I didn’t know what to do next but staying at Parker’s house a moment longer with her and Sandy hovering over me was sure to do me in. I needed a car to carry out my newest plan. Had I gotten Janice’s number from Luke it would’ve made things easier. That thought gave me an idea.
I could hear muffled chattering coming from the living room as I wrenched myself out of bed. Parker, Sandy, and Allison were all sitting on the couch, huddled together.
They stopped speaking and looked up in unison.
“I need a phone book,” I said.
“A phone book?” Sandy said.
“Yeah, you know … those big yellow things.”
“Why do you want a phone book?” Parker asked.
“Do you have one or not? Last time I checked I was still a full-grown adult who can take care of herself.”
“That happens to be in question, Jane,” Allison said.
“I appreciate your concern. It’s very sweet, but I’ll manage. I told you, you should go. If you stay I will feel even worse that I’m keeping you from getting ready for your big day. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“You promise to be there?”
“Yes, of course I’ll be there. Now go, before I push you out the door.” I spoke with much more vitality than I actually felt. I had consumed hardly any food in the last few days and that—coupled with the total devastation of my life—hadn’t left me brimming with energy. Crazed vengeance can, however, fuel even the most food-deprived.
Allison looked over at Sandy and Parker and they both nodded to her. It was not at all pleasant being the crazy person in the room. They looked concerned but also scared. I should’ve felt appreciation for their love and worry, but truly I wished they would just leave me alone.
They sat there staring, waiting for the crazy girl to do something irrational. “The phonebook please,” I said, holding out my hand, palm up.
Allison hugged Parker and Sandy and gave me a look of compassion as she departed through the door.
Parker got up and went into the kitchen.
“A fine mess you’ve gotten yourself into here,” Sandy said, once we were alone.
“Well, you know me … when I go for things, I go for them big.”
“Want to tell me what happened?”
“Not in the least,” I said.
She shook her head knowingly. I got the impression that she herself thought that the reality might be worse than her imagination and she would’ve been right.
“Here,” Parker said, extending the phonebook to me.
“Thanks,” I said as I slogged back into the bedroom and closed the door.
I looked up the number of Marcello’s restaurant and punched it into my cellphone, thinking it would probably be too early to reach anyone there.
“Marcello’s Ristorante. May I help you?”
“Marcello, please.”
“He is unavailable, may I take a message?”
“Is Janice available?”
“No, I’m afraid there is only a few staff here preparing for a catering event,” she said. Her voice was fading, as though she was already about to hang up.
I quickly said, “It’s imperative that I reach Marcello immediately.”
“I’m sorry … what is your name?”
“My name’s Jane and he’d want to take this call. I wouldn’t want to be you telling him you merely took a message when a call of this importance came in.”
“Well … um … please hold,” she said.
The hold music did not help my mood so I held the phone away from my ear. Minutes passed before the girl finally came back on the line.
“I have a number for you to call.”
She gave me the number and I quickly hung up. I punched in the new digits and Janice answered.
“Jane, where are you? I can come get you right away.”
“I have no interest in speaking to you. Put Marcello on the phone.”
“Marcello isn’t available. I heard about some of what happened and Jane—”
“Just shut up, Janice. I have no interest in what you have to say. Take my number and have Marcello call me right away. Oh and if you have any ideas of not passing on my message I will be sure to let him know I spoke with you at ...” I looked at the clock on the bedside table. “It’s almost ten now.”
“Wait … please ... Why are you mad at me?”
“I’m hanging up now.” I hit end and tried to figure out what to do with myself until I heard from Marcello. To my surprise the phone rang just two minutes later.
“Where are you?” he said, without even saying hello.
“I’m at Parker’s house but please get me out of here. I think they’re contemplating having me committed.”
“Well, Jane ...” he began.
“Oh, not you, too,” I said and snapped the phone shut.
“Now what?” I said to the closet.
The phone rang again. “What?!” I said.
“Give me the address and I’ll come get you.”
“On one condition.”
“Which is?”
“I have use of a car.”
“Once you become mine you can have any car you want.”
“I’m not calling to ‘become yours’; I’m calling for your help in getting Luke back.” Although truthfully that was no longer my intention.
“That’s not possible. Jane, listen to me—”
“Either yes or no. You can either help me or you can say goodbye to me forever. Which is it going to be?” I knew pushing Marcello was risky business but being the “crazy woman” had its privileges and I planned to take full advantage. I knew he’d say yes, if only for the opportunity of changing my mind and making me his. The hunter wanted to win his prey, crazy or not.
“Address please.”
“Do we have a deal?”
“We do.”
* * *
I gathered my things, including my dress for the wedding, although I wouldn’t need it. I darted out into the living room, where Parker was talking on the phone and Sandy was sitting on the couch, watching her.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Parker said, covering the receiver with her palm.
“Who’s on the phone?”
“Your mother,” Parker said, steeling herself for my response.
“Jesus, Parker, what the hell are you thinking?”
