I’ve been wandering for about an hour and find my way onto the back deck, Dallas and Legs in tow. I was curious about the upstairs and Claire’s inner sanctum but know that is taking too much liberty with Claire’s trust, so instead I force myself out here. Walking around the yard, I enjoy the peace and tranquility that Claire has created. It’s a haven really, one that has become an extension of her home.
The fire pit and Adirondack chairs surrounding it make you want to sit and relax, while the flowers she has planted make the space feel romantic. The herb garden that is on the deck is an old-time planter’s box and keeps the mosquitos at bay. And just like the interior of Claire’s home, the exterior is eclectic and, again, it shouldn’t work but does. The splashes of primary colors, from the cushions and pillows throughout the space to the flower choices, bring you into nature without it overbearing the space.
I return to the back deck and sit on the top step. The girls are hanging out next to me, Legs on my right and Dallas on my lap, and I pet them both, as I just sit and enjoy being in Claire’s space. The back door opening gets all of our attention. Turning, I find Claire standing at the back door, looking fucking inspiring. Nothing has changed about her in the past hour, still minimal makeup, she has taken her shoes off and her hair is slightly messier. There is just something about this woman that makes me smile. Her head is cocked to the right and the wind is rustling the loose wisps around her face. And Claire is attempting to look upset with me still being in her space.
Claire
SOMETHING INSIDE ME knew that Jackson would still be here when I got home. I can’t really be mad at him. Well I can, however, is it really worth it? No. “Pick your battles, girl,” is what Mac used to say. He is only trying to protect me and although Jackson was the last man I leaned on, I’m not sure that I can let all of my barriers down and let him completely back into my life. Looking over at the behemoth of a man sitting on my top step holding my tiny Dallas, it takes everything I have not to bust out laughing. He looks so silly sitting there holding my pure black Chiweenie—all ten pounds of her—while she is wearing her “My LBD” tutu dress with Legs sitting to his right in her Giants football jersey. If I had a camera I’d take a picture.
Dallas finally noticing me, hops off of Jackson’s lap and runs over. Legs just looks lovingly at her father. When he gives her a nod she takes off toward me. Scooping Dallas up, I look over at Jackson and say, “What are you still doing here?”
“We need to talk about Brad, Claire.”
So not the reason I was hoping for.
“Brad has no importance to my life. I have put that particular part of my life behind me and refuse to let him affect me in any way. Conversation over.” Turning, I head into the house with Dallas in my arms and Legs right behind me.
Putting Dal on the ground, I walk over to the pantry and grab two treats. I dole them out while Jackson walks into the kitchen.
“Jesus, woman! What is it about you McEvoys!” he says as the back door slams shut.
“Jackson, I’m not not taking this seriously. I am. But I work from home most days or from the field house, so I will hardly, if ever, see Brad.” Walking over to wash my hands, I grab a hand towel and dry my hands off. Then grab my tea kettle from the stove and fill it with water from the sink and put it back onto the stove to boil. I then grab my favorite tea cup from the cabinet along with the English Breakfast tea and honey. I look over at Jackson, he is just standing there leaning against the doorframe, looking at me as though I have ten heads.
“What? Speak!”
Of course that gets the girls barking. All that it takes is Jackson saying one word to get them to stop and sit. “Are you fucking kidding me? Seriously? That is the stance you are taking? What about Zoey and Sasha?” It’s a low blow and we both know it.
Unable to hide my fear for my girls, I look over at Jackson. He is one hundred percent serious and just as concerned for Zoey and Sasha as I am. “I told you, no one is going to hurt you again. That includes your girls. Let me ask you something, Claire. Has it sunk in yet, to that very thick skull, that Sasha starts her new internship with the team tomorrow? Or that it is with the new VP of Community and Corporate Relations? Who the fuck do you think that is, Claire?”
Jackson
AS THE WORDS leave my mouth I know they are a mistake. Claire’s face turns pale white and she reaches for the island in front of her but misses. The cup she has in her hand slips loose and crashes to the floor just as her eyes roll upward and her head falls back on her neck. And for a moment my entire world stops.
