by S. L. Scott
He did it. He has laid it all out for me, been so open, which he wasn’t before. Has a few years apart made him realize he can’t hold back when it comes to love or did being back with me do that? Whichever it is, I’ll take it. He’s giving me what I want, making his intentions along with his future direction crystal clear. The ball is in my court and I’m either going to accept our past and move forward or walk away so I don’t destroy what we have rebuilt.
When I look over at him again, talking to the stars, why does it feel like I’m opening myself up for the pain I thought I had gotten over?
He’s told me everything I need to hear, everything I dreamed of hearing for years, but I can’t seem to hold on to the words, my heart is still too damaged. A quiet ticking is felt inside my chest, awakened for the first time since the day I left. I watch him speaking, listening when others talk. His body language reveals he cares for them and their needs. And I know he cares about mine. But he has needs too. I get up, my heart beating in double time—along with my biological clock, is his now ticking in sync with mine?
I need to clear my head and think about the scene and a potential rewrite as well as figure out what I’m doing with Luke. Last night I was running off emotion, hurt feelings that he wasn’t responsible for. Today, I have to think clearly. If I get back with Luke, there’s no back and forth with him. I love him too much to date him casually. Like him, I need to be all in or let him go.
Thirty minutes later I’m out of the hotel and jogging down to the trail along the water. It’s misting, but the rain feels good on my hot skin as I push myself physically. Everything with Luke needs to make sense for who we are now, the people we became when the other wasn’t looking.
Mist turns to rain, but I keep running, keep pushing until I only know the gravel beneath my feet and the gray skies above. I don’t know how much time has passed or how many miles I cover, but when I come back to Congress where the street meets the trail I stop in my tracks.
Luke.
Not thirty feet in front of me with an umbrella in hand, he stands, waiting.
For me.
Offering protection from the rain.
The metaphor is not lost on me. This man who offered me comfort for every formative year of my life is now here ready to weather the storm with me.
My heart is pumping but I’m not sure if it’s from the long jog or from the sight of him. When he comes closer, my knees weaken and I know it’s definitely from him. He holds the umbrella over my head though I’m drenched already. Through rain-covered lashes, I look up at him, and ask, “What are you doing here?”
“I’ll always be here when you need me.”
The sentiment hits me straight in the heart. I’m not sure if it’s rain or tears that fall down my cheeks until I remember the umbrella shielding us from the rain. But he sees them. Just like he sees the real me through every wall I’ve built to harbor myself in safety. “How did you know I needed you?”
“Because I need you, Jane. I want you, but I need you too.”
I can tell he wants to kiss me, to make this better, but he holds back and just that little hesitation breaks my heart enough to put me in motion. My wet body clings to his dry chest. “I don’t want to be without you anymore.”
Dry arms hug me, the umbrella shifting. When I tilt my head up, the rain is pouring down over his. He opens his eyes, and with a small smile he says, “I don’t want to be without you either. Can we leave everything in the past?”
“I’ll try. For you, I will.” I nod against him. Righting myself, I tilt the umbrella to cover his head. Then I take his face in my hands and look at him. The shadow of the beard growing across his jaw is prickly, but it doesn’t dissuade me. I go all in.
Our lips meet and my world spins around as rain comes down, falling on us. The umbrella is dropped to the side and his hand covers my neck as I tilt in for more.
I’ve dreamed of kisses in the rain, but they fail in comparison to this. Not wanting to stop, I persevere by stepping forward, even when he takes a step back. With a laugh, he says, “Let’s go back to the hotel. I don’t want you to get sick.”
Giddy.
I feel positively giddy right now. This is what happens when you let love in. You get drunk on it. “Don’t you see, Mr. Anders? I’m already sick. Love sick over you. No one makes me feel like you do.” I turn in a circle, looking up at the sky, then twirl into his arms and wrap my mine around his neck. His smile infiltrates my heart completely, happiness spreading through my veins. “Please stay with me here in the rain along the river, and kiss me until we can’t kiss any longer.”
