by Vaughn, Ann
Lainey was everything to him. If he were to fail in his efforts to keep her safe, if Conroy were to somehow manage to take her from him...he shuddered to think of how he would react. He'd been surprised that he'd handled the situation with Colt not taking Conroy out as well as he did. Perhaps it was because he understood Colt's reasoning. Still, this could have all been over. If Colt hadn't hesitated, if he had pulled the trigger when he'd had the chance, their lives could be going back to normal. He was sure that if the roles had been reversed, he wouldn't have hesitated to take Conroy down, but then, he'd never been bothered with sentiment when it came to his work the way the others were.
Lainey shifted slightly in her sleep, drawing his attention back to her. She was so small, so delicate, and so vivacious. Her smile alone could rival the sun. He thought about that first night he'd spent with her, when the nightmare woke him and she'd stubbornly sat in that chair in her office, glaring at him as he worked. That damn Irish stubborn streak he'd always seen in Riley was alive and well in Lainey and had heightened his attraction to her. She'd submitted to him that time at Melissa's, but he'd seen that Irish burning deep in those emerald eyes. She'd challenged him on many things, but she'd also been quick to stand at his side and defend him to his family. She'd wanted him to be her escort for the Ball but when his mother pressed her on it, she'd stood with his decision and defended it. For that alone, he knew he would always love her.
"Ti amo, bellisima," he whispered and finally let his mind clear and sleep take him.
The dream that hit Mike was different. For the first time, he wasn't dreaming about Mosul and Abdul. He was at Lainey's office. He had his gun on Conroy and Conroy had Lainey in his arms, gun to her temple. She was so small that Conroy was having to stoop down to keep too much of his body from being exposed to an open shot. Lainey wasn't crying. She didn't really even look scared. The look in her eyes was of absolute trust, like she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that everything would be fine.
He could hear his guys report that none had a clean shot. They were in the hallway between Lainey's and Kacee's offices so there was no window shot for Coop. He didn't know what Conroy hoped to gain from this. There was no way he was going to let him leave with her. If Conroy somehow managed to get past Mike, Riley and the others were there to prevent him from leaving...no way he'd get past all of them.
"You can't have her, Casiano. She's too good for you," Conroy sneered. "You think she wants all your scars under her hands? That she wants your messed up stuff inside her? She's pure. She's good. Why would she want you when she can have me?"
As he said the last sentence, Conroy's body melted into Nick's. Mike felt his heart in his chest. Now it was Nick who held Lainey against him, only he had no gun to her head, and as Mike watched, she turned in Nick's arms and stood on her toes to kiss him.
"He's perfect," Lainey crooned, her hand caressing Nick's unmarred cheek, "there are no scars on him, no demons lurking deep inside him. Why would I want you when I can have him? Carolina and I can share him."
As he watched, Nick dipped his head and covered her mouth with his, hands going to her breasts. Mike couldn't breathe. This couldn't be happening again. Lainey loved him. She said so earlier. She was his, not Nick's. This couldn't be...
"Mike! It's just a dream. Listen to my voice. I'm right here. Open your eyes, Commander."
He heard Lainey's voice once again pulling him from a dream. He opened his eyes to see her propped on an elbow, leaning down over him, her hand on his face. She leaned down to kiss him when she saw his eyes open, then pulled back, smiling at him.
"There you are. Take a deep breath for me, calm your storm," she said, her hand shifting to rest over his heart.
He sat up and got out of bed without a word, going into the restroom. Lainey sat stunned, staring after him. She waited until she heard the shower turn on and then got up, grabbed her robe and went inside. He stood in the shower, his back to her, arms braced on the wall, head down. She knew that sometimes his nightmares left him feeling cold, she just hated that he seemed to be shutting her out.
"Mike," she said, causing him to look at her over his shoulder. She gasped at the look on his face. He looked...lost. Pulling on the tie of her robe, she let it drop to the floor and literally flew into the shower with him, wrapping her arms around his waist. "What is it?" she asked, looking up into his haunted eyes.
