by C. L. Stone
Torben played with his fork. “We will, even if it means we have to live dual lives forever.”
“You boys will always have a home with me.” Julia patted Torben’s shoulder gently. “Regardless of what happens with Ellie, you’re safe to be yourselves here.”
“Yes, but we’ll never be happy without her,” Dov signed, pushing his plate away. He headed straight to his room.
“Dov’s right. I don’t know how we could live without her, but Torben’s right too…if we stay on this course, we can never tell her who we really are. I really don’t like the sound of that.” Mathin pushed his chair out before heading outside. He didn’t make it very far into the woods before stripping his clothes and running as hard and fast as he could.
Julia looked at the abandoned table and felt sad. I wonder if I shouldn’t have told them to keep their secret from Ellie. Maybe Ellie can handle it, and I’m worrying too much, but what if that isn’t the case? Julia crumpled her napkin and began cleaning up the kitchen, if no one else would eat, neither would she. She divided everyone’s plates into little plastic containers with their names on them so if they got hungry, their food was waiting for them in the fridge. She always knew this day might come, since the boys were so attached to Ellie even as cubs, but she’d never thought about how hard it would be for them not to tell her. The boys were all grown up and falling in love. If only Ellie would find out on her own, then it would be no one’s fault, and they could finally be free. Free to love her or lose her based on the truth.
Ellie broke up with Josh, but not before he said a lot of stupid, hurtful things. She moped around the house for a few days not saying a whole lot. The guys couldn’t figure it out. She didn’t love the guy, so why was she so sad? They tried cheering her up, except nothing seemed to work. Dov decided it was time to bring in the bears. She often told them things as bears she wouldn’t tell them as guys, even Julia was tired of watching Ellie mope.
Late one day, before the sun went down, the guys wandered off and shifted. Ellie sat in the kitchen staring out the back door, not moving when her bears appeared at the window. There the three of them sat, like cats waiting to come in—only, they were waiting for her to come out. When Ellie didn’t move to join them, they started getting desperate. Mathin decided to lighten the mood. Pressing his face against the glass, he made silly faces, which were even sillier as a bear. Ellie couldn’t help herself, she cracked a smile. It was enough to get Torben to join in, only Dov held out until Ellie laughed out loud. Even Grumpy-Pants joined in then. Ellie doubled over laughing as the guys continued their antics, Dov pawed the door, and Ellie got the message. Pulling the door open, she stepped outside with them, her laughter died off as she looked at them.
“I’m sorry guys, I haven’t been avoiding you. I’m just so confused. There was a time I really thought I liked Josh, but then he was such a jerk. I broke up with him recently, but he managed to say these really awful thing about me before I did…I don’t know, I just can’t shake what he said.” Torben tilted his head to the side, trying to show her he was listening.
“Well, I told you he wanted to have sex with me, and I told him no…repeatedly. So, he said I was probably lousy in bed anyway…he said my bits were probably frozen from being such a cold—”
Dov nudged Ellie to get her to stop. There was no way those things were true about his sweet girl. She was so loving and affectionate; the cold one was Josh.
“I know. I get that he’s mad, and he’s taking it out on me, but he was my first boyfriend in college. It’s hard not to take what he says to heart. I’ve been moping, I need to pull myself out of it, but I feel so lost. What if no one wants me? What if I die alone someday?” Ellie tried to hold back, but a tear leaked down her cheek. Mathin licked it away and laid his head in her lap.
“You guys love me…it’s a shame you’re bears. You understand me better than most people do.” Tears rolled slowly down her cheeks. I just want someone to love…
Dov nudged her hand with his head, and she obediently began to pet his silky fur; the guys took care to keep their second skin clean and soft for Ellie. They didn’t want anything to push her away—even a ratty coat.