Lightning strikes.
The sky lights up across the bridge and we jump. As if he needs to talk some reason into me, Luke leans down until he’s eye level with me. Holding my hands, he pleads, “We’re standing in the middle of a lightning storm, Janie. I’ll kiss you the rest of the day and all night. I’ll cover your body with mine and with hickeys if you want, but don’t put your life at risk for mine or anyone else’s. I can’t survive without you. I’ve already learned that the hard way.” I’m grabbed and pulled close to him, tucked neatly under his arm. “I have a cab waiting for us. Let’s go back and I’ll kiss you in the shower. I’ll recreate this whole scene for you if you like, but I want you safe.”
“We can go back.” A wide smile covers my face, my chest bursting with sunshine and glee for this man. “But I’m holding you to that shower.”
“You can hold me however you want as long as I get to return the favor.”
A quick kiss to his lips, then we walk toward a taxi parked in the distance. I ask, “And how would you like to hold me?”
“I’ve got a few very dirty ideas.”
“I bet you do. Sir.”
A wry grin covers his irresistible lips and he asks, “What are you willing to bet?”
“My whole heart.”
“I’ll take that bet, and raise you mine.”
Standing at the car, I ask, “How did you know when I’d be here? Your timing is perfect.”
“I didn’t. I waited over an hour. I think my fare is over two hundred dollars.” Luke holds the door open for me. “Pray for my wallet.”
“Pray for my heart,” I add with a wink before slipping inside the dry cab.
“No need for that.” He slides in after me. After kissing my cheek, he says, “I’m in just as deep, my dear Janie.”
CHAPTER 18
~Luke~
THE HOTEL ROOM is quiet. The thunderstorms continue outside the window, setting the scene as we work through the script. I sit on the bed with my legs stretched out, watching Jane a few feet away.
She’s poised at the window, just how I always saw this scene play out in my head. The lines from Until I Met You are spoken from somewhere deep inside, somewhere real and raw, as if she’s one of the characters we’re rehearsing. “You’re pistachio and I’m rocky road. They just don’t mix.”
“I could argue that, but I have a feeling anything I say wouldn’t matter.”
“That’s where you’d be wrong,” she says. “How long have we known each other?”
“We don’t know each other at all.”
“Ah,” she replies as Jude would, nailing the lines. “Yes, that’s right. You’re a Barrett.”
I read from the page in front of me, hoping I don’t break the magic. “And what are you again?”
“Hopeless. So very hopeless.”
“And here I thought I was the impossible one.”
Jane laughs. “Clever.” Standing up, she pretends to get dressed. “I called it the minute I saw it.”
“Saw what exactly? My eye color?”
“No. Your soul.”
I wait for her to say her next line, the line that I know means as much to us as it does to Hazel and Jude.
“I knew we’d be put in an impossible situation, a love affair that would mean more than it should, more than either of us could endure once it was over.” She looks away just as I see the pain
in her eyes.
“Jane?”
She stays focused on the outside, droplets hitting the window in large splats, keeping the room inside gray to match the weather. “Yes?”
“We’re not Hazel and Jude. I’m Luke. You’re Jane. There’s nothing keeping us apart.”
When she turns to look at me, she asks, “Together. Is that what we get to be now?”
“We do.”
Her smile blooms and the room suddenly feels brighter because of it. “We should be together without rubbing it in everyone’s face.”
“I agree.” I kid, “No one should have to watch how I’m going to maul you.”
“For sure, and add to it that we’re reunited lovers on top of being hot for each other. No one wants to watch PDA between two reunited lovers. That’s the kind that turns X-rated and quick.”
Hearing her joke eases me. This movie is emotionally heavy. For a split second I was convinced she was speaking from the heart instead of from the script. I’m glad we’ve moved passed it. “Do you want to order food?”
“They don’t have room service here. Can we order delivery?”
“Anything you want.”
“Pizza. The answer is always pizza.”
“Then pizza it is.” I grab my phone and start searching for the name of the place across the street.
