“Kale, can you tell me what happened?” I ask quietly, and he lifts his head up to look at me.
“I threw the ball too far and she ran after it. Right out into the road without even looking. God, Lucy, she flew so high in the air, and I couldn’t move as I watched it all happen right in front of me.” He closes his eyes, shaking his head as if he’s trying to rid himself of the memory.
“I’m sure it was just an accident. How is she? Have you seen her?”
He shakes his head, his shoulders slumping. “Xavier’s back there with her. The doctor says she’s going to be okay, but until I see her, I just don’t know if I can believe it. I can’t get the image of her lying there on the ground, unconscious, and bleeding out of my mind. Hell, her fucking blood’s on my shirt!”
I pull back to look at him and see the red flecks staining his shirt. It makes my insides roil, and I wrap my arms around him.
“If they say she’s going to be fine, then trust in that, okay? We’ll see her soon enough.”
As if on cue, I see Xavier approach, and I’m quick to get out of Kale’s lap. Kale stands and looks at him as he waits for the news.
Xavier gives us a small smile. “She’s all right, man. Says her head hurts and it hurts to laugh, but other than that, she’s gonna be fine.”
Kale lets out a slow, deep breath as he lets Xavier’s words sink in. “Can I see her?” he asks, and Xavier nods, motioning for us to follow him. I take Kale’s hand in my mine, squeezing gently for reassurance.
We follow him down a long hallway and into a small room. I try not to let out a gasp when I catch the sight of Lily. She’s propped up in a hospital bed with her head wrapped in several inches of white bandage. Her left wrist is in a brace, and I watch as she grimaces when she tries to readjust. Xavier’s by her side in a flash.
“Your ribs are going to hurt when you twist, sweetheart,” he tells her, and she frowns. “Look. You have a couple of visitors.”
She turns her head slowly, and she smiles when she sees us. Kale’s frozen in the door, staring at her. I give him a slight push and he moves deeper into the room.
“Hey, Lil,” he croaks out. “How ya feeling?”
Xavier pulls up a chair for Kale, and he sits next to her and grabs her hand. Leaning back against the wall, I watch them but hang back, knowing that Kale needs to be reassured that Lily is truly okay.
“My head hurts. So do my sides when I laugh or cough.” She wrinkles her nose and gives Kale a serious look. “But do you wanna know the worst part?”
He swallows hard, but he nods, allowing her to continue.
“The doctor said I had to get stitches for a big cut on my head, and to get to it they had to shave my hair! I’m going to have a bald spot!”
Xavier chuckles and shakes his head. “Lily, baby, the doctor said the rest of your hair will cover that spot. No one will even be able to tell.”
She glares at him then turns back to Kale. “Still. Can you believe it?”
“At least it was just a small part. I remember when your dad and I were in boot camp. I had scruffy hair all the way down to my chin. In the first week, they took a razor to my head and shaved it down to the skin. I was bald all over.”
Her widen as they take in Kale’s hair, which is still pretty short but definitely not shaved down to the skin. “No way! I can’t imagine you without hair. You’d look pretty silly.”
He grins at her, and I see him visibly relax as they start a back and forth banter. Xavier catches my eye and gestures to the hallway, and I nod. He leans over the bed and gives Lily a kiss on the cheek.
“I’m going to head down to the cafeteria to get some coffee. Want anything?”
Lily shakes her head and dismisses him as she goes back to chatting with Kale.
I follow Xavier out into the hall, and we walk in silence as we make our way to the cafeteria. I sit at a nearby table as he gets in line. When he sets a hot tea in front of me, I give him an appreciative smile. Scooting back the chair, he sits across from me.
“When I got the call from Kale about Lily, I felt my whole world crash around me. Just knowing she’d been hit and was lying in the hospital unconscious was enough to set me over the edge, and I probably broke at least ten traffic laws as I was racing to get here. It wasn’t until the doctor told me she was going to be okay that I was able to relax. And then once I saw her with my own eyes, smiling and laughing like nothing had happened, all my fear went away.”
Leaning across the table, I place my hand on his arm. “I can’t imagine what that was like, Xavier. I’m just so glad she’s okay.”
He nods, taking a sip of his hot coffee, and leans back in his chair. “Me too. Here’s the thing. I’ve known Kale for over ten years, ever since we bonded in boot camp. I don’t know what all he’s told you about everything that happened back then…” He pauses, and I shake my head.
“He’s never really talked about it. All I know is he’s Lily’s godfather, and he loves her like she’s his own. Honestly, it’s part of what drew me to him in the first place,” I admit.
He smiles and shakes his head. “Kale keeps a lot of things to himself,” he says, surprising me. The Kale I know seems like an open book, but then again, I know I have things in my past he doesn’t know about. I keep my mouth shut as he continues. “When Lily was just a couple of months old, Angela, her mom, decided Army life and motherhood weren’t for her. Long story short, here I was, a twenty-one-year-old kid with a newborn baby girl and an Army obligation. Kale didn’t hesitate to move in with me to help take care of her. He didn’t bat at an eye at the thought of changing diapers, midnight feedings, or making bottles. He jumped right on in like he was a part of the family. And that’s what he became.”
