She sets the bottle on the table and gives us all a big grin. “I think so too. That was good, right?” she asks my dad.
“What?” I say, exchanging a look with Thea.
“After this little stunt, you deserve to be embarrassed a lot worse than this, so hold your tongue, Xander.” I press my lips together. “And start talking. I thought you guys were dating, when did you get married?”
I glance at Thea with a what the fuck expression. I feel like I’ve slipped into a parallel universe or something. But it looks like my mom has just been fucking with me, because she can.
“Vegas,” I answer. “We got married in Vegas.”
Fuck, it sounds stupid when I say it, and I guess it is. It took getting drunk in Vegas for me to finally get the girl. Where was my game at?
My mom glares at my dad. “At that stupid convention you sent them to?”
Dad raises his hands innocently. “Don’t look at me. Getting married wasn’t on the to-do list there. These two went off and did that all on their own.”
“But you told me you guys were dating when you came to dinner. Can you see how I feel a little hurt?” She frowns, picking up a piece of bread and slathering it with butter. “God, bread makes everything better,” she says after taking a bite.
“I know, right.” Thea laughs in agreement.
I clear my throat. “We figured that was easier than coming out and saying we were married—and I guess, we worried it might fizzle out and wanted to spare everyone the heartache of knowing.” I look at Thea and the love I feel for her, there’s no way that’s ever going away. I take her hand beneath the table. “But I think we’re in it for the long haul. I have faith in us and I hope you do too.” I look at my parents, waiting and hoping for their approval.
My mom sniffles, tearing up a bit. “Of course we do, but you got married without us,” she cries. “You’re my oldest baby, don’t you think I wanted to be there?”
“It was kind of a spur of the moment decision,” I mutter. My voice growing in volume, I add, “I don’t take it back, either, because if we hadn’t done it we wouldn’t be together today and I wouldn’t give this up for anything.”
Thea lets out an audible exhale of, “Aww,” beside me.
“You guys will have a real wedding, though? Right?” my mom asks, her eyes pleading. “Renew your vows or something, so we can all be there?”
I shrug. “Maybe, in time, if Thea wants.”
My mom zeroes in on Thea like a vulture. “Thea?”
Thea nearly chokes on her water. “Um, I wouldn’t be opposed to it, but right now my primary focus is what happens once I start college again and Xander’s gone all the time.”
My mom presses her lips into a thin line and exhales heavily. “Think about it, please. It’s something that would mean a lot to us, and I think, down the road, it would mean a lot to you both to have a real wedding.”
I glance at Thea. “We’ll think about it.”
I wish she’d shut up about this before she sends Thea into a panic. Thankfully, Thea doesn’t seem to care, or if she does then she’s not showing it.
The waiter comes back and takes our order, giving us funny looks, probably because of the bottle of wine my mom still has beside her. He’s probably worried we’re all a bunch of crazies and are going to bail on the crazily expensive meal.
Luckily, the rest of the dinner goes smooth, and I’m glad to have worked things out with my mom. I can tell she’s still slightly hurt by the situation, but she’s not pissed anymore, so I’ll take that as a win. I’ll make sure to stop by the house with lunch one day this week so we can chat just the two of us.
We leave the restaurant and part ways, with hugs and goodbyes.
Thea takes my hand and we start down the street. Jars filled with lights hang from the trees.
She tilts her head back, smiling up at them, and the light dances across her face making her look almost angelic.
She grabs onto my arm, leaning her head against my shoulder as we stroll down the street.
Her happiness radiates off of her like a physical energy and I feel bowed by it. Her vibrancy and zest is contagious.
Things aren’t perfect, not by a long shot, but right now, in this moment, it almost feels like it is. So I take that small victory and make it mine, smiling like I own the whole world as I walk beside the girl I love.
“You talk to her.”
“No, you,” I argue with my brother.
He clenches his jaw and glares, looking from me to the closed door that once led to Xander’s room, but now has been taken over by my mom.
