“You’ve been gone a while,” I say simply.
“Not that long. And I had a signal on my phone.”
I shrug. “We’ll catch up.”
“I want to hear all about the honeymoon,” Willa says.
“Ugh, romance,” Alex says, sticking his tongue out and making us all laugh.
“That’s right, romance is gross.” Christian ruffles his hair before offering him some garlic bread. “Just remember that in about six years.”
“Thirty years,” Willa mutters.
“Go ahead, rub it in that you got to wear your summer clothes and swim in the ocean,” Jenna says, and we all take a place at my dining room table. This calms me a bit. My family gathered around, talking about normal things.
I can do this.
“I actually did swim in the ocean,” Hannah says. “Which I know is a shocker, given that I’m afraid of literally everything.”
“She was amazing,” Brad adds.
“I’ll never do it again,” Hannah continues. “I saw a shark. A freaking shark.”
“That’s so cool,” Alex says, and I nod in agreement.
“No. It was scary. I don’t want to die. So, while it was maybe the most amazing thing I’ve seen, I don’t need to repeat the experience. But it was seriously beautiful there. We sat on the beach or by the pool for a little while every day. Someone was always bringing us a drink or food of some kind.”
“That doesn’t suck,” Willa says.
“There were lots of walks on the beach, and the staff at our resort was amazing. They drew us rose baths every night with lit candles and fruit. It was so romantic.”
“So jealous,” Jenna says with a happy sigh. “And so happy for you. It sounds wonderful.”
“I’d like to go back,” Brad says with a nod. “Maybe for an anniversary.”
“Sooner, rather than later,” Hannah agrees. “We highly recommend it. So, what’s been going on here?” She glances at Willa and me, and I stuff some bread into my mouth.
“It was my birthday,” Alex announces. God, I love that kid. He’s so happy, and not afraid to talk. I’ve never understood the whole children should be seen and not heard thing. Alex has good things to say.
“Happy belated birthday,” Hannah says. “How did you celebrate?”
Alex happily gives a play-by-play of his party and going to pick up Rocky, not leaving out even one detail.
He could easily fight crime with how well he remembers details.
Having finished my dinner, I stand to start some clean-up. Willa joins me as I toss some aluminum foil into the recycling bin.
“He loves talking about that dog,” she says with a grin.
“Of course, he does, it’s his favorite thing,” I reply. Jenna brings her plate in, and slowly the others filter into the kitchen, as well, each finished with their meals.
“I’m ready for a movie,” Jenna says. “Alex, want to come with me and get it queued up?”
“Heck, yes,” he says, darting for the stairs. “Last one down is a rotten egg!”
“I don’t want to be a rotten egg,” Brad says, making a break for the door. Hannah and Christian follow, and then it’s just Willa and me left in the kitchen.
“Those jerks left all the dishes for us,” I grumble, glaring at the stairs.
“It’s fine,” Willa says. “You can go with them, and I’ll finish this.”
“Nah, you go,” I reply, shaking my head. “This won’t take long.”
“Okay,” she says, but I can tell by her tone that she’s not agreeing to go downstairs. No, that okay was the equivalent to “we need to talk.”
I take a deep breath.
“What’s going on with you?” she asks, her hands on her hips. “Because I’ve sat here for the last hour wondering what I did or said to make you mad at me. Now, I’ve decided, fuck that, you need to talk to me.”
“You haven’t done anything wrong.” And that’s the God’s honest truth. This is all me and my own junk.
But I’m not ready to talk about it.
“Okay, then what?”
I sigh and drag my hand down my face. “I need to leave tomorrow. For Seattle.”
She takes a step back in retreat, and her face falls, going stark white.
“For good?” Her voice trembles.
“No.” I shake my head and pull her into my arms. God, I’m fucking all of this up. “No, Wills, just for a few days. For work.”
Lying to Willa doesn’t sit well with me.
It seems nothing sits well with me today.
