Dana knew it wouldn’t.
She’d finally been able to pick out the really important things in life, the things that could give her true happiness. She could reach out for what she wanted despite being afraid. Gabe still couldn’t. If only he could learn to trust her, they could each find the happiness that had eluded them so far.
“How can you live in a place like this?” Gabe finally asked.
“You get used to it,” she said.
“How do you sleep?”
She laughed. “I used to ask my grandmother that when the rooster woke me first thing in the morning on the farm.”
“You are comparing a rooster to this!” he asked when they got out of the cab.
The noise hit her like a fist. Two cab drivers seemed to be trying to settle an altercation with their horns. A garbage truck was backing up, a jackhammer pounding into concrete somewhere. She didn’t remember it being so loud.
“It’s quieter in the apartment,” she said.
She paid for the cab. Gabe carried their luggage inside. The double doors to the apartment building acted like a sound barrier. She could hardly hear the noise from the street.
“I wouldn’t have believed it,” Gabe said.
“We do manage to get a few things right,” she said.
“I’m not convinced yet.”
The moment they stepped into her apartment, the mood changed.
“You have a nice place,” Gabe said.
“It’s easy to have a nice place when you’re in the antique business. You just furnish it with the pieces nobody else wants.”
“These don’t look like rejects.”
“Of course, you need a few really good pieces.”
“Then you have a genius for melding the genuine with the not-so-good.”
“Next time Sheila comes in, I’ll have you talk to her,” Dana said. “She always questions my judgment.”
Yet despite the friendly banter, tension continued to build until Gabe set his suitcase down.
“I shouldn’t have come here,” he said. “I should have taken a room in a hotel.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. Lucius’s lawyer would be on us in a minute. I’ve got three bedrooms.”
“It would be a mistake if you had a hundred bedrooms.”
She knew what he meant. She had felt the same tension every night after they put Danny to bed. She practically had to lock herself in her bedroom to keep from throwing herself at him.
“I’m going to change into something more comfortable. Fix yourself a drink. There’s whisky in the cabinet, and the wine rack is full.”
She picked up her suitcase and fled.
Postponing it only prolonged the tension between them, Dana realized. They’d been sitting apart all evening, she on one sofa, Gabe on the other. They acted like two strangers nervous at being left in each other’s company. Not even two glasses of wine eased the tension.
“Are we going to keep talking around it?” Gabe asked.
“Talking around what?” She knew, but she couldn’t bring herself to admit it.
“That I want to go to bed with you,” Gabe stated bluntly. “That I don’t know if I can stay in this apartment if we don’t.”
“I don’t want you to leave.” Why must she act like a featherbrain? Why didn’t she have the guts to say what she felt. “I want that, too,” she managed to say. Her voice sounded unlike itself. She felt her body tremble, but she didn’t lower her gaze. She looked right into Gabe’s eyes. “I’ve been thinking about it for some time now.”
Air escaped Gabe as from a punctured tube. “Why didn’t you say so? I’ve been practically killing myself to keep from touching you.”
She couldn’t tell him she had fallen in love with him. He still thought of her as some kind of exotic life form. She didn’t want to scare him away.
“I may be a modern woman, but I’m still traditional enough to want the man to make the first move.”
He made the move almost before the words were out of her mouth. He crossed the distance that separated them, sat next to her on the couch, dropped his hands on her shoulders. “You don’t know what an agony it’s been to keep away from you.”
“A woman always likes to hear she’s practically irresistible.”
“Men must say that to you all the time.”
“Rather often. Only I’ve noticed they had a problem with commitment.” She had begun to wonder if there was something wrong with her, something she and other women couldn’t see but something men would notice immediately.
“They must be fools.”
“You’re not a fool.”
“Yes, I am. If I weren’t, you wouldn’t have to tell me any of this.”
She wanted to know how he could expect himself to be sensitive to the hidden feelings of a woman he didn’t love. What he wanted centered on lust and desire. Things that had little to do with her feeling for him.
Or had lust drawn her into his arms? Maybe a little bit. The need to be held by the man she loved? That, too. But just as strong was the need to reach out to Gabe, to convince him not every woman was unworthy of trust, of his love. Maybe she could be the one to convince him he still could have the home and family he wanted so badly. She leaned forward and kissed him lightly on the lips.
“Now we both know, so we don’t have to worry about it any longer.”
Their lips met in a series of sweet, puckered kisses. “Who’s worried?”
She worried he would think his attraction for her was only physical. She thought he liked her a lot. His feelings might even be a good deal stronger than that, but he couldn’t admit it.
“I’ve dreamed of this almost from the moment you walked into Marshall’s kitchen,” he said as he kissed the side of her mouth, along the line of her jaw.
“Do you always want to go to bed with women you don’t like?” she managed to ask, despite the currents that flew around her body making her muscles unsteady and undependable.
“I didn’t know you very well.”
“What do you think of me now?”
He took her face in his hands and held it gently. “That you’re completely different from what I thought.”
