Not long after he’d left, I heard a quick knock. I opened my door and saw no one there, almost missing the package at my feet. When I opened it, my silly little heart swelled. I took the box to the kitchen and unpacked it. Smiling at the contents, which were perfect for my queasy stomach, I set the drinks in the refrigerator. I grabbed the bubble bath and settled into the most relaxing bath I’d had in a really long time, courtesy of Kale.
The doorbell rings again, tearing me out of my thoughts. I go to answer it, surprised that it took him two whole days before showing up again. I feel bad for having ignored his phones calls all weekend, but I just couldn’t figure out what to say.
“Hold your freaking horses. In seven months, I’ll be waddling and you’ll have to wait even longer for me to get to the door,” I huff, swinging it open wide, but instead of Kale, Charlie’s on the other side, frowning as she looks me up and down.
“Sorry, no sweet and sexy, dimpled playboy here. Just me, your annoying best friend, wondering why in the hell your baby daddy was the one to tell me you do, indeed, have a baby daddy,” Charlie says, narrowing her eyes at me.
I told her on Friday night that I thought I was expecting, but after Kale came over and we confirmed it, I didn’t know what to do or what to think. Plus, I figured Charlie and Knox were in post-coital bliss from Knox’s public declaration of love, and the last thing they needed was morning-sickness-ridden, hormonal, bum-looking me hanging out on their doorstep, lamenting the errors of my faulty-birth-control ways, all the while painting a nursery in my head.
I’m feeling extremely bipolar when it comes to this pregnancy. I wasn’t lying when I told Charlie I was secretly excited about the possibility of being pregnant. My own childhood wasn’t the greatest, to say the least, and I looked forward to being the best mother I could be, regardless of the situation. But the moment I realized I had to include Kale in the equation, I panicked and burrowed into my couch, ignoring my phone and mindlessly watching Top Chef marathons for hours all while trying, and failing, to make lesson plans.
“Lucy!” Charlie snaps in my face, getting my attention. She waves her hands up and down my body. “What is this? When was the last time you showered?”
Looking down, I cringe at myself. I’m in my most comfortable sweats—synonymous for my oldest and rattiest sweats, complete with holes and all. The thin cotton tank top I’m wearing is practically see-through. My usual blonde curls are in a messy bun on the top of my head. I don’t even want to know what my face looks like right now. Probably puffy, with swollen eyes and swollen cheeks. Just a sign of what’s to come in the months ahead.
Grabbing a light track jacket off the coat rack next to the door, I cover up and wave her in.
“I haven’t been feeling well, and I’m sure you can figure out why. Sorry, Charlie, but I wasn’t exactly expecting company.”
She follows me into the living room and sits down on the couch next to me, raising her eyebrows as she takes in the sight of the room. Normally, I hate clutter, but I’ve done little more than watch reality TV. My hormones have been running rampant. I wasn’t lying when I told Charlie that I was excited at the prospect of being a mom. It wasn’t until I actually saw the digital PREGANT glaring back at me that reality started to sink in. Then, the moment Kale held me close and told me that we’re in this together, it suddenly felt all too real.
“So it’s positive?” she asks, getting right to the point.
“Yep,” is all I manage to say, and I cringe when her look turns to pity. “Don’t, Charlie. Don’t look at me like you’re about to tell me you’re sorry. Like this is a bad thing. I don’t want to hear that right now.”
She leans over and grabs my hand. “I wasn’t going to say that at all, Luce. I’m happy for you, even if this wasn’t exactly planned. I’ll be here for you through all of it, okay?
Giving her a small smile, I squeeze her hand before releasing it. “I know, I know. And I appreciate it. It’s just a little overwhelming right now, you know? I knew it. In the back of my mind, with all the changes in my body and mood, I knew I was, but a part of me didn’t actually believe it. I’m just trying to process it all.”
“How’d Kale take it? When you told him?”
I groan and fall back on the couch, not wanting to get into this, but I know Charlie won’t relent.
“That bad?” she asks, cringing at my reaction, and I shake my head.