“So, are you being a dick because you’re leaving tomorrow, or are you being a dick because you don’t want to see me anymore?”
“I’m not being a dick.” I frown and step back. She crosses her arms over her chest and scowls.
“Yeah. You are. Trust me, I know dickery, and this is it. So, which is it?”
“I’m not trying to be a dick,” I insist. “And I don’t want to stop seeing you.”
“So you’re being a dick—”
“Use a different word, please.”
“—jerk because you’re going away for a few days? I call bullshit.”
I blow out a breath and pace away. I should know better. Willa calls ’em like she sees ’em.
“I’m just moody today,” I say at last because that, at least, is the truth. “I have a lot on my mind, and I’m shitty company. If we hadn’t already planned this with the family days ago, I would have bailed.”
“You can tell me about it,” she offers and comes to me again, taking my hand in hers to give it a squeeze. “Sometimes, I’m good at figuring things out.”
“Yeah.” I sigh and tip my forehead against hers. “I’ll tell you about it after I get my own head wrapped around it.”
“Promise?”
“I promise.”
***
The dreams follow me no matter where I go. Montana or Seattle, it doesn’t matter. I’ve had similar nightmares every damn night.
It’s fucking with me.
So what the fuck am I doing here?
I stare at the ceiling, afraid to go back to sleep, and pissed off at Cary for messing with me in my dreams. If that is, in fact, what’s happening.
Maybe it’s not him at all, but my own garbage.
And if it’s happening no matter what, why am I in Seattle, six hundred miles away from the woman I love rather than with her? Talking to her? Letting her help me?
I’m a smart man. We haven’t said the words, but I know she loves me. And I love her too, more than I ever thought I could love another person.
And I’m doing a stellar job of pushing her away.
Fucking ridiculous.
I thought I needed room to breathe, to put everything in perspective and remember that I’m not poaching on anything. Cary’s long dead, and I gave Willa all the space in the world.
Literally.
Fate wants us together.
I drag my hands through my hair and sit up, then pad down the stairs to the kitchen and open a bottle of water. This house is much, much smaller than my Montana home, but it’s comfortable and has amazing views.
It’s also empty.
Aside from ghosts that won’t leave me the hell alone.
I don’t want to hurt Willa. That’s the last thing I ever wanted to do, and I could see by the look on her face the other day when I told her I was leaving town that she still has scars from all those years ago.
I hurt her worse than I ever realized.
She’s right, I am a dick.
She deserves so much better than that. She deserves everything. So does Alex. He’s such a sweet soul, so loving and generous.
I want to wrap them both up and keep them safe from everything, always.
Cary—or my subconscious—is wrong. I am what’s best for them, and they’re absolutely what’s best in my life. The money, the homes, the celebrity? None of that matters if I don’t have them with me.
I’m done hurting Willa,
and myself. I’m done standing back, worried about what Cary might think of it. Yes, he was my friend, and I respected him. But he’s gone, and Willa and I are alive.
Wasting even one more minute isn’t an option.
I pick up my phone and text Charles.
Going back to Cunningham Falls this afternoon. Please have the plane ready by 4:00 p.m.
I check the time. It’s after three in the morning, so I don’t expect an answer until around seven.
I’ll finish up some work here, take a lunch meeting, then head home where I should be.
I never should have left.
Chapter Ten
~Willa~
SHINE BRIGHT LIKE A DIAMOND…
I’m singing. Loudly.
Shine bright like a diamond…
And dancing with Jenna, Hannah, and Nina. Dancing my ass off at a bar called Lacey’s, where the DJ is playing all of our favorite songs. Alcohol is already moving happily through my veins, and my friends are smiling.
Screw Max and his moodiness. All a girl needs are her friends and some martinis.
“Wooooo!” Jenna is a woo girl. Always has been, especially when she’s a bit inebriated.
The song ends, and we sashay our way back to our table. It’s in the corner, as far from the music as possible so we can chat.
“How can you wear those shoes and dance?” Hannah asks as I sit next to her.