Rushing over and shooing the dogs out of the way so that they don’t get cut, I grab her around the shoulders and snake one hand up and under her head. She is listless and not responding. Fully pulling her into my chest, I shout, “Claire! Shit! Claire? You with me? Baby?” The panic in my voice is palpable but I can’t allow it to consume me. Her eyes slowly begin to open but they are glazed over. She isn’t fully here with me in her kitchen. With a light shake of my upper body, I try to get Claire’s attention as gently as possible. She looks so fragile.
The tea kettle starts to whistle, which sets the girls barking again. I have only ever felt this helpless two other times in my life. The night that I found my mother dead from an overdose of pain pills, and when I found Claire half-naked, rocking back and forth in the fetal position on the floor of my apartment. The memory both pisses me off and terrifies me. However, I can’t allow my anger and fear in right now. I have to stay strong and focused. For Claire. For Sasha. For the two people that I would do anything for.
“Legs! Dallas! Sun porch! Now!” They’re good girls and thank God they listen to me. The last thing I need is for Claire to come to with bloody paw prints on her floor. Picking the exquisite woman in my arms up, I walk over to the stove and shut the burner off and shove the tea kettle over. With Claire still in my arms, I take her outside onto the back deck and resume my place on the top step. Only this time instead of Dallas on my lap it’s Claire. It feels so good to have her in my arms, even unconscious, it feels right.
We have been sitting outside for a good five minutes when Claire decides to fully join the girls and I. She looks up into my eyes, hers still slightly unfocused but the beauty I know is now present. Trying to alleviate some of her embarrassment I say, “I have to say that if anyone could pull off fainting gracefully, you managed it.”
Her eyes finally clear, thank God, and she squirms, trying to get off my lap. When her efforts fail, Claire slaps my chest and says, “Jackson, that isn’t funny in any way. Now let me up!”
“Nope. I think that we should have this conversation this way. It’s the only way I can guarantee you won’t walk away. Plus, I’m kinda enjoying you squirming around, Claire, but it’s getting me hard.”
Still wiggling, Claire looks up at me and sees just how serious I am and stops moving immediately. I can see that fucking genius brain working, which is a complete and utter turn on for me. It isn’t until I see the twinkle in her eyes that I know I’m in trouble. Taking her hand and reaching between the two of us, she grabs my balls and squeezes. Not too hard but enough to get my attention. “Now, you have two choices here, Jackson. You can let me off of your lap or you can spend the next few hours in tremendous pain.” Arching an eyebrow at me, she follows up with, “What’s it going to be, Jack?”
And she’s smiling. Getting off on having me at her mercy. And mercy it is. The woman is squeezing my manhood and is increasingly getting more aggressive.
Claire
IT’S FUNNY HOW Jackson is sweating over something so minor as me grabbing him by the penis and squeezing. Not funny ha ha but more funny ironic. Here I have the man’s balls and dick in my hand and all I want is to have them in my mouth. I don’t want to hurt Jackson but I do want to prove a point to him.
That I’m a strong and capable woman that will not allow any man to overpower me ever again.
Mac and Jami had a lot of fucked up philosophies, but the one thing they in
stilled in me was that I always stand strong. To show no weakness no matter what. I know that it doesn’t sound like much, but a strong sense of one’s own self-worth is extremely important. It is that strength and belief in myself that got me through being raped and fighting my parents for custody of my daughter. It is also that inner strength that helped me raise Sasha all on my own. My parents also taught me to be selfish and self-centered. Ice. No mercy and to push forward, no matter the cost. I guess all three of these traits go somewhat hand in hand. But they have given me the will and strength to still be here.
“Claire, I would really like to have children sometime down the road. Do you think that you could let up a little?” Which only makes me squeeze just a little bit harder, garnering me a quick, “Please, Claire!”