“No, the complete opposite,” I admit, and as I retell the story, I start feeling like a complete ass.
Kale was so sweet, gentle, considerate even, and I practically threw him out of my house and have been avoiding him ever since. The thing is, I thought he’d turn around and run the moment he saw my tear-filled eyes. Instead, he wrapped his arms around me and let me know that everything was going to be fine. That confused me even more, so like a coward, I’ve been hiding out in my apartment ever since.
When I finish talking, I lean back against the couch, waiting for Charlie to reprimand me for my behavior. She’s always been the one with a calm head on her shoulders, while I’ve been more of the wild child, the loose cannon.
“All right, I know you want to yell at me, so let me have it,” I tell her, bracing myself.
“Lucy, I have no intention of yelling at you. But you have to admit, it’s pretty damn sweet the way he reacted. And the care package? What guy would think to do that?”
I shrug, not saying a word even though I know exactly what kind of guy would do that. What kind of guy did do that.
“I saw him earlier today. He misses you and he’s worried. You need to stop avoiding him.”
Looking up, I can see her watching me intently, waiting for my reaction. “You saw him? What’d he say? Was he fine? Did he mention me?” My cheeks flush when I realize I’m asking way too many questions, and I reel myself back in. I’ve hidden my feelings for Kale for too long to let them surface now, and of all people, I don’t need so-newly-in-love-the-sun-shines-out-of-her-ass Charlie to figure them out.
“Slow down, killer. I saw him at the gym, and he was distracted as hell when we were sparring. He may have mentioned that you’ve been avoiding him, and I put two and two together. Lucy, what are you thinking?”
“I have no idea. I’m thinking that I don’t know what to think. I know I can’t avoid him much longer, but I’m still just trying to wrap my head around it.” I simply shrug, because it’s the truth.
I know I’m going to keep the baby, and Kale’s going to want to be a father. I’ve seen the way he is with kids, especially with Lily, his goddaughter whom he adores. He’s a natural, and the thought of when we first met brings a smile to my face.
“What’s that grin about?” Charlie asks, eyeing me suspiciously.
“Nothing. Just thinking.”
She looks at me disbelievingly but doesn’t push it. “Have you told your mom?” she asks, knowing that Mom and I have a pretty close relationship.
Shaking my head, I look at Charlie. “What am I supposed to say? ‘Hey, Mom. Just calling to check in. Oh, by the way, I’m pregnant. No, I’m not dating the father. We were just engaged in some weird casual-fling type relationship, but for what it’s worth, he’s one of my best friends. That makes it okay, right? No? Yeah, I didn’t think so.’ Seriously, Charlie, you know about my family. She’s going to freak out.” I know that I’m right.
I’m that girl with the overdone sob story. I was an ‘oops’ baby and my daddy never wanted me. But being as stupid as he was, he married my mom, thinking that was the best thing to do. He was miserable, and he blamed her for having me and never let me forget it. So my having an ‘oops’ baby? Yeah, she’s going to flip her shit.
“Well, when you put it that way, I can see why you haven’t told her. I’m sure it’ll be fine. She loves you, and Kale’s nothing like your dad. She’ll love him.” She pauses, wrinkling her forehead. “Wait a minute. I thought Kale came to visit you when you were back home this summer?”
I can feel the blush creep o
ver my face as I remember the Fourth of July weekend we spent on the beach. We hadn’t seen each other in weeks, and looking back, I know I was missing the hell out of him. I think he felt the same, because we’d barely gotten in that hotel door before he pressed me up against the wall, slid his hands under my dress, and ripped my panties off.
Charlie snaps, and I look at her, knowing my blush has to be deepening. “How the hell do you know about that?” I ask, going on the defensive rather than giving her the down and dirty details.
“Jace mentioned it a while back at the gym, but Kale wouldn’t elaborate on it. I figured it was a secret between you two, so I never brought it up. But, Jesus, Luce. Think about it. That guy driving down to Florida to spend the weekend with you screams a little bit more than casual to me.”
I shrug it off, not really wanting to talk about the emotional side of my relationship with Kale. “It was no big deal. Really. He had some time off and I had the weekend away from the restaurant. It was just good timing,” I tell her, knowing I sound less than convincing.