“I’m used to them now,” I reply, glancing down at my four-inch heels. “By the time I get home, my feet will be killing me.”
“Liquor helps to cover the pain,” Nina reminds us and holds her drink out for all of us to clink. “By the way, you always look so adorable, Willa. Do you have that outfit in your store?”
“Every single piece of it,” I confirm with a wink.
“I’ll be in tomorrow,” Nina says. “I need some wintery things. I have to adjust to this cold climate now that I’m an official resident of Cunningham Falls.”
“Welcome home, by the way,” Jenna tells Nina with a big smile. “I’m so happy you decided to move here permanently.”
Nina is Christian’s sister and publicist.
“It makes sense,” she says with a shrug. “Christian is here more than he’s in California these days, and I like it here.”
“I’m glad,” I add, also toasting her with my Cosmo.
“I was thinking of starting a business here,” Nina confides. “I know all about being a personal assistant to the wealthy, and I think there could be a need for that here.”
“More and more as we have more wealthy people moving in,” Hannah agrees, nodding. “Heck, I think professionals who aren’t necessarily wealthy but still need help could use those services.”
“I’m talking about things like personal chefs, holiday decorating, errand running, in-home spas, floral services, shopping, small event planning, and more. I have a couple of friends in L.A. who run a similar company there, and they’re ready to branch out.”
“You’re hired.”
We turn in unison to find our friend, Grace, standing at the table.
“Sorry I’m late, guys. The baby made a huge mess, and I had to clean it up and get her settled again with Jacob.”
Grace is another dear friend of ours, and the wife of Jacob Berkley. He owns the Blacktail Ski Resort and many other businesses in town, including the bar where we’re currently having girls’ night.
“How are you feeling?” I ask. Grace just had a baby a couple of weeks ago. “I’m surprised you wanted to come out tonight.”
“I needed to get out of the house,” she says with a sigh. “I’m feeling good. But no liquor for me tonight. I’m breastfeeding.”
“I’ll have hers,” Nina offers, making us laugh.
“I’ll hire you to do all of those things,” Grace adds as she sheds her coat and asks the server for an iced tea. “I can’t get caught up from having the baby. I love her, but man, she’s a lot of work.”
“It never ends,” I agree with a nod.
“Jacob is working a lot of hours with it still being ski season, and having a service like that would be a lifesaver. So, when you’re up and running, let me know. I’ll keep you busy.”
“My first customer,” Nina says excitedly and reaches out to give Grace a high-five.
Grace misses, of course. She’s the most ungraceful person we know.
“Are you going to quit working for Christian?” I ask Nina.
“No, I’ll always work for him, but he’s fading out of the limelight more and more. He’s happy to make his movies, work the press, then go back to being private with Jenna. There aren’t any scandals to handle, and I think I’d like to branch out a bit. Besides, the girls coming from L.A. can totally run things if I’m not available.”
“Well, congratulations,” Jenna says, holding her glass out to Nina. “And thank the good Lord for no scandals.”
“You’re not kidding,” Nina says with a laugh. “Now, I need to catch up on Willa. What’s up with you and Max?”
“Wait.” Grace turns to me with wide eyes. “What the hell? Why haven’t I heard about this before?”
“Because you just had a baby and you’ve been a hermit,” I remind her.
“Well, shit,” she grumbles. “Start from the beginning and use all the dirty words.”
“I really like you,” Nina says to Grace, making her laugh.
I quickly recount the past few weeks, seeing more of Max, all the way through to the other day at his house when he told me that he was leaving.
“He didn’t say anything about leaving to me,” Jenna says with a frown. “What the hell got up his ass?”
“I don’t know.” I finish my drink, then flag down the server for another. “It was weird. Why are men so difficult? They always say we’re the confusing ones, but we’re easy.”
“All we need is chocolate, a nice bubble bath, and no bullshit,” Hannah says with a nod. “Not hard.”
“Yes. Exactly.”
