Chapter Thirteen
March was a long month. Towards the end, we got lots of snow and I was back to walking to campus, which was a bit difficult when the sidewalks weren’t always cleared. Campus walkways were never a problem, but my shoes were usually wet by the time I got there. After Nathan’s party, I had begun to attend family home evening again. Nathan and Mark had started going with me because Andy was bringing the girl he was dating to their group. I thought their show of solidarity was a bit overkill, but was happy to have their company.
One family home evening we were told to dress warmly and bring gloves. I suspected a snowball fight. It wasn’t supposed to be a snowball fight, we were making a fort, but a few projectiles made it into the air anyway.
After I took a snowball to the side of the head, I had to retaliate. Nathan never saw it coming. I jumped on his back and he went face first into the snow. In a lightning fast motion, I was on my back and a pile of snow was being dumped onto my face. Wiggling away, I took refuge behind Mark who stood snowball at the ready watching Nathan closely. It felt good to be silly and have fun. I was starting to feel more like me all the time.
After the snow, we all went back to our apartment for some hot cocoa. Nathan and Mark sat next to me at the table while we sipped, not wanting to burn our tongues. “So, how is the mission prep going?” I asked, making conversation.
“Pretty good, I just need to get my suits.”
“Oh, that reminds me, wait here.” I ran back to my room and found the package that had been waiting for me to remember it. “I shouldn’t give you this after that snow incident.” I said, smiling and tossing him the box.
“Hey, you deserved it. I think my nose will be running for a week, thanks to you!”
“You started it!” I teased, sticking my tongue out at him.
Mark straightened his shoulders and put on a big daddy voice, “Now kids, settle down.” We all laughed. It felt so good to laugh.
“Well, you still owe me,” Nathan said, faking hurt in his voice.
I eyed the gift in his hands pointedly and said, “Oh, how do you figure that?”
Remembering the present, he unwrapped the red striped tie and held it up to his chest. “Thanks, Megan. It’s cool. But I figure you owe me because you just disappeared. With the whole John and Emily thing, I could really have used a friend.” Ouch!
“You looked like you were doing all right at your party.”
“Those people were just there because of my call. But you hang out with me just because. I spent lots of nights as the third wheel with Emily and John. They’re kind of driving me nuts.”
“Sorry, things have just been…” I trailed off not wanting to describe the pain. I’d managed to hurt so many people who cared about me. There were a lot of things I needed to fix. I said a silent prayer for help.
“Come on, you know Andy’s work schedule and he is always gone now because of Savanna anyway. Come over.”
“I will try to come over more often. I promise.” This seemed to please both Nathan and Mark. “I’ve missed you guys, too.”
“Good,” Nathan said. He looked at Mark and it seemed like they exchanged a signal. Mark got up and took our mugs into the kitchen. “Megan, I was hoping you would go out with me on Friday. There is a dance; I thought it would be fun.”
I wasn’t healed yet and this felt like a set up. “You mean like a date?” He nodded and for a moment, I considered it. What harm could it do? He was leaving on his mission soon and Nathan was always fun. Stopping myself before I could get too far, I shook my head, “Sorry, Nathan, I actually don’t date anymore. But I really appreciate the offer.”
I was just trying to be nice with that last part. I didn’t appreciate the offer, or the reminder that I was too damaged to consider it. Maybe living in this love sick community was a bad idea.
He blinked, “What, why don’t you date anymore? That’s crazy. Is this still about Andy? Come on Megan, that was months ago. You should move on.”
“It’s not Andy. I just… well it’s kind of a long story, but thank you anyway.” That last part was harder to add this time. I needed to get out of there, but this was my apartment not theirs.
Feeling awkward and upset, I sat frozen. Thankfully, Mark, who had heard the whole exchange in the kitchen, returned and led Nathan back to their apartment before Nathan could argue anymore.
I went back to my room and climbed into my bed. At least, I could still have fun with my friends, just no more dates. My mind continued the thought, no more holding hands, no more kisses, and no more feeling extra special to just one person. I sniffed and wondered if this would ever get any easier.
