by GL Chapple
“Lena, stop worrying. Let’s just see what your father has to say first.”
I went to argue with him but thought better of it. I turned to look out the window and sighed.
Why did life have to get so complicated? I’d met a nice decent guy; why couldn’t it just all fall into place nicely as it did in the fairytales and give me a happily-ever-after. Or even just a happy-for-now? Why did there have to be all this drama.
I was finally opening myself up to someone, but life was doing everything it could to make it more difficult and complicated than it needed to be.
Nate pulled onto my parents’ driveway and my mother threw open the door before I’d even got out of the car. I knew instantly that my father had told her everything as she came towards me, looking distraught. She threw her arms around me and hugged me tightly.
“He’s an absolute bastard, Lena” she muffled into my shoulder and I squeezed her back.
“Dad’s dealt with it. It’s done mum, I don’t want to waste another moment on that loser. C’mon lets go in.”
She stood back and looked at me. Finally noticing Nate, she turned to him.
“You better not be another bastard or I’m going to invest in a gun,” she said jokingly, but I could see her watching and judging him.
He held his hands up. “If I’m honest, I can be a total bastard…” he paused and I saw her start at his frankness then he turned to me, his eyes twinkling, “but not to Lena. Never to you, Princess.” He turned back to my mother.
“And Mrs Nicholls, I can’t help you with an illegal firearm, but if I’m ever the reason for your daughter’s tears I’ll hand you my baton myself, although I’m pretty sure Lena could do a pretty good job of busting me up.”
She laughed softly. “Yes, my sweet girl the fighter,” my mother led us back into the house.
We went straight through to the living room where my father sat on the sofa. He stood to shake Nate’s hand before sitting back down.
“So, you’re the guy who thinks its Ok to throw my daughter about?” His tone was jovial, but he was looking straight at Nate.
“I am, for her own good, Sir.”
“Her own good?” My father raised his eyebrow, his face stern.
Nate didn’t look perturbed in the slightest despite my father’s harshness.
“I didn’t know Alex. All I saw was my girl, drunk and vulnerable, with some guy trying to take her away with him. I stepped in. Lena wasn’t feeling cooperative, so I carried her” He spoke calmly as he explained, sounding completely rational as I chewed my lip.
“Your girl, really.” My father sounded fascinated, his tone harsh and mocking, and his face was hard. “So you love my daughter do you?”
I froze, shooting daggers at my father.
“Nope, can’t say I do, Sir.”
My father glanced quickly towards me to check my reaction, but I smiled at him. I hadn’t been expecting a declaration of his undying love. He’d already told me that he wasn’t in love with me.
“I care about her a hell of a lot though, and nobody is gonna lay a hand on her or hurt her in any way whilst I’m around.”
My father let his words sink in for a moment or two, before breaking into a wide smile.
“I like this guy Lena. He’s straight, tells it like it is”
We went through to the dining room. Nate complimented my mother on the food, making my father and me laugh uproariously.
He looked confused and my mother explained that she wasn’t the greatest cook in the world, making us snigger even more.
My father turned to Nate. “Nice to see you’re a man of sense as well as honour.”
Nate tried to hide his smile as my father answered my mother’s unspoken question.
“He refused to lie to me when I asked if he loved Lena, but he’s sensible enough to lie to you about your cooking.”
My father grinned at my mother who threw a napkin at him making us all laugh. The evening was relaxed and I was relieved that my parents clearly liked Nate.
Lena
It was almost time for us to leave and I felt my anxiety start to mount that a lovely evening was going to be ruined. My father excused himself and came back into the room carrying a brown envelope, which he held out to Nate. Glancing at me, Nate took it from him.
“Those are the letters we received. I took them to your colleagues Nate, but as there are no specific threats, there wasn’t much they could do. There hasn’t been a letter now for almost two months, but if you could get any information I’d be grateful. I assume that once Lena’s appointment to CEO is announced another letter will arrive, I hope not but…” His voice drifted off and he looked troubled.
“I’ll look into it,” Nate assured him and my father turned to me.
“Don’t ruin the night buttercup. If you must look at them, do it with Nate tomorrow. I’d rather you had him with you.” He smiled sadly at me and I went to him wrapping my arms around him.
He used to call me buttercup when I was little because of my hair colour. He hadn’t called me it in such a long time, until he’d used it again at the hospital.
He gave Nate his number and asked him to contact him if he had any information or questions.
We thanked my parents for the evening and walked out to Nate’s car. He threw the envelope onto the back seat and we drove back home chatting about my parents. He asked after my father and I was happy to tell him the prognosis was good. He still had more chemo sessions to go but they were hopeful that it had been caught early enough. Usually, with stage 2 bowel cancer, that meant that it hadn’t spread and that his lymph nodes were unaffected so he wouldn’t have needed to have had chemotherapy, but he was taking part in a new trial which hoped to reduce the risk of the cancer returning. He’d been lucky to be included following his heart attack, not that I’m sure he felt very lucky.
He’d still looked pretty haggard tonight but I knew he had been trying to put a brave face on it. He’d managed to eat some food which was encouraging, and he wasn’t quite as pale as the last time I’d seen him.
