by Fiona Murphy
Finally, the condo is empty, Holly is too far away, picking up dishes at the table. “Put it back down. You get a gold star for everything you did today. Professionals will come in and clean tomorrow morning, you deserve it. Even if I wasn’t happy with all those smiles and Italian whispering you and Bracco shared.”
Smiling, she walks toward me, her arms go around my waist. “I may have been smiling at him but I was always thinking of you. As for the Italian, it was sharing memories of Genoa peppered with what a wonderful firm you’re a part of, and how intelligent they were to make you a partner so young.”
“Not nearly good enough.” I scoop her up, she laughs as her arms go around me.
“I’m going to need more assurance. I told Karen, that because I saved us from losing a client, I get tomorrow off.”
“All day morning sex in bed sounds good to me. Then we could come out, eat to get our tummies full, nap, and start all over again.”
“I love the way you think.”
****
Maybe it’s the way the partners reacted to her. I’m an asshole enough to admit their envious words of finding her beautiful helps me make my decision. A few days after the party, I call her early and ask her to get ready so I can take her out to dinner. She sounds surprised, yet tells me she’ll be ready on time.
I’m happy to see Holly in a little black shift that clings slightly more than the red dress. There is relief that aside from straightening her hair she keeps her makeup to a minimum, only lipstick and mascara. I stay in the car, allowing Ricky to open the door for her. When she gets in the car, I keep my eyes on her legs, loving the way the dress slides up. “You are looking beautiful. I really want to kiss you, except I know I’ll definitely mess up your lipstick.”
Dinner at Giorgio’s shows me what I’ve been missing. At home, talking revolved mainly about sex and how much we enjoyed the sex we were having. We had covered the basics of favorite books, spots in the city, and music. Now, to listen to Holly’s thoughts, ideas, and hearing her make smart remarks while she actually eats her food is the most enjoyable evening out I’ve had since the last time we went out.
We talk easily about nearly everything, often it’s more me wanting to know everything about her, still. It never seems like we run out of things to talk about. She’s also sincerely curious about my cases, more than a few times recalling things I’ve said in the past with interest of how things turn out.
I enjoy taking her out several times over the next week, until one day I call her to ask her where she wants to go out and she says she isn’t feeling well and wants to stay home. It’s unlike her to complain about anything. I tell her not to cook, I’ll bring home what she wants. At home, she waves off my concern, saying her stomach just wasn’t settled.
After dinner, we cuddle on the couch as we watch a movie. I ignore the mocking voice that wonders when I became someone who cuddles. Fuck it, I don’t care about the mocking voice. Holly in my arms is the only thing that matters.
Chapter Twenty Five
Ethan is so sweet. His concern over me saying I didn’t feel well enough to go out isn’t what I expected. I’m not sure exactly why I don’t feel well, but I haven’t since waking up. When we’re on the sofa I feel discomfort in my lower abdomen, damn it. It was that time of the month. “Be right back, bathroom.”
Once I’m in the bathroom, I’m surprised there’s only spotting. The panties are hardly ruined. I put on a pair of silky panties that would hold the panty liner in place. Almost out of curiosity, I go ahead and put in a tampon to figure out how heavy my flow will be. Out of habit, I take a couple of over-the-counter pain reliever pills.
“You okay?” He sees me wince when he puts his arm around my waist.
“That time of month already. A little more pain than I’m used to at the beginning. I took ibuprofen though, so I should be good in a little bit.”
“Are you sure? You want a heating pad or something?” My surprise is clear. “Amelia, she also left some of that stuff for period pain and side effects. If you want some.”
“Maybe, if I hadn’t already taken the other stuff already. No heating pad yet. What have I missed?”
After the movie is over, I’m heading into my room to go to bed.
“Where are you going?”
“Umm... bed. I thought since I’m not up to anything, you would prefer me to sleep in my room.”
“Well, you thought wrong. Although you will need to wear a nightgown or shirt, sleeping next to you naked would make me a masochist, and I’m not. Go get ready for bed and take care of whatever you need then you’re sleeping with me.”
