by April Kelley
"I've always been that way." Ramsey cupped Fane's face in his hands. "I have a lot to consider."
"Like what?"
"Like how I'm going to balance being Alpha of this clan now that I found my mate."
"You mean with a crazy mate. I know what I am."
"No." Ramsey's eyes changed, shifting to that of a reptile’s. "It has nothing to do with you directly.”
Fane let his own eyes change except his glowed red. He just hissed at Ramsey and turned from him, not wanting to hear his lies anymore.
He'd always been just shy of centered even as a child, and it seemed that might just cost him a mate.
"The human needs to train with me." Fane didn't turn around to see if anyone followed him, he just walked through a door that smelled like the cold outside.
"You need a coat, Fane." Ramsey's voice came from directly behind him.
"No, I don't. It's restricting."
"It's too cold out."
"So. I can block out the pain."
"Would you stop walking? At least put on shoes."
Fane did stop then and grabbed a set of shoes by the door that he thought would fit him. Ramsey grabbed his arm, and Fane turned, meeting his gaze. "Coat."
"No."
"Fane."
"Monster."
Fane had never been very good at being social and couldn't tell when someone was poking fun at him. He thought that Ramsey was playing some sort of social game with the stare he gave Fane, but he wasn't sure. If he were, Fane would let him win.
Fane looked at Jules, who was still in the fire-maker’s arms. "You coming?"
"Yeah. I just have to get more shoes." Jules pointed down at Fane's feet. "Those are mine."
Fane just nodded once and left the house, Ramsey hot on his heels with a thick coat in his hand.
"Put on the damn coat."
"You need to train as well. Maybe it'll teach you how to take no for an answer."
“And maybe you should listen to the words coming out of my mouth because you only seem to hear what you want to hear.”
Fane turned abruptly. “What do you mean?”
“You want to make me not biting you about you, and it’s not. I’m not an asshole, and I don’t care if you have problems.”
“Why then?”
“Because I can’t fucking think about the clan when I’m near you.”
Chapter Seven
Ramsey would have trained with Fane right alongside Jules but Fane was hugely distracting, so he hung back with Ladon. Gods, he could watch Fane move like that for the rest of their lives and never get bored. The attraction he felt ramped up by a thousand, sending his dick into overdrive when it should have still been in park. The urge to mate was certainly there, alive and well within him and only growing in strength.
Ramsey crossed his arms over his chest and watched Fane move so fluidly it was like a fish in water. Fane stood in one spot in the back yard, Jules a few feet behind him. He put his hands together, palm to palm.
Jules did it too.
"Thank the gods for being alive on this day. You may thank them for anything you'd like, but you can never ask them for anything. They know what you need." Fane waited in that same praying position for a full minute before moving.
His routine was similar to the one Garridan performed every morning. Ramsey knew that routine because he'd join Garridan several times a week. Fane's routine was slow, his arms moving out with deliberation and he spoke in low tones. "Hold strength in your muscles with each movement. It will remind you that strength comes to you naturally." Fane's voice hitched, and he didn't speak for long seconds. He cleared his throat and continued. "It's already there waiting for you to utilize it, so there's no need to search."
Ramsey could see the tears flowing down Fane's cheeks. Fane didn't fight with his grief but just let himself experience it even as he went through each movement.
When Fane lifted his right leg, nearly touching his head and kicked out at the knee, Jules stopped trying to keep up. Jules looked at Ramsey and then pointed to Fane. "I can't do that."
Fane never missed a beat. Instead, he pivoted around in a circle, kicking out slowly. He acted as if Jules never said a word. When he made it completely around, he stopped and turned, looking at Jules. "I'll teach you that. Just do what you can this time around."
Jules just nodded and gave Fane a sad smile. Anyone could see Fane was in mental anguish and Jules was sensitive enough for it to affect him too. "We should stop. You’re crying."