I turned to Nate and asked him what had made him decide to go to the wedding and felt the atmosphere change immediately. His jaw grew tense and his relaxed posture was gone.
“Life’s too short to hold grudges” he answered shortly.
“Why did you fall out?” I asked and he sighed and dragged his hand through his hair.
“We’ve had a nice night Princess. Let’s not ruin it by talking about my dysfunctional family.”
I felt frustrated. I could understand him wanting to keep things close, but after forcing me to speak to him I felt he at least owed me some answers.
He glanced across at me and laughed lightly “Don’t pout sweetheart; you look so damn cute.” He put his hand on my thigh and I turned to him with a glare.
“I get if you don’t want to talk about stuff Nate, but you can’t expect me to open myself up to you when you keep your own damn doors locked and bolted!”
I saw him pull a face and look out of the window. He seemed to be battling with himself before he squeezed the steering wheel tightly and spoke quietly.
“We’ve never got on, he’s always been resentful and jealous - I’m not sure of what or his reasons why. I was once with the girl he’s marrying, which obviously makes things slightly more awkward. I didn’t know if the invite was just a stunt to upset or annoy me, or if he was actually reaching out… I wasn’t sure whether to bother to go or not… we’ve not spoken since my parents died.”
I sat stunned. I hadn’t expected him to lay so much information on me and didn’t know which piece to start with.
“I’m so sorry about your parents” I said and he smiled a small tight smile.
“It was a while ago now. Thank you.”
“Do you still have feelings for this girl?”
“No, not at all. I couldn’t care less about them getting married.”
I was about to ask more, but he changed the subject and as we ta
lked I knew he wouldn’t allow me to steer the conversation back. I felt frustrated but at least he had started to open up. The wedding wasn’t mentioned again, I just hoped actually meeting his remaining family members might give me more information.
We got back to his house and he threw the envelope down on the table in the living room. I walked over to it and picked it up, turning it over in my hands. He came up behind me, his arms reaching around me and took it out of my hands. Keeping one hand around my waist, he threw it behind us.
“Uh uh,” he muttered.
“I’m not going to be able to go to sleep knowing that’s here, I need to look at those letters. It’s going to bother me all night,” I wailed and rested my head back against him.
I could feel his chest rumbling as he spoke. “I have the cure for that… Distraction,” he nipped my ear lobe and I moaned softly, “followed by exhaustion.”
Using his free arm, he pulled my hair loose, letting it fall down my back. He ran his fingers through it before leaning in and gently lacing kisses along my collarbone. I felt my legs get weak and I sighed contentedly, closing my eyes and giving myself over to him. There was no better way to be distracted.
I fell asleep draped over him, our legs entwined and his arm slung protectively over my back. I loved to snuggle into his embrace. I felt safe and sheltered from the worries and stresses of the outside world. When I was with him, it was just us. I didn’t need to worry about being strong, I could forget about my job, ignore the dark clouds hanging over me and just relax and let go. Listening to the beating of his heart and his slow steady breathing, I slowly felt myself drifting off.
When I woke the following morning, I found I was alone in the bed. I sat up and rubbed my eyes just as Nate kicked the door open with his foot. In his hand he held a tray laden with food and drink. I smiled sleepily at him as he walked towards me in just his pyjama trousers.
“Now this is something I could get used to,” I teased and he smirked at me. Putting the tray down beside me he leaned over and kissed me.
“Morning, Princess.”
“I love that you call me that.” I smiled softly at him and he grinned.
“That’s because you are sweetheart, from the moment I saw you - a warrior princess.” He winked and held out the toast for me to take a bite. We ate our food in companionable silence.
When we’d finished, he lifted the tray off the bed and placed it on the floor next to him then pulled me beside him, drawing me in.
“What’s the plan for today?” he asked and I leaned my head into him, sighing in frustration.
“I need to deal with these stupid letters,” I muttered crossly.
I felt him stretching and he placed the envelope on my lap in front of me. I hadn’t even realised that he’d brought it in with him. I moved away from him so that I could sit facing him, the envelope sat between us on the bed.
“I took a quick look last night” he explained and I felt myself tense up.
“Why? Dammit Nate!” I complained angrily but he looked unapologetic.
“Sweetheart, I wanted to know what you were going to be looking at. I wanted to see how bad it was.”
I looked at him, searching his face. “And?” I asked softly, nervous of his response.
He looked pained. “It’s some nasty shit; the guy is clearly a fucking nut job. He doesn’t make any specific threats towards you but I think your father was right to bring in security, I’d probably have done the same.”
I put my head in my hands. My mouth had gone dry and my hands felt clammy. I closed my eyes, willing myself to be brave; snapping them open, I snatched the envelope up and ripped it open before I could hesitate.
The letters fell out into my lap. I checked quickly – there were five in total. They had been typed up in a large, bold font. I picked the first one up and began to skim through it.
It started, as my father had said, by congratulating me on my new role, before it focused on my looks and my body. It rapidly become disgusting with graphic and lewd descriptions of what the writer would like to do to me, and the things that I would supposedly enjoy.