“You’re the girl,” he reasons.
I snort. “So? You’re the favorite.”
“Am not.”
“Are too.”
Rae shakes her head as she walks by. “You guys sound like you’re five.”
“Stay out of this!” we yell simultaneously.
“Whoa.” Her eyes widen. “All right then.”
“You talk to her,” I hiss to Cade. “You’re older. More worldly.”
He sighs and crosses his arms over his chest. “We’ll both talk to her.”
I lift my chin. “That is a reasonable compromise, but you go in first.”
“Fine,” he huffs. “We’ll shake on it.”
“Deal.” I spit in my hand and hold it out. “Put it there, partner.”
Cade spits in his hand and we shake on it the way we used to as kids. When I look behind him Rae is watching us with a horrified expression. She raises her hands, shaking her head.
“I’m going to pretend I didn’t watch that.” She disappears into their room.
“You first.” I nod my head at the door that separates us from our mom.
Cade sighs heavily and wraps his hand around the knob, turning it. The room is dark, like a dungeon, and I see that Xander’s black curtains are pulled over the window allowing no afternoon sunlight to slip through. One lone light on the dresser is all that’s on, providing a measly amount of light for the room.
“What’s that smell?” I pinch my nose.
Cade tilts his head this way and that trying to make heads and tails of the form buried under a mountain of blankets. “Mom?” he says hesitantly. “Are you okay?”
There’s a distant groan that I think is meant to be yes.
Cade and I exchange a look. It’s worse than we thought.
Since I’m more brazen than Cade, I stride forward and yank the covers off my mom. She cowers away like the minimal light in the room sears her skin.
“Get up. Shower. And put some clean clothes on.” I glance back at Cade and mouth tough love.
She doesn’t move and she looks up at us with bleary, tear-filled eyes. “I couldn’t protect Gabe and I couldn’t protect you two. I’m a horrible mom and I don’t deserve you.”
I wince like I’ve been shot.
Gabe.
My little brother. I never think about him. It’s too difficult to think about that big gaping hole in our life. A hole that’s my fault. All because I wanted to go horseback riding on that stupid vacation. If I’d never begged and pleaded to go, he wouldn’t have died. He’d still be here and we’d still be a family. A whole family and not a fractured one built up with hate, hurt, and lies.
My heart stutters inside my chest as I think about the little boy we lost before we even got to know him. He was only eight.
“Mom,” my voice cracks. “There was nothing you could do. It was my fault.”
“Thea,” Cade says softly, resting his hand on my shoulder. I shake it off. “It was a freak accident.”
“If I hadn’t begged for us to go horseback riding it wouldn’t have happened!” I shout. “He wouldn’t have fallen off his horse,” I say softer, losing steam, “and he’d still be here with us.”
Tears prick my eyes.
If I think back on it, that’s the day when things changed for good.
My dad was already an asshole, but after that he had an even bigger reason to
be a jerk, and my mom? That day broke her, and she hasn’t been the same since. She became over-bearing, and uber critical and turned a blind eye to everything Dad did.
“My fault,” my mom says from the bed, her body shaking. “No, it was my fault. It was all my fault.” Her eyes grow clearer and she grabs my hand with surprising strength. It’s then that I notice how thin she’s become. This isn’t sudden thinness, either, it’s obvious this has been happening for a while, and I wonder what her life has been like left alone with Dad the last year. “I should’ve left him a long time ago. If I’d left him when I should have Gabe would still be here.”
Cade steps forward, his presence crowding behind me.
“It’s neither of your faults and you have to let it go. Gabe wouldn’t want you blaming yourselves.”
Tears burst from my eyes when I think of Gabe’s sweet cherubic face and his wide round eyes. I know Cade’s right. That kid … He was a goofball and the sweetest thing ever and he wouldn’t want us blaming ourselves. That’s why I never try to think about him, because when I do, guilt floods me and nearly drowns me in its depths.