“I had no idea,” I whisper, and I honestly didn’t. I knew her mom wasn’t in the picture, but I didn’t have a clue that Kale had played such a huge part in her upbringing.
“Like I said, Kale keeps certain things close to his chest. It’s not my place to talk about it, but Kale was going through his own shit at the time, and as much as Lily and I needed him, he needed us, too. So whenever Kale claims that he loves Lily like she’s his own, he means it with his whole heart, and he’s earned that right. I’m telling you all this because I know him, and I know what he’s going to do. I saw it on his face the minute he walked into that hospital room and saw her all bandaged up. He’s going to blame himself, and no matter how many times I tell him I don’t blame him, he won’t listen. No matter how many times you try to reassure him, he still won’t listen. Hell, Lily could tell him herself that it was her fault, not his, but it won’t register for him.”
I nod, knowing he’s probably right.
He places his elbows on the table and gazes at me. “So just do me a favor. Be patient with him. He might be a moody, broody mess for a while, but that’s just how he’ll get over it as he works it out himself. My guess is he’s going to get a little overbearing, probably a lot overprotective over the next couple of months, and you’re probably going to have to just bear with him. I know how much he loves Lily, and she’s not even his own flesh and blood. That little guy?” he says, pausing as he gestures to my stomach. “Kale’s been waitin’ on him for a long damn time, and he’s going to love that kid with every fiber of his being. Hell, he probably already does, and this little scare with Lily is going to have his mind running a thousand miles a minute, picturing every possible scenario where something could go wrong.”
There are so many things in Xavier’s little speech that have questions running through my mind, but I know if I start asking them that he won’t give me the answers I’m looking for. It dawns on me that, even though I feel like I know Kale better than anyone, there’s a lot about his past that I apparently don’t know, just as he doesn’t know about my real dad or Steve adopting me.
When he tried to ask about it at Thanksgiving, I brushed him off and was able to change the subject. I don’t really think it’s a huge deal, but part of me didn’t w
ant to admit to him that I hadn’t been wanted as a kid. And at the time, it was the reason for my hesitation at becoming serious with him, and I also didn’t want him to think I was comparing him to my dad just like Mom had done. The night of the ultrasound replays in my mind, and I eye Xavier, remembering that he was out with Kale that night.
“That night you guys went out, the night we had our first ultrasound… When I got home, Kale was a drunken mess, and he was practically passed out. He kept telling me never to leave him, and I have no idea where it came from. I’ve seen Kale intoxicated before, but never like that. He seemed…almost scared, like he really, truly believed I was going to leave him. What happened that night?”
Xavier lets out a deep breath and sits back in his chair as he fingers the cardboard sleeve on his coffee cup. “He was on edge that night, Lucy, and shaken from the reality of it all. It actually started to sink in that he’s going to be a dad, and as happy as he is, I’m pretty sure he was scared as hell. But he has his reasons for that, and it’s something you need to ask him about. As much as I want to, I can’t answer those questions for you. Just know, it has nothing to do with you. He loves you. Trust me. I’ve never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you—like you’re a cherished treasure he still can’t believe he found.”
Bringing my cup to my lips, I try to mask a smile. “I feel the same way, you know? When Kale and I originally met, thanks to Lily, I never would’ve imagined we’d be here, but now that we are, I can’t imagine anything different. Don’t worry about him, Xavier. I’ll try not to let him get lost in his guilt. And if he’s overbearing, I’ll deal with it. If that’s part of how he needs to cope, I’ll let him—within reason, of course. He once tried to force me to take a bath instead of a shower because he was afraid I’d fall, but what he didn’t realize is I could barely get out of the tub once I was done.”
Xavier laughs, then slides his chair back and stands up, signaling the end of the conversation. “You’re good for him, you know that?”
Smiling up at him, I answer as honestly as I can. “He’s the best for me.”
He just nods, and as we walk back to the room, I replay the conversation in my mind. I’m sure Xavier’s just trying to look out for his friend, and I start to wonder just what all they’ve been through together. What happened to Kale that made him seek out a family in Xavier and Lily? My curiosity is running rampant, and as I try and put the puzzle pieces together, my mind draws a blank. All I know is that something happened a long time ago with Kale, and he’s never shared.
As much as I want to know all the answers, when I walk into the hospital room and see him holding Lily’s hand, his thumb rubbing over her knuckles, I know I’m going to have to wait. Even though Lily’s okay, I can feel the guilt radiating off of him, and it’s going to be hard as hell to help him push past it. For now, that’s where my focus has to be, and I silently whisper a prayer of hope that, whenever I do finally learn all the answers to my questions, it’s not too much for me to bear.