I’m shocked, happily so. I follow orders and wear one of my dad’s Marines shirt. I change the pad and panties, then the tampon which has barely anything on it. I’ve been faked out one too many times, so I put in another tampon to be safe through the night.
The next morning Ethan wakes me with a kiss. “How are you feeling?”
Like fucking hell. “I’ll be fine.” I’m not sure if I’m saying it to reassure him or myself. In the past I’ve had cramps, but nothing like this that wrap around from my lower abdomen to my back. It also feels like someone is taking a pair of pliers to my nipples to torture me.
I take a very hot shower, it helps, barely. When I change my tampon, once again there’s barely anything there. Before, my flow used to be crazy heavy for the first two days, then taper off over a week. There was the usual painful cramps, done away with an over-the-counter, but no breast pain or lower back pain like now. All I want is to lie in a fetal position until the pain goes away. Only, it’s not an option, so I get dressed in looser clothes, old sweats and older tee shirts.
Through his snack then breakfast, I know Ethan can tell I’m in pain. When he leaves, he hugs me, “Take it easy today. I hate the idea of you working in pain.”
“Okay.” I say, knowing I won’t.
But my body doesn’t give me much choice. I clean his room and bathroom and manage to vacuum. Then I’m in a ball of misery on my bed. The phone rings a little after one, it’s Ethan. “How are you feeling?”
“I’ll be better soon. I think I’ll pull out the heating pad. Where is it?”
“Hall linen closet. I have to go. I’ll see you soon.”
“Okay.” I let the phone fall as I close my eyes, trying to hide from the pain.
The next thing I know, Ethan is in front of me cursing. “Fuck, Holly, why weren’t you honest about how much pain you were in? I could hear it clearly in your voice.” Scooping me up, he takes me into his room then lays me on the bed. He comes back with a piece of buttered bread, a bottle of water, and a pill bottle. “Eat the bread, you need something on your stomach to take this pill.” Okay, he’s talking heavy-duty painkillers. I’m not about to argue. Although the last thing I feel like doing is eating. I watch him plug in the heating pad.
“Drink some water, sweetheart. Have you been drinking any water today?”
“I tried. I only got in a bottle, after that it made me nauseous.”
“Have you eaten at all?” He looks mad.
“Just toast and a boiled egg this morning. Every time I even felt like eating, I also got nauseous.”
His hand goes into my hair, pulling me against him. “Eat the rest of the bread and some more water, please.” I force it down; keeping in mind a pain pill on an empty stomach would be worse. When I’m done, he opens the pill bottle and shakes out one. “These are pretty strong, my doctor gave them to me when I tore my Achilles tendon. Just one, we’ll do the heating pad and see how you feel.”
I watch him set the heating pad on high and fold it in half as I take the pill and finish the bottle of water. Even though I open my mouth, I find it hard to ask him. “Ethan?”
“What, sweetheart?”
“Can we cuddle like we did the first night?”
“Whatever you want. Come here.”
“Why are you being so nice? Not that I’m complaining.”
Rubbing my back,
he chuckles. “Because I know how grateful you’ll be when you finally feel better. Also, because I can’t stand the thought of you in pain. If there’s something I can do to help you, then I’ll do it.”
His honesty surprises me, it also makes me want to cry, stupid hormones. He takes me in his arms, allowing me to settle against him, careful to keep the warmest part of the pad against my lower abdomen. His hard chest soothes my aching nipples. The scent of him is all around me, soothing me as much as the heating pad. Sinking into him, I don’t know if it’s the pill, pad, or Ethan, but I fall into sleep almost immediately.
I wake up alone, with the room dark. Checking the clock, I see it’s almost nine. I’m about to slide out of bed when Ethan comes into the room. “Stay in bed, sweetheart. Unless you need to use the bathroom?” Still a little dazed, I nod. “Okay, go use the bathroom then get back in bed. I’m going to warm you up some soup.”