He shook his head, his arms loosely draping around her.
"Just a dream."
"This wasn't the same dream, though," she said and could tell he was surprised that she'd noticed that.
"No, it wasn't," he confirmed, again surprising her by lifting her and standing her on the shower bench, which had her slightly taller than him. "Hi," he said, smiling up at her.
"Hi, yourself, Sailor," she said, smoothing her hands over his face. "Will you tell me about the dream?"
He held her gaze for a moment, then dipped his head to begin trailing kisses along her collarbone.
"Don't feel like talking just now," he said, bending slightly to capture her breast and draw her nipple into his mouth.
Lainey buried her fingers in his hair, clutching him to her while he feasted. He wasn't talking about the dream, which concerned her, but right at this moment, all she could concentrate on was his hands and mouth on her. Whatever demons had assaulted him this time, she was just glad she could be here to chase their vestiges away.
Chapter Thirty-One
Mike and the guys spent the next few days on the hunt for Charles. They took turns staying in the loft with Lainey, and a few times her dad came and stayed with her so all four of the guys could be out. Lainey spent her days contacting her patients and talking to them on the phone, more just touching base with them than counseling them. Listening to what was going on with them since the last time they talked. A few times while she talked to her kids, she caught Mike watching her, a look on his face she couldn't quite describe...until once she saw him look at her belly. A thrill ran through her then. Was he imagining her pregnant with their child? Instinctively, she'd rested her hand over her womb, wondering what it would be like to have Mike's child growing inside her. Would their children have blonde or black hair, or some shade in between? Would he give her twins?
The thought of one day having Mike's children stayed with Lainey. She'd never really given much thought to a family of her own over the years. Her mind had been on her work, and since she hadn't dated since Kevin, she'd never really thought of it. Since she'd caught that one look from him that started her on this path, she hadn't been able to put it from her mind. Having Mike in her life, knowing she had his love, changed everything.
Riley had texted that Trevor's condition had improved enough that they were able to transport him and they would be bringing him home within the next couple of days. Mike had arranged to fly a top medical crew over to be with him and monitor him on the flight home, yet another star for her to add to his list of good deeds. She was in the process of texting Riley back when an argument between the guys drew her attention. They'd all gathered to discuss strategy in finding Conroy about an hour or so ago, frustrations high at their lack of progress.
"All I'm saying is, we keep coming up empty on these searches," Whit was saying. "I know you don't want to hear this, Boss, but we've got to draw him out, and the best way for us to do that is to have Lainey go back to her life."
"I'm not exposing her needlessly," Mike said in dismissal.
"She wouldn't be exposed. We'd all be right there with her every step of the way. He keeps eluding us. This isn't like being in the desert. It's a lot easier to go to ground here. We've got to draw him out."
Mike slammed his fist on the table, making Lainey jump.
"I am not using Lainey as bait!"
"You aren't looking at this objectively," Whit insisted.
"Would you be able to if we were talking about opening Melissa up as a target?" Colt put in. "Because I sure as hell wouldn't expose Sarah that way."
&nb
sp; "I'd have faith that my team could keep her safe," Whit countered.
Mike stood, hissing out a string of Italian curses and began pacing. Lainey could tell he was seeing the logic behind Whit's words.
"It's a little different, Whit, when you're talking about exposing the woman you love to potential harm," Coop said quietly. "I couldn't do it."
"I do understand, but I also know that this can't go on indefinitely," Whit said, turning to look at Coop. "Lainey can't keep putting her life on hold. Are you going to keep her locked in this loft forever?"
Lainey stood then, all eyes focusing on her as if they all just now realized she was still in the room. She walked over to them, crossing her arms over her middle to ward against the chill their argument had brought on her.
"Whit is right," she said softly. "I can't keep putting my life on hold. I've got to get back to work. My kids need me."
"No," Mike said, his voice like cold steel.