It’s the look on Jackson’s face that has me letting go of his manhood. He has gone totally still and is a little ashen. Sliding off of his lap, I push off of the top step and stand up. Looking down at Jack, I feel kind of bad for causing him pain. So instead of fleeing, which is my first instinct, I bend my knees and sit down next to him. Wrapping my arms around my knees and hoping that this conversation isn’t as bad as I think it is going to be.
“Okay, Jackson. Let’s talk.”
Looking over at me, he takes a deep breath, trying to regain his composure. Gotta give the man credit. I hurt him but he didn’t lash out at me and is still watching me as though I was the most important person in the world. Only Sasha and Zoey look at me that way, and to see it coming from Jackson is overwhelming and, well, humbling.
Finally, able to catch his breath fully, Jackson says, “Jesus, woman, if I wasn’t already hooked before, I am now!” With a deep exhale he pushes on. “How do you plan on dealing with Brad? Because let me tell you, he walked right up to me as though nothing happened and I flattened the bastard!”
“Oh my God, Jackson! You can’t afford to piss anyone off right now.” Seeing the look of pure dispute on his face, I push on. “I’m okay, you’re okay, Sash is okay. Maybe it’s time to just let the past go? Is it really worth shining a light on something that doesn’t need light? And really, Sasha will NEVER know! If it is the last thing that I do, she will never know what Brad did to me or who he is to her.”
The look of shock and disbelief on Jackson’s face would be funny in any other situation. Right now, his agitation is palatable and starting to encompass his entire demeanor. Shoving off of the steps, Jackson descends the deck and paces out to the back fence near my fairy garden, which both Zoey and I have in our homes as a nod to our mother and one of her few otherworldly beliefs. My mother was a lot of things—independent, strong, self-centered, and selfish are just a few of her many traits. However, one of the few things she taught both my sister and I was that we needed to believe that the fantasy is often based on the reality. My fairy garden—complete with a fairy sized door so that my fairies can come and go at their leisure—is one of the few fanciful pieces in and around my home.
Jackson coming back to stand in front of me gets my attention once more. There will be other times for me to dream about fairies dancing in my garden.
He crouches down to meet me at eye level. All I can think of is that this man could hold my entire world in the palms of his hands, and the damage that it could ultimately do to my world if I let him completely in.
“So, Legs…how do you suggest we deal with Brad?”
I am not used to the men in my life asking me what my thoughts are. Even less how we should handle the situation.
Unable to look Jackson in the eyes, not even sure if it is out of past shames, current insecurities, or just because I have a hard time looking at this man without licking my lips, I say the only thing that I can think of, “Can’t we just pretend that he doesn’t exist?”
Just as those words exit my mouth I realize the mistake I have made. Weakness is not an option. However sometimes retreating is the better part of valor.
Jackson
“CAN’T WE PRETEND that he doesn’t exist?” Claire says and my heart sinks. The woman before me, who has fought her entire adult life, is giving up, and it breaks my heart.
“Legs, we don’t retreat. Ever! Do you hear me, Claire?” I place a hand over hers, which she has dangling between her amazing legs. When she doesn’t respond, I give a squeeze to her forearm with my left hand and reiterate, “Do. You. Hear. Me. Claire?”
Just as the words leave my mouth, Claire gets her spine back. And again for the third time today, I am privileged to witness the inner strength that Claire has in abundance. It is a sight to behold. The change is slight but I know my girl and she has shored up her defenses. Not one to enjoy anyone other than her girls in her “body bubble” as they call it, Claire’s back straightens, her shoulders square off and for the first time, she looks me dead in the eyes. But she doesn’t shrug off my touch. Progress.
“You’re right, Jack. We can’t bury our heads in the sand. However, it will be over my dead body before that man touches my daughter.”
“In that we agree. But make no mistake, Claire, no one, and I mean no one, is going to touch one of my girls.”
With a sigh, Claire looks out over her backyard and seems to lose focus for a few minutes until her eyes reach the far left corner, and she seems to forcibly shake herself out of whatever memory she is in. Looking up at me with those amazing green eyes that I have dreamt about for twenty-three years, she says as she shakes my hand off of hers and places them onto her upper thighs, “Your girls huh? We don’t need your protection, Jackson, although it is very sweet of you to want to protect Sash and me. But I got this. I have been taking care of the two of us for years.” Then she pushes completely up and walks away from me.