"No. I want to remember. I need to. I just miss him. His voice when he gave me instruction. What I'm saying to you, he's said to me hundreds of times." Fane turned back around, holding his arms firmly in front of him and perfectly parallel with Fane's chest. He curled his fingers in front of him. "Sensei would tell me not to shut off my grief but to feel it. Use the emotion as a teaching tool. Feel the hurt but don't ever turn it into anger. Anger is a secondary emotion. It stands in front of you, blocking your truth."
Jules nodded, not that Fane could see him, but he was probably just reacting to Fane's words.
Fane fell into a...trance was the only way to describe it. He closed his eyes and worked through the blocks and kicks, completely comfortable doing them. At some point, he started over, and halfway through the second round, Jules stopped, bending over at the waist to catch his breath.
He walked over to where Ramsey and Ladon stood when he recovered. "That's harder than it looks."
Ramsey never took his eyes off Fane.
Fane was right when he said he needed to train. Ramsey could see why working the body would help. It grounded him and had to give him the time he needed to calm whatever fires were smoldering in his mind.
Ramsey had a feeling Fane's whole life had consisted of him chasing his own sanity, which was a sad way to live. If that were the case then Fane was also correct in saying he'd never get better. He'd be able to maintain if he worked at it.
Seeing Fane fight so hard, doing something familiar while his mental anguish took up residence inside his soul, hit home the fact that Fane knew his limitations better than Ramsey knew them.
Ramsey sighed.
The back door to the house opened and closed, and Garridan slid up next to him. He nearly sighed again but this time in relief. Garridan was Ramsey's sounding board in all things. His mating was no exception.
First things first, though. Ramsey had to talk clan business. "Fane told me about a Robert Scully. Some human who taught him the sciences. He's a professor somewhere, I guess. We need to look into him."
"More computer work."
"Yes."
"Shawn's over worked. It's pissing Gabriel off, which will get ugly soon if we don't get help."
"Any suggestions?"
"Used to know this dragon shifter. Ex-cop and ex-military. He ran around with two others and did some private investigating. I could see if he's still around. Last time I saw him was over forty years ago, so I'm not sure anymore, but he’s a shifter, so it’s possible."
"Yeah, do that."
Garridan nodded. "They're a rough bunch of guys and don't follow the rules. If Rocky and his crew are still around, it's likely they've been without a clan since the last time I saw them. Some of the clan won't approve of them, I'm sure. Not the conservative ones like Tim at any rate."
"The clan will already have a problem with Fane as the Alpha Mate."
"Yes.” Garridan nodded his head toward Fane. Ramsey watched as Fane began those high kicks again. “He's better at that than I am. I could take a lesson." The admiration in Garridan's gaze was clear.
Garridan rarely smiled. Sage teased him about his scowl all the time, but then, Sage could get away with just about anything where Garridan was concerned. Garridan had a smile on his face as he studied Fane, though. "Yep. He can probably teach us all something useful. Especially with the war coming at any time."
"He says he does this because he needs to. From what he's said he wasn't mentally healthy at birth.�
� Ramsey sighed. “The clan won't accept him because he’s a vampire."
"You don't know that for a fact."
"I've known the clan members most of my life. I can take a pretty good guess. And that’s not really what has me hesitating anyway.” No, it was just the lesser of the two problems. The other one had more to do with his primitive instincts than anything else and, while the feelings themselves were more basic, they complicated his life. The clan had never needed him more than it did at that moment. “It’s a bad time for him to come into my life.”
"You didn't mate with him yet?"
"No. I don't know if I should."
Ladon and Jules both sucked in a breath, and then Jules narrowed his eyes. He didn't say anything because Ramsey was his Alpha. Jules might be human, but he knew not to disrespect Ramsey by putting a voice to his sudden anger. Even the harsh look could be taken negatively, but Jules was his brother, so Ramsey let him get away with it.
Jules didn't need to say anything anyway. The look was suitable chastisement. “It has to do with me, not him. I’ll hurt someone if they even look at him wrong. I’ve never felt so protective of someone as I do him.”
