When I reach Wellington, I see that he’s unconscious, and a bone is sticking out of his skin on his left arm. Bile rises in my throat at the sight, but I swallow it down, knowing I need to get him help. I can see Taylor tending to McAllister, and I pray to motherfucking God that these two make it.
“I NEED A FUCKING MEDIC! NOW! GOD DAMMIT!” I scream, not caring if the fuckers hiding on the side of the hill hear me.
Leaning down, I check Wellington’s pulse and his airway, thankful for the damn ABCs they pushed down our throats in training. Airway. Breathing. Circulation. Thank fuck he has a pulse, but his breathing is ragged and shallow. I pull myself up onto my knees so I can survey the rest of his injuries.
Before I know what’s happening, I hear sniper fire ring out, and suddenly my shoulder is on fire as a bullet rips through me. The force of it throws me down next to Wellington, and as I try to get back up, I hear more shots. Holy fuck. Forcing myself to turn over onto my stomach, I’m about to latch my arms around him so I can pull him into cover behind the MRAP when I hear the glorious sounds of whirling helicopter blades approaching.
Minutes later, I’m standing, watching as McAllister and Wellington are both loaded onto stretchers and taken away by medevac. The field medic starts to dress my shoulder when I collapse to my knees. Dizziness rolls through me as the pain from the gunshot reverberates through my body.
“Montgomery, you’ve lost too much blood, God dammit. Get the fucking medevac back here ASA-FUCKING-P,” he yells into the radio.
Black dots start to blur my vision, and the voices around me become fuzzy. Blinking profusely, I shake my head, trying to stay awake, but it’s no fucking use. As I slump down in the sand, the last thing I hear is the whir of the helicopter again, and as I close my eyes, I thank God for the damn choppers.
“JESUS, LUCY, can you put the damn phone down for one fucking meal?” Aidan hisses across the table.
I grimace as I see the ‘0 New Messages’ in my Gmail account when it refreshes. Closing my eyes, I let out a deep breath, trying not to freak out. It’s been over two weeks since I’ve heard from Kale, the longest he’s ever been out of touch. I’ve been obsessively checking my email and social media outlets for the past ten days. The first couple of days with silence weren’t unusual. Sometimes he gets stuck out in the field and can’t get back in touch, but this is different. I can feel it. Something’s wrong, and I’ve been barely holding it together. If it weren’t for Charlie, I’d probably have lost my mind already.
I should feel guilty for being on my phone all throughout dinner, but I’m too worried to feel anything else. Since Charlie’s been staying with me, I’ve barely been able to see Aidan, and this was supposed to be our date night. I’ve messed it all up by being distant, and I can tell he’s in a sour mood. With one last look, I lock my phone and throw it in my purse, ready to give Aidan my undivided attention, but apparently I’m too late. His mood doesn’t change and we sit in an awkward silence as we both finish our meals.
“So Drew said Charlie still won’t answer his calls. Lucy, he made a mistake. Can’t you talk some sense into her?”
My blood boils at his question, and I can’t believe he’d defend Drew. In fact, I can’t believe he’d expect me to go to bat for the cheating asshole.
Throwing my napkin down on my plate, I glare at him. “He cheated on her, Aidan. Not only that, but he kept freaking going when she walked in! What kind of asshole does that? Your cousin, that’s who. So no, I’m not going to talk any sense into her. She’s doing the same thing I’d do in her situation, and that’s kick his ass to the curb.”
He pulls his card out of his wallet to pay the check then looks back at me. “You don’t believe in second chances? Everyone makes mistakes, Lucy. Not everything is cut and dry.”
I narrow my eyes at him, unable to believe that he’s actually sticking up for Drew. I know they’re family and all, but come on. Call a cheating prick a cheating prick. “Some things deserve second chances and some things are unforgiveable. Fucking another person when you’re engaged to be married is unforgiveable! How can you even sit here and act like it’s okay?”
He holds his hands up in surrender. “I’m not saying it’s okay. I’m just saying that sometimes there are extenuating circumstances. She won’t even let Drew apologize. I guess I just don’t get how you can go from being in love with someone to being adamantly done with them.”