“And Mom,” Cade says, “you’ve left him now, that’s what matters. Just please, please don’t go back to him.”
She doesn’t respond, but I hope that his words have gotten to her.
I wipe my tears off my cheeks, sniffling. I hadn’t been expecting a cry fest when I came in here.
“I think we should get her in the bath,” I tell Cade. “She smells like a rotting carcass.”
Cade gives me a horrified look. “You’re on your own with that.”
I glare at him. “At least help me get her into the bathroom, and I’ll do the rest.”
He sighs. “I can do that.” He picks her up easily and she looks so small in his arms and I realize now that she’s even smaller than she looked in the bed and it’s scary. She’s no more than skin and bones.
Cade gets her into the bathroom and promptly leaves.
I sigh. It isn’t going to be fun, but I have to do what I have to do.
An hour later, she’s clean and dressed in real clothes with her hair brushed. She looks human and not like a sewer rat, so I take that as a win.
“Come downstairs and have something to eat.”
“I’m not really hungry,” she replies, shuffling for the bed.
“Oh, no you don’t.” I grab her hand and halt her progress. She gives me an indignant look. “You need to eat,” I argue. “No offense, but you look like shit.”
She sighs. “Always so eloquent, Thea.”
“I try.” I give her a little nudge toward the door and she reluctantly goes.
Downstairs, we pass Cade and Rae in the family room. Cade gives me an encouraging smile and I give him one back that’s the equivalent of bite me since he abandoned me.
I pull out a chair at the kitchen table and guide my mom into it.
Once seated she covers her face with her hands, her fingers sealed tight, letting no light penetrate her eyes.
I opt to get her some toast with butter. She hasn’t been eating properly so I figure it’s best to start light.
I fix it and set the plate in front of her.
She doesn’t move her hands.
“Please, for the love of God feed yourself. I already had to bathe you today.”
She drops her hands and gives me a look that says I’m three seconds away from being in trouble, which must mean she’s feeling more like herself.
She picks up the piece of toast and takes the smallest bite imaginable. Seriously, a bird would’ve nibbled more off.
“Mom,” I groan.
“I’m just not very hungry,” she defends with a shrug.
I throw my hands up in exasperation.
There is only so much you can do to help a person and the rest is up to them.
“Your dad used to be a good man,” she says suddenly. “Before.”
“Before what?” I snap, my patience at a whopping zero.
“Before I married him.” She looks forlornly at the table. “I thought when I got pregnant with Cade that would fix him.” She snorts. “How naïve is that? But the anger …” She trails off, her eyes distant. “It stayed. He could hide it, most of the time, but it would flare up every now and then and once Gabe died … Well, I think after that he didn’t see the point in pretending.”
“That’s when he started hitting me all the time,” Cade pipes up, standing in the doorway of the kitchen. Rae stands beside him with her hand resting reassuringly on his forearm as she looks up at him lovingly. “Before then it would be a shove here and there, maybe yelling in my face, but when Gabe died …” He looks away. “I think it made him feel better to hit someone, and I was the easiest target.”
“I don’t know why we pretended for so long, that his evil didn’t exist,” I whisper.
“Because,” Cade starts, “we had no choice. We couldn’t get away from him and we had to deal any way we could.”
My mom sniffles and rubs her eyes. “I’m going to get a divorce. I’m going to make this right for you,” she vows.
“No,” Cade says firmly. “You make it right for you. You deserve to be free, Mom.”
She sniffles again and then tears pour from her eyes.
“I’m scared,” she admits between sobs.
“Don’t be,” Cade tells her, coming to wrap his arms around her. “We’re here for you.”
“Malcolm Montgomery is a dangerous man,” she warns. “He won’t let us go easily.”
Cade looks at me over the top of her head, his blue eyes like steel. “Then we’ll make him.”
I glare at my email and shudder, slamming my laptop closed.