Jules and Ladon both sucked in a breath. “Shit, man. You’re like the king of protective.” Ladon was the one who spoke.
“I know.” Ramsey looked from Ladon to Jules. “Imagine how I’ll be if I complete the bond. Leading the clan would be impossible for me. They need me in ways neither of you understands.”
Garridan patted him on the shoulder. "I'll take over your duties until you find your footing with your mate. Make him a priority Ramsey. If you do that then everything else will fall into place."
Ramsey remembered saying that to Gabriel not too long ago. He might just need to take his own advice. "I'll take you up on that."
"Introduce him to the clan in a small way, sometime before the clan meeting. Maybe take him to the diner. That way if it doesn't go well, the shop is right next door."
Jules raised his eyebrows. "I'll be at the shop too. I want to be there for both of you if you need me. The whole family does, Ramsey."
Ramsey smiled. "Got the message loud and clear, Jules."
"Well, he's a part of this family the same as I am. We don't abandon each other. You don’t have to deal with everything alone, Ramsey. I might have come into the family later than the rest of you guys, but I paid attention when Mom taught that lesson. Mom taught you that too, so don't pretend you don't know. If you’re half-feral or whatever and you need to focus on your mate, then do that. We got the rest of it. Frankly, I’m pissed that you’d give up a chance with Fane for the clan, Alpha or not. That makes you no better than Hacen and Tommy." With that Jules walked back into the house.
Ladon grinned at Ramsey. "Schooled by the human brother. Nice."
"Go inside with Jules before Ramsey ends up schooling you all over the damn yard." Garridan didn't leave room for argument, and Ladon knew it.
Unfortunately, being in the last stages of youthfulness, Ladon didn't seem to have a filter. "Hey, Jules is right and if the truth hurts then whatever." Ladon was smart enough to walk away as he said it.
Ramsey just wished he didn't agree with Ladon.
"The clan still needs to be a consideration," Ramsey whispered more to himself than to Garridan.
"Fane is your mate. You won't get another one. For that reason, he should be your only consideration." Garridan turned, following Ladon inside.
“Glad that you all are against me being Alpha.”
Garridan shook his head. “It’s not about you being Alpha.”
“It will be if I mate with him. I can’t have both.”
Garridan didn’t answer but walked inside. Ramsey was pretty sure that meant Garridan agreed with him.
Ramsey redirected his focus and walked the few steps it would take to get to Fane, although he wasn't close enough to impede Fane's movements.
"Breakfast, sweet."
Fane never said a word or stopped.
"Fane."
"No."
"You need energy, and you need a damn coat next time you come out here."
Fane blocked an imaginary punch and kept right on moving through his routine. "What I need is Sensei."
"He'd probably tell you to eat breakfast, right?"
"Energy is life, Fane. We eat to sustain so get your ass in the house and eat what I made." Fane's voice deepened as he mimicked his Sensei.
Ramsey chuckled. "Exactly."
Fane stopped what he was doing, bringing his feet and palms together. "Thank you for the clarity," he whispered to the wind as he bowed.
Whatever compulsion Ramsey had to take care of Fane, he didn't fight it. That's why he slid next to Sage, who stood at the stove flipping bacon around in a pan.
Sage turned to meet his gaze. "Breakfast will be ready in twenty minutes."
Ramsey smiled. "I'll make Fane's."
Sage just raised his eyebrows. Luckily he didn't comment but only nodded.
Ramsey turned to Fane who stood against the wall next to the back door as if he were going to bolt at a single provocation. He refused to look at Ramsey which told him more than anything could that Fane had heard the conversation Ramsey had about him and the clan. Ramsey should have been conscientious of his mate when he spoke, but he hadn't thought past his own problems.
Fane didn't look angry at Ramsey potentially not mating with him, and he didn't speak about it.
"Fane." Ramsey whispered his name so low he barely made a sound, testing just to see how well Fane could hear.
