“Thanks,” Vanessa took it, but did not put it on. Her arms ached too badly.
“Here, let me, mija,” Carla fastened the chain and stepped back to smile at Vanessa. “You have to admit that those tacos came at just the right time. It was divine intervention.”
“Only if God is Filipino,” Gabi half-smiled.
“What? You mean Ruben?” Vanessa stopped, mouth agape.
“We came up with an escape plan in case Ally pulled something like this. He encouraged Bradley to starve her with bagels, then arranged to cover the taco truck for thirty minutes of sales. He said it’s—”
“—A thank you gift for stepping in for Gabi,” Ruben completed, walking into the room. Gabi looked confused for a moment, but composed herself quickly. She nodded agreement. “But I did not put the crowd up to supporting you. You won them over on your own,” he nodded and smiled proudly in unison with Gabi. “Well, what are we waiting for? I’ve got a table reserved for the champion. Two complementary pitchers of beer, and you don’t even have to serve yourself,” Ruben attempted a smile. He saw that Vanessa looked unhappy. “And I might be able to persuade the taco truck to feed you as well.”
“I’m in,” Gabi grinned. “I’m starving.”
Vanessa shook her head, wide eyed. “Why are you being so nice, Ruben? I mean, besides Gabi’s influence?”
“What? I can’t be generous?” he feigned a stern expression, but his lips broke ranks and smiled. “Okay. I bet Tio Albert that if you won, we would cater his division’s holiday parties this year. And it’s not just the doctors, but the entire staff: nurses, janitors, admins, even the temps. Have you seen how temps drink? We’ll be rolling in money from those parties.”
“That sounds more like you,” Vanessa smirked as the numbness wore off her face, replaced with the joy of exertion and winning. “I think I’ll have some tacos after all.” She rose to follow the others out, but paused at the door where Ruben waited politely for the women to pass. She looked at her boss, catching his concerned glance at her bandages, the tightness of worry creasing his otherwise smooth forehead. “Ruben?”
“Yes?”
“Thank you.”
Chapter Fifteen
Forever
Rain began falling in the late evening as the group lingered over a steady stream of tacos and beer. They relived the highlights of the fight, laughing till they lost their elegance but gained the charming patina of smile lines. Around eleven, Vanessa tried to leave alone. Percy and Squeak insisted on escorting Vanessa back to her apartment. She resisted out of a perverse sense that if she did not let anyone show her compassion, she might not have to face her sadness.
“Come on, Vanessa. Let me try out my new bike rack. If it works well, maybe you can take Brigit and me to pick out our own bikes soon.”
“Yes, and you don’t want to have to get your new luchadora outfit wet in all this rain.” Squeak added.
Their excuses for not letting her be alone were transparent, but Vanessa accepted at last, when Carla butted in to insist that it was safer to drive than to cycle in heavy rain.
When they arrived at her building, the women ran through the rain and up the stairs. Huddled under the narrow overhang in front of Vanessa’s door, her friends hugged her.
“Do you want us to come in?” Percy asked.
“…Yes,” Vanessa replied after a long pause.
“Why ‘dot dot dot,’ yes?” Squeak patted her shoulder reassuringly. “You don’t have to invite us in to be nice. We’ll understand if you want to be alone.”
Vanessa smiled at Percy, remembering their conversation early in the summer. “I hesitated because this isn’t the first time I’ve come home alone when I meant to come home with Javier. I was just a little overwhelmed by the familiarity,” she sighed, pulling her keychain out of her backpack. She looked into Percy’s eyes, then Squeak’s. “I don’t want this to feel familiar,” her lips quivered.
“Let’s get you inside,” Squeak instructed, grabbing the keys and unlocking the door.
“I’ll make you tea, and you can kick us out when you’re ready for bed,” Percy added. Squeak pushed open the door. Percy continued in her posh voice, “If Javier won’t avail himself of your company, that’s not going to stop us.” They stepped inside.
