Chapter Three
The next day I was carefully seated into Andy's front seat. He held my hand in an effort to ease my descent into the car and allow me to keep my legs straighter. I was starting to feel a little silly about things. “Really, I'm fine,” I protested. “It’s just a sunburn. The aloe worked wonders. I can barely feel it this morning.”
Jackie was smirking from the back seat at me, again. I wanted to stick my tongue out at her but I didn’t want to have to explain it to Andy. She could see romance everywhere. It was so annoying. Andy kept looking over at me as he drove. “You're really quiet today. Are you sure you feel okay?”
“I'm just tired, I guess. I have a busy week ahead of me.” And a horribly worrisome one; I hated these appointments. I kind of missed having Spencer to talk too. I couldn’t just drop a word like cancer into the conversation with my new friends and expect them not to freak out. Spencer knew how to treat it like nothing and that made it so much easier.
He nodded, “Sure. I’m sorry I missed last night. I would have loved to help you out.”
We located everyone and found a section in the lecture hall big enough for all of us. If we added anyone else to our group, we would probably have to leave a little earlier for church. Jackie brought her friend Alisha over to sit with us. It was enjoyable to sit in my chair before church began listening to the whispered giggles and watching Jackie and Alisha look longingly at our male companions. The guys did look nice in their Sunday outfits. Nathan had a talent for picking snazzy ties. I wondered briefly if it was his sister Emily’s taste or his.
I was sitting in between Jackie and Andy. Mark and Nathan were seated on Andy’s other side. Mark leaned forward so that he could speak to me. “How are you feeling today?”
“I'm good. How are you?”
He jokingly puffed out his chest. “Still as perfect as ever, thanks. Did you remember to drink?”
“Yes, Mom,” I mocked through a tight lipped smile. It was thoughtful, I guess, for him to check but I was worried he could see through me. It made me want to hide.
“How is the burn? Hold up your hair so I can see.” I made a big O with my mouth and covered it with my hand. Humor usually worked as a distraction.
“Right here in church? Mark, please.”
He rolled his eyes at me then wiggled his eyebrows. How does he do that? I have always wanted to wiggle my eyebrows. “I could have asked to see your legs.” He was good at this humor thing too. I laughed and collected my first smile of the week. Andy squirmed a little in his seat, we must be embarrassing him.
I held my hair up without further comment for Mark's inspection. “Good, it does look lighter today, no blistering.” He seemed satisfied and leaned back in his seat. I lowered my hair just as the prelude music ended.
I accepted an invitation to have dinner at D41 before the ward fireside that night. Eating dinner with John, Mark, Andy, and Nathan was almost familiar now. John even seemed to be relaxing a bit around me. He at least was seeing me as one of the guys.
“I didn’t know you could cook, it was delicious, thanks.” I offered as I carried my plate to the sink.
Andy smiled, “Anyone can make spaghetti. You should try my fried chicken.”
“Sounds good; I’m here the next time you make it,” I said, shamelessly inviting myself.
“In that case, I will make it next week.” He spoke with a broad smile. That was smile number eleven already this today.
We still had a little while until the fireside so together we did the dishes. The other roommates scattered. Mark was on the phone taking care of the call he had missed with his sister yesterday. Nathan and John were in the living room reading scriptures.
“So is your sunburn really okay?” Andy asked craning his neck to see the back of mine. I lifted my hair, leaving some dish soap bubbles in my curls.
“Yes, I’m fine. I just feel kind of silly that you guys are making such a fuss about it.”
“You shouldn’t, that’s what we’re here for. I wish I hadn’t been working, I probably would have been on that ride with you.”
“Oh, then we both would have needed a ride.”
“Nope, you never would have fallen asleep because I am very entertaining.” He winked and reached to put a plate away in the cupboard. Smile number twelve; my totals were going to be really high hanging out with this crowd.
“Megan,” he began, then paused drying another plate. He looked at me and I almost got the giggles because his face was so pained. “I was hoping that you would go out with me this Friday. My friend Rachel's ward is having a dance.”
I wasn't sure what to say, Andy was great. I hoped that he knew how much I liked him. I just didn't want to mess up the whole friendship thing. Apartment D41 had become my home away from home. For a small eternity, I pondered all the possibilities. How harmful could a date really be? Before I knew it, years of seeking smiles took over and I blurted out, “Sure, sounds like fun.”
The answering smile, number 13, was worth the butterflies in my stomach.
