he bellows as his fist slams into the wall next to me.
I let out another sob. He rubs his fist as the rage continues to flow through him. I can’t think. I can’t speak. All I can do is watch as this man unravels right in front of me. His eyes are cold and dead of any emotion that may have once been there.
When I finally do come back from the shock of watching this transformation, I say, “This baby is ours. You and me. Created out of love. I don’t sleep around and you know that. I understand that you are angry, but this baby is an innocent child who deserves two loving parents.”
Tristan snorts and shakes his head. He stalks to the door of the office, gripping the knob and jerking it open. “Your ass needs to be gone. Now.”
My jaw goes slack. He doesn’t believe me.
I walk up to him and stare at his face, willing him to look back at me, which he doesn’t. He turns his head to make damn sure I don’t get that satisfaction. I nod, straighten my spine, and walk out the door, not exactly sure what happens next.
The door shuts behind me with a slam followed by several crashes. My feet pick up speed. I make it to the front of the gym, push the door wide, and take off down the street to my car. Before getting in, I race to the bush nearby and heave all of the contents from my stomach.
On Saturday evening, I am at Holts meeting up with Emma, who is working the bar with Braden and Juice. Olivia, Jake, and Jake’s new girl Claire are here too. Jim has called an emergency meeting and asked that I show up too.
As soon as the news came out about my father, Emma got to me. The Holt family had a hard time getting a grasp on their emotions at the very beginning. There were anger, tears, and looks of resentment the night I sat down and explained the situation. I went as far as to tell them that I’d put two and two together when I’d seen Alexis’s photo on the wall. I also told them all about the baby.
It didn’t take long for Jim to show me compassion. It was almost immediate. Olivia was next. Not long after, Braden and Jake followed. I haven’t spoken to Tristan in over three weeks. He won’t answer my calls and refuses to see me. I can’t eat or sleep. That kind of stress can’t be good for the baby.
I’ve already decided that I love this baby growing inside me. Whether Tristan feels the same way or not doesn’t matter. I will raise him or her on my own if I have to. It’s just that simple.
I make my way to the nearest barstool, which just so happens to be next to Jake. The crowd is decent, not overwhelming but just enough to keep the staff on their feet.
Olivia skips over, practically throwing herself at me, and kisses my cheek. “Hey, baby doll,” she greets.
“Hey, sista,” I return.
“What’s your poison tonight?”
“I’ll take a sweet tea.” This place has the best sweet tea in the South.
Olivia looks at me quizzically.
“The baby,” I remind her.
“Oh yeah!” She nods and retrieves a glass, dunking it in the ice bin and filling it with sweet tea. After placing a cocktail napkin in front of me, she sets my drink down with a straw. Then she wipes her hands down the front of her apron and pops them on her hips.
“Everything okay?”
Before I can respond, Olivia lifts her eyes and I feel my neck get tight. I turn on my stool and see him. Tristan is stumbling down the aisle as he makes his way to the bar with Shawna Mitchell wrapped around him. I never did like her. She is easy. Not only is she the town slut, but she is the town bitc
h.
Tonight, she is wearing a red dress that fits like a glove and threatens to show off more than any of us want to see along with a pair of four-inch platforms, a choker chain, and her blond, frizzy hair teased out to there. She dons way too much makeup and can’t keep her hands off my man.
Tristan looks like hell. His hair is messier than his usual, his eyes have black circles under them, and his clothes look disheveled. I wonder how long it’s been since he has slept.
This is not good.
Olivia appears next to me, arms crossed and scowling at her brother.
Tristan and Shawna stop when they reach us, swaying and holding each other up.
“Hi, Tristan,” I greet, standing from my stool and taking a step toward him.
His gaze travels the length of me before looking me in the eye. He clearly isn’t happy to see me.
“Can we talk for a minute?” I ask in hopes that maybe he will give me a moment of his time.
He is definitely off. His eyes are glazed over and he can barely focus on me. “I have nothing to say to you.” He sniffs.
Oh God. He is high.
“Tristan, please. I won’t take much of your time, I promise.”
His head tips back and he booms out a laugh. “You promise?” Sniff. “You promise?” he replies with a disbelieving tone before looking over my shoulder to the bar. “Bro!” he hollers.
“What the fuck are you doing?” is Jake’s response. This surprises me. Jake isn’t the type to make a scene.
“I’m here for the family meeting that pop called to order. I didn’t know she would be here,” Tristan hisses.
“Bullshit.” This came from Braden, who materializes next to Olivia. “You knew Holly was coming up here tonight. I told you this earlier.”
“Now, brother—“Tristan begins only to be interrupted by Braden.
“You want to fuck around? Do this here where there are witnesses? Fine. Let’s do this.”
“Tristan,” I interject, “I just want to know that you’re okay. You aren’t answering your phone.”
“I am, just not when you’re calling.”
Damn. I expected that response, but it still stings. All I can do is hang my head in defeat. To avoid any more humiliation, I decide that that’s my cue. I walk over to Emma, who can’t tear her eyes from the scene unfolding. I lean over the bar, kiss her cheek, and turn to make my grand escape when Jake’s hand grips my arm.
“Don’t leave,” he orders with a hard voice I don’t recognize. “You are welcome here as much as he is.”
“What?” I ask.
“You don’t deserve this shit, Holly. Him making you uncomfortable for something that you had no hand in. It is so unrealistic for him to push the blame off on you.”
“I’m thinking you two,” Braden pipes in to Tristan and Shawna, “need to leave. Go sober up.”
They ignore him. “Her father killed our mother. Left me for dead too,” he spits.
My chest feels like there’s an elephant sitting on it. Knowing what my father did to the Holts and this beautifully tortured man kills me.