Unable to control myself any longer, I lose myself and spout out, “Jesus, woman. Can’t you just let me in and love you!”
Claire, Legs and Dallas all stop and as one turn to look at me. Even my own dog has deserted me in my time of foot-in-mouth assholery, leaning her entire body into Claire for support. This isn’t how I wanted to profess my feelings. I wanted to reestablish a friendship with her first. Fuck it. It’s out there now and I’m not taking it back. Mac brought me back into this woman’s life and I’ll be damned if I balk while in the red zone. There is too much at risk and Claire is the end zone.
With a heavy breath, I push forward. I’ve already screwed the pooch so why not finish it off. “Look, this isn’t the right time, I know, but I also know how I have felt about you since I was twenty-two years old. You want to ignore Brad’s existence, then you do that.” Walking over to the one woman who has held my heart for over half my life, I tap her nose and finish what I started. “But make no mistake, Claire. I have loved you since I saw you chasing Zoey up and down that practice field. You were my only friend. We will be friends and God willing, we will be lovers.” Leaning into Claire to kiss her forehead, I let loose of my parting comment. “And Claire, what I have in mind for you, sexually, is all I can think about. Get ready, woman, because we will be everything to one another.”
Claire
“JACK SAID THAT? And then he walked out? Oh…My…God…Claire! What the hell? You just let him leave with the whole I ‘heart’ you?” Zoey says while miming the last statement as she sits, okay it is more like sprawled out on the sofa in my family room.
Standing at the island that separates the two rooms, I literally laugh at my sister. At the same time the front door slams against the wall and Suzie and Ally come barreling in. I cringe for my poor wall as Suzie rushes in and plops down on the chair across from Zoey with Ally in her arms. With a huff she states, “I would have been here earlier but Ben was being a baby and made me change Ally.” Looking over at my sister, she says, “He hates the new outfit you bought her. I swear, Zoey, you buy her clothes that you know will send him over the edge.”
Zoey snorting pulls my attention and I know by the look on my baby sister’s face that Suzie is one hundred percent accurate. I shake my head and bend over and pick up Ally a
s she totters over to me. “Zoey, you have to stop pushing Ben’s buttons. His love for you is only going to go so far. You are lucky that he hasn’t revoked your godmother status at this point.”
“Pfft!” Comes from Suzie. “As if! The man loves her. Forget about him, I know how to handle him. One good blow job and I win!”
“Seriously, do we need to have this conversation right now?” I say while pulling Ally to my chest and covering her ears. “Little ears, Suz!” I admonish.
“Claire, you are the biggest prude! Lighten up. Jesus, did you or did you not have a kid at sixteen?”
“Zoey!” Suzie says on a gasp.
What the fuck?
“Pregnancy brain! I am so sorry, Claire!”
“Sorry for what? Reminding me that I got knocked up and had a baby at sixteen?” I give Ally a quick snuggle and put her down with a soft pat to her bottom, which garners me a giggle. Walking over to the green glass shelves that I installed last week, I grab my favorite rocks glass and proceed to make myself an adult beverage. Not like anyone else in this house can have a cocktail with me. The bitches are both pregnant. Suzie and Ben have been trying for eight months and just found out that she is expecting another precious bundle. It’s a good thing that the Andersons make some pretty babies.
“Claire, I didn’t mean it. It just slipped out. All these hormones in my system. I can’t think straight.”
I wave her off to let her know that I am not completely offended. Well at least not outwardly. Every time anyone brings up my pregnancy it chips away at the confidence that I have worked so hard at gaining.
Grabbing a lime, two bottles of water, and an apple juice out of the refrigerator, I walk over and hand the waters and juice to the girls. Walking back to the island, I proceed to cut the lime and squeeze it into my glass. I do my best imitation of ignorance.
Encroachment (Coach's Shadow Trilogy #2) Page 5