In my bathroom, I take out the tampon, still next to nothing. I almost just go with a pad meant to absorb more, only I hate the way they feel. Even though I’m almost sure I could go without a tampon, I don’t dare. After the mortifying times my flow surprised me. As I wash my hands I almost do a double-take in the mirror, I look like hell. Ethan is taking care of me, and I look like hell while he does it. I’m not sure whether to laugh or cry. Brushing out my hair, I braid it tightly to keep it out of the way. Then I brush my teeth and wash my face before heading back to Ethan’s bedroom.
He’s waiting for me, the soup bowl is on a tray at the end of the bed and the covers are pulled back. Picking me up, he puts me in the middle of the bed, pulls the covers back over me, then settles the food tray over my upper legs. Once I’m settled into bed, Ethan turns on the heating pad again and hands it to me. I lay it against my lower abdomen using the covers to tighten it against me. I’m comfortable, but pout when Ethan tells me he’s going back to work in his office to finish what he needs to.
“I’ll be right back.” He relents.
He comes back with his laptop and another food tray he sets up beside me. “This is yummy.” It’s old-fashioned chicken soup. Chicken, carrots, celery, spiral pasta, and green beans. “Whole foods, they know their soups. You seem to like chicken so I bought two containers of it and two containers of lentil spinach soup. There was a corn chowder but it didn’t look that appealing. I can go back for more of whatever you want.”
“I’ll be fine, really.”
“Maybe, maybe not. You are taking tomorrow off, and you are just doing my snack and breakfast the day after tomorrow. Cleaners are coming in tomorrow and the day after.”
I’m annoyed. “Ethan, I can do my job.”
“Holly, you were in so much pain you scared the hell out of me. Even after that pill, you were still moaning in your sleep. Absolutely not, you’re supposed to have days off. You haven’t really had a day off except Sundays, which you’ve also been spending with me. I want you in bed, reading the day away, until I come home. There’re also two rolls of cookie dough in the fridge, and two cartons of chocolate chunk brownie ice cream in the freezer. Per Amelia’s moaned requests, a few times.”
Despite him describing my version of heaven, I don’t want him thinking I’m not doing my part. “Ethan, the job isn’t really that hard. I don’t want someone in here with all those chemicals it took days to get rid of.”
“What do you mean chemicals?”
“The only thing you really need in order to clean a house is a cloth to dust, baking soda, white vinegar, lemons, and very rarely, bleach.”
“That’s all you clean with? No wonder the place smells so good.”
“I don’t want you bringing someone else in. I’ll take a nice pill and do my work.”
“Holly, I don’t argue. You are taking tomorrow off. If you need another pill then you can take it, but you will keep your ass in bed if I have to tie you down.”
Fuck, it’s really annoying how hot him ordering me around makes me. Besides, it was his way of being helpful and trying to take care of me. “Okay for tomorrow, but if I feel better at the end of the day, no more cleaners.”
“Sweetheart, I’m not negotiating with your health. You’ll do what I say or I’ll punish you. Remember last time?”
Hell yes, I remember last time. “Fine, bossy asshole.” I mutter as I eat my soup.
“Good girl.” His eyes are already back on his computer.
It’s nice, the two of us just in bed together. He’s working, I’m playing around on the internet on my tablet, reading a few law blogs to feel like I wasn’t an idiot around Ethan.
I’m drooping when he gets up. “Bed time, Holly. Put on your dad’s Marine shirt, it always reminds me of pissing off a Marine.”
I get ready for bed and follow his instructions. Sleep comes easily, with his arms around me.
****
The next morning I manage to sleep through his alarm only to wake as Ethan is dressing. All I can get out is a moan, he’s at my side in an instant. I want to roll over and press my whole body into the soft bed. “Another pill, sweetheart?”
Talking is hard, it only turns into a moan. He’s gone, then back quickly with a slice of buttered bread and bottle of water. Carefully, he turns me over, holding me while I eat. “Just as bad as yesterday?”