“What about your mom? How’d you go an entire weekend not introducing them?” she asks, being pushy as ever.
“He got a hotel for the weekend so we didn’t have to deal with the questions, and well, there’s no way Mom would’ve let us stay in the same room, no matter how old I am. I never bothered to bring him to the restaurant, and he most certainly wasn’t in a position to meet the parents.”
“Makes sense. Still. It’s pretty telling that he went to visit you when you were gone. I don’t know. I just don’t get you two, and I never have. Care to finally, once and for all, explain?” she asks, and I sigh, knowing that I might as well tell her the whole story.
I’ve always been vague about our relationship with her because I knew she wouldn’t understand it. She was in a solid relationship with Drew when I met Kale. Telling her all the dirty details about my no-strings-attached fling wasn’t high on my list of things to do. Before Knox, Charlie was kind of a prude. Thank God for that guy. Although, if I have to hear one more banging-on-the-car story, I may have to slash his tires.
Getting up, I walk to the kitchen, where I pour her a glass of wine, lemonade for myself. I hand her the glass and stare longingly at it for a moment. This is going to be a long damn nine months.
“Okay, Charlie. You want all the details. You’re going to get them, but let me warn you. It’s a really long freaking story.”
Her eyes light up as she settles in on the couch, getting comfortable so she can enjoy the story. I can’t believe I’m about to do this, but what the hell? Here. We. Go.
May 2012
I’M TRYING to grade homework—if you can call it that for second graders—but I can’t stop thinking about my latest relationship disaster. Eric and I were seeing each for a few months, and things were going pretty well. Well, I’d thought they were. When we met, we’d agreed to keep it casual. Neither of us had been looking for a serious relationship, and we’d decided that dating and having fun was the best option. It was exclusive but not serious. I was totally on board with that when he suggested it, but apparently, over time, he changed his mind. Last weekend, he sat me down and told me that he wanted more.
Thinking back on it, I remember the nervous look on his face when he grabbed my hand from across the table. We were just supposed to be going out for drinks, but instead, he surprised me by driving to Nashville. I was even more shocked when he pulled up to a posh restaurant. I was speechless as we got out of the car and he tossed his keys to the valet. Immediately, I knew something was up and dread started to settle in.
We were almost finished with our meals when he took hold of my hand. Clearing his throat, he looked deep into my eyes, and panic began to set in.
“Lucy, these past few months have been great, and I love spending time with you. You make me laugh more than anyone has in a really long time. When you’re not around, I’m wishing you were. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’d like to move our relationship forward. End this whole casual aspect to it. I can see myself with you for a long time, and if it all works out, maybe even forever.”
A snort escaped me at the word forever, and I had to slap a hand over my mouth as mortification set over me. I liked Eric. I really did. He’s a great guy, but he’s not husband material—at least, not for me. For the time being, he was just someone to pass the time with, but apparently that was about to end.
His eyes widened, and he quickly pulled his hand away from me as he took a long swig of his beer. I did the same with my wine. He cleared his throat, and I felt like an asshole, not knowing how to respond.
“Um, well, I wasn’t exactly expecting that reaction,” he said, looking dejected.
I studied his features for a moment. He was extremely attractive, with messy blond hair and ocean-blue eyes. I never had a problem having a physical reaction to him, but when I looked at him, my heart didn’t leap like I’d expect it to from a guy I want to spend the rest of my life with.
“Eric, it’s not… I’m not… I don’t know. I like you, I do, but I’m not looking for anything serious or long term right now. I thought we were on the same page, and I’m sorry if I led you on or made you believe that I’d changed my stance on that, because I haven’t.”
He finished his beer and signaled for the check, and I realized that the date was going to end sooner than anticipated. The thought of an awkward car ride back to Clarksville was not a pleasant one.
“I know, Lucy. And you’re right. It’s just… As I’ve gotten to know you, I’ve realized that you’re exactly the type of girl I want to be with. I guess I was just hoping you felt the same.”