Fifteen minutes later, I walk out of my room to the Congress Street sidewalk. The storm has given us a slight reprieve from the rain. The streets are wet, the lights reflecting off them when cars drive by. Not even a minute later, she’s next to me smiling. So contagiously big. “You’re not very good at hiding this secret affair you just said we need to hide.”
Pointing at my ridiculously big grin, she remarks, “You aren’t either.”
“Then let’s not.”
While we walk to the corner to cross the street, she appears to ponder this option. “Is there anything contractually saying we can’t? I don’t want to ask my agent or she’ll tease me endlessly.”
I reach for her hand, my fingertips touching her palm before I remember to pull my hand back. “We can check when we get back, but I doubt it. I’ve never noticed any clauses like that. With that said, I’ve never had a reason to research it either, so there is that.”
“I like that.”
“You like that I’ve never researched it?”
“No.” She hip bumps me just as we reach the other side of the street. “I like that you’ve never had a reason to research it.”
I grab her playfully around the shoulders and pull her to me, giving her a light noogie without messing her hair up completely.
Pushing off me, she laughs and my breath stops, her beauty overwhelming me. I look away, not wanting her to see how much and how easily she affects me.
This woman could destroy me in the blink of an eye. What if she changes her mind about us, about me? All this happiness could be gone in an instant. The security I was giving her earlier has been lost on me.
I want to touch her.
I want to hold her hand.
I want to kiss her.
I want her…
“Paybacks are hell, Anders. Remember that.”
I chuckle, playing along to hide my feelings on the inside. “I will. I might even remind you.”
“Did you call in the order?” she asks, eyeing the long line out the door.
“I did. When you were getting dressed. It should be ready. We can pick it up and walk somewhere or return to eat in the room?” I look up at the stormy sky. “The rain has let up, but it doesn’t look like for long.”
“Let’s be rebellious and eat in bed.” When we reach the pick-up line, she says, “This must be some damn good pizza. Is it wrong to be so excited about pizza?”
“If it’s wrong I don’t want to be right.” I hold the door open for her and we go to the counter.
When we return to the courtyard with our box of goodness, Scalia is out vaping. Jessica next to her, and some guy I don’t recognize. Several bottles of wine are open on their table. Scalia raises her arms and waves us over. “Jane. Join us.”
Guess it’s a private party. I stop anyway, and wait, only sort of worried about Jessica and Jane talking. I don’t think Jessica would say anything to her, but I can’t guarantee it either. With all Jane and I have been through lately, I don’t want us screwed up again.
Jane keeps things light, friendly, when she says, “We got a pizza. We’re gonna eat and go over some scenes.”
Scalia coos, “I’m starved.”
Jessica adds, “So am I.” Her eyes are on me.
Somehow we end up hosting a pizza and beer party in my room. Jane is patient but antsy. She gets up frequently and paces a bit. We play cards—blackjack, poker, Go Fish, Memory. It’s fun, but not as much fun as I originally had intended for tonight. The rain stopped for the night and moods are lighter, the beer also playing a part in that.
By midnight, Jane yawns. It’s the third in a row. She casually looks around the room and leans back, settling in even more than she has. Resting her head on her hand, her eyes start to close. Jessica, who seems more awake than anyone, laughs loudly. Jane’s eyes flash open and she sighs. Standing up, Jane looks at me, and says, “I’m gonna go to bed.”
Jessica smiles. If I had drank less I might have picked up on the clues. Too eagerly, she says, “Goodnight, Jane. See you tomorrow.”
Scalia asks, “You sure you don’t want in on the next round?”
Jane eyes me as she passes by. She makes a sad face that the others can’t see. “I’m good. Too tired. Have fun.”
The one person I want to spend time with is leaving, and there’s another round? Fuck. “I think I’m calling it a night.” Hint. Hint.
Scalia gets to her knees, reaching to gather the cards. “We can keep going in my room if you guys are up for it?”