“Great, I'll get the details to you later in the week.” I handed him a clean pot and he dried it with the towel. What had just happened? I had an actual date. That had never happened before.
Mark emerged from the hallway closing his phone. His eyes scanned the room and he looked straight at me. “Oh, Megan, I’m glad you're still here; I need a girl’s opinion.”
“Step into my office. How can I help?” I said gesturing towards to table. “By the way, advice is five cents.”
“Can I run a tab?”
“Anything for my rescuer.”
Andy cleared his throat behind me and then sat down next to me at the table. “Let’s get to the point already. What’s up Mark?”
I was suddenly worried that I was going to have to give him advice on his love life. I may be a girl but I was clueless when it came to that topic.
“Rebekah is coming for a visit.”
Andy pulled his shirt away from his neck with one finger as if he were feeling over heated and said, “Really, when? I’m finally going to get to meet her in person. Do you think I have time to plan a trip somewhere?”
“Hey, that’s my sister you are talking about.” The indignation on Mark’s face didn’t quite reach his laughing eyes.
Finally, I understood enough to jump in to the conversation. “Oh, Rebekah is your sister. Awesome! When is she coming and how can I help? And why is Andy feeling nervous? Does he like her?”
“Of course not!” Andy blurted out a little louder than he needed to.
“Hey, could you keep it down over there,” Nathan hollered from the couch.
“Sorry,” we chorused.
Mark was squinting at Andy, “He’d better not like her.”
“I don’t. She is the one who wrote me, remember?”
“Oooh, this sounds good…. details please.”
“There isn’t much to tell really. Mark’s sister is totally boy crazy and wrote not only letters to him but to every companion he had on his mission.”
Mark was now sitting with his head in his hands. It was an unusual posture for him. “So how old is this sister, Mark?”
“16, and Andy’s right; she is really boy crazy.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at their discomfort. It was cute in a way. “So let’s see, you have a perfectly normal teenage sister and this distresses you? Well, no worries. She will only be here a short time and I doubt she is so quick that she will find and marry some guy on campus. Though, this is BYU and we are kind of known for fast romances. Andy, here, might even be swept away by the girl who so faithfully wrote him.” Mark groaned and Andy protested while I giggled.
As my laughter died down, I began to sense that the mood was much more serious. Mark had not put his head up yet. Had I touched on some deep rooted worries?
“Mark, I’m sorry. I was just teasing. Rebekah is going to be just fine. She will have a great visit and we will keep Andy away from her.” I turned and winked
at Andy who didn’t seem to be enjoying the joke either. “Sorry,” I mouthed to him.
I reached between Mark’s arm and head with my hand. I found his chin and forced it up. He responded by resting it on his stacked fists. His mouth still seemed thoughtful, almost frowning but his eyes were dancing again. “So, what’s the plan, Megan?”
“Well, what does she like to do? There are a ton of things we can do but it’s kind of up to her.”
“I’m not really sure. We haven’t spent a lot of time together over the past few years. Aside from the boy thing, which I don’t think we should encourage, I’m at a loss.”
“Mark, you are one of the most devoted brothers I have ever seen. I don’t believe that you don’t know your own sister.”
“Sure, I know her but that doesn’t mean I know what she wants to do.”
“Tell me about her, maybe we can figure it out. What kind of music does she like? Does she play any sports? What’s her favorite subject in school? Does she want to go to school here?”
“Can I think about it little bit? I can answer some of those questions but I think for tonight I just needed to know that you would help me.”
“No problem. I am excited to meet her.”
“Thanks, Megan you are the best.” Once again, my smile tally increased. Mark gave me a big bear hug as I got up from my chair. It threw my balance off just enough and he had to grab me even tighter to keep me from falling. I could feel the answering chuckle resonate in his chest.
“I’m going to go and get the girls now,” I said when he finally let go.
“I’ll come with you.” Andy wrapped his arm around my shoulder and walked me to the door. When we were outside, he said, “It is really nice of you to help Mark. He gets so obsessed about his family sometimes. I’m glad you talked him down.”
“I think it’s great that he cares so much.”
“Great and a bit debilitating. You should have seen him on our mission.”
“Was it that bad?”
“Oh, he was a great missionary but he worried a lot.”
“Well, he won’t have to worry about this visit. We will make sure Rebekah has the best time.”
“You’ll make sure. I for one, will be laying low. I wasn’t kidding about the boy crazy thing.”