“Oh,” Squeak said. She stopped short behind Vanessa, causing a train wreck with Percy, who was last in line. “Um, Percy, dear, I’ve just remembered that I need to, um, collect my banjo from the tavern staff room. I think I left it there,” Squeak raised her eyebrows significantly and eye scooted Percy back towards the open door.
“Huh?” Percy asked dumbly. She looked over Squeak’s shoulder. “Oh. Quite. See you at Fructus, Vanessa. Take care.” The women left hurriedly, pulling the door closed behind them.
“Javier?” Vanessa called softly. The man himself was asleep at the dining table, but her voice was small more from shock than concern about waking him. A shiny laptop was open in front of him, playing a jazz song on a loop. It was from the CD Carla had loaned her. She walked to him quietly and laid her hand on his warm shoulder. “Javier?” she said again.
“Vanessa,” Javier smiled in his sleep.
Vanessa almost broke into sobs again, until practicality took over and she kissed him instead. When the first kiss did not wake him, she knelt to his level and kissed him again, more firmly, while stroking his cheek.
“If I pretend to be asleep still, will you keep kissing me?”
Vanessa kissed him again and was rewarded by the opening of his magnificent eyes. He smiled at her and gathered her to his chest in a deep sandalwood-scented hug that seemed to wash away all the fear and shame from the past few weeks. “Vanessa,” he looked into her eyes and kissed her warmly, their lips and mouths drawing them closer to one another.
“Javier,” Vanessa smiled when they came up for air. The music on the computer started looping again, and she looked at the screen. “What’s this?!” she asked in surprise. A brightly colored blog header topped a browser window, with a photo of the two of them kissing. “There’s a photo of us making out in Duke Gardens?”
“Gabi took it when she saw us. She texted it to me weeks ago. It’s not a perfect photo, but it’s a start.”
Vanessa stared for a moment at the image of the two of them, backed by the green of high summer, hands intertwined as they kissed, looking for all the world as though they were madly in love. She recognized the composition of the photo. It was the same style that she had admired in the scrapbooks, and he was employing it for their relationship.
“Javier, what is this?” Vanessa asked again, sounding more vulnerable than she had intended. Her breath was shallow, and she looked deeply into his face, wanting him to reassure her that their relationship was not only beginning, but also would not end.
They slipped sideways into the space behind one another’s eyes. It had happened twice before, but this time Vanessa wanted to give him a message. Please, she thought, be home with me. A tiny shift took place deep in her belly, and she suddenly knew that Javier was not the only one who brought God into their relationship as a two for one deal. If they went forward, Vanessa would be inviting Javier into her way of theology, the one she could teach him with fruit in a bright blue bowl and the softest yarn on the bed where they would share themselves wholly.
A realization dawned in Javier’s features. He cupped her cheek in his hand, a brief, raw flame answering her in his gaze.
Javier dropped to the floor next to her and brushed her hair back from her face. “Vanessa. I know now that you have the scrapbooks.” She gasped at the abrupt reminder of her deception, but he rubbed his thumb feather light over her lips and continued, “Please let me explain. I know that you read them, but you don’t know my part in them. Mary wanted me to be more to her than I could be, and she contrived to get as many of my photos as she could, either from my auntie or the teenager who worked at the camera store.”
“I meant to tell you.”
“I kno
w, Vanessa,” he grasped her hand to his chest. “I trust you. I was hurt before, because I was afraid of being so vulnerable. You’re the first person——” his eyes dropped, and he swallowed. He looked up at her again and shook the hand he held a bit for emphasis. “But I need to tell you this now. I don’t want us to have scrapbooks.”
Vanessa’s brow knit, and she held a deep breath, “I don’t understand.”
“I want us to have a blog.”
Vanessa released the breath and shook her head, baffled. “A blog?”
Javier smiled and bowed his head, humbled. “This is not coming out the way I intended.” He smiled into her eyes, and Vanessa felt her pulse quicken, a sense of joy and confidence returning to her. He kissed her.
“If I pretend I still don’t understand, will you keep kissing me?” Vanessa grinned.
Javier leaned forward and whispered into her ear. “I will always keep kissing you, Vanessa.”