"You guys are the best at what you do and you've been coming up empty on all your searches. Seems to me, Whit is right; the best way to end this is to draw him out, and the best way to draw him out is for me to get back to my life. If I am back to my routine where he can see me again..."
"I will not put you in harm's way!!" Mike roared. The intensity of emotion on his face had her swallowing a lump of fear that had crept into her throat, but she knew she had to make him see reason.
"I believe, Commander, that is my choice to make."
He was on her in two strides, hands cupping her face and forcing her to meet his gaze.
"It is not your choice! Not about something like this. He is unstable. I'm not taking foolish chances with your safety."
She put her hands on his wrists, looking up into his enraged face and seeing the fear that lurked in the icy depths of his eyes.
"I want my life back, Mike," she whispered. "I want to go back to work and see my kids. And I want to go on an actual date with you. Please?"
"We'll keep her safe, Boss," Colt said, reminding them that they were not alone.
Mike released her and walked away. She could see him shaking with the effort to keep his temper reined in. She started to go after him but Colt's hand on her shoulder stopped her. All eyes were on him as he crossed to the gym area and began attacking the heavy bag with a vengeance. Lainey winced with every punch he made but Colt's hand on her shoulder kept her anchored to his side. Tears stung her eyes seeing Mike take out his frustrations on the bag. When she saw that his hands were bloody she gasped but Colt wouldn't let her go.
"Let him work it out," he said, his voice low.
"He's bleeding," she whispered.
"He'll be all right," Colt assured her.
After several more minutes, Whit crossed over to Mike, standing behind the heavy bag to hold it. Mike paused only momentarily to acknowledge his presence, then kept at the systematic punches to the bag. Lainey watched for several more moments then turned away, unable to take it anymore.
"I can't keep watching him do that to himself," she said to Colt, "I'm going upstairs."
He gave her shoulder a light squeeze then let her go. She paused halfway up the stairs, watching Mike a moment longer, then continued on into the bedroom.
Mike couldn't control the rage inside him. He knew Whit was right. They weren't making progress and the logical thing to do was to ease Lainey back into her normal routine to try to draw Conroy out. The thought absolutely terrified him. He couldn't shake that last dream he'd had; seeing her in Conroy's grasp, in her offices. Even now, just thinking about it made his blood run cold.
The bag was covered in blood from his unprotected hands. He didn't care. From the corner of his eye, he'd seen Lainey go upstairs, unable to watch him any longer. He couldn't make himself stop, though. It was long past the point where he should have stopped. He was soaked in sweat, hands were throbbing but he kept on until Colt came up behind him and locked him in an iron hold around his arms, pulling him away from the bag.
"Let me go," he growled.
"Can't do that, Boss. This isn't doing you any good. You're wearing yourself out and killing your hands because you're scared...and don't think I don't know what you're feeling because you know I do. But we're not talking about leaving Lainey unprotected like I left Sarah. We'll all be watching out for her."
"You said earlier that you couldn't do this with Sarah. If something were to happen to her..." Mike began but couldn't finish.
"We won't let it, Boss," Whit said.
Colt felt the fight leave Mike's body and released him, clapping him on the shoulder.
"Let's get those hands fixed up before you go talk to Lainey."
Mike nodded, following Colt into the downstairs bathroom. Neither spoke as Colt cleaned Mike's knuckles and taped them up. When he finished, Colt tossed the trash in the wastebasket then looked up and caught Mike's eye.
"You know I understand where you're at right now. I know I said earlier that I couldn't do this with Sarah, but I also couldn't lock her up and expect her to not live her life. She would be miserable. You were there for me and kept Sarah safe. Trust me to be there for you."
Mike shook his head. "Hell, Colt, I took a bullet for her but he still got his hands on her. If Conroy touches Lainey..."
"He won't," Colt said.
"Pray to God you are right," Mike said, walking out.