I shake my head at his ridiculousness. What is so hard to understand? “Yeah, well I guess I don’t understand how you can claim to love someone and want to spend the rest of your life with them and then turn around and fuck the cleaning lady!” I’m practically screeching, and I don’t miss the way the woman at the table next to us gasps. I cringe, knowing she probably thinks I’m talking about Aidan.
He quickly fills out the tab, and we make our way out of the restaurant. The car is silent on the ride back to my place, and the tension between us grows thicker with every passing mile. I can’t believe he thinks so little of Drew’s cheating, and it makes me wonder if he’d do the same thing. Not wanting to think about it, I shake the thoughts out of my head. I’m a month away from leaving for the summer, and I realize in that moment that I could care less if Aidan ends up with someone else while I’m gone.
My phone buzzes, and I frantically dig through my purse as my heart races, hoping it’s Kale. My heart sinks when I see that it’s just Charlie letting me know she’s staying at her dad’s for the night. Since I have my phone out, I check my email again, but there’s nothing there. I hear Aidan let out a loud sigh, and I lean my head against the window, not saying another word.
When we get to my place, he follows me inside and watches as I go through my mail, stupidly hoping for something, anything from Kale. At this point, I’d take any type of contact because I’m starting to lose my mind. He’s supposed to be home in a few weeks, and the thought of something happening to him so close to leaving Afghanistan is a thought I can barely stomach. When I see that I have nothing from him, my heart falls, and I’m almost ready to lose it.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Aidan asks, and I can only assume he sees the stress of my face.
“What’s wrong with me?! My best friend is freaking in Afghanistan and I haven’t heard from him in two freaking weeks. Two, three days is normal, but not two weeks. I’ve been trying not to think the worst, but I’m kind of starting to freak out!” I’m seething, and I know I probably sound like a lunatic.
“Him? Again? Seriously, Lucy? Is that why you haven’t let your phone leave your hand every single time we’re together?” he asks, narrowing his eyes at me.
I know how it sounds, but he just doesn’t understand. Not hearing from Kale is killing me. The worst scenarios have been playing through my mind over and over, getting worse as each day passes.
“He’s my best friend besides Charlie, Aidan. He’s at freaking war. Of course I’m worried about him!”
Before he can respond, my phone buzzes again. I run to the counter to grab it, but Aidan catches it first. His eyes narrow as he looks at the screen before he hands the phone to me. It’s another text from Charlie, and I don’t understand what his problem is until I realize that he saw the background photo—one of Kale and me taken right before he left. It’s actually the last picture we took together, and I remember the way we laughed as we did one last selfie shot before he deployed. I can’t help the lone tear that falls, and Aidan doesn’t miss the reaction the photo caused.
He crosses to me and uses a thumb to wipe it away. Cupping my face, he forces me to look at him.
“Lucy, is there something going on between you and him? Is he the reason you’ve held back from me for so long? Or are you really just friends like you claim to be?”
I’ve been waiting for this question for so long, but even the anticipation hasn’t helped me come up with a proper answer. My head falls, and I know that this is about to be the end of Aidan and me. Before he lets me answer, he takes my hand and l
eads me to the couch.
I can’t bring myself to look at him, and I chastise myself, having known that this was going to happen eventually.
He lifts my chin again, making me look at him. “Lucy…” he whispers, and I close my eyes, not wanting this to happen but knowing it has to. “This isn’t going anywhere, is it?”
I want to tell him that he’s wrong, but deep down, I know he’s not. A part of me saddens from knowing that I’m about to say goodbye to Aidan, but Kale’s still in the back of my mind, and I’m still trying not to mentally freak out about not knowing where he is.
Looking up at him, I meet his eyes, knowing that I owe him that much. “I…don’t think so, Aidan.” I tightly close my eyes, trying to figure out what to say. When I open them back up, I see his sad eyes staring into mine. “I care about you. I really do. And I love spending time with you. But at the end of the day, I find myself thinking about someone else. And that’s unfair to you. I know I’m a total asshole for leading you on, but I promise you, Aidan, my feelings for you are real, and when we started dating, I thought I was ready for this. I guess I was just fooling myself. Right now, all I can focus on is the fact that he’s missing, and every moment I’m with you, I’m thinking of him, worrying about where he is and why I haven’t heard from him.”
