Madison laughed and blushed, shaking her head. Her hair swished attractively about her face as she did. “Of course. I mean …” She shook her head again. “I don’t know what I mean. You still have the power to make me forget all common-sense I guess.”
Jamal smiled down at her, charmed, despite himself, that she could still, after all he’d done admit her attraction to him. He hadn’t given her a fair shot.
As he looked up, he noticed not too far away that Makayla, standing with the rest of the development team was watching them. When she met his gaze, she quickly looked away, but not before Jamal saw the hurt in her eyes. It had been almost a month and it wasn’t getting much easier. Seeing her every day and working with her, pretending that there had never been anything else.
But their parting had been as amicable as it could have been under the circumstances, and things hadn’t “gone sour” as Chris predicted they might. Devin Parks decided not to sign, he decided not to fire Makayla and life went on. In the morning the sun rose, and in the evening it set. Life went on.
“I owe you an apology, Madison.”
The smile slipped from her lips, and her eyes grew serious. “Could we … could we not?” she asked. “I don’t want to talk about that if you don’t mind. Thinking back on everything, I just feel so foolish.”
“Foolish? Why?”
“I was in a bad place when we got together, Jamal.”
The party went on around them, everyone getting their drink on, and partaking of the fancy food. Chris was having a staff-and-close-colleagues-only party to celebrate the accomplishments and contribution to SE of K Smooth, who after almost twenty years in the business had decided it was time to put down the mic. And because he wasn’t that kind of guy, he didn’t want a huge public announcement and lots of attention, so instead they were doing this party, in SE’s large atrium which had been closed off to the public for the occasion.
“You seemed like you had it together. You knew what you wanted, and you made it clear. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“Oh, I wasn’t together. Far from it.” Madison put a hand on his forearm and squeezed it. “I wasn’t honest with you, or with myself, I think. All that stuff about choosing me … God, I’m just embarrassed by all that now. I think it was just another way of forcing a man into a corner, just like you said. And marshalling all my best arguments …”
“They were good arguments,” Jamal said. “Lately, they sound better and better the more I think about it.”
Madison’s eyes locked with his. “You don’t mean that.”
He nodded. “Yeah. I do. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I’m there right now, but … making a choice?” He shrugged. “Makes a lot more sense than the shit I’ve been doin’, I can tell you that.”
“Jamal Turner,” she said.
“Yes, Madison Avenue?”
“Did someone break your heart?”
His smile faltered. “Nah. Just rethinking some things, that’s all. Anyway, this is hardly the place to have this kind of conversation. You and me, we should have dinner sometime.”
Madison nodded. “We could do that,” she said slowly. “Or … I could come home with you tonight.”
Jamal leaned in, uncertain she said what he thought she said. And then instinctively his eyes drifted over to where Makayla had been standing. But she was gone.
Madison laughed. “I mean, we’re well past the getting-to-know-you stage, aren’t we?”
“And you wouldn’t want to take this a little slow?”
“Who are you?” she giggled. “And what have you done with Jamal Turner?”
He smiled. “Why don’t I pick you up for dinner tomorrow night?”
“Fine,” Madison said. “Be that way. Bruise a girl’s ego. Again.”
“We’ll go to Gato. I’ve heard it’s amazing.”
“We’ll never get a table at Gato this late.”
“I know people.” Jamal winked at her. “Anyway, I gotta …”
“Yes. Go do your thing. I look forward to tomorrow night.” She turned and walked away, glancing coyly over her shoulder.
“Good. Me too.” Watching her walk away, it occurred to him that he should have been more affected by her beauty. She was attractive, but rather than feeling it he was observing it, in an academic way.
Standing in place, he looked around the crowd for a couple minutes before acknowledging that he was looking for Makayla. She’d seen him with Madison, and it shouldn’t matter, but he didn’t want her to think … think what? That he’d asked her out? Well he had.
Jamal scratched the back of his neck and turned to find the closest of the several bars that had been set up for the event, and headed in that direction.
Two drinks and about a dozen meaningless conversations later, he decided to make a night of it and head home. First going up to his office to grab his tablet and ride out yet another night when it would no doubt take a long time to get to sleep, Jamal heard a voice, growing louder as he got closer to it.
“… get her to at least try, Candace. You can’t just give up and let her not eat! Yes … yeah, I know that. But I … it is work! Do you think I want to be here at this hour? Anyway, I’m on my way right now. But if she’s already sleeping don’t bother waking her for that. I’ll … yes. Right now. Yes! ‘Bye.”
Jamal stopped at the door to Makayla’s office just in time to hear her expel a long, trembling sigh.
“Hey,” he said.
She jumped and turned, hand over her heart. “Oh. Hi. I didn’t hear you.”
“No one’s here but us. You okay?”
“Yeah.” She leaned down and began busying herself with something under her desk. It took him a moment to see that she was changing her shoes, from a pair of dark high-heeled sandals to flats, probably for the walk to the subway.