“I feel bad for the guys. They’ve tried so hard to draw me out, it’s not fair to them. Ugh! I need to pull my shit together. I’m not this weak. I’m like almost a bear anyway, right guys?” The guys smiled and played to show her their agreement, without being too obvious they understood more than she thought. “I’m gonna go apologize to them right now.” Ellie smacked her hands on the concrete before heading inside. The guys panicked, and Dov took off running for the trees. Torben stood frozen for a second before following. Mathin decided on a whim to shift right where he was. It was certainly bad luck that Ellie chose to turn around and walk back outside. Right as she did, Mathin’s fur melted away and his bones realigned. His face became human as the rest of the bear disappeared. Ellie screamed. Mathin was naked.
Dov and Torben came running, still shifted into bears, but when they saw the horror on Ellie’s face they realized the jig was up—Ellie knew their secret. Rather than hide, Dov and Torben shifted in front of her too. Ellie’s jaw dropped, but she remained right where she was. Their naked bodies barely registered in her brain, even as she stared. The wheels in her head were spinning so fast she couldn’t hold onto a single thought. Falling to her butt, Ellie sat, still staring at them. They quickly pulled on the clothes they’d hidden earlier. Dov couldn’t bring himself to make eye contact with her, even Torben only looked at her feet. Mathin watched her directly, looking for any sign of acceptance.
My bears…they were…were…human? Ellie thought hard. Not only that—they’re the guys? Oh God! Her mind started to work properly again as the blood regained its proper course through her body.
“If you guys are my bears…then you listened to every word I said about you… You’ve got to be kidding me!” Ellie jumped up, but wasn’t sure where to go.
“Ellie, let us explain.” Torben approached her slowly.
“No, you guys had years to tell me what you are. Years! You chose to spring it on me now?”
“It was an accident,” Mathin whispered.
“What? So I wasn’t supposed to see that?” Ellie pointed her finger at the spot where Mathin had shifted.
“You were never supposed to know,” Dov signed.
“Why? I’ve heard rumors that shifters existed. Did you not trust me? Did you think I wasn’t strong enough to handle it? What was it?”
“Julia—no, we decided it was best. We didn’t think you needed to deal with all this. We wanted to tell you. Believe me, we fought ourselves every day.” Torben stood in front of Ellie and tried to take her hands.
“No, don’t touch me right now! I’m too pissed. God! You guys even saw me in my underwear!” Inside, Ellie fumed. Freakin’ really?
“To be fair, Dov did try to get you to dress, and you did just see us naked.” Mathin cringed.
“Yeah, that makes it loads better! Why didn’t you guys ever shift in front of me before? We were just kids when we met.” She tried to make sense of the lies, but that was all she could see. Her best friends had been lying to her almost her whole life.
“We were too scared to shift as cubs, it wasn’t easy traveling here. After Dov’s mom died, we didn’t know who to trust. It took us awhile before we decided to give Julia a chance. She told us not to shift in front of you.” Torben kicked a clump of grass at his feet.
“I still don’t get it…”
“Neither did we,” Dov signed, “but those were the rules for us. Fall in love with a beautiful girl and always keep her in the dark. It’s been torture.”
Ellie threw her hands up in the air. “Love? Really? You think now is the time to tell me you love me? Really, Dov? Or should I call you Ryder? Where did you ever come up with those names?”
“They happen to be our middle names, and we named each other,” Dov signed, a terse tilt to his lips.
“Fine. W
hatever. I’m not doing this right now.” That was it. Ellie walked away leaving the guys standing, now fully dressed on the patio, not sure whether their mate was ever going to talk to them again.
“Nice going.” Mathin attempted to push Dov, but the guy was built like a wall.
“Me? Really? You’re the genius who decided to shift in front of her!” Dov signed.
Mathin pointed at the house. “I thought she was gone!”
“Well, she is now.” Torben sighed. “Pull it together guys. You both wanted this…we all wanted this. Now we have it. We’re going to have to convince her we’re still the same bears she’s loved all her life.”
“She didn’t think we were men under all that fur, she’ll never forgive us,” Dov signed.
“Maybe not, but I’m not willing to give up. You shouldn’t be either.” Torben kicked the wall before he turned around and followed Ellie into the house. Somehow we have to make this right. Ellie can leave anytime she wants…we need to give her a reason to stay.