“Have you heard from him since he left?” Grace asks.
“A couple of texts, but I’ve left him alone. If he has some shit to figure out, let him figure it out. I’m too old and too damn busy to chase after him.”
“Atta girl,” Jenna says.
“When does he come home?” Hannah asks.
“No idea.”
“Okay, that’s bullshit,” Nina says, shaking her head. “If you’re in a relationship with someone, you don’t pull that crap. It’s just inconsiderate.”
“The whole thing is weird,” I insist. “It’s like, one day, everything was normal and fine, and he couldn’t keep his hands off me. And then the next, he was distant and had to suddenly leave town for work.”
“He got scared,” Grace says simply, grabbing all of our attention. “Something spooked him, and he ran away.”
“But what? I told him he could talk to me.”
“Again, men are stubborn and ridiculous,” Jenna says. “Especially Max. He’ll talk about it when he’s ready, but don’t let him blow you off. You don’t deserve that.”
“Yeah.” My head is spinning from my third drink. It’s nice. “You’re right. He doesn’t get to ignore me. In fact, I’m gonna text him now.”
“Oh, Lord, no.” Hannah yanks my phone out of my hand. “No drunk texting. You’ll just be embarrassed in the morning.”
“She’s right,” Jenna says. “But call him tomorrow and tell him off. Do it when you’re with me, on speakerphone because I want to hear it.”
I giggle. “I wonder if very many people ever give him a piece of their mind?”
“Aside from Brad and me, probably not,” Jenna says and sips her margarita.
“Well, you can add my name to the list.” I hold out my hand for my phone. “I won’t call him drunk.”
Probably not.
He hurt my feelings and confused me, and I hate that. So, when Jenna suggested we come out tonight, I jumped at it.
“I love this song!” Hannah jumps up and gra
bs Jenna’s hand. “Come on, you guys.”
“I’ll stay here with Grace,” Nina says, shaking her head. “You go cut a rug.”
“Order another round of drinks.” I grin as I scoot out of the booth. “And maybe some food to soak them up.”
***
I’m not falling-down drunk.
I’m stumble-around-and-giggle drunk.
There’s a difference.
My house is quiet and empty. Mom and Ken took Alex and the puppy to their place for the night. Grace just dropped me off, and I’m not sleepy in the least.
I want to talk.
I want to fuck.
I giggle and shuffle out of my shoes, then pad into the kitchen and look for a snack.
I have Ruffles. Those sound amazing.
I crack open the bag and walk into the living room to plop onto the couch and dig in.
And then, with chips stuffed into my mouth, I dial Max’s number.
“Hey, Wills.”
“Mshhke”
“Uh, what’s that?”
I chew and swallow.
“You made a mistake, buddy.”
“How’s that?”
I picture him leaning back in a chair behind a desk with his white dress shirt unbuttoned. He’s got his feet up on the desktop, and a leggy blonde is standing behind him, rubbing her grabby hands over his chest the way they do in movies.
“First of all, tell the blonde to get her hands off of you.”
Silence.
See? I knew it.
“Do you have a fever?” he asks at last.
“No, I’m just not stupid,” I reply, my words slurring only a little. “And, second, I went out with the girls tonight, and we danced and drank a lot. Alex is gone, and I’m home alone. You could have gotten laid, pal.”
“Really.”
“Oh, yeah. Because when I’ve been drinking, I get horny. And I would rock your damn world. But, no, you’re in Seattle with a blond bimbo who’s touching your chest, and that pisses me off.”
“There’s no blonde. Bimbo or otherwise.”
“Sure.”
“Is that why you think I left town?”
“I dunno.” I frown and feel tears threaten. “You just left. And in the movies, there’s a blond bimbo with her hands on you.”
“You had a lot to drink.”
“Lot of good it did me,” I pout and stuff another chip into my mouth. “No interruptions, and I don’t even get to have sex.”
Waiting for Willa (The Big Sky Series Book 3) Page 10