I pulled out my scriptures for the first time in a long time. Maybe I could find solace there. I was just starting to read when I heard loud cheering and squealing sounds from the living room. Jackie burst in the door, “Megan, guess what? Kristen and Tony are engaged.” I managed a weak smile, she hardly noticed before she bounced back down the hall. Tomorrow was soon enough to congratulate Kristen. I didn’t think I could do it tonight. I picked my scriptures back up and tried to read. My prayer that night was a simple plea, “Heavenly Father, I can’t do it anymore, please help me.”
The next day, I woke up feeling a little better. Getting out of bed seemed easier. During my Church History class, we were talking about answers to prayer. I started to look for those answers in my life. There were times when I had found something that was lost. There was the time that I prayed for a friend who was sick and they had gotten better. I used to trust prayer so much. How long it had been since I had gotten an answer to my prayers?
Was Heavenly Father still listening? I thought of Christy and her constant watch over me when I was really lost. Then, I remembered the prayers that I had offered to learn to appreciate visiting teaching. Yes, she was an answer to that prayer. She had said the things that had helped me start to change. She reminded me that Heavenly Father did love me and he cared what I was doing and feeling.
So visiting teachers can bring messages from God and watch over His children even when they were lost. I had no idea until that moment how important they were or how lost I was. I said a prayer, thanking Heavenly Father for Christy and for loving me even when I was mad at Him.
On the way home, I bought a big Gerber daisy for Christy. I wrote a little note on a card thanking her for being the Lord’s messenger. I hurried home and left it with her roommate. Then, I went home to get started on dinner. I would begin making things up to my roommates tonight.
While dinner was cooking, I wrote an encouraging note to Spencer. His total for the week had been abysmal. I wondered how bad his week would have had to be to get only two smiles. Spencer was not the kind to wallow like I’d been doing. Thinking of him sent a flood of memories to my mind; Spencer pushing me into the pool, Spencer stealing a lick of my ice cream cone while I was distracted by driving. I sent him the smile that was on my face by drawing it on the bottom of his letter. At least, he could add my smile into next week’s total.
The more I pondered, the more I could see all the answers to prayer in my life. Prayer was becoming important to me again, but in a different way. Where before it had been a nice way to communicate with Heavenly Father, now it was more like a life line. The peace that it brought reminded me of the peace I felt when I was in a forest. Craving that feeling, I knelt often and tried hard to listen. It was clear that not all of my answers would come in a day, but I was beginning to hope. I was done shutting Heavenly Father out of my life and that calmed my spirit more than anything else did.
I was trying my best to ignore my roommates one Friday night when my phone rang.
“Hey Megan. I need to talk to you, can I come over?” Mark asked.
“Things are kind of crazy here,” I said, looking around at the wedding magazines spread out on the floor and couches. Giggling girls filled the living room. “How about if I come over there?”
There was a hesitation, “Andy’s here.”
/> “That’s okay. I’ll be over in a few minutes.” I put the phone down feeling proud of myself. It was time to stop avoiding him. It wasn’t as if things were his fault anyway. I could be a grown up about this.
I grabbed my jacket and put my shoes on. It wasn’t quite barefoot weather yet, although, April was more pleasant than the snowy March we’d had.
The walk to D41 was familiar again. I had started hanging out with the guys, but it was always when Andy was gone. Nathan had been a little weird about the whole date thing at first, but he got over it after a few visits. Always the competitor, he beat me at a game of Sorry one night and decided that things were back to normal. I even suggested that he take Jackie to out and he took my suggestion. According to Jackie, they’d had a lot of fun.
I knocked and the door immediately swung open. Mark was looking down the hall as if he expected someone. He sighed, waved me in and closed the door. I guessed he was hoping that Andy would stay in their room. I suddenly wondered how the conversation had gone when he hung up with me. Did he tell Andy to stay out of the way? Did he tell him why?
We sat at the table and he fidgeted.
“What’s up? Is everything good with your family?”