“I’m sorry,” Mathin said quietly. “I really didn’t think…”
“That’s the problem, you never do,” Dov signed before stomping inside.
Mathin ran a hand through his hair before sitting down on the concrete. They were right, it was his fault she found out, that wasn’t the real problem though. Ellie was pissed because she felt like she didn’t know them anymore all because they’d hidden their true natures. There was no way to turn back the clock, he couldn’t undo the past, even beating himself up wouldn’t change things. First, he’d give Ellie time to calm down, her temper was high right now, but she’d be more reasonable when she cooled off. By then, they needed to have a plan, he kicked the lone rock on the patio. He needed to think, but he did his best thinking when he ran. Stripping off all his clothes, he headed into the woods. He’d fix this somehow.
Ellie couldn’t hide out in her room anymore–since she no longer had one–so, she locked herself in the bathroom. The guys could always use her grandmother’s bathroom if they really needed to. She sat on the toilet while forcefully tapping her foot. I can’t believe they lied to me, even my grandma lied to me for years…years! How can I ever trust them again? On the other hand, can I really turn my back on the people I love most in the world? Ellie beat her fist against her leg. She didn’t care if she left bruises. She wanted to smash something, but she wasn’t that type of person. She refused to tear apart her grandmother’s home like a child, instead she sat and fumed.
As time rolled by, Ellie calmed down, but stayed hurt. It wasn’t like she hadn’t wished the guys were her bears, or that her bears were human. She had! She’d longed for them to be able to talk to her so many times she’d lost count. Yet, to know they could and didn’t, it hurt her. She felt betrayed since she’d broken up with her boyfriend for them. I drove hours just to see them again, and how did they repay me? By lying to me. At the same time, she was glad Mathin had done it, glad the truth had come out. Why couldn’t she have found out as a child? She would have kept their secret. Ellie sighed. They were her bears…
A light switched on inside of Ellie. It’s true, they were always my bears. Now they were her shifters. They were still the same souls she’d always loved. Mathin who was so adventurous, Torben who always kept the peace and thought things through, and Dov who felt so deeply, but kept so quiet. They were hers regardless of what they were. Now she could truly have them, all of them, in a way she never thought she could before.
Still, they’d lied and she wouldn’t stop feeling hurt. Ellie decided to take a long bath while she figured out how to proceed; she wasn’t the type to let them off the hook so easily. Then again, she refused to be a shrew and drive them away; they needed to make it up to her, show her they were truly sorry and promise her they’d never lie to her again. That they’d always be perfectly honest with her from here on out. Ellie almost fell asleep in the tub as she mellowed out. She’d decided she would forgive them eventually, but they’d have to put forth the effort to make things right first. If they wanted to stay friends, they needed to earn her trust back. She prayed they would figure out how. The more she mellowed, the more other thoughts started to come to her. I saw them naked. Fully—frontal—naked. They were huge! Maybe it was from their bear sides, but their muscles were tight and large and that wasn’t the only thing… Ellie tried not to look, but it had been rather hard to miss on any of them. “Wow,” she whispered to herself. My bears are hot! Sinking her lips under the water, she blew a few bubbles as she tried to banish the images from her head—if that was even possible.
Pruney and a bit cold, Ellie finally emerged from the bath several hours later. It was very late, the moon had risen hours ago; still, Ellie wasn’t tired, her thoughts were too active to sleep. A part of her would remain pissed for quite a while, but as the time passed, her anger was starting to subside. Weres…they really exist, I wonder what’s myth and what’s fact.
Did they really turn on a full moon? Did it hurt when they shifted? Did each of them have a werebear out there somewhere, fated to be his mate? Ellie didn’t like the direction her thoughts had shifted to. How was she ever going to wrap her head around it, she didn’t know, but she’d try. If they had only told her years ago, it would have been easier for her to swallow whole. Since she couldn’t stop picturing the scene on the porch, she decided to sit out there and think since it would be easier not to wake the house while out there anyway.