Fane looked up, his gaze going to Ramsey’s forehead instead of his eyes. "Hmm."
"Come here, sweet."
Fane lifted away from the wall and walked across the room to Ramsey. He stood about a foot away, not coming any closer, his hands down to his sides.
Fane radiated a calmness he hadn't had up to that point.
"I'm sorry. I have to think of the clan."
Fane's eyes snapped to his. "I have value. More value than you appreciate. You're making a mistake to think otherwise."
"I know you have value, Fane. It's more complicated than that."
Fane sighed and shook his head. "You hurt me with your words. Arguing makes the feeling worse."
Ramsey reached out and took Fane into his arms. "I'm sorry."
"You don't have to lie."
"It's not a lie. I am sorry for hurting you."
"But not the cause, which makes it a lie." Fane's forehead rested against Ramsey's chest. "You need Sensei. I just miss him, but the need isn’t there for me. By the gods, that pain is so sharp it feels like a knife in my stomach."
Ramsey held him closer. "I'd take it away if I could."
"You say that but would turn your back on our mating."
"I don't want to Fane."
"I know. That's the first truthful thing you've said so far. You lie to yourself more than anyone I've ever met."
Sage snorted out a laugh, so Ramsey glared at him.
"I'll try to do better."
"Don't strain yourself."
Ramsey couldn't help but laugh at that. Fane said the first thing that came to his mind, and even though the truth hurts sometimes, it was hard to be angry at such innocence.
"I'm serious."
"I know, sweet." Ramsey let him go, ending the hug but he still kept Fane tucked up against his side. "Will you stay next to me while I make you breakfast?"
"You need me close."
Ramsey knew it wasn't a question, so he didn't answer him. Instead, he leaned down and took the kiss he'd been thinking about all day.
"What do you want to eat?"
"I have yogurt, granola, and fruit. That's what Sensei made on Monday mornings."
Ramsey went to the refrigerator to see if they had any of that. He still had his arm around Fane as he searched. "What do you need to have for lunch?"
"Turkey on whole wheat with lettuce and tomato. Mustard, too." Fane sprouted that off as if he were reciting a menu.
"We don't have turkey here, Ramsey. We can make that at the restaurant, though," Sage spoke, cutting through their intimate moment.
Ramsey smiled at Fane. "We'll make sure you get that one way or another."
For the first time, Fane smiled back at him, and Ramsey felt accomplished for making it happen.
Chapter Eight
Fane couldn't empty his mind the way Sensei had taught him, not during any of his daily training. He kept the lights off in the bedroom he shared with Ramsey and sat on the floor with his legs folded, one on top of the other. Even concentrating on his slow, even breathing didn't shut down the energy zinging through his brain.
Unfortunately, all that energy centered on thoughts of Ramsey, who he could feel watching him from across the room. For someone who said he might not ever bond with Fane, he certainly spent every moment of his time with him.
Ramsey thought Fane needed him, but he didn't. What Fane needed was to focus on the quiet he could never quite grasp no matter how hard he tried.
He sighed and slumped when someone knocked on the door.
Before Fane could jump up, Ramsey was already to the door, opening it just enough to see the person on the other side. "Sorry to interrupt." Garridan's deep rumbling voice rolled through the crack in the door to Fane. "Bennett and I are training the mates, and I wondered if Fane would come help."
Fane jumped to his feet. "Yes."
Ramsey pushed the door open even more so Fane could see Garridan. Fane slipped under one of Ramsey’s arms to get out and when he did Ramsey wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him against his side.
Ramsey’s need for constant contact had something to do with his water monster, but Fane didn’t mind.
Garridan looked at him the same way Sensei did.
"Do all fire breathers have green eyes?" He wasn't sure what made him ask that but went with it when the words just slipped out.
Garridan smiled. "All dragon shifters do. How can you tell I breathe fire?"
"I can smell it. One other fire maker and the witches mate too. Lots of fire."
"It’s a rare trait and odd that three dragon shifters who aren't blood-related would all share it."