She shuddered slightly with anticipation, but leaned back to hear him. “Go ahead and try to explain again. I’m listening.”
“Scrapbooks can be thrown away, Vanessa,” a grin, “obviously. But once something is on the Internet, it’s there forever.”
“Oh,” Vanessa said simply. A moment later, she comprehended that he had said “forever.” “Oh,” she said again, squeezing his hands.
“Vanessa,” Javier began. He stopped to look around him, picked up a small brown paper package covered in airmail stamps. His lips pursed in an impish grin as he considered the package for a moment, and he seemed to make a decision. “Vanessa, will you marry me?” He held the brown paper covered box out to her.
“Yes!” The answer welled up from deep inside of her, without hesitation. It left her bewildered, but every thought agreed when her reason caught up to her impulse. “Yes, Javier. Oh, yes,” she laughed and hugged him, allowing him to place the package in her hand. The enormity of the exchange struck them when Vanessa looked up. Javier pulled her to him, kissing her head. They hugged closer and closer, until the box poked them both in the chests.
Vanessa leaned back to examine the box. “Shall I open this?” she smiled.
“Allow me,” Javier stood and pulled Vanessa to her feet. He walked into the kitchen and found a knife to slice through the tape binding the package. “My auntie packed it too well. It’s a family ring from my father’s side.” He tore back the paper and slid out a white box, which he opened to reveal a dark red velvet box. “For you, mi amor,” Javier knelt before her and held the opened box toward Vanessa.
“It’s beautiful!” Vanessa gasped. She slid the ring onto her finger, surprised at how quickly the cold metal warmed to her skin. The light caught a huge, perfect, oval garnet flanked by smaller but still quite large sapphires. Tiny bright diamonds filled in the gaps around the larger stones, which were flanked on the outside with small, perfect emeralds. The ring would have been fascinating, if her attention had not been totally captured by the nearness of its giver.
“Thank you,” Vanessa beamed. She tugged Javier up and hugged him to herself, holding their bodies together tightly until she felt their breaths sync. Heat rushed through her, making her giddy and playful. “So this is my prize for redeeming myself in honorable lucha libre?” she teased.
“I think I would have come to my senses eventually. I missed you terribly. I was hurting more from being apart from you than from any imagined slight,” he kissed her fingers. “When I saw you appear in the ring tonight, a living love letter, I realized how much my silence must have hurt you as well. I came right over here when I saw that you were winning. I knew that Margery would let me in if I asked, and I hoped to surprise you. Then I fell asleep, as you know.”
“You thought I was winning?” Vanessa raised her eyebrows.
“Yes. You had two pins, and your skills far outmatched those of the Alley Cat. I assume she was the troublemaker Ally?”
“Very much the troublemaker. While you were leaving, she was stabbing me with an illegal knife.”
“What!?” Javier gasped. His demeanor turned professional, and he felt along her arms for bandages. She stopped his hands.
“I’m okay. Squeak tended me well. She’s a nurse midwife.” He started to ask something, but she cut him off. “And yes, I’m up to date on my tetanus shots. I’m a dumpster digger, remember? Comes with the territory.”
“I had no idea you were in actual danger. I would have stayed; stopped it somehow.” Javier rubbed her shoulders with protective caution.
“I think you made the better choice,” she kissed him, and a thought occurred to her. “I have one question, though. If you didn’t know I would win you back tonight, why did you have this ring? I think I saw foreign postage on it. You must have asked for it awhile ago.”
Javier tilted his head, considering his answer. “I called my auntie after our second date,” he confessed.
“Okay, and I thought I was rushing!” she laughed.
“Vanessa, that day in the car, when we looked at one another, I saw——” he groped for words.
“My soul?” she grinned sheepishly, the description inadequate.
“Yes. Or at least a hint of it. I read once that in heaven there is only music and silence. I heard a sort of music that day, and I mentioned it to you. But there was more. A great quiet, what I suppose prophets mean by peace, and I was at home in it, in you,” he looked at her, unblinking. “I knew that you were my beloved then, that I could not choose anyone else but you and still find that peace.”