“Are you really afraid of a 16 year old girl?”
“Afraid, no. Terrified, yes. Especially since no matter what I do Mark will be watching me looking for hidden meaning. But Megan, I swear, I have no interest in his sister. You believe me right?”
I bumped my arm against his and gave him my most innocent smile. “Sure, I believe you.”
“No really! This is so infuriating. Fine, I know how to make you believe me.” He stopped me, placed his hands on my shoulders, and turned me towards him. “I like the one who I asked out for Friday night – and have since I first saw her.”
My face felt hot and I tried swallowing but there was something big in my throat blocking it. He relaxed his hands and let me go. “Understand?” I nodded mutely. “Okay, let’s go get your roommates.”
Monday night I got my weekly text from Spencer’s mom, reporting his total. It was a system we’d worked out before he left so that I could continue to keep records for us. He’d had a pretty good week with a total of 67. His were probably a lot harder to get than mine were. I thought my tally had been pretty good this last week. I took a moment to recall some of the more breath taking smiles. It was like my new friends were helping me on purpose, but they didn’t know about my little collection.
After FHE group, I sat down to write Spencer a letter. It had been a while and I’d been thinking of him a lot lately. I wish I had him to tell me what to think of Andy’s confessions. I wished I had him to distract me from my doctor appointment. It was just so wrong that he was gone so far away when I needed him so much. I was half way through a sheet of paper when I realized I was angry with him and it was definitely showing in my letter.
I took a deep breath and crumpled the paper up. It wasn’t his fault that he was across the world when I needed someone to talk to but it still felt like it. I sat at the kitchen table feeling guilty for being mad and even guiltier for feeling bad about him serving the Lord. The real problem was that I didn’t want to go to my appointment. I didn’t want to be sick anymore and I definitely did not want to be looked on with pity so telling anyone else about it was right out.
I buried the wasted paper in the trash, ashamed that I had expressed such negative feelings. This bad mood was not really something I wanted to share with anyone so I grabbed my basketball and headed for the courts hoping the guys wouldn’t be there. I wasn’t really up for seeing them. Why did these appointments have to turn me into such an angry person? I didn’t like myself when I felt that way.
The next day I sat in the doctor’s waiting room and tried the letter again. I was aiming for light and uplifting and somehow focusing on the lighter side of things made my letter and my surroundings better. I reported my smile total to him and gave him a brief description of the guys that I spent so much of my time with these days. By the time the nurse called me back to the room, I had managed a supportive, upbeat and positive three page letter.
That night after dinner, I grabbed my cell and went for a walk. I still had to report to my mom and I didn't want anyone to overhear. The doctor's visit had been almost nothing with just a bunch of questions and a quick exam.
I still had to go for a couple of tests after my Thursday classes. My mom was reassured as I told her Dr. Warrenbach was nice, and that he had read all through my files before I even arrived. I didn't tell her that he'd told me I could leave her off of my privacy list and she wouldn't be able to get my test results anymore. I hadn't seriously considered it but I enjoyed a few wicked moments thinking about it.
After I gave the necessary report and promised to go for the tests like a good girl, I asked her about the wedding plans. I knew that this would distract her from what I didn't want to tell her about the appointment, and I was right.
Lindsey seemed to be driving my mom nuts with picky little details. My mom disagreed with the color and flower choices. I was trying to find the best way to remind her that it was Lindsey's and George's wedding when she sighed. “Well it is their wedding, I guess I can deal with burgundy. I still think pink would be an easier color to work with.”
“Don't worry Mom, you will survive this. Just think you only have four weddings left after this.”
“That is if all of you get married. I'm not so sure about Drew some days, he's so quiet.”
“Speaking of which, I have an actual date this weekend. Can you believe it?”
“A real date, not some group thing?”
“Yes, a real date; he asked me and everything.” My stomach did a flip flop as I recalled his confession.
“Well, I want a report on that too. You can tell me when you call with your test results.”
“Mom, I don't think they'll have the results back by this weekend.”
“That's okay I can wait but I do expect to hear from you. Oops, got to go. Dinner is burning.”
“Okay, Mom. Bye.” I was saved by the scorched lasagna. Not that I wouldn’t have to go through it all again this weekend. I needed to learn to keep my mouth shut. At least I had managed not to tell her that the doctor had ordered more tests because he was concerned about something he had felt while examining me. She would find out if she needed to and if it was nothing then she wouldn't have to worry.