I wish I could shut myself up. I can’t believe I just said that to him. And with the way he’s looking at me, I don’t think he can either.
He stands up from the couch, separating himself from me. I watch as he paces a few times, rubbing his hand over his hair. Finally, he stops to look back at me. His chest heaves as he takes a deep breath.
“You know, Lucy, I appreciate your honesty, but it would’ve been nice to have known this months ago instead of letting you waste my time. You think Drew’s such a bad guy? Look in the mirror. Sure, you may not have fucked anyone else behind my back, but you sure did fuck with my heart. Is there really a lesser of two evils?”
The impact of his words hits me like a ton of bricks, and I know he’s right. As much as I’ve admonished Drew, am I really any better than him? Looking up, I see him watching me, and I hesitate, which is all he needs to continue.
“That’s what I thought. Lucy, I want to be with you, but I can’t accept only part of you. It’s clear that I’ll never have all of you, and that just won’t work.” He scoffs, and I cringe, knowing that this is it. “I’d say it was fun while it lasted, but truth be told? I’m happy to get off this rollercoaster ride. I truly, sincerely hope he’s okay. And if he is? Get off your fucking ass and tell him how you feel so you don’t put another guy through the ringer and make him goddamn miserable the way you’ve done me.”
“Aidan—” I start, but he holds his hand up, causing me to shut up.
“Lucy, there’s really nothing left to say. I should’ve seen this coming all along. Take care of yourself,” he says, and without another thought, he quietly exits my apartment.
Sinking back into my couch, I reflect on what just happened. Strangely, relief washes over me, and I know that Aidan was right. I was so unfair to him, and this was going to end eventually. I just wish I’d done it much sooner, especially when Kale mentioned that he cared about me.
My thoughts drift to him, and panic flows through my veins. Something’s wrong, and with each day that passes, I grow more terrified when I don’t hear from him. The thought of losing Kale is nearly unbearable, and as if it’s a sign, all thoughts of Aidan evaporate, leaving me to wonder why I ever thought I was ready for this, to let anyone in my heart when I don’t even know what it wants.
I TAP my fingers on my leg, anxiously waiting for this briefing to end. It’s been a little over two weeks since the explosion. Since I was so close to being done with my deployment, the doctors decided that, after initial surgery to remove the bullet from my shoulder, I could be sent back to the States with McAllister and Wellington. Both sustained much more serious injuries than I did, and last I heard, Wellington was still in a medically induced coma.
It’s been a fucking whirlwind two weeks, and other than my mom, I’ve haven’t had a chance to talk to anyone, not even Lucy. I probably could’ve stolen a moment somewhere along the way to get ahold of her, but knowing she’s with someone, I didn’t want to cause her any unnecessary stress, especially since I’m going to heal up just fine. I would’ve liked to have sent her a quick message, but after days spent in the hospital and then traveling, I was never able to find a computer to log onto. She knows I can go outside the wire and be unable to communicate, but the longest we’ve ever gone is a week. I’m hoping, begrudgingly, that she’s been too busy to worry herself with my disappearing act. However, I hope he hasn’t been too consuming of her time. Now that I’m back at Fort Campbell, I’m anxious to get out of this damn briefing so I can go see her with my own two eyes.
They say that your life flashes before your eyes, and even though I knew I wasn’t dying, I swear there was a split second of an almost out-of-body—or perhaps mind—experience when the explosion occurred. In all reality, it was probably just the bomb blast, but part of me saw that damn mind flash, but it was different than what most people describe. There was no quickly running highlight reel of all the good times in my life. Instead, I was greeted by the faces of those I care about the most. Mom, Kalli, my other sister Kaylie. Lily. And at the end, Lucy.