“Wow,” she nodded agreement. “Yes. I hadn’t thought of the experience in those words, but that resonates with me. All this time, I’ve been thinking of you along with God, with home. Like I would be happiest with all three. You, me, God, home. Like an equation.”
They were silent, absorbing the ripples of revelation.
“Vanessa, I am so happy,” Javier spoke softly. Vanessa looked up, and they kissed.
“Me, too. Oh, Javier, I love you so much.” She felt her eyes keen with tears of joy, but she did not look away from him. When they kissed again, she caught the shift in Javier’s eyes. A sudden glint of passion and joy passed through them, and she felt a spark ignite in her as well.
“Come, mi amor. I want to keep kissing you,” Javier said deeply into her hair. He twined his fingers through hers and led her toward the bedroom.
Vanessa followed eagerly and flipped on the light switch. They stopped short in their progress to the bed, their eyes riveted to the shrine. Even with the overhead fixture on, Jesus shone brightly enough to cast a bluish green glow over the items on the dresser.
“Javier,” Vanessa said shyly, “meet Glow-in-the-Dark Jesus.”
“Good to know you,” Javier replied automatically. They laughed, breaking the tension. He looked at her, the mirth still dancing in his eyes. “You have a shrine.”
“Yes. After the launch, I was pretty down. Carla and Marian and Gabi came over to rescue me from myself, and we waxed religious.”
He stepped forward and lightly brushed his finger around the edge of his self-portrait. “I’m holy to you.” It was a statement, not a question.
“Yes.”
Javier looked at the bed, where he had been leading her, and back to the shrine. Vanessa followed his gaze. A new resolve tugged at her. It was time to practice her new freedom to make boundaries that supported her best interest and desires.
“Do you mind—“ she began. How surreal to be about to ask what she was asking, after wanting Javier for so long. “Would you be okay if we waited?” Vanessa looked meaningfully toward the bed. She held her breath, a sudden anxiety clutching her. So many men had left or betrayed her when they wanted more than she was ready to give.
“Oh, Vanessa,” Javier pulled her into a tight embrace. “Of course, mi amor. For you, anything.”
They began to kiss with abandon, and Vanessa felt a wild hope of unending joy coursing through her. When they came up for air, Javier cleared his throat.
“Maybe w
e would have an easier time waiting if we took a break from kissing,” he spoke with good humor. “Tell me about your shrine?”
“Yes. But first, why don’t we get something to drink in the living room? Now that my happiest dreams are coming true,” she waggled her ring finger, “I find that I’m thirsty.”
Vanessa poured them each a glass of water. Javier leaned easily against the counter next to her, his eyes smiling over the rim of the tumbler as he drank. He set down his empty glass and chuckled.
“What is it?” Vanessa asked, still holding a full cup.
“Vanessa, mi amor, you will have all of our days to look at me, God willing.” He lifted the water to her lips and tipped it slightly so she could drink. “You’ll be able to see me better if you are hydrated.”
“I was staring again, wasn’t I?” Vanessa finished her water and sat the glass aside.
Javier nodded.
“You’re so beautiful,” Vanessa spoke softly.
Javier touched her face and ran his hand from her cheek down her neck and shoulder, ending his progress at the small of her back. He pulled her forward slightly. She relaxed into his touch. Music crept into her awareness as Javier began to guide her slowly into a dance.
The words streamed from the open laptop: “Dance me to the children that are asking to be born. Dance me through the curtains that our kisses have outworn…Dance me to the end of love.”
They swayed, they dipped, they twirled, they fox-trotted, they slow-danced, they embraced, they laughed, they saw the sun peeking through the kitchen window, and they collapsed, exhausted, on the couch.
A moment later, Vanessa heard the kettle boil. She sat up from the corner of the sofa where Javier had propped her. He could not have been awake for long. She had slept with her head on his chest, and she could still feel the indentations of his buttons on her cheek.
“I hope you like waffles as well as pancakes,” Javier smiled.
“You made breakfast?” Vanessa sounded surprised.
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