“What is it?” Xander asks, chuckling at me.
“Email from the university, welcoming me back. School doesn’t start for another three weeks. You’d think they could hold up until the day before to ruin my life.”
“Don’t go back then.”
I wrinkle my nose. “And what? Stay home and knit? I don’t think so.”
He chuckles. “Not what I had in mind.” He reaches over and tickles me. I try to swipe his hand away, but he’s stronger than me. My laughter fills the room and tears fall from my eyes.
“Okay, okay,” I breathe between laughing fits. “Stop, please,” I beg.
He gives me another tickle and then stops, smirking at me. I clutch a pillow over my stomach in case he gets any wild ideas.
A lot has changed in the last few weeks since that conversation with my mom.
She, Cade, and I all talked it over and agreed to see a therapist. We each have one appointment a week on our own and one with all three of us.
We’ve only been to one collective appointment together and today’s our second. The first was helpful, and I’m expecting today’s to be even more so. Like I told Cade, sometimes you need an unbiased person to talk things over with to put things into perspective.
“When do you have to leave for your appointment?” Xander asks, and I swear it’s like the boy can read my mind.
I glance at the clock. “Two hours.”
He grins. “Plenty of time to start a new show.”
We’ve long ago finished Charmed and plowed through Prison Break.
I stretch out on my stomach, stuffing the pillow under my chin. “What do you have in mind?”
“Supernatural?” he suggests.
“Ooh, I’ve heard great things about those Winchester brothers.” I waggle my brows and lick my lips.
His lips curl in disgust. “Maybe not then.”
“Too late.” I snatch the remote from the bed and switch to Netflix, finding Supernatural easily. He quits his pouting pretty quickly when the show proves to be fantastic.
“Thea!” Cade calls a while later. “Time to go.”
“Ugh,” I groan, and point at Xander. “Don’t even think about finishing this episode without me. I’ll cut you.”
He laughs and raises his hands innocently. “I won’t. I need to g
o to the gym anyway.” He wets his lips then and shuffles nervously.
“What?” I prompt.
“I scheduled for us to meet with a relator tomorrow to see some places.”
My mouth pops open. “And you’re just now telling me this?”
He shrugs, smiling sheepishly. “I figured you’d freak out if I gave you too much notice.”
“Yeah, well…” I touch my hand to my chest, where I can feel it constricting and cutting off my air supply. “I’m definitely freaking out.”
“Hey,” he says. “We’re just looking. That’s all this is.”
I nod. “Just looking,” I repeat.
I know moving in together wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. We already do live together but with other people. I guess, it all feels so fast to me. I’m still getting used to us being together and married. Living on our own? I don’t know if I’m ready for that, especially with still being in college. I’m probably being stupid. We get along great, so it’s not like I have to worry about him irritating the crap out of me. If anything, I would be the one irritating him.
“I want us to explore our options,” he says.
“Okay,” I agree. “And then we’ll talk about it, together, right?”
He gives me a funny look. “Yeah, of course. I’m not going to buy us a place and not ask you first. It’s ours not mine.” He pinches my side slightly and jumps out of the way before I can swat him. “You better go.”
“Oh, right.”
After he brought up the relator I totally forgot that Cade had called for me.
When I get downstairs I find that my mom and he are already outside waiting in the Jeep.
I pet Prue on her head and she licks my leg before I dart out the door.
My mom’s sitting in the back, so I end up sitting in the front with Cade.
None of us speak on the way and the silence is deafening. In fact, I’m convinced that silence is the loudest sound in the world. An oxymoron, perhaps, but true.
Cade pulls into the lot of the building and I stare at the white stone building. It’s clean, modern, almost clinical. When you walk inside it feels like you’re about to be operated on, and maybe you are. It sure feels like they’re poking around in your head and pulling out the important bits and pieces, laying them out on a table and deciphering what the hidden parts of your mind mean.
When Stars Collide (Light in the Dark #2) Page 20