I picked up the next one and flicked through it, I could feel Nate watching me intently. It wasn’t pleasant reading and it was horrible to think that someone was referring to me in this way, but it wasn’t as dreadful as I’d feared.
I quickly picked them all up and rifled through the papers; they were all typed in the same font on white paper. Random words jumped out at me from the pages - all disgusting, vulgar and aggressive. I was finding it difficult to focus on anything in particular, when a line jumped out at me and I felt my stomach churn.
“You are a dirty fucking cocktease. I know you are.”
The sheets of paper began to swim in front of me, the same sentence suddenly jumping out at me over and over again from the other pages. I felt dizzy; I think I’d been holding my breath without realising.
Nate suddenly reached across and took the letters from my hands, throwing them onto the floor. I tried to breathe but I couldn’t get past the lump that seemed to have closed up my throat.
“Princess, look at me! You’re alright; talk to me, sweetheart” His voice was gentle, coaxing.
I tried to swallow but my parched mouth felt too dry, I felt sweaty but cold at the same time. Goosebumps broke out all over my skin and a split second later I realised I was going to be sick, leapt from the bed and raced into the bathroom.
I just made the toilet as my stomach revolted and expelled the food I’d eaten a short while before. Nate had come crashing into the bathroom straight after me. He stood behind me, holding my hair back and gently rubbing my back.
“Fucking hell! I’m sorry, Princess, I shouldn’t have let you see those.”
He sounded angry and upset but I couldn’t do anything except hang over the toilet bowl. I finished retching and wiped my mouth.
“You alright now?” he asked gently and I nodded.
Reaching down he caught me under the arms, pulled me up to him, led me back to the bed and lay down next to me. My head was spinning. I was trying frantically to think, I didn’t realise I was crying until he wiped my eyes with his thumb.
“Sweetheart no, please don’t cry. You don’t need to be scared. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”
At his words I began to cry harder. He wrapped his arms around me, trying to soothe me as my body racked and shook. I tried to focus on his voice, strong and reassuring but my mind was spinning.
I thought I’d been so strong. I thought that I’d moved on and left this behind me but I was a coward. I’d neglected dealing with this for so long; I’d allowed myself to cry when it had happened and once with Maddie when I got back from university but then I’d buried it deep within me.
Paul had warned me that I couldn’t run forever, but I’d never dreamt that he would ever come back into my life.
I knew as soon as I saw the letters that there was a strong possibility it was Jason, but I had no idea what to do now.
My tears slowly subsided; my nose was streaming; and my eyes were red and sore.
Nate pulled back and kissed my forehead. Moving off the bed, he handed me a tissue before sitting back down again and pulling me back close to him. He was watching me intently. Finally he spoke, his voice low and soothing.
“What’s upset you? The content, or the fact that you may know the sender?”
I kept my eyes firmly on the bed sheet and he lifted my chin so that I was facing him directly. I sniffed loudly and swallowed but he kept his eyes on me, not giving me the option to turn away.
He was beseeching me with his eyes to talk, to give him answers. Suddenly his posture changed and his face looked more determined.
“You know who it is, don’t you?”
I opened my mouth to try to deny it but he shook his head.
“Don’t do it, Lena - don’t lie to me. We’ve come this far, for you to have that sort of reaction…” He stopped and dragged his hand through his unruly hair
.
“You need to tell me princess. Talk to me! You can trust me. You know you can, don’t do this again. Don’t lock me out.” he implored me.
I turned away from him, taking a deep shuddering breath; he held my hand squeezing it gently.
“Lena, let me in!”
It was more of a command than a request and I looked back to him, meeting his eyes. He smiled gently at me and I broke.
Turning away so that I wouldn’t have to look at him, I spoke quickly, quietly and without emotion. “Years ago I was almost raped. Someone came in and disturbed him so I managed to get away. I don’t know but it may be the same person. Some of the language in the letters” - I paused and gulped more air - “some of the words were the same things he said. It could be a coincidence, but now the timing fits too I suppose…”
I waited for him to react, but there was silence. I wanted to turn and look back at him but I couldn’t force my head to move. The silence seemed to drag on before he suddenly spoke. The voice, when he did, didn’t sound like his; it was tight, his words clipped.
“So the thing with the fingers” he started, and I nodded, unable to speak.
He exhaled loudly. I could feel the bed moving as he seemed to vibrate next to me. His breathing harsh, he was fighting to keep himself under control. He moved closer to me and wrapped his arms tightly around me. I let myself collapse into him and he held me close to him, kissing my head and telling me it was Ok, but I could feel his tension.
I knew he wanted to know more but didn’t want to push too hard. I stayed there for a minute, trying to steel myself for the inevitable questions that I knew would be coming. I waited for a few moments, hoping to give him a chance to calm down slightly before pulling away from him.
“Ask” I murmured and although I’d said it quietly, he heard.
“When? Did you report it? Who knows?” He stopped himself, clenching his hands together.
I spoke softly, almost in a whisper, as if I couldn’t force myself to say the words any louder.