by C. L. Stone
“Dad won’t be there, but Mum will be,” Matt added cheerfully. “She was raving this morning about the sketches your mum has already done.”
Lily turned to look out of her window again, biting her lip. She didn’t know what to do. If her mother suddenly decided to move to Ireland, she would be letting Matt’s parents down. Her mother would pay back the down payment, she knew that, but it would be such a disappointment for them. And professionally, it wouldn’t be good for her reputation. Her mother wouldn’t worry about that, though. She sold every painting she did. An art gallery in London took them and none had ever come back. She worked in oils and the prices on some of the pictures had taken Lily’s breath away, but she knew that there were a few collectors who bought a lot of her work. Some were even anxiously waiting for her next finished work.
“Lily Flower.” Lily felt her shoulder being shaken again, and she realised that they were at college, parked in the same spot as yesterday. She reached down for her bag, and felt a hand on her back.
“You don’t have to come over if you don’t want to,” Matt said quietly. “We won’t hurt you, Lily. We just want to be your friend.”
Lily felt the tears sting her eyes, and she turned her head away quickly, ashamed to cry in front of them. She couldn’t say anything yet, not to Matt at least. He was their son, and if her mother did decide to throw the job in, she wouldn’t want them finding out from him.
“I’d love to, but I don’t think I can make it tonight.” Her voice was thick with unshed tears. She couldn’t look at him as she got out. If they were moving, there really was no point in Lily making this harder than it was. And going by experience, when she got home she’d be helping to pack up again.
“Okay, no worries,” Matt said gently. “Maybe next time.”
Lily bit her lip and nodded jerkily. “I need to use the loo,” she said, keeping her head turned away. “I’ll see you all later. Thanks for the ride.” She turned and made a dash for the front entrance and the safety of the girls’ toilets.
There were a few girls in there, too busy applying makeup and chatting with their friends to notice her. She locked herself into a cubicle and sat on the seat, hugging her bag to her chest. Tears came to her eyes, and she let them slide down her face. She’d never cried at leaving before. She’d never regretted leaving anywhere enough to cry. She was used to coming home on the last day of school to find her mother already talking about where she had decided to move. But she’d never said goodbye to real friends before.
10
TWO DAYS
She had to remember it was only two days. She didn’t know them that well. So why did it feel as if her heart was being dragged from her chest?
She didn’t know anything about them. She didn’t know what they liked, or didn’t like, to eat. She didn’t know what their favourite colour was, or what music they listened to. She didn’t know any of a hundred things people knew about their friends.
But she did know that they were kind. That Nate had picked up her when she needed it most. She knew that when he held her she felt safe for the first time during a seizure. She knew that Matt was a gentle flirt and that he liked peas. She knew that Josh and Jake were the jokers of the pack, but inseparable. She knew Nate was the leader of their group and that what he said went. She knew that he was curious about her, but he still accepted her. They wanted to be her friends, were going to celebrate her birthday with her.
No one had ever done that before.
They’d given her nicknames. Silly, stupid nicknames that made her feel warm inside.
No one had ever done that before either.
The overhead bell rang, and Lily jumped. She was going to be late. She left the cubicle to find the room was empty. She caught sight of her reflection in the mirror and grimaced. Her eyes were puffy from crying and the end of her nose was red. She quickly rinsed her face with cold water and dried it on a paper towel, but she still looked like she’d been crying. The overhead bell ringing again told her she’d missed registration. She closed her eyes and counted to ten. If she moved away from here, missing registration wasn’t really going to matter.
She left the toilets and headed towards the Maths department. She was going to be late if she didn’t get a move on, but it was as if she had lead weights in her shoes. She finally made it to class and when she opened the door, Mr O’Connor was in full swing. Now she was going to have to get to her seat, knowing that everyone would see her face and know she’d been crying. Not to mention she was going to be in trouble with him.
“Sorry I’m late, sir. I was—” she started to speak to Mr O’Connor as she crept towards the steps that led to her seat but he cut her off.
“Ah, Miss Adair, sit yourself down. Nethercott informed me you weren’t feeling too sharp this morning. We’re going through page forty-five when you get settled.” He turned back to the board.
She got to her seat, keeping her head down and avoiding eye contact with anyone. She drew her books from her bag, found the correct page, and shut out anything except Mr O’Connor’s voice. She didn’t dare look at either of the twins.
By the time the bell rang for the end of class, she had a headache behind her eyes that was making her feel sick. All she needed now was to flip and have a seizure. She drew in a deep breath as she shoved her books into her bags.“Thanks for covering for me with him,” she said quietly, aware that they were still sitting in their seats.
“No worries, we covered you with Peters as well. Told him you had a headache.”
“Thank you,” she said and got up. They both stood at the same time and waited for her to move.
She bit her lip, shouldered her bag and started down the steps. She knew they were behind her, but they said nothing, and she didn’t know what else to say, either. She had to get it together though or spend the day in floods of tears.
She forced herself to smile as she turned to them outside the classroom. “See you later, and thanks again for covering for me.”
“Lily.” Josh stepped forward, his hand on the strap of his bag. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. Just a headache,” she said. “I’ll see you.”
