Gabe talked about all the things they were going to do once Danny got settled in, what he would do when he became a teenager, what he would study in college, what jobs he’d take afterward. Dana couldn’t decide whether he wanted to hurry Danny’s growth so he could get rid of his responsibility, or if he knew so little about little boys he could think only in terms of adult activities.
One good thing did come from the evening. Danny felt comfortable enough with Gabe to go into the den with him while Dana helped Mrs. Purvis clear away in the kitchen.
“You don’t have to help me,” Mrs. Purvis protested. “There’s not much to do.” She’d cooked enough for a dozen people. The refrigerator would be full.
“I don’t mind,” Dana said. “Besides, I want to give Danny a chance to get used to being with Gabe without having me around.”
“He’s a darling little boy. I can’t believe he’s my grandson.”
Dana didn’t know what to do when Mrs. Purvis started to tear up. She felt like a fool just standing there, but try as she might, she couldn’t get past her resentment. She was sure living with a man like Mr. Purvis had to have been difficult, but she couldn’t imagine herself turning her back on her only daughter no matter what the circumstances.
“I’m sorry,” Mrs. Purvis said once she recovered herself. “I can’t help thinking of Mattie every time I see that child.” She looked straight into Dana’s eyes. “I’m sure you think me an awful hypocrite for acting so upset when I didn’t call or write for so many years.”
Chapter Five
The shock of having her thoughts stated aloud embarrassed Dana. “I don’t see how you could have done that,” she finally managed to reply.
Mrs. Purvis smiled in a sad, resigned way, so gentle, so understanding, it made Dana feel awfully young. “I didn’t expect you would. But many times we can’t do what we want. I imagine you’re starting to realize that now. You want that baby more than anything you’ve ever wanted in your life. You know you can’t have him, but you can’t make yourself let go. You’ll hate it, and sometimes you’ll fight it, but you’ll do everything you can to make sure Danny learns to be happy here. You’re a good person. You’ll do what you have to do even though it hurts real bad.”
Dana felt stripped, vulnerable, helpless. Mrs. Purvis had seen straight through her. Nobody else had understood a fraction of the anger she felt at having to give up Danny, of her banked rage that she and Danny were helpless pawns unable to control their own lives.
Mrs. Purvis reached out and squeezed Dana’s hand. “When you get home, you’re going to be lonelier than you’ve ever been in your life. You’ll want to know all the little things about Danny, the things you always knew before but can’t know now. Call me as often as you want. It won’t be the same as seeing him every day, but it’ll help. And you’ve got to come see him often. Don’t let your being angry at Gabe keep you away. Danny needs you as much as ever.”
Mrs. Purvis had missed nothing, yet she didn’t judge Dana for any of these feelings.
Mrs. Purvis sniffed, dabbed her nose, and put her handkerchief away. “If we don’t hurry and get everything put away, Danny and Gabe will be asleep on the couch before we’re done.”
Despite being unable to approve of what Mrs. Purvis had done, Dana had clearly misjudged Gabe’s mother. She loved her family very much. Dana wondered if there might not be more to the situation than Mattie had let on.
“You two had better get out here before we find a football game,” Gabe called from the den.
“You go ahead,” Ms. Purvis said to Dana. “I’ll be in after I put on the coffee.”
Dana welcomed the relief from the emotional intensity that had sprung up between them.
When she entered the den, she found Danny and Gabe on the floor playing with a beautifully carved wooden train. She didn’t have to ask if Gabe had made it. Danny jumped up, came to her, hugged her around the leg. She could see the disappointment in Gabe’s eyes, but he didn’t say anything.
Dana knelt on the floor, pulled Danny down with her. “Did Gabe show you how to run the train?”
“Yes.”
“Show me.”
Danny took hold of the engine and pulled the train in a circle around him as he pivoted on his hands and knees. He tried to make the sounds of the train whistle and the chug-chug of the steam locomotive, but he only succeeded in spraying the train.
“You got things a little wet,” Dana said.
“Gabe says I slobber.”
She could tell Danny didn’t like that. “I’ll bet Gabe can’t sound like a train without slobbering. I know I can’t.”
“Can you?” Danny asked Gabe.
“Let’s see,” Gabe replied.
Much to Dana’s relief, Gabe managed to slobber just as much as Danny. He had a lot to learn about children, but he was a quick study. Leaving Danny with Gabe might not be so bad if she had time to help them both make the transition.
“You slobbered,” Danny crowed.
“He sure did,” Dana said. “And he’s a big people.”
“Big people don’t slobber?” Danny asked.
“They try not to,” Dana said.
Danny took the train from Gabe. He pulled it in a circle and made his whoo-whoo sound.
“Danny no slobber,” he said proudly. Then he pointed at Gabe. “Gabe slobber.”
“You’re a competitive little thing,” Gabe said. “At two, conquering slobber. At twenty-two, the world.”
Dana got the feeling Gabe didn’t approve. “He’s just trying to be grown-up,” she explained. “Every child tries to imitate adults.”
“He ought to stay a kid as long as he can.”
“We never learn that until it’s too late.”