“Great actually, that is kind of why I wanted to talk to you? Hear me out. This is going to seem like a strange request.”
“Okay, I’m listening.”
“My parents have decided that the family needs to take a vacation.”
“That’s great, where are you going?”
“California. Mom wants us to see her favorite places from when she was little. She grew up there, you know. Anyway, he thing is… this will involve some camping and we aren’t so sure how to make that happen.” He paused and looked towards the hall again. “I told my parents that you might be able to help us.” He raised his brows, biting his lip.
“What do you want me to do?” I stared at him puzzled. The idea of helping the Coles had me immediately wanted to say yes, but out of habit, I approached with caution
“Well, I was hoping that you could come home with me after school and stay with my family. The kids will have another month of school. That should be enough time to get everything planned and squared away for this monster vacation. After the trip, I could drop you off at home in Arizona.”
It was a strange request, but I liked it. The experience would certainly be good and I wasn’t really looking forward to another long summer at home; especially watching Lindsey’s tummy expand. “It sounds fun, but I kind of need to work over the summer to afford my tuition for next year.”
“I thought of that. My mom says she can get you a job teaching swim lessons at the local pool. That’s what you did before, right?”
“So you want me to go to Idaho with you, live with your family and prepare them for a big camping vacation to California?”
“That’s pretty much it. You could put it on your resume or something. We could really use your help. We are way out of our depth here. You know we never go anywhere.”
“It sounds totally fun and I would love to check out Idaho. I’d never really been there before. I have to check with my family first. Can I let you know?”
“Sure. That’s great! I have some ideas about the trip, too. Let me know when you can.” He was acting so jittery, I had to laugh.
“I’ll go home and call them right now.” I stood up and headed for the door.
“Oh, do you want my home phone number so your parents can call mine?”
“No, I don’t think that will be necessary. Besides, I already have Rebekah’s number.”
“Why don’t we meet somewhere later and you can tell me what they said.”
“I have to do my laundry. Can you meet me in the laundry room in about an hour?”
I walked home with all kinds of ideas running through my head. The parks in California were so beautiful. I was getting excited about this adventure before I even got the okay. Bursting through the door, I headed for my phone.
Mom answered right away. She was in the kitchen loading the dishwasher. I told her all about it. She wasn’t enthusiastic about the idea. “Well, let me get Dad and we can all talk about it.”
Dad’s first reaction was to laugh, “Megan, you are an adult. Why are you asking us?”
“I just wanted to know if you thought it would be okay if I don’t come home for a while.”
“Well, we would miss you, but it sounds like a good opportunity.”
Mom jumped in at this point, “How much do you know about this family? What if they aren’t nice to you?”
“Mom, they aren’t like that. Mark and Rebekah are great. I am sure I will be fine.”
“Megan, are you happy about this?” It was Dad again. He was really interested in my happiness lately.
“Yeah!” I beamed into the phone.
“Then go for it,” Dad offered.
“But…” Mom started to say.
“Love you guys! I’ll go tell them now.”
I hung up the phone and called Rebekah.
“Hello, Rebekah? So, would you mind having a roommate for a while?”
“Who is this?? Megan?”
“Yep.”
I guessed her response was no because all I could hear was loud, excited screaming. “You’re really coming?”
“Yes, I just decided.” It felt strange to say that. I had decided, not my parents.
“Oh, we are going to have so much fun!”
“Listen, Rebekah, I need to go tell Mark now. Talk to you later?”
“Sure, I’ll tell everyone here.”
“I think they probably already know thanks to your screaming.”
“No, I do that all the time,” she laughed. “Bye!”
I put the phone down and gathered my laundry. The load was really big. As I struggled down the hall and out the front door with it, I promised myself again that I would do it sooner next time.
I was putting my laundry in the dryers when Mark walked in carrying a basket. “This was a good idea,” he said, heading for the washer. “It got me in here to take care of this before I ran out of clothes. I hate laundry.”
“I know what you mean. I had three loads this time because I waited so long.”