She hurried off in the direction of her French class, just making it before she was late again. She settled into her seat, sending Nate a watery smile. She just hoped that she didn’t still look as if she’d cried. Nate made no mention of her running off that morning and started up a conversation on the homework they’d had the day before. She found herself relaxing, and her headache receded as she talked to him.
“Today, you’re going to pair off into couples and discuss any subject from the list on the board. French only, no English.” Madam Fontaine started the class the way she meant it to carry on: in French.
Lily saw a few people get up and swap out chairs as they chose who they wanted to partner up with. Lily looked at Nate out of the corner of her eye and wondered if he’d choose someone else. But he was intent on the board, the overhead light reflecting on his glasses so she couldn’t see his eyes. He was wearing a black sweater over his white shirt today, and she could just see his tie at the collar of his shirt. His hands were clasped on the desk in front of him, a muscle worked along his jawline. His dark hair was pushed back from his forehead, but she knew it would soon flop forward when he ran a hand through it.
“Education?” Nate asked in French.
“What?” Lily was thrown, not expecting him to stay with her.
“I suggest we discuss education, unless you’d prefer something else?” He turned his head slightly, his eyes focused on her.
Lily looked up at the board, more to get her thoughts under control than to see what else was up there. “Okay, that’s fine,” she said.
“French, Mademoiselle Adair,” Madam Fontaine called out, and Lily flushed.
“Tell me about your last school, Lily May.” Nate’s French was flawless.
“There’s not much to tell,” she replied. “It was bigger than this one, more stude
nts. About a thousand more. What’s your favourite subject?”
“Biology. I want to be a dentist.”
Lily’s eyes went wide, and she covered her mouth with her hand to stop a giggle escaping. “Really?”
“French,” he reminded her in a whisper. “Yes, really. Is that so hard to believe?” he added, a touch of defensiveness in his voice.
“No, of course not, just unexpected,” she replied with a shrug. “What subjects do you need for that?”
“I need A’s in Chemistry, Biology, Physics and Maths. I’m studying them all here, so I hope to get into Uni next September.”
“Maths? You aren’t in our maths class though.”
“My physics class is then. I have Maths when you take Geography and the others are in Latin. I was fortunate that O’Connor let me sit in on his Year 12 classes and sets me different work.”
“Couldn’t you drop French and take Maths then?”
“I want to keep a language,” he murmured, pushing his glasses up his nose. Lily was beginning to get an idea of just how smart he was if Mr O’Connor was willing to make a placement for him to get A level maths.
“I’m impressed,” she told him, smiling at him. His eyes dropped to her cheek, and she frowned. Did she have something on there? She lifted a finger to her face, but he caught her hand in his and smoothed his thumb over her cheek.
“You have cute dimples when you smile,” he whispered. He stroked his finger gently over her cheek. But she wasn’t smiling now. His thumb was soft on her skin, a tiny caress that made her breath catch and her heart flip.
“I know French is the language of love, Monsieur Cohen, but perhaps we can keep to the subjects on the board, no?”
Nate shifted, dropped her fingers and pushed his glasses up his nose. Lily coloured up as Madame Fontaine patted Nate on the shoulder and carried on walking around the students. She looked back up at the board in an attempt to erase the feeling of his finger from her cheek.
“What do you want to do when you leave?” Nate spoke up, and she looked back at him.
“I have no idea,” she admitted. “I suppose try to get into a Uni somewhere, but I don’t know what I want to do ultimately.”
“Your French is very good,” Nate pointed out. “What else are you taking?”
“History, Geography, Maths, English Literature, and Language.”
“Have you thought of anything at all?” He tilted his head to one side. His expression was open, and Lily felt relaxed again.
“It’s all up in the air. Uni means staying in one place for three years, and I don’t know if my mum can do that.”
The words were out before she’d even realised she was thinking them, and they came out in English. She looked around quickly, but Madame Fontaine was on the other side of the classroom. Her eyes caught the girl who had spoken to Nate yesterday. She couldn’t remember her name, but she was watching Lily, and the look on her face wasn’t pleasant. Lily rolled her eyes and looked back at Nate; she couldn’t be bothered with catfights over boys. In her experience, boys weren’t worth that kind of effort. She caught Nate’s eyes. He was watching her closely, concern on his face.
Maybe there were some boys worth the effort.
“Lily, if you want to go to University, go for it,” he said quietly. “You can get a shared room with other students. You don’t have to stay with your mum forever. It’s your life, Lily May. Live it.”
She smiled sadly, looking down at his clasped hands on the table. “I want to be independent, but there are certain things I can’t do. I can’t take a bath unless someone is in the house with me. I can’t drive, I can’t be left alone in a kitchen. I nearly set our house on fire once. I was fourteen and we were in London. Mum was at the gallery, and I was home alone. We had a gas fire in the living room. I went in there to do my homework. I had a seizure and knocked everything off the coffee table. My homework got knocked into the fire and caught the rug on fire.”