I’ve had two weeks to process it. In the end, I’m not surprised she was on my mind, that she was a part of that list. The longer I was in Afghanistan, the longer I was away from her, the more I began to realize how much I care about her and how important she’s become in my life. And that right there is precisely why I’ve decided not to mess with her relationship. As much as I want to sweep her off her feet, I also don’t want to push her away, and trying to get between her and her man might do just that. After having been gone for so long and her essentially moving on—if you can even call it that since we were never dating—I can’t expect her to fall into my arms the moment she sees me. Even if I wish that’s exactly what she’ll do.
Don’t get me wrong. I have every intention of making her mine, but until I know she’s ready—hell, until I’m sure that I’m even ready—I’ll bide my time and continue to be her best friend. Will it suck watching her with someone else? Fuck yes. Will it be unbearable being so close to her and not being able to touch her skin, feel her breasts, enjoy the warmth of her pussy as I slide into her like I’ve done so many times? Un-fucking-bearable, and I see a lot of cold showers in my future. That being said, I know that in the end it’ll be more than worth it. Waiting for her will be worth it. At least that’s what I’ll continue to tell myself.
“BYE, MS. Dawson!” chimed several sweet, high-pitched voices as I watched my students start to board their various school buses. Waving, I turn around and head back to my classroom, ready to get a few lesson plans worked out before I head home for the weekend.
Charlie’s still staying with me, and she keeps asking if I’m okay about splitting with Aidan. To be honest, I’m not entirely sure how I feel about it all. She’s been focusing on my breakup in an effort to forget about her own, and right now, I’m not ready to go home to more questions.
After settling in at my desk, I do the same thing I’ve done excessively, at least ten times a school day—I check my email. My heart falls when I see the empty inbox. I shake my head, knowing I should be used to this. I go through my whole routine of telling myself that Kale’s fine. He’s just out on a mission and he hasn’t been able to get in touch. No big deal. Everything’s fine. My thoughts are interrupted when my phone chimes, and I groan when I see a text from Aidan asking if he can come get some things he left at my place. After typing out a quick response agreeing to it, I set my phone down.
Everything from the last couple of weeks suddenly begins to run through my mind. It becomes overwhelming, and I feel hot tears form in my eyes. Not hearing from Kale is weighing heavily on my mind and my heart. On top of that, the thought of another failed relationship a
lso bothers me. I want to go back in time, back to when I didn’t want relationships, and vow to never do it again until I know I’m ready. And who knows when that’ll be? At the same time, I don’t regret my time with Aidan, so I feel like an ass for even wishing to erase those memories.
I wipe away the tears that have fallen, steeling my heart and my mind, but the nagging feeling about Kale continues to beat like a steady drum. I wish I had someone to talk to about this, but Kale and I kept our friends-with-benefits thing under wraps and Charlie doesn’t even know I’ve kept in touch with him all this time. She thinks Aidan and I broke up because the relationship had run its course, and the last thing I want to do is burden her with this while she’s still trying to get over Drew. Strangely, Aidan’s the only one who knows about my close friendship with Kale, and I don’t think he’s going to let me cry on his shoulder.
Knowing I’m not going to get any work done, I decide to take a few moments to myself before packing up and heading home. I lean back in my chair and prop my feet up, closing my eyes as I try to compose myself. Just as I’m finally feeling collected, I hear the sound of my classroom door open and then subsequently close again. Before I can open my eyes, I hear a voice, his voice, and my heart starts beating wildly as I pray that I’m not daydreaming.
“Excuse me, ma’am,” I hear for the second time in this classroom.
Just like the first time, I move too quickly at the sound of his voice and begin to fall, but this time I catch myself before my ass hits the ground. When I look up, the world around me stops and I can see nothing but him. Tears wells in my eyes as I stare into his. In an instant, I cross the distance and throw myself into his body, barely registering the oomph he breathes out when I run into his chest. He wraps an arm around me, holding me tight, and I silently cry against his chest, still barely believing that he’s here, in the classroom, with me. Elation, relief, and pure joy flow through as I feel his touch, tangible proof that he’s no longer halfway across the world, but here with me.
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