“Yeah, I’ve never hurt like this. Before it was some painful stomach cramps that an over-the-counter helped me through. Now I feel like I pissed Muhammad Ali off and he’s taking it out on my lower abdomen. Also, my breast pain is off the charts. Maybe the shot wasn’t the way to go.” I finish the bread, Ethan hands me the pill. I gulp it down along with the last of the water bottle. “I hate to admit, but you’re right. Thank you for calling someone in today, because I barely want to get out of bed to pee.”
He takes me into his arms. “Just rest today. You’re only to get out of bed to use the bathroom and fix yourself something to eat. There’s still more soup, but if you don’t want it, remember, there’s a list of menus from dozens of places that will deliver. I have to go to work. Rest.”
“Yes, lord and master Bishop.” I lay down on his pillow, inhaling the scent of him.
“Good girl.” A last kiss on my forehead and he’s gone. The moment he’s gone, I miss him. I’m even more certain than before that I love him and he feels the same. For the first time since I realized it, I’m optimistic it might not go all to hell.
Chapter Twenty Six
I get to the office and ask Opal to call in a delivery for a breakfast plate from a local diner. I’m relieved to know I left Holly on her way to feeling better. Seeing her in pain has me twisted up in knots. At first, I’d been nearly paralyzed by the helplessness of it all. When she told me she’d already taken pain relievers and they hadn't helped, I’d actually considered rushing her to the emergency room. Until I realized I might be overreacting.
Then she told me she thought I wouldn’t want her in my bed because she couldn’t have sex. I’d wanted to spank her ass, it pissed me off so much. I’ve grown to need her in bed with me, sex or no sex. Hell, we’ve fallen asleep without having sex more than a few times. Although we usually started the day with slow, sleepy sex, or Holly waking me in the best way possible. There were times she managed to get out of my arms, in the middle of the night. She had complained I let off enough heat sometimes she got sweaty. Because of that, I would allow her some space, simply knowing she was within arms distance soothed me enough to get back to sleep.
I’d felt like an asshole, because even with her in pain as she was wrapped around me, I was hard as a rock for her. I’m still trying to ignore the way her in pain affected me. If I didn’t, then I would have to think about other feelings she brought up in me. Like the moment I figured out she had lost weight, and been sure she was doing it for me. The feeling of being gutted at her trying to change for me was immense. No, I didn’t want her to change, to worry about the calories she ate, to turn into a salad-only eater, to become one of those women I had been with before I met her, not for me.
When she finally got me to listen, I saw the truth in her eyes. The relief coursed through me making me weak. Holly wasn’t trying to change to please me, her health wouldn’t be in jeopardy over liquid diets and cleanses. She had lost the weight slowly. It wasn’t a huge change. She liked herself as she was. For me, my new idea of perfection was Holly, just Holly, in whatever form she took. If she lost weight, I would miss her heavy, round breasts, the ripe curve of her ass, and gentle swell of her stomach where my hand always found its place as I held her close at night. Her body had been what I wanted even as she was nothing like my previous partners. It was her curves that kept me up at night, hard for her, yet if she changed, I would adjust because her body was no longer her main attraction. Holly’s appeal was the way she laughed, the way her eyes shone with her thoughts and emotions, the way her skin felt against mine. My new idea of perfection was no longer the shape of a body but the way Holly whispered my name, the taste of her kiss, the way she loved me without saying a word.
***
I work through lunch to catch up on work from yesterday. It isn’t long before I’m back on schedule. Checking the time, I see it’s a little after three and give in to my need to speak to Holly. She sounds drowsy, fuck, I hope I didn’t wake her. “Hey, sweetheart, I wanted to see how you were doing. Did I wake you? I’m sorry.”
“No, you didn’t wake me. I took a really nice, long nap and woke up a half hour ago, I’m just reading a boring book. Thank you for asking that the cleaners not use chemicals. They were nice, they left a little bit ago. One of them was even nice enough to warm up my soup for me. I’m actually getting hungry now, and trying to decide what sounds good. I’m okay, more or less. I’ve been trying not give in and take another pill but I think I will.”