“Do you like the difference?”
“What do you think?”
He pulled her roughly, almost violently, to him. The hunger of his kisses shattered any lingering doubt that he wanted her as badly as she wanted him. But she cautioned herself not to read too much into his eagerness. She reminded herself a man could be driven by a physical need that had nothing to do with his emotions, that the intensity of his actions didn’t translate directly into love. She tried to tell herself that just because she loved Gabe didn’t mean he loved her in return.
But she wanted to feel that he loved her, that he was showing her what he couldn’t say, what he was afraid to put into words.
No woman could reason clearly when the man she loved held her in a tight embrace and covered her with hot, hungry kisses. She could only think she wanted him to kiss her, wanted him to hold her so tightly her bones protested, wanted to feel she dominated his thoughts to the point of obsession, that desire to possess her burned though his veins like fire consuming a long fuse, coming closer and closer to the emotional dynamite they both tried to keep under control.
His hands moved up and down her body, tracing the ridge of her spine, splayed against the expanse of her back, cupping the curve of her shoulders, each movement pressing her body more tightly against his, causing her skin to tingle and become sensitive to his touch. She arched against him, needing to feel imprisoned in his arms.
Gabe kissed the side of her neck, her throat. She felt his fingers on her blouse, undoing the buttons. His touch penetrated the fabric, her satin slip, her bra, and reached her breasts, causing tiny prickles to dance over her skin. Dana’s breaths became deeper, taken-in gulps rather than a calm flow. When his hands moved across her breasts, her heart thudded, then sped to a stronger, faster rhythm.
Reaching inside
her blouse, he cupped her breast in his large hand. Dana gasped and pressed her body against him, hoping to intensify the feeling that had slowly begun to spread to the rest of her body. Gabe pulled her blouse loose from her skirt and slipped it off her shoulders. He then covered her shoulders, collarbone and the tops of her breasts with hot kisses, while his hand gently stroked her flesh, rubbing her nipple until it strained against the material of her bra.
Dana let herself fall back until she lay flat on the sofa. As Gabe moved to readjust his position, she was scorched by the heat of his gaze. She saw vulnerability, too. She had seen it before, but never so clearly. He might not be able to say it—he might not even want to say it—but at this moment he needed her as much as she needed him. Never had she felt so wanted, so needed, by anyone.
It made her even more determined to convince Gabe each of them was the answer to the other’s happiness.
Gabe’s hand managed to undo the clasp to her bra, but couldn’t manage the tangle of straps.
“Let’s move to the bedroom,” she said. He looked reluctant, as if he were afraid movement would break the spell. “It’ll be easier.”
Disentangling themselves and getting up was awkward. It did destroy some of the heat that had built up between them, but Dana didn’t intend to give their mood time to cool. She stepped out of her skirt and headed for the bedroom, removing the rest of her clothes as she went. Gabe followed suit. When he joined her on the bed moments later, they were both naked.
His first touch on her breast caused her to jump.
Gabe pulled his hand back.
She took his hand and placed it on her breast. It felt icy cold against her hot skin. She welcomed the contrast. It sent an extra volley of sensations rocketing through her. She’d almost forgotten what a man’s touch could do to her body. Not that anyone’s touch could compare to Gabe’s.
When he moved closer, kissed her nipples with his hot lips, she knew Gabe would always be unique for her. No other man had had the power to lift her off the bed simply by touching her body. She moved closer to him, anxious for more of his touch, for more of the heat that flowed from him in a rushing torrent.
She stopped when she felt his arousal against her.
“Don’t be afraid,” he said.
“I’m not.” She needed more of Gabe, more of his assurances that she meant more to him than a momentary physical release. She took his face in her hands, pulled his lips to hers. “Hold me,” she said.
He moved even closer, wrapped his arms around her. When she felt him prodding against her even more insistently, she didn’t pull away. Wrapped in his embrace, she felt needed, wanted and loved.
She’d always known Gabe was a big man, but she didn’t realize how big until she couldn’t get her arms around him. It made her feel small, and she liked that. Being described as tall and statuesque had never sounded as appealing to her as petite and dainty. Independent and self-assured also lacked warmth. For a change she wanted to feel vulnerable, cared for, protected.
She had been held by several men, but none had been able to give her the same sense of completeness as feeling Gabe’s arms around her, his breath warm against her cheek, his body shielding hers. She’d spent years looking for where she belonged.
Now she’d found it, and she didn’t mean to let go.
Gabe claimed her mouth once again as his hands moved beween them to cup her breasts. Their breaths rose in crescendo together, their heartbeats accelerated in unison. Her breasts started to ache from his touch, to send tiny electric charges all over her body. But even as he took her nipple in his hot mouth, she became aware of the fire that had begun to build in her belly. Gabe’s lips made her nipples pebble-hard, generating waves of desire that eddied out from her belly like ripples on a pond.