“You need help, Jane, and I’m not sure what to do for you,” she said, shrugging.
“Leaving me alone would be a good start. I know you mean well and I appreciate you putting me up, but clearly I’ve overstayed my welcome. Tell my mother I’m in good hands and not to worry.”
I walked outside and waited on the stoop. I figured I didn’t have much time before the idea of Baker-Acting me—having me involuntarily committed—would take hold. I only needed one more day.
Marcello popped the trunk and threw my things in.
“Christ, Jane, you are not looking well at all.”
“Nice to see you, too,” I said. I slid into the passenger seat and stared straight ahead.
“Janice was quite upset when I left.”
“I honestly don’t give a shit.”
“What did she do to you?”
“I thought you spoke to Luke,” I said, continuing to look straight ahead but not really focusing on the scenery.
“I did, but he only told me briefly what happened at the house.”
“Did he tell you what I found?”
“No, he didn’t.”
“Surprising. No worries now, she can suck his cock whenever she wants to, but she shouldn’t expect me to be friends with her.”
“She didn’t have a choice.”
“Whatever you say. I’m sick of that shit. We all have a choice.” I folded my arms around myself trying to hold on.
“You will not curse in my presence, Jane,” he said sternly.
“Beat me, please, it will be a relief. Do you think I care at this point what you think of me or what might be
done to me?” I laughed and said, “I loathe you equally, but you’re a means to an end.”
“How’s that?” he said, looking over at me.
“I need a car and you’re loaning me one. Plain and simple.”
“What if I change my mind?”
“Stop the car and let me out.”
“I’m good to my word.”
“At least somebody is. You got what you wanted, didn’t you?”
“And what was that?”
“Get off it, Marcello. You hoped to break us up from the start and you have succeeded. Congrats to you. You and Janice must be so happy, just beside yourselves with glee.”
“I never wanted to break you up. I believed from the start that you two would be a toxic mess and I was right. And we both knew he would never take you back once he made up his mind.”
“Whatever, Marcello. I hope you all make each other miserable.”
“Jane, please. Janice and I, we care about you.”
I laughed until tears streamed down my face. “That was good. Truly.” I shifted in my seat to face him. “None of you care anything about me. Not you, not Janice and most definitely not Luke. I’m not sure any of you have any idea of what love is. I don’t think any of you have the slightest clue about true friendship and loyalty. All I am sure of is that the three of you deserve each other and I can only hope that you experience at least a small part of the annihilation you’ve caused me.”
“I think you’re confused. I know you are hurt and having to deal with a lot at the moment but when the rubble settles I think you’ll be able to see the people who love you.”
“No one can love me. I’m the unlovable one, but it’s okay. It makes everything so much easier.”
“I think after some food and sleep you’ll feel much better.”
“Yes, sleep. A nice long sleep.”
Just one more day to get through until Sunday, when I will make my point, I thought to myself.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
I settled into “my” room at Marcello’s, showered, and changed my clothes. A member of the kitchen staff brought me a platter of food, which I picked at. No one bothered me for the rest of the day which I spent fantasizing about my new plan. I knew exactly what to do. I felt calm and excited at the same time which, in looking back, can only speak to the utter freedom that comes with insanity. The only sticking point was finding an opportunity to go into Janice’s bathroom again. I had yet to venture out of my confinement. I decided it was best to wait until she fell asleep to get what I needed.
That night I lay there wide awake, waiting for the deepest part of the dark. If I would bring any lessons into my next life from those days of waiting it would be the extreme patience one experiences once a plan is set into motion.
The time came and I went out into the hall toward Janice’s bedroom. The house was as quiet as death. I barely made a sound entering her room and didn’t pause, heading straight into the bathroom. It didn’t concern me if she woke up but I hoped I wouldn’t have to deal with her. I didn’t bother with the light. I felt my way to the medicine cabinet above the sink. I opened the ornate mirrored door and felt around until I reached the bottom shelf. Grasping the medicine bottle, I quietly shut the cabinet.
I made it back to my room, no one the wiser. With that done I slept dreamlessly until the next day.
Janice came in to wake me at eleven o’clock.
“I have to leave for work soon but I wanted to talk to you before I left. Marcello told me to give you space yesterday so I did.”
“Okay,” I said, “I want to talk to you, too, but later today. What time do you get off work?” I moderated my anger from the day before.
“Two or three, depending on the lunch rush,” she said, looking relieved.
“Will you do me a favor?”
“Anything Jane, I don’t understand why you’re upset with me and I want to fix it between us.”
“Come to Luke’s house at around four,” I said. I paused and laughed. “My house … our house … you know what I mean.”
“But Jane—”
“You said you would do anything for me and this is what I’m asking. Figure a way to have Marcello there as well and Janice—”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t let them know ahead of time. I think I know the way to fix all of this between us so I’m asking you to trust me.”
“Please tell me you’re all right, Jane. Luke thinks you’ve gone off the deep end.”