“I’m about to leave as well,” he said. “Let me take you.”
“Where?” she said, shaking her head. “Home? No. That’s ridiculous. You live in Manhattan. Why would you drive all the way to …”
“Makayla. I’m taking you,” he said firmly.
She looked up at him, and her eyes were tired and defeated. Too tired to put up much resistance obviously because she nodded and gave a half-shrug. “Okay.”
The first half hour of the drive was made in complete silence. This was definitely a first. They’d never been without things to talk about. Only in the last ten minutes when they were near her apartment building did the obvious topic present itself.
“How is she? Your grandmother.”
“The same,” Makayla said.
“And how about the help you need? That offer I made …”
“Isn’t appropriate anymore.”
“Why?”
“What do you mean, why?” she bit out. “Because we’re not … you’re not …” She gave up and sighed. “I don’t want to get into this argument with you, Jamal. But no, thank you.”
“I kind of feel responsible, though. If your job takes you away from home at all hours, then it only seems fair that …”
“Is home healthcare a benefit that SE offers all its employees?”
“No, but …”
“Then no thank you,” Makayla said.
“Why are you snapping at me?” he demanded. “Here I am, tryin’ to do something nice and …”
“Oh spare me your niceness, Jamal. Please. I don’t think I can stand another second of it.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“Is that why you didn’t fire me after Devin decided not to sign? To be nice? Or was it to not ruin your perfect batting average of ex-girlfriends who would just kill to get back together with you?”
“Or maybe that’s just the way I am!” They pulled up in front of her building and he shut the engine off, turning to look at her.
“Well, I could do without it. If you’d fired me it would be a blessing. A mercy. Because then I wouldn’t have had to be at that stupid party tonight and watch you fl
irting with …” Makayla broke off with a choked sound and Jamal peered more closely at her in the semi-darkness, realizing she was crying.
“Makayla …” He reached out to touch her arm and she wrenched it out of his reach. “You left me,” he said. “You left me!”
She shook her head and wrenched open the door. “Yeah. Just keep telling yourself that.”
She slammed it shut and ran up the walkway, fumbling with her keys for moment before shoving the door open and disappearing inside.
_______________
“I don’t understand,” Serena said, looking at Makayla over the top of her glasses. “I’ve heard only great things about your work in development. Why on earth would you want to come back here to be my admin assistant?”
“I was hired to help rein in Devin Parks. And since that’s no longer a factor, it just seems … dishonest or something to stay there and take a position that’s probably better suited for someone else.”
Serena shoved one of her long locks away from her forehead. “I’ll be honest with you. I don’t know that it would sit well with Jamal if I … He seems to ... value you … and your work, so …”
Makayla leaned back. So Serena knew. She wondered how many people knew all along that she and Jamal had been involved.
“Whatever value I had to Jamal has expired,” Makayla said. “I think it’s safe for you to rehire me. That is, if you want to.”
Serena took a deep breath. “Makayla, I can’t hire you as my admin assistant.”
“Okay. I understand.”
She’d been prepared for that. Since she couldn’t be without a job, she would just have to hang in there for awhile more in development, until something else came through. For the last two weeks now, she’d been sending out résumés, and scanning the internal job postings. But lower level admin positions often weren’t posted, so she’d hoped …
“You’re way too qualified for that position. You probably always were,” Serena said.
“I understand.”
“But I do have a communications associate position. Still not quite where you should be, probably, but I’m sure if you do a solid six months I could fast-track you to an associate director title.”
Makayla sat forward. “Really? You … And when would this opening …”
“As a courtesy, I think you’d have to give Jamal at least two weeks’ notice.”
“I’ll give him my notice today. Thank you, Serena! Thank you so much.”
“Oh, don’t thank me. It’s going to be a salary cut, I’m afraid. Jamal’s shop is the highest paid division in the organization next to the lawyers. So however you look it, this is going to be step down for you, no matter the title.”
“I don’t care. My degree is in marketing, and this is probably where I’d be … happier.”
Serena smiled, Makayla thought with a little more sympathy than was called for, assuming all they were talking about was a job.
But what did she care what people thought, or were saying? She needed to get out of the development department and away from Jamal. She couldn’t see him every single day, sit in staff meetings and look him in the eye, offering a pleasant ‘good morning’ when it felt like she had a raw and gaping wound where her heart used to be. And especially not while pretending nothing was different when she had heard through gossip mill—okay, not the gossip mill, but basically DeJuan being a vindictive little bitch—that he was dating Madison again.
Since she’d spotted them together at K Smooth’s retirement party, she suspected it would happen, but to know that it had was a different kind of hurt. And that was how it would be if she kept working for him—she would make some progress and then he would rip the scab right off and she would have to begin all over again. Resigning would be the best thing she did for herself all month. As a matter of fact, as soon as she got to her desk, she would do it.
Quick, clean and final.
_______________
“What the hell is this?”
Makayla looked up to find Jamal standing in her doorway, his face bunched up into a scowl. In his hand, he had what looked like a printout of an email message. Hers, no doubt.