The ripples grew bigger and closer together when Gabe’s hand moved down to cup her bottom, to pull her hard against him. Acting on impulse, she reached between them, took him in her grasp.
“Careful.” The word came from Gabe on a shuddered breath.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“You didn’t. It’s just that men are more explosive than women.”
His moving her hand to his back disappointed her, but that vanished when she moved it across to his rear end. She’d always thought Gabe had a spectacular behind. Now she knew it. She moved her hand up the broad expanse of his back, felt the muscles moving smoothly underneath his skin—that excited her in a way merely touching him hadn’t. There was something sensual about the feel of muscles, something sexual about their fluid movement. She’d never noticed that before. But then she’d never been in the arms of a man as strong as Gabe.
The feeling of his hand drew her attention abruptly as it moved between her thighs. She’d been so engrossed in her own explorations, she had missed its journey from her breast, across her belly to the inside of her thigh. But she didn’t miss anything when Gabe parted her flesh, and slowly began to enter her. She felt her muscles clamp down. Through a conscious effort she relaxed, opened to him. She didn’t feel afraid, shocked or surprised. She didn’t understand why everything Gabe did felt as though it was happening to her for the first time.
Gabe had found her tiny nub of intense feeling, and the heat in her belly changed to a flame. Waves of fire pulsed from her center, gathering all of her into its heat. Gabe continued to tease the nub, rub it, until tiny waves of pleasure rolled through her. Small at first, they quickly escalated in intensity until she felt consumed by them. Her realization that the moaning sounds were coming from her only served to heighten her awareness that what was happening between them had moved far beyond her experience or her ability to control it.
She heard herself gasping, felt her body lunging with aching desire. The more she wanted the agony to stop, the more she wanted it to increase. The more she cried out against what Gabe was doing, the more she wanted him to continue.
Then suddenly the waves crested and spilled over, the pulsing slowed, and the tension drained from her like hot liquid, leaving her throbbing and open.
But even as she felt her muscles release their iron grip on her bones, felt her body relax into the mattress, felt the fire in her veins recede toward its source, Gabe moved to cover her body, to enter her fully. The waves of fire and pleasure rose again.
She wrapped her body around him, trying to draw him deep enough inside her to reach the need that had never been touched. The fire spread again, hotter than ever, but still she couldn’t quite fill the deep emptiness. She rose to meet Gabe, matching him thrust for thrust, panting breath for panting breath, striving to burn away the remorseless need that wouldn’t let her rest.
Their lovemaking was frenzied, their slick bodies wrapped so tightly together, she felt melded to Gabe, that they had become one entity, bound together forever. In opening herself to him, trusting him, she felt free of all restraint, all bonds. The waves tossed her higher and higher until she was certain she could never come down to earth again, that she’d die of disappointment if she did.
She was reaching, reaching, almost touching. And just as she did, the waves broke over her, and everything subsided beneath her. Gently she floated back to earth, her body drained, that little corner of her soul no longer empty.
Chapter Fifteen
Dana smiled to herself as they lay in the bed side by side, silent except for the sound of their rapid breathing. Gabe had continued to make passionate love to her every night since they returned from New York. Everything they said or did stirred some memory of their two days and nights in New York.
Their lovemaking had gotten better each time, but tonight there had been greater intensity, more depth, more sense of sharing. Maybe that came from being back home. Maybe it came from accepting her feelings for Gabe. But Dana didn’t know what Gabe’s feelings were. She’d never told him how she felt for fear he wouldn’t feel the same way. It scared her to death that it might be impossible for him to love her as much as she loved him. At the same time it seemed equ
ally impossible that, loving him as much as she did, he couldn’t love her and want them to be together for the rest of their lives.
But he hadn’t talked about his feelings for her or the future. From her experience of men, nothing frightened them more than commitment, especially a commitment that would last the rest of their lives. Gabe had been badly burned once. It wouldn’t be easy for him to put himself at risk again.
But she had to know. Even if knowing would break her heart. She told herself she couldn’t wait any longer, but even thinking of the words, forming them on her lips seemed impossible.
In the end the words she spoke were the precise words she had made up her mind not to say. “I love you.”
The sound of the words shocked and frightened her. They sounded so different, so powerful, so life altering, she wondered if she could really mean them.
Gabe didn’t respond.
“I said I love you.”
She said it with more confidence this time. Her feelings wouldn’t change even if he couldn’t love her in return.
“I heard,” Gabe said.
He didn’t sound like a man who’d been told something he wanted to hear. She reached out, put her hand on his shoulder. He didn’t move, but she felt him stiffen. She took her hand away.
“I’ve been wanting to tell you, even before we went to New York,” she said, “but I was afraid you’d act like this.”
“I’m not acting like anything,” Gabe said. “I’m just surprised.”
“You’re more than surprised. You’re shocked.”
“Okay, I’m shocked. We’re completely different. We don’t want the same things. You’re committed to your career, your life in New York. There’s nothing in Iron Springs that could make you want to live here.”
“You. Danny.”
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