“It’s not hard to understand why he thinks that, given that he’s the one who pushed me off. Not to worry though, I’m handling it.”
Janice gave me a hug and held on for a while. Part of me wanted to sink into the hug and let go, but I wouldn’t allow myself the luxury of her warm embrace.
“Here are the keys to the Lexus outside,” she said as she pulled away.
“Thanks,” I said.
She paused at the door of the guest room and turned back to face me. “I’ll see you at four,” she said with a look of compassion and concern.
I gathered all of my belongings and made the bed. I freshened up in the bathroom and dressed.
My plan hinged on Luke not being at the house when I got there but I also had a backup plan to draw him out if he proved to be home. I envisioned him sitting at his other house sorting through the mess I had made. That brought a sadistic smile to my face.
I swung by the grocery store, used the twenty dollars I had left to buy food for the party and then drove to the beach. The space in front of the house was empty and I breathed a sigh of relief. I pulled in and out of the driveway and parked the car down the street at one of the metered spaces. I didn’t bother feeding the meter. With difficulty, I carried all my things plus the groceries to the house.
The one-block haul took a lot out of me. I dropped everything by the window near my writing room. I looked inside and nothing had been changed. There were no boxes on the floor holding my belongings as I imagined there would be. I wondered if maybe he still did love me and I could be making the mistake of my life going through with my plans but then his words from the sex party came back to me: “I loved you Jane, I just don’t anymore.” Janice’s voice also echoed in my head: “He’ll never take you back.”
That thought urged me on to get the things done for our little gathering.
The window was still unlocked, which surprised me. I had assumed I would have to break the window once again. After several trips in and out, ducking when I heard traffic passing by, I set out hors d’oeuvres and drinks and brought the rest of my things into our bedroom. I put my backpack in the closet and left out the dress I had planned to wear to Alison’s wedding on the bed with the shoes next to it.
I took my laptop out and began crafting a letter for them to read upon their arrival.
At one point I thought I heard Luke come back and panicked but it was nothing but the wind. I made no arrangements for Luke to be at the house by four because I counted on Marcello contacting him as soon as he read the letter.
I put my computer on the island along with the hors d’oeuvres and surveyed my handiwork. I decided it looked perfect. I went to the bedroom and changed into my dress and shoes. After I put my hair up in a twist, I applied very red lipstick that I hadn’t worn since meeting Luke. I retrieved the pain pills from our medicine cabinet and filled a glass of water from the bathroom sink. I took the sleeping pills from my backpack and sat down on the bed. I opened the bottle I stole from Janice and counted out ten sleeping pills. I remembered reading that the combination of sleeping pills and painkillers were a bad mix and I counted on that to be true. Certainty stole over me that ten of each would be enough to bring on a nice long sleep—the forever kind.
I had no thoughts about how my friends would feel or my mother, for that matter. All I focused on was how Luke, Janice, and Marcello would finally comprehend the true devastation that they had caused. They would never, ever forget what they had done to me. I wasn’t afraid or sad; instead I
felt powerful. I regretted that the hurt they would suffer would go unseen by me, a minor consideration in the general scheme of things.
I took Luke’s pill bottle and returned it to its spot in the bathroom and replaced Janice’s bottle in my backpack. I lay down on Luke’s side of the bed and waited.
* * *
“The best-laid schemes of mice and men often go astray,” as Robert Burns once wrote—and so did mine.
Janice told Marcello far before four o’clock of my plans, which had him in touch with Luke and arriving at the house just before three. The pills had me very woozy but unfortunately I was very much alive and somewhat conscious. I remained out of it enough that I didn’t hear them right away. The letter instructed them to celebrate my life, which I finally had back in my control. In the letter I hadn’t mentioned that I remained in the house.
I finally heard them when Luke yelled at Janice for not telling Marcello right away.
“I promised her I wouldn’t say anything until just before. She assured me she was all right. How did she get in here anyway? I thought you’d changed the locks.”
“I did, but she must have left the window in her writing room unlocked,” Luke said.
“Where do you think she is?” Janice asked.
“I have no idea,” Luke said. “I’m not sure we have to worry about it at this point.”
“She told me she would be here and would explain why she was upset. She said she had a plan to fix everything between all of us.”
“Well, it’s still early,” Marcello said. “We weren’t supposed to be here for another hour, so she may be close by.”
I found that humorous but my giggles seemed far away and ever so slowly caused my chest to rise and fall.
“This doesn’t feel right to me,” Janice said.
“To me, either,” Marcello said.
“Did anyone check out back?” Janice asked.
“Uh no, I haven’t,” Luke said. “Take a look outside, Janice. I’ll be right back.”
I knew in that moment, cloudy or not, that he knew exactly where I was.
“I had a feeling,” he said to me. He reached down to pull me up, and like a drunken soldier I plopped back down. “What the hell are you on?”
“On? Oh, I’m not on anything but I’m off plenty. Your love, for instance. There one day and gone the next. Poof!” I slowly swayed my head back and forth and then closed my eyes.
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