The joke was on her; all three guys were sitting on the porch talking quietly to themselves. “I wish we would have told her as kids.” Mathin tossed a rock into the tree line.
Shit, they’re talking about me…
“Me, too,” Dov signed.
“Ditto, but it doesn’t matter. We did what everyone always urged us to do…we kept our secret. They never told us our mate could be human.” Torben held out his hand, and Mathin placed a rock in his palm. Torben chucked the rock as far as he could, and they never saw it land.
“Yah, but they also never told us we’d share her.” Mathin growled.
Share me? Wait, did he say mate?
“They didn’t know.” Torben brushed off his hands.
Dov’s eyes flashed as he signed, “they had to have known it was possible. I saw the books, they had generations of shifter’s stories collected.”
“I don’t remember that part.” Torben shook his head.
“I was closer to becoming a full member of the pack, they were preparing me for the naming ceremony,” he signed.
Mathin laughed. “Yah, yah, you’re only one year older.”
“I saw a lot in that one year,” Dov signed.
“The point is, they never prepared us for anything we’d face. Losing our families, living among humans, sharing a mate. How to break all this to her…” Sighing, Torben was lost in his own thoughts.
“I didn’t think about how hard it would have been for all of you,” Ellie said softly. Three sets of deep brown eyes whirled to meet hers in the moonlight. My poor bears…
“Have you forgiven us?” Mathin’s eyes were glassy.
“No, not yet, but I’m ready to listen. I want to understand.” Am I really mated to all of you?
Torben managed a half smile. “I’ll take that over losing you outright any day.”
“So if I overheard correctly, I’m your mate. I could never walk away, even if I wanted to…”
“That’s right, you’re our mate. How does that make you feel?” Mathin squeezed his hands tightly in his lap.
A bit wet. “Confused, mostly. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to make the three of you happy or even how that all works. I have so many questions about what it means for you to be shifters.” Sitting down beside them, Ellie crossed her legs.
“Ask away,” Dov signed.
“Are you immortal?” Please say no.
Mathin shook his head. “No, but we’re hard to kill, and we live longer than humans.”
Good, I don’t wanna be old and wrinkly while you’re all
still young and hot.
“Okay, do you have to shift, I mean like during a full moon?” Ellie fiddled with her nails as she stared at the bright orb in the sky. She felt silly asking questions based off of movies and books, but she didn’t have anything else to go on.
“No, there’s no correlation between us and the moon.” Torben sliced a hand through the air. “We simply have two natures, our human side and our bear side. We can easily slide from one to the other, but we are always us. Our instincts are slightly different as a bear, but there’s no other consciousness inside us in that form.”
“So how do you do it? How do you shift…that’s what you call it, right?”
“Yes, it’s called shifting.” Torben nodded. “It’s a matter of willing your form to change. Just like the desire to lift your arm or take a step. The body knows subconsciously how to change, we just tell it to happen.”
Ellie chewed on her lip. “Does it hurt?”
“No, it can if you’re injured, but it doesn’t normally.” Dov answered, with Torben translating the parts Ellie couldn’t grasp.
“So, I’m guessing it’s hereditary?” I can’t become a bear, can I?
“Yeah, there’s no way to become a were. You have to be born to a mated couple,” Mathin looked her in the eye and stood still, but he itched to hold her.
“But, there have been reported cases of humans, mated to weres, being able to have werebear cubs. It’s just not a certainty,” Dov signed.
“Okay…so what does it mean to be mated to a were? How’s it different, since I’m human?” Ellie rubbed her hands on her thighs, trying to take it all in slowly, sweat covered her palms.
“Being a mate means you’d have extended lifespan. You won’t turn into a bear, but you’d be capable of carrying a bear cub. It’s like being soulmates, you could communicate like we do.” Dov gestured for Torben to translate; Ellie’s ASL lessons hadn’t advanced that far.
“I’m guessing you communicate in some non-human way…” She cringed.