“I won’t have you two getting philosophical,” Mrs. Purvis said as she entered the room carrying a large serving tray on which sat three mugs of coffee, the sippy cup Dana had brought for Danny and a plate of oatmeal raisin cookies.
“Ma, we’re still full from dinner,” Gabe protested.
“Cookies?” Danny asked.
“You can have one,” Dana said. She chuckled in spite of herself. “And if you still have room after that, you can have another.”
Danny chose the biggest cookie on the plate.
“Don’t drop crumbs on the rug,” Dana warned.
“Let him enjoy his cookie,” Mrs. Purvis said. “I can vacuum after he leaves.”
“I have an idea,” Gabe said. “Let’s load some cookies on the train. That way Grandma and Dana won’t eat them all.”
Danny promptly filled both hands with cookies and put them on the train. He went back for a second load.
“We’d better take our cookies and run before Dana makes us give them back,” Gabe said.
Gabe put a few more cookies on the train, balanced the sippy cup on top of a cattle car and drove the train out of the den into the kitchen. Danny followed happily.
“They can make all the mess they want in there,” Mrs. Purvis said. She took an album off the shelf and settled down in the sofa. “I want to show you something,” she said. She opened the album to some pictures of Dana and Mattie in their first dormitory room.
“Where did you get these?” Dana asked.
“Mattie sent them.”
“But I thought…” She let that sentence die away unfinished.
“She said her father would open the mail,” Mrs. Purvis finished for her. “She sent them to Hannah. She gave them to Gabe, and he gave them to me.”
“Why didn’t either one of you call?”
“That was her restriction. She knew it would have made her father angry.”
“When did she say all this?”
“When Gabe went to see her.”
“When? I never knew.”
“He tried to convince Mattie to come home three times, once in college, once in Atlanta and the last time when she was living with you. He offered to let her live in his house, but she said she wasn’t going to change and n
either would her father.”
Dana couldn’t believe Mattie hadn’t told her about the visits, the pictures, Gabe’s offer. Maybe she hadn’t wanted Dana to get caught up in her family troubles. Maybe she thought Dana already had enough pressure on her at work. Dana felt hurt nonetheless. She thought she and Mattie had shared everything.
Mrs. Purvis quickly flipped through pictures of their college years to pictures of Mattie’s apartment in Atlanta. She paused at one of Mattie and an extremely handsome older man. “Is that Danny’s father?” she asked.
Dana didn’t know what she could do but answer the question. “Yes.”
“What’s he like?”
Dana hesitated, not knowing what to say.
“I can see he’s very handsome,” Mrs. Purvis said. “Quite charming, I expect.”
“Very.”
“I suppose that’s what fooled Mattie.”
Dana felt uneasy about revealing Mattie’s secrets, but she wanted to offer Mrs. Purvis some explanation.
“He pursued Mattie, made a lot of promises, kept after her until she gave in. But when she got pregnant, everything changed. He demanded that she get rid of the baby. When she refused, he left her.”
“He should have known Mattie would never do that.”
“He would have if he’d been the kind of man who could love Mattie as much as she loved him.”
“Her father wanted her to come home, have the baby and give it up for adoption.”
“Mattie couldn’t do that, either.”
“Her father could never understand. It made him unable to forgive her.”
She paused for a moment, reliving something in her mind, then turned until she found the first pictures of Danny. “She sent me pictures of him every month. I used to go to Gabe’s house to look at them. But pictures aren’t enough. I wanted somebody to tell me about all the things pictures can’t tell. Will you do that?”
“I’ll be glad to.”
Dana thought talking about the pictures would make her sad, but Mrs. Purvis’s eagerness to feel closer to her daughter heightened Dana’s pleasure in revisiting those cherished memories.
At first, Dana could hear Gabe and Danny in the kitchen, but she gradually became so wrapped up in the pictures she was surprised when Gabe came in carrying a very sleepy Danny.
“It’s time to put him to bed.”
“I not sleepy,” Danny protested as he rubbed his eyes.
“Of course you’re not,” Gabe said, “but Dana is. We have to put her to bed.”
“Not put Danie to bed. She too big.”
“I’ll help, okay?”
“Okay.” His eyes were only half open.
“I didn’t realize it was so late,” Dana said, getting to her feet.
“It’s my fault,” Mrs. Purvis said.
“It’s been a long day,” Dana said. “The trip wore him out. Thanks for the dinner. I’ll carry him.”
“He’s fine where he is,” Gabe replied.
Danny fell asleep on Gabe’s shoulder before they reached the front door. Mrs. Purvis kissed him good-night twice. Danny smiled without opening his eyes.
“It was very nice of your mother to invite us to dinner,” Dana said as they headed toward Gabe’s house.
“What’s wrong?” Gabe asked.
“What do you mean?”
“You’re upset.”
Looking at the pictures and talking about Mattie and Danny had temporarily distracted her thoughts, but Dana was angry. “Why should I be upset?”
“I don’t know, but you sound like you’re about ready to bite nails. Ma didn’t say anything to upset you, did she? She’s been worried sick about making a good impression on you and Danny.”
“Your mother’s a lovely woman. She obviously adores Danny. The worst thing she’ll do is spoil him.”