Jessica’s mind does a one-eighty. “Actually, I’m super tired. I’m going to stay and help Luke clean up then go to bed.” She looks back at me and winks, then puts on her charade for Scalia, helping her get the cards in order.
The door closes harder than expected and we all turn to see Jane has left. Shit.
Scalia stands, beer in one hand, cards in the other. “It was fun. We should do it again.” She heads to the door with a guy named Joe without being asked.
“It was,” I say, following behind her. “Don’t worry about the mess, Jessica. I’ve got it.”
“No worries at all. I hate leaving you with a mess.”
Scalia laughs. “I have no problem leaving you with it. Next time I’ll host and let you leave your bottles for me to clean up. Night.”
“Ha! Thanks. Night.” She walks out and I stand there with the door open, being more than obvious. “It’s like ten bottles, Jessica. I’ve got it.”
It’s apparent she’s not giving up the excuse to stay, so I let the door close, and go to help. That way she’ll leave sooner and I can get over to Jane’s. I’m not sure if it’s the door clicking closed or the beer she’s drunk, but as soon as we’re alone, she’s on me.
Before I can stop her, her lips are on my neck, her arms wrapped around me, fingers in my hair. Shit. She whispers, “Finally alone.”
Pushing her back, I say, “We’ve talked about this. I’m not available.”
“You said it was complicated. Now you’re not available?” I’d say she looks disappointed but she’s too determined to let the reality of the words deter her.
With my hands firmly in place between us, I’m steady when I say, “It’s not happening. You need to go.”
Feigning offense, she starts blinking rapidly. Her bottom lip sticks out and she actually manages tears. She’s quite the award-winning actress. “But Luke, I’m lonely.”
“Unfortunately, I’m not.” Next door the TV starts blaring… Shit. “You need to go.”
The tears are gone. Just like that, and anger replaces them. “What is wrong with you? Do you know how many people would kill to sleep with me?”
&nb
sp; “It doesn’t matter. I’m not one of them. Anymore. I’ve tried to be polite, but you refuse to listen.”
She pouts and crosses her arms over her chest. “Because it’s one night. No one will know.”
Crash.
A loud noise comes from next door. Fuck. I need to get her out of here. “I’ll know.”
When her tears return for their second audition, my words start rushing out. “I’m sorry if I’ve hurt your feelings.”
Her eyes go wide. “You’re for real, aren’t you?”
I nod, then walk to the door. When I open it, I say, “I’m sorry, Jessica.”
As if she refuses to comprehend what’s happening, she walks toward me in a daze. “I thought your complication was just that.”
“I’m sorry,” I repeat, this time looking her straight in the eyes so there is no misunderstanding. “My complication is not as complicated as I once thought.”
“But…” She shakes her head, staring at me in disbelief. Her eyes narrow as her temperament suddenly changes. “You’ll pay for this. I’ve never been so insulted in my life. I swear to God.” She walks past me without any other acknowledgement. “I will make you pay.”
I feel bad for hurting her feelings at first because I know she’s not a horrible person, until the threats come flying out. She’s like most stars in Hollywood. They’re crazy, that world eating away a little more of their souls with each year they live in the limelight. Her threats mean nothing. It’s just an actress having a diva moment. She has them more often than most. There’s nothing she can do to me.
The TV next door is still on—loud and clear. I lock the front door and go to the other. After knocking lightly, I turn the handle and it opens without resistance.
Jane is leaning against the wall three feet in front of me, her eyes set, freezing me to the spot. I know she heard what happened with Jessica, and I’m about to speak but she puts her finger to her mouth, and says, “Shh.”
I expect to get reamed, but anger isn’t the winning emotion on her beautiful face. Lust is. “You kept me waiting. I almost went to bed. Alone. Do you know how disappointed I would have been if I’d gone to bed alone?” Still standing there stunned, I watch in complete fascination as she takes her shirt over her head. “I like you in my bed. I want you there every night. I’ve become spoiled.” Her jeans come down. Then her undergarments are gone and she’s before me completely naked.