“Well, what did your folks say?” He seemed anxious and I was happy that I could give him good news. Mark would do anything for his family. I was pretty sure delivering me as an expert guide would please him.
“The feelings were mixed, but it is my decision and I am looking forward to it.”
“You’re coming?” I could hear him holding back the excitement in his voice.
“Yes, now you had better tell me about those plans of yours.” I pulled out a new spiral notebook and wrote Cole Family Vacation on the front cover. He smiled. I was starting to think that spending the summer with the Coles was going to do wonders for my weekly totals. Spencer would be so jealous.
“Shoot!”
“Well, the family has a whole bunch of ideas and Mom and Dad have some requirements. I think the whole thing is going to get worked out in a family meeting when we first get back home. There is just one thing I really want to do.”
“What is it?” I wrote ‘ideas’ at the top of the page and waited.
“I want to go on an overnight backpacking trip with Christian. We need some guy time and I think he would love it. Plus, it will give us a chance to do things that we couldn’t possibly do with the rest of the family.”
I wrote down backpack trip with Christian and then put Mark’s name to indicate whose idea it was. In a family of nine, I was pretty sure there were going to be lots of ideas. “That shouldn’t be too difficult. What part of California are we going to?”
“Mom grew up in the Central Valley. She wants us to see Yosemite and the Sequoias.”
“How long are we vacationing for?”
“A week, plus travel to and from?”
“This could get expensive. Do you guys already have all your camping gear?”
�
�No, that is one of the things Mom is hoping you can help her with. She isn’t sure what we need. Don’t worry about the money. The Cole’s aren’t rich, but we have been saving for this trip for seven years.”
“Seven years? Wow!”
“I guess all the other details should wait until we get there, except one. What is your schedule like now?” he asked.
“It is a little crazy. I’m finishing up some projects.”
“Yeah, I’m pretty busy now too, but I need you to meet me at my apartment tomorrow morning.”
“What for?”
“You have got to learn to drive a stick shift so you can use my truck at home.”
“Ummm…. I don’t know, that sounds a little dangerous. I’ll just ride my bike.” George had tried to teach me once how to drive his stick shift. I’d narrowly avoided an accident.
“Megan, don’t be crazy, it isn’t a spaceship or anything. We’ll find a deserted parking lot somewhere and you will get it in no time.”
“Okay,” I said, reluctantly. I put the notebook away and he ran back to his apartment for a board game.
It was ten o’clock when I got home. Quickly, I put my folded clothes away and climbed into bed. It was time to sleep. Tomorrow was going to be some day. Kneeling on my bed, I thanked Heavenly Father for the Coles and the opportunity they were giving me. I also thanked Him for a loving family and a Dad that wanted me to be happy. Then, I reflected on how much happier I was feeling. It’s funny how changes can sometimes happen so slowly you don’t even notice.
I was beginning to see my strengths and talents again. As I felt the Spirit more often, quieting the negative thoughts became a little easier. I discovered, however, that I could not add driving a manual transmission to my list of talents. I was getting frustrated as over and over I stalled Mark’s truck in the mall’s back parking lot. Luckily, there were few witnesses to my ineptness, but Mark’s snickers were bad enough.
“Sure keep laughing. It’s your transmission I’m ruining.”
“It’s all about timing.” He tried to look at me seriously, biting his lip so that he wouldn’t laugh. “You’ll get it. You just need to get the timing right.”
An hour later, I was doing pretty well. I had made it around the mall. Then, I had to start again from a stop sign and I stalled in the middle of the intersection. “Ahhh!” I groaned, frantically trying to get out of another car’s way. The lot was filling up. I started the engine again, pulled over to a parking spot, and stopped the truck. “Your turn, I’ve had enough.”
“You are so close. Are you sure you don’t want to practice on the real road?”
“Definitely not. I am done for the day.” He was such a good teacher. I wondered where he got all of his patience from.
“Okay, we will just have to practice again next Saturday. We are running out of time.”
“No, not again.”
“Are you saying you don’t want to be around me,” Mark teased. “That’s hurtful, Megan, besides you may as well get used to me.”