“So I’m the one you’re mad at. What have I done this time?”
She couldn’t see any point in bringing it up. Knowing why he did it—if he could possibly offer a reason that wouldn’t make her even more angry—wouldn’t change anything.
“It’s nothing.”
He settled Danny more comfortably on his shoulder. “If you get your insides in this kind of knot over nothing, you must go over the edge when you have a real problem. Mattie said you were always stressed out.”
“It’s nice to know you and Mattie talked about me so often.”
This conversation hadn’t gone at all the way she wanted. Instead of putting all thought of his avoiding her out of her mind, she had grown angrier than ever. How dare he talk about her behind her back.
“If you don’t get it out, you’re going to burst wide open.”
She hesitated.
“I thought you were a woman of action. Maybe that’s why things aren’t going so well with your job.”
“Why did you avoid me when you came to New York?” she burst out. “Mattie didn’t say a word. Was that your doing?”
“I assume Ma told you about that.”
“She had to have some explanation for all those pictures.”
“Mattie sent them because I asked her to.”
“Why did you time your visits so you wouldn’t see me?”
“I wanted to make sure Mattie was doing what she wanted, not what you wanted for her.”
Dana nearly exploded. “I never strong-armed Mattie into anything. I bent over backward to make sure she could do what she wanted, not what her family thought she ought to do.”
“I know. Mattie told me. She made it clear she liked her work and had no intentions of coming home. She said I owed you an apology. So I’m offering it now. I apologize for thinking you attempted to influence what Mattie did or thought.”
That took the wind out of her sails and left her practically in shock.
“So why did you avoid me?” It wasn’t what she wanted to ask, but it probably wasn’t important now.
“I didn’t want you working your wiles on me.”
That surprised a laugh out of her. “When could I ever work my wiles on you? You’re totally impervious to any charm, wiles or mediocre attributes Mother Nature gave me.”
Now Gabe laughed. “Cautious. Perhaps living in mortal fear, but never impervious. You can do almost as much damage with one of your smiles as Marshall could do if he got his hands on a shotgun. And that doesn’t begin to cover what happens to my temperature when I see you wearing a short skirt.
Dana didn’t know if she could absorb any more shocks in one evening. She’d thought Gabe was completely unaware of her as a woman, that he believed her off base at nearly every turn, that he never considered her important enough to do more than feed her ice cream from time to time. To have him apologize and say he’d found her attractive put her into emotional overload.
“You managed to hide it quite well.”
“It’s not hard when I haven’t seen you in fourteen years.”
Did he mean he’d thought about her at any time during those years? Had he looked at the pictures for any reason other than Mattie and Danny? “It’s probably just as well we didn’t meet,” she said.
“Probably.”
Yet the silence that hung between them declared something had been left unsaid.
“You think I should have stood up for Mattie, don’t you?” Gabe asked.
She always had. “I never understood why you didn’t.”
“Mattie asked me not to. She said she knew Pa would never change his mind. He just wasn’t made that way. She said she didn’t want what she did to affect me or Ma. She knew if Ma and I tried to make Pa understand, it would have caused even more trouble. She insisted on being the only one to take blame for what happened.”
That sounded exactly like Mattie, always ready to take more than her share of responsibility, anxious to shield everyone else. “Still—”
“Mattie and Pa never got along because they were too much alike, one just as stubborn as the other. I knew it wouldn’t do any good. Neither would change their mind.”
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br /> Dana wasn’t sure she agreed with Gabe, but despite twenty-five years of being the best of friends, Mattie hadn’t told her everything. In fact, she had left out some very important details. She could only guess how much more Mattie had kept from her.
“You don’t agree with me, do you?” Gabe asked.
She shrugged.
“You were her best friend, but I was her brother. I saw her in ways you never could.”
Dana wanted to argue with him, but she’d seen Mattie and her father together very few times. She had avoided Mr. Purvis. She had been a little afraid of him as a child.
She could easily see how a woman who loved her husband and prized her family would feel caught between her husband and a rebellious child, unable to openly sympathize with one without alienating the other. She could also see why, if forced to choose, Mrs. Purvis would have chosen to preserve her marriage.
“I’m glad she sent those pictures to your mother,” Dana said. “She enjoyed them so much. She must have had great fun putting them in the albums.”
“I put them in the albums,” Gabe said. “I didn’t always agree with what Mattie did—I rarely agreed with the way she chose to do it—but I loved my sister. Her virtually abandoning the family was the worst thing that ever happened to us.”
“Worse than your divorce?” Dana was mortified to hear herself voice that question. She’d meant it to be a thought.
“My marriage was my mistake,” Gabe said. “Afterward, things went back to being pretty much as they always were. Mattie left a hole in the family that never got filled.”
Dana wanted to ask him how anything could ever be the same after a divorce, but they’d reached Gabe’s house. She was astonished when he simply opened the door. He hadn’t locked his house.
“Could you turn on the light?” he said. “I don’t want to wake Danny.”
She couldn’t figure out how her cutting on the light would help until she saw Gabe using his hand to shield Danny’s eyes from the light.
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