Lainey looked up when the door opened and Mike stepped in. Her eyes swept to his hands, taking in his bandaged knuckles, then back up to his face. He stood just inside the door for a moment, a deep scowl on his face, which, in the dim light of the room made the scar around his eye stand out. A shiver ran through her. He looked fierce, and still very angry.
After a moment, he went into his closet and came out with a change of clothes in his hands then went into the bathroom and turned the shower on. He hadn't shut the door, so she took that to mean he wanted her to follow him inside. With a sigh, she stood and walked in, finding him in pretty much the same stance he'd been in after the last nightmare he'd had: hands braced on the wall, head down.
She didn't get in with him this time, only stood at the entrance, leaning her shoulder on the side, watching him. His head turned ever so slightly toward her, letting her know he knew she was there. Several silent moments passed, him with his head down; her watching him. When he finally did turn toward her, she saw that his stoic mask was in place and it angered her. She'd just decided to walk away when his voice stopped her.
"We'll ease you back into your routine on Monday. Maybe just a couple of patients. Just to get you out and get you seen, but not enough to satisfy him. It'll be just enough to make him come out of hiding so he can catch a glimpse."
She nodded, taking a deep breath. "OK."
He studied her a moment, then cursed low under his breath, shutting the water off and stepping out. She took his towel from the rack and dried his chest off, then stepped closer to run the towel over his back, feeling his arousal brushing against her as she moved. His arm snaked around her waist, pulling her close when she would have stepped back, his other hand fisting in her hair to tilt her face up to him.
"I couldn't bear it, if anything were to happen to you," he told her.
She let the towel fall to the floor and cupped his muscular butt in her hands, nails digging in.
"Same goes, Commander."
He took her mouth then, kissing her with that intense, passionate way he had that left her weak in the knees and had her head spinning. She kept her hands on his backside, pushing him so that his arousal pressed against her and she could feel its heat through her shirt. He pulled back from her lips, both gasping for air, and crushed her to him, holding her tight.
"I don't..." he began, then stopped to clear his throat. "I'm not strong enough to do this," he said, alarming her.
Lainey pulled back and looked up into his face.
"What are you saying?" she asked, terrified that he was about to walk away from her.
He cupped her face in his ha
nds, leaning down to kiss her brow, each of her cheeks then her lips.
"Mike?" she whispered.
"I can't put you in danger. I can't."
Her heart settled then and she pulled him to her.
"It will be OK, Mike," she said, stroking her hand over his back.
He shook his head.
"I don't want to lose you."
"You won't."
He pulled back from her, going to the counter where he placed his clothes. Lainey followed him, pressing kisses to his back along his spine. He stood still, bracing his hands on the counter, watching her in the mirror. Her eyes met his in the reflection as she skimmed a hand over his back, down along his ribs, to his hip, then lower to take him into her small hand, intimately caressing him. His breath left on a hiss. The feel of her hand on him was pure ecstasy. In that moment, she owned him. He would have done anything, said anything, to keep her hand on him, stroking him.
Lainey smiled at him in the mirror, then slightly nudged him to turn so that he was facing her. The look in her eyes had his heart pounding. She was all one hundred percent feminine power just then and enjoying every second of it.
"You like that? Sir?" she asked, her emerald eyes sparkling.
"What do you think?"
"I think that you may need a bit more of my attention," she said, letting her nails scrape lightly over his sac.
"Possibly," he replied.
"So, what would you like me to do? I'm yours to command, sir."
He leaned down and kissed her deep and long, groaning as her hand tightened on him while they kissed. When he pulled back, he studied her face a moment, then leaned in to run his tongue over the shell of her ear.
"Put your mouth on me, cara mia," he said into her ear.
She smiled and sank to her knees before him, looking slyly up at him. His heart leapt in his chest seeing her like that, her mouth getting ready to close over him. When she did, he closed his eyes for a moment, enjoying the warm feel of her mouth on him, her tongue against his sensitive flesh. She hummed around him, drawing his eyes back to her, and he nearly lost all control, seeing those emerald eyes looking up at him, her mouth stroking him.