He opened it and began reading.
“Dear Mr. Turner …” At that he looked up and offered a smirk. “I am writing to announce my resignation, effective two weeks from this date. This was not an easy decision to make. The past several months have been very rewarding. I've enjoyed working for you and being part of your very successful team. Thank you for the opportunities for growth that you have provided me … what the fuck is that?” He balled up the email and threw it across the room. “You email me? You don’t walk three doors down and tell me to my face?”
If he had looked truly angry, that would have been something she felt prepared for. But Makayla studied his face for a few beats and realized that he didn’t. He actually looked … hurt. Following her emotional outburst when he’d dropped her home after K Smooth’s party, they’d both been a little careful around each other, even outright avoiding each other. That situation wasn’t tenable. Not for two people who had to work together, and in future might even have to travel together.
So as soon as she heard talk of the new person Jamal had hired, a young scout from another entertainment company with about four years’ experience under his belt, Makayla began looking for something else in earnest. With the new guy coming in, there would be no question of her leaving them in a lurch, one woman down so to speak. The new guy could no doubt pick up a lot more easily than she had, and it would be as though she was never there.
“Could you shut the door?” she asked Jamal calmly.
He looked flustered for a second—Jamal, flustered—and then did as she asked, leaning against it once he had. A blue-green shirt and chocolate-brown pants today. Makayla recognized the shirt; she had once taken it off him, sitting astride him on his sofa while he laughed at her attempts to yank it over his head like a magician. She instead wound up peeling if off very slowly because it was so close-fitting; but she had done so impatiently because she wanted his skin against her skin, as quickly as possible.
That had been a Saturday afternoon, one of only a couple they’d spent together because he was so busy, and she was too, with school and her grandmother. They’d watched movies in his entertainment room, and he made fried chicken wings and sweet potato fries; and they made love twice before it was even dark. And then hurriedly once again against the wall in his foyer before he drove her home, because he was going to L.A. the following Monday and they both knew it would be a long time till next time.
Suddenly, the urge to “get away” from Jamal felt like the wrong decision. Back in the PR department, she would hardly ever even see him. Not even by accident. Before she’d become part of his team, she could have counted on one hand the number of times she ran into him. The loss would become real then. Jamal would disappear from her daily life altogether. They probably wouldn’t even be friends.
“I wanted you to have something official for your records,” Makayla explained. “But you’re right. I probably should have come to speak to you in person. It’s just … not that easy. Y’know?”
He gave her a wry smile. “Yeah,” he said. “Believe me. I know.”
“And I wanted to apologize. For going off on you after the K Smooth party. That was uncalled for. It was a stressful week, with my grandmother and everything, and Candace was being difficult … I was tired… anyway, I’m sorry about that.”
“But you said something that night. That if I thought you left me, I was wrong. You said …”
“It doesn’t matter.” Makayla waved it away.
“It matters to me,” he said.
“You gave me an impossible choice. You made it sound like if I chose to help my friend, I was walking away from you, and messing up your career. You as good as said that.”
“But I didn’t say it. And yet you still chose him.”
“Because it shouldn’t have been a choice, Jamal! Do the righ
t thing by my friend, or be with the man I …”
“Not ‘or’, Makayla. And. You could still do right by Devin if he signed.”
“Yeah, like we were actually saving Three-Base’s marriage by hiding from his wife the fact that he was cheating on her again? That’s the same flawed reasoning.” She shook her head.
“No it’s not. I really wanted … I really want to help Devin. Because he’s important to you, because you care about him. I hope you believe that.”
“Then I guess we just disagree about the best way to go about doing that.” Makayla shrugged. “The last thing he needs right now are the pressures of being famous, or of trying to be famous. Music is like comfort to him. What little comfort he has, he gets in music. It’s the one relationship that’s never let him down. I don’t want to change how he feels about it.”
Jamal looked at her for a long time. Finally he swallowed hard. Makayla saw his throat bob as he did.
“Will you come over here a second?” he said.
Makayla got up from her chair and went to stand in front of him. With the backs of two fingers, Jamal stroked the side of her face. He let his hand fall, running the same fingers over her arm, so that goose-bumps rose on the surface of her skin. Then he interlaced his fingers with hers, pulling her against his chest.
“Why didn’t we just talk like this that night, huh?”
Jamal put two fingers beneath her chin and she realized he intended to kiss her. Right there, in the office, with anyone who walked by able to see through the glass walls, both of them only partially obscured by her door. Makayla closed her eyes, waiting for the kiss, longing for it. If he kissed her, she knew in her heart, everything else would work out. They’d figure it out.
Just one kiss and she knew they could bridge the distance they’d put between them these last few weeks, and then …
Someone banged on her office door and they jerked apart.
Makayla’s shoulders slumped in disappointment as Jamal turned and opened it. DeJuan was standing on the other side.
“Hey. We’ve got an all-staff meeting starting downstairs.”
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