At the time, I was wishing I’d felt the same, but I couldn’t force myself to feel something that wasn’t there. To be honest, when I was younger, I’d thought I’d be married by age twenty-six with at least one kid, but once I’d graduated from college and started my teaching career, I’d found my independence and loved it. I’d pushed back any thoughts of settling down any time soon. After dating the same guy all throughout college, only to break up upon graduation, I’d been ready to just enjoy myself—and well, men. I guessed I’d finally gave credence to that awful—and undeserved—high school nickname, Loosie Lou. I’d figured that one day I’d meet someone who would make me want something more, and until I find him, I don’t have a problem with having a good time.
I sighed and finished my drink before looking at Eric. “I’m sorry, Eric. I really am,” I told him, and he held up his hand, signaling for me not to continue.
“It’s fine, Lucy. I guess that’ll teach me to propose casual dating with no expectations. Just forget I said anything.”
An uncomfortable silence settled over us as he paid for the meal. I tried to make small talk, but Eric didn’t really engage in conversation. After a dozen or so one-word answers, I gave up and just stared out the window on the ride home, berating myself for even thinking that the term ‘dating’ would work with ‘casual’ attached to it. When he dropped me off, he didn’t get out of the car.
“Not coming in? Come on, Eric. Things don’t have to change between us,” I told him even though I knew it was selfish to string him along when he’d just confessed that he had feelings for me. Even though I didn’t want anything more, I’d gotten used to having him around and I wasn’t ready for that to change.
He inhaled deeply then slowly released his breath. “Look, Lucy. I know we said casual, but I don’t think I can do this. If I stay with you, continue this, I’m going to fall for you. As much as I don’t want to, I may as well cut my losses now.” He leaned in, giving me a kiss on the cheek, and the finality of this washed over me.
I didn’t want to lose my relationship with Eric, but I also didn’t feel sad at the prospect, which was just one more reason for me to let him go.
“I understand, and I respect that. Sure you don’t want to come in? One last goodbye?” I asked, not wanting to ends things on a bad note.
He rubbed his hand on
the back of his neck as he mulled it over. Finally, he looked over at me and gave me a sexy grin and a shrug of his shoulders. “Why the hell not?”
ERIC AND I had that one last night together and parted ways amicably the next morning. Ever since, it’s been just me and Channing, my favorite battery-operated boyfriend.
Setting my lesson plans and the kids’ homework aside, I lean back and kick my feet up on the desk, taking advantage of my second graders being at recess. Closing my eyes, I force myself to stop thinking about Eric and my dating dilemmas. I make a vow then and there to take a break from men for the time being. Or at least from anything with any form of the word dating behind it.
I’m feeling extremely relaxed and confident in my decision when all of a sudden I hear a throat clear, and a deep, masculine voice begins to speak.
“Umm, excuse me, ma’am,” he says, and I’m quick to pull my feet off the desk. Too quick, apparently, because I’m now on the floor.
Before I can feel total embarrassment washing over me, a hand reaches down, presumably to help me up. A pair of combat boots is in my line of sight, and my eyes climb up his body, over his neatly pressed uniform, until they come to rest on his face. And oh my God, what a face it is. He’s clean-shaven, and while he’s clearly rocking a solid, muscular body under his uniform, but he’s also got kind of a pretty-boy look to him. His brown eyes are dancing with amusement, and they’re soulful as they watch me. I’ve always thought the whole puppy-dog-eyes thing was a farce, but now that I’m staring into his, I’m a believer. They’re two of the most beautiful I’ve ever seen, and I could get lost in them for days.
“Ma’am? Can I help you up?” he asks, interrupting me as I check him out, and there it is. The embarrassment I was getting ready for.
Placing my hand in his, I allow him to lift me up. He pulls a little harder than I’m guessing he meant to, and my free hand and chest are pressed against his own. I can feel the hard muscle underneath, and suddenly, the whole taking-a-break-from-men vow flies out the window. Even though I know I should pull away, I glance up at him, and insta-lust consumes me. He’s grinning widely. Then he shoots me a wink which causes me blush for some reason.
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