He slid his hands forward and gripped hers as she spoke. She looked up at him, putting a bright smile on her face. “It was okay. The fire alarms went off, and our neighbour called the fire brigade when they didn’t stop. They contained the fire to the room, and I was fine. We moved the next week.”
“Shit, Lily May, that’s not okay,” he murmured. “You could have been killed.”
“But I wasn’t.” She shrugged. “We learnt our lesson. I’m not left alone, and if for any reason I am alone, I don’t go anywhere near fires.” She tried to make a joke of it, but he didn’t laugh. He just gripped her hands tightly, his intense eyes watching her closely.
“Have you ever hurt yourself during a fit?”
“No more than the next person with epilepsy,” she shrugged, uncomfortable with talking about it. “Is that a ‘show me your scars and I’ll show you mine’ offer, Jonathan?” she joked. He dropped his head and looked at her over the top of his glasses, one eyebrow rose and a smirk tugged one side of his lips upwards. Lily’s insides squeezed together, he was wickedly gorgeous when he did that.
“I like that idea, Lily May,” he murmured. “But it’s not Jonathan either.”
“Will you ever tell me?” she asked, unable to keep the smile from her lips.
“I might.”
He held her eyes, his thumbs moving slowly in a gentle circle on the back of her hands.
Madame Fontaine clapped her hands together to get everyone’s attention. Nate let go of her hands, and they turned in their seats to face the front again. Lily missed his touch.
“Homework for tomorrow. Write up your conversations with each other today. Keep your verbs tight.”
The overhead bell rang, and Lily stretched in her seat. Her headache had receded, and she felt content as she looked over at Nate.
“You sure you don’t want to come over tonight? We can do the homework together,” he said, picking up his bag and slinging the handle over his head.
She’d forgotten about it. In her conversation with him, she’d completely forgotten what her mother had said to her that morning. A black cloud descended over her head, and it wiped the smile from her face. She sat forward and picked up her bag.
“Nate, I’m not sure—” She started to tell him what her mother had said and then remembered that his family was Matt. She couldn’t ask him to keep it quiet from Matt. She didn’t have that right.
“Don’t worry, Lily. You’ve only just moved in. You’re probably still trying to get straight.”
That wasn’t the problem though, the problem was that instead of unpacking, she could well be packing.
11
HOLDING HANDS
By the time Matt dropped her off outside her gate, she was exhausted. She’d tried hard to keep it down all day by refusing to think about it. She was good at burying her head in the sand, so she’d spent the rest of the day keeping her mind as far from thoughts of moving as she could. With each lesson, she’d pushed herself to concentrate harder. It was easy to throw herself into her studies and shut the rest of the world out.
Lunchtime found her once again sitting with them at their table in the canteen. The twins had mucked about the whole time, keeping Lily laughing at their antics until her face hurt.
The car ride home was just as loud, with Josh and Jake messing about until Nate threatened to make them walk. Matt stopped and Nate swapped seats with Josh, so that he was on the side and Josh was in the middle. Lily noticed that they seemed to calm down when they were beside each other. She also noticed how at any given time they seemed to be touching each other. Whether it was an arm around a neck or just sitting pressed against each other, there was contact between them of some sort.
“Hey, Lily Flower,” Matt called out of his window as she started to open her gate. She looked back at him. “See you tomorrow,” he called.
She made no reply, not sure what she could say to that. It all depended on what would be said once she got behind her front door. She lifted her hand in reply and smiled at them before going insi
de. She let her bag drop to the floor at her feet.
“Mum? I’m home.”
She heard a noise in the kitchen and went through, leaving her bag behind. Her mother was sitting at the table, a piece of paper in her hands. She looked up and Lily could see the lines of strain in her face before she smoothed them away with a smile.
“Lily, did you have a good day?” she asked.
Lily slumped into the chair opposite her. “It was okay. Mum, about this morning.”
Her mother folded the paper and got up, putting it into the letter rack that stood on the shelf by the back door.
“I was hasty,” her mother said quietly. Lily’s ear perked up, and she sat up, hopefully. “I didn’t really explain things properly to you.”
“What do you mean?”
“It was just an idea, not a hard and fast plan.” Her mother kept her back to her as she moved across to the sink. “I keep moving you around, and you’ve never complained. I’ve stolen your childhood from you, and I’m so sorry.”
Lily processed her words and the regret behind them; she jumped to her feet and crossed to her. “Mum, you’ve stolen nothing from me.”
“But I have.” Her mother turned and Lily saw the unshed tears in her eyes. “You’ve never had proper friends. You’ve never had sleepovers, a BFF, or whatever they’re calling best friends these days. You’ve never had a birthday party, had all your friends over…” she faded out sadly.
“I’ve never wanted that. I can honestly say, hand on my heart, that I have never once regretted how we’ve lived. I didn’t miss anything, Mum.”
“Until now. Something's happened, or you’ve met someone, and you’ve realised what you’ve never had.”
“No, it’s not like that.” Lily flapped her hands slightly and then bit her lip. “I have met someone; I’ve met some people that I really like. They’ve accepted me into their group, they’ve made me feel welcome, and I like it. Matt…” She faded out, guilt wormed its way in over making her mother sad.