“Enough!” Jake bellows. “You seriously believe that it’s her fault, don’t you, man? How can you think that way? She was nine years old when it happened and her father was the one behind the wheel.”
“Exactly, bro. Her father was behind the wheel of the car that killed our mother, and here you all are, one big happy family! Shit’s fucked, man.”
I start to feel lightheaded. I’m seconds from passing out when Emma moves in to hold me up and guide me to a stool. She’s five months pregnant and still strong as an ox. If it weren’t for her just now, I would have face-planted on the floor.
“Are you high?” Braden inquires, and Shawna stifles a giggle.
“Yeah, you’re high,” Olivia notes, shaking her head. “You’ve been sober for ten years, Tristan! Why?”
“Fuck off, all of you!”
Jake moves in. So does Braden, and the whole bar goes silent. Tristan peels Shawna off of him and holds his arms out.
“You really wanna do that?” Jake tempts, bucking up to Tristan in an aggressive manner.
“Enough!” That was Jim. All eyes move to the man who heads the family. “Get home. Get sober. We’ll discuss this later. I’ll make sure that you know about family business when you can handle it.”
“Tristan, let me drive you home, babe,” Emma starts only to get cut off.
“I don’t need you to drive me home. I can make it perfectly fine on my own. I haven’t had a drop of alcohol.” He sniffs again. “I can take care of myself.”
She leans toward Tristan. “Don’t be a fool. If you aren’t drunk, you’re clearly under the influence of something else, and I would feel more comfortable if you would let me drop you off. It’ll take me five minutes and I highly advise that you NOT get a pregnant woman all worked up. It’s not good for the baby.”
I know she is referring to herself, but I can’t help how my heart sinks at her words.
Tristan’s eyes slice to me and slide down to my belly. The pain in his eyes evident before it quickly disappears. He nods his head in agreement, brushes Shawna off, who shrugs her shoulders and is off to find her next conquest of the night. Emma removes her apron and kisses Braden on the lips before he hands her the keys to her car. As she gives me a hug, a look of sadness washes over her face.
Tristan pulls her into his arm and uses her as a crutch as they walk out the back door. I can feel their stares on me. Everyone in the bar has me in their sights. We’ll be the talk of the town now. Luckily, they don’t know the half of it.
When Emma is back, Jim calls, “Family meeting.”
“Umm, I can go,” I mumble.
“I said family meeting. You are part of this family now. Especially when you’re housing my future grandbaby,” Jim says to me.
I look around and everyone was gives me their nods of approval.
“As you all know, we’ve taken on some new help. Claire here has given her notice at her previous employment and will be serving and trying her hand at the bar here starting next week. I’m cutting back Emma’s hours so that she can get some more rest. The baby will be here in a few months and she has a lot of preparing to do.”
“I don’t need to reduce my hours. I’ve always been fine with my schedule,” Emma declares.
“You work too much as it is, darlin’. With Claire on board and Juice being as reliable as he is, things will work out more smoothly. You’re gonna need less time on your feet.”
“I like my schedule. Plus, the baby isn’t due for another few months,” she proclaims.
Jim points to Emma, wagging his finger, and orders, “Braden, see to that.”
Emma’s mouth goes tight. Braden snickers. Olivia whistles. Jake looks at the ceiling. Claire shifts in her chair.
“Jake, I know you’re busy, son, but during this time, it would be much appreciated if you could take on anything you can. Even if that means a shift or two a week. As you can see, Tristan isn’t going to be much help to us right now.”
“You got it, Pop.”
“And, Holly. Any help that you can offer will be well received.”
“I would love to help out any way I can,” I affirm, because I truly would. This family has been so supportive and amazing to me over the past few weeks.
Jim nods and says, “Well then, this meeting is adjourned.”
I watch them all while they carry on with their lives as I imagine they always do after a family meeting. Braden smooths over a very pissed-off-looking Emma while clearly trying to smother a laugh, Olivia is grinning at me, Juice is joking around with a few of the regulars, and Jake is showering Claire with attention.
I place a hand over my belly to give it a little rub. Even though everything seems shitty right now, at least I know that my baby is going to be a part of a wonderful family.
I know that this is a bad idea. God, I just know it. Five minutes ago, I turned my car around on Main Street and headed
straight for the gym. I have to talk to Tristan. I have to get through to him. He can’t hate me forever. I’m going to have his baby, and if he can’t forgive me, then he will at least want to be a part of his child’s life. He has to, right?
Against my better judgment, I chose to give him a couple of hours and then harass him at his apartment, because clearly, after that shit show at the bar a little while ago, he wants to see me.
I put the car in park, remove the keys from the ignition, and climb out. The gym door is locked, so I make my way to the back of the building and slowly hike up the stairs that lead directly to the apartment. I turn the knob, hoping that it is unlocked and completely shocked to find that it is. I push the door open and quietly close it behind me.
I can make out music playing from deeper within the apartment. I reach the living room, and on the coffee table is all the evidence I need that Tristan was indeed high at the bar. In the middle of the table sits a large, round mirror with eight huge lines of cocaine, a razor, and a baggy containing more white powder. My chest tightens and my hand finds my belly. An intense pain grips my soul. It is loss for the man I love and have single-handedly destroyed. It is fear that this baby will grow up without a father. It is pain that Tristan may never get to know the life that is growing inside me, the one I already feel a tremendous adoration for.
There is a loud thump and muffled sounds coming from his bedroom. My heart is beating so rapidly that, if I don’t get control of it, I might pass out. My feet move on their own without my guidance. My brain is screaming at me to turn around and run. Don’t go back there, and yet my damn feet have a mind of their own.
The door is ajar, so I push it open the rest of the way, and what I see will forever be etched in my brain. I can’t tear my eyes from the scene that is unfolding in front of me. I will never be able to move past this very moment.
Tristan has just ruined me forever.