I was doing enough worrying for both of us. It was really probably nothing, and if it was something, it wasn’t as if I hadn't been through it before.
I looked up at the mountain as I walked down the streets lined with parked cars. It was really beautiful this time of year, there was the faintest hint of fall color popping up here and there. Turning towards home, I planned out what homework I would do first. If I was going to be gone Thursday and busy over the weekend, I should get it done now; besides, it would be a good distraction
.
My mind only lingered on my studies for a moment before I started to wonder about Friday. I hadn’t really seen Andy since Sunday and I was still processing. He’d been very serious when he said he liked me, I was sure of that. Did he want me to say it back? What was I supposed to do? I wondered what you did with a date at a dance. Was Andy a good dancer? Was I? Whether we could dance well or not we were sure to have fun. Andy was always so upbeat. I was really starting to look forward to the date. Maybe I would like dating. This week I was sure to beat Spencer’s total.
Home was almost in sight but my mind kept hopping from subject to subject driven by my intense desire to forget the one thing I couldn’t face, at least not anymore tonight. Maybe Jackie would want to go get some ice cream or the guys might be on the courts; homework could wait.
Thursday I endured the tests. Like always, I tried to get the ultrasound tech to tell me what she was seeing but of course, she said nothing. It had never worked but that didn’t stop me from trying. As uncomfortable as the tests were, I found waiting for the results much more difficult. As distractions went, the date with Andy couldn’t have been timed any better. I just needed to get through the next few days and it would all be over. I found being nervous about my first date felt a lot better than worrying over medical tests, so I focused all my attention towards Friday night.
In order to keep that focus I elected not to carry my cell phone with me. If Mom called, she would want to talk about the tests. I was sure if she had a spare moment she wouldn’t be able to resist checking up on me so Friday the cell stayed on the charger. Sure, I could just not answer her calls but if I didn’t know about them, I would feel less guilty.
I didn’t even think about checking the caller ID when I answered the phone on Friday afternoon. “Good afternoon, this is Megan speaking.”
“Well, good afternoon to you too. You sound like you are in a good mood.”
“Dad?”
“Yep, I heard through the grapevine that you have an official date tonight.”
I smirked thinking of all the times he had promised to torment my dates when they picked me up; he had never gotten the chance. “That's right, shocking isn't it?”
“Not really, I knew all the boys in the world couldn't be stupid. It just took you a while to find a smart bunch. Anyway, since I can't be there I want to know all about this guy...Wait no, I trust your judgment just tell me, is he nice to you?”
“Well, we haven't been out yet,” I reminded him, “but he is always cool when we hang out.”
“Okay, just remember it's his privilege to go out with you so you don't have to do anything you don't want to.”
“Gee, thanks Dad. I so did not want to go there.”
He laughed. "Yeah, okay, I can drop it. I know you can hold your own. Hey, do me a favor?”
“What?”
“Don't forget to give your mom an update; some of us still have to live with her.” I could hear the smile in his voice. In my mind, I could picture his beaming face so clearly that I counted it.
“Okay, but I can't promise she'll be satisfied. Hey, I love you but I’ve got things to do before tonight.”
“I'll let you go. Love you too, Megan. Bye.”
After Dad’s call there didn’t seem to be much use in not carrying my cell so I took it and my laundry to the central laundry room. I planned to multi task and give reminder calls to the sisters in my visiting teaching district as I waited. Visiting teaching wasn’t my favorite thing but I had accepted the call to be a supervisor and I was going to do my best.
Most of the sisters I called seemed to feel the same way about visiting teaching that I did. My own visiting teachers hadn’t visited yet. I couldn’t really complain. I had only half-heartedly spent a few minutes with the two sisters that I was assigned. I didn’t even really share a lesson just a quick scripture from the message. I hadn’t even called my companion.
I hung up with the last sister on my list. Hopefully the reminder would improve the numbers because they weren’t looking very good yet. I moved my laundry over to the dryer and thought about my calling again. Mom seemed to like visiting teaching, so what did she know that I didn’t?
General Women’s Conference was this weekend. I said a silent prayer asking Heavenly Father to help me be prepared for His messages, adding a special request for a greater understanding of visiting teaching. I always tried to go into conference with a question and usually my answer would come in one way or another. This conference I really needed some help. If I was going to motivate the girls on my list, motivation should probably come to me too. I finished my prayer and found that I felt peaceful. It was so nice to just sit and enjoy the feeling.
Collecting Smiles Page 3