“Good point, I guess you are going to be around a lot. Well, at least I’ll have Rebekah for compensation,” I teased back.
“Ouch! Hey since we’re here, come in with me and help me pick out a present for Nathan.”
We returned home two hours later. I had just enough time to work on my biology homework before Melissa’s concert. This time I was dressed properly and sitting in the front row. I didn’t even laugh when I saw Nathan and Jackie enter holding hands; funny how that was working out. All that talk about returned missionaries and she would be writing a missionary, after all. Shortly after they came in, I saw Mark. I hadn’t thought to ask him if he wanted to come. I guess Melissa had. He waved at me and came to sit in the open seat next to me.
Again, he closed his eyes, listening to the music, and I thought of Mr. Wallace. It was too bad we couldn’t have brought him with us. After the concert, we all went back to our apartment for ice cream. The group was upbeat and silly as we talked. Melissa was so thrilled to be finished with her final concert of the year and we all cheered for her.
The week flew by in a blur. Much too soon, I was sitting behind the wheel of Mark’s truck again. After a quick refresher from last week, he directed me out of the parking lot and onto the city streets. Nervously, I concentrated hard until my hands hurt from squeezing the steering wheel. We made our way into the center of town where there were definitely too many stops.
“You need a chance to practice changing gears, turn right here. Let’s get on the freeway.”
I looked over to him, terrified. “What?”
“Megan, think about it. The hardest part for you is the starts and stops, right? The freeway will be a piece of cake.”
I wasn’t sure this was true, but I entered the freeway and headed south towards Spanish Fork. He was right; shifting gears was easy enough, once I got used to it. Mark got really good at not wincing when I would grind the gears.
He told me to take the exit to Spanish Fork Canyon and I panicked because we were going to be back to stops and starts again. I’d had enough practice for one day.
“Calm down, Megan, you can do it. I thought while we were out we could check out the Canyon. I remember some hot springs up there from before my mission.”
I was too busy focusing to answer him.
Passing into the shopping area, Mark said, “Hey, pull in here, I’m starving. You can practice a pick-up window.” I pulled in and he gave me his order. “Get something for yourself too, please. I don’t want to feel bad eating in front of you; my treat.”
Shaking my head at how early it was for fast food, I ordered some fries and a small root beer. We parked in the lot because there is no easy way to eat while driving a stick shift. I watched Mark woof down two burgers, fries and a milk shake. Wondering where it all went in his lean frame, I said, “Now I see… your family has been saving lots of money because they haven’t had to feed you the last few years. No wonder they can take big vacations.”
He laughed, eying my fries. “Well, at least you’re not going to eat them out of house and home this summer. You’ll be economical.”
We ate in silence for a while. The sun was shining in the window and my skin felt extra warm where it hit. “How is Mr. Wallace doing?”
He smiled, “Grumpy as usual. He keeps asking about you. I think you’re addictive.” I tossed my wadded fry wrapper at him and he dodged it expertly.
“I missed,” I said, pretending frustration.
“Yeah, you just can’t beat me.” He picked up the projectile and prepared for a counter attack.
Quickly, I directed his attention away from that plan. “I’ve been to the springs before. If you want me to get us to the right spot you need to drive so I can think.” It was a bit of a copout, but I so did not want to drive anymore. I opened the door and jumped out before he could remember his attack or suggest I try mountain driving.
I walked around the truck to the passenger’s side. Mark got out too; garbage in hand and to my relief, walked to the trash can. I was safe from retaliation it seemed.
He came back and stood by the door so that he could close it for me and I thanked him with a curtsey. “You really are getting so much better at this driving thing,” he offered, encouragingly.
“Yeah! I didn’t even kill us,” I teased. Then he grabbed me in a big hug. It was nice and warm there; too nice, I decided. He was always so sweet. I smiled at him, but pulled away and climbed into the truck. I should get used to this. I was going to be spending six weeks with a family of huggers, but I shouldn’t get to comfortable.
Collecting Smiles Page 13