AFTER WHAT felt like the longest night in the hospital, Xavier finally kicked us out, telling me to let Lucy get some rest. Now that I’m in bed with my arms wrapped around her, I know he was right. I’ve pulled her in tight, wanting—needing—her closeness. In fact, I haven’t let her out of my arms since we left the hospital. Something about the feel of her skin on mine is soothing, and it lets me know that she’s here, really here.
I can’t stop replaying the scene of Lily being thrown in the air, and the sound of her skull cracking against the pavement is like a vinyl record that’s come off track and keeps playing that one bit over and over again. No matter how hard I try to shake it, I can’t get it out of my mind. Lying here with Lucy, her back to my chest and my hands taking their usual spot on her ever-growing belly, is the only thing that’s keeping me calm right now.
“Kale?” she whispers in the dark. “You awake?”
“Yeah, baby, I’m still awake. But you should be sleeping. It’s been a long day, and you need to rest.”
Sighing, she snuggles back into me. “I’m not tired.” Her small hand moves up to cover one of mine, and she toys with my fingers. “Wanna talk about it?”
Her voice is small, but strong, and I can hear the longing in her voice. Ever since we left the hospital, she’s been trying to get me to talk, but I just can’t formulate the words right now. I have no idea how in the hell Xavier was able to keep calm, but I decide it’s just because he hadn’t been there to actually witness the event. By the time he saw Lily, she was patched up, talking, and smiling. But me? Even when I saw that she was okay, I couldn’t focus on anything except for the bandages. And now that I’m home, the only image I can muster is the one of her lying on the cold, hard ground with blood running out of her nose.
“Not tonight, baby,” I tell her honestly, and I feel her let out a deep breath.
“How about if I talk? Is that okay?” she asks, and I wonder what she wants to talk about.
“Sure, if you’re not tired. Go ahead.”
She interlocks our fingers and holds my hand tight as she begins talking. “You asked me about my last name at Thanksgiving, and while I avoided the question at the time, I’m ready to talk about it. If we’re going to be starting a family, I want to know everything about you, and it’s only fair if you know everything about me, too. And I know you’re not ready, so tonight will be my night. I’ll do the talking.”
Swallowing hard, I remember how she distracted me from my questions. As much as I want to learn everything there is to know about her, I’m terrified of having to do the same once she’s done. I don’t think I could handle that conversation tonight, not after what happened to Lily, and I’m thankful she’s being strong enough for both of us to be the one to put herself out there.
“You don’t have to, Lucy. The past is just that—the past. If you’d rather keep it all in, I’m okay with that.” I know I sound like a coward, and I’m not surprised when she shakes her head.
“It might be the past, and while it might not quite define us, it helped shape who we became today. And that’s not something I want to keep from you anymore. I trust you, and I had my own reasons for wanting to keep it all bottled in before, but I know they were just silly fears that don’t matter now that I’m with you.”
“You don’t have anything to be scared of when you’re with me, Lucy. And you know by now that you can tell me anything—and I’ll always be here to listen.”
I feel her chest rise and fall, silence filling the room until she finally starts to speak again. “I know. And it’s one of the many, many reasons I love you.” She pauses, and I place a kiss on the back of her neck, causing her to shiver under my touch. “Okay, I guess I’ll just start at the beginning. My mom was twenty-one when she got pregnant with me, which really doesn’t seem all that bad. She’d been dating my biological father for about six months, and his family, along with Mom’s, urged them to get married. He didn’t want to, and Mom was okay with that, but in the end, all the pressure from both sides of the family wore them down and a shotgun wedding took place. Mom’s always been honest with me about what happened, and she told me that in the beginning, while she was still pregnant, things were good. He—I’ll call him by his name Tim, for the rest of the story—was a couple of years older than her and already working at his father’s bank. So like I said, in the beginning, things were good. It wasn’t until I came along that things started to sour.”
She pauses, and I wonder why in the hell her mom would tell her that. It almost seems like she was blaming her for things going wrong, and that’s just not right. As if she can read my thoughts, she addresses that very thing.
“Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think she was trying to blame me or anything. It’s just that she was always honest with me about everything, including him. Anyways, after I was born, he started working late, coming home drunk, the whole cliché nine yards. As I got older, it continued the same way. He made it clear he didn’t want me, he didn’t
want Mom, and he was pretty much just there out of obligation. Sure, at church on Sunday, he was the picture-perfect husband and father, but the other six days of the week? He was hell on Earth. He wasn’t abusive—not physically, at least—but by the time Mom got up the courage to leave him, thanks to Steve, I was an emotional wreck.”
The idea that Lucy had anything less than a stellar dad is a disheartening one, and I wonder just how much damage her old man did before she finally got away from him. Running my fingers over her belly, I hold her closer.
“I’m sorry, baby. No little girl should be treated as if she’s not wanted. I can’t imagine having looked at Lily as anything less than a blessing, and she wasn’t even mine.”
“That’s what makes your bond with her so special, Kale, and I admire it. It also lets me know you’re going to be an amazing father. You love her unconditionally and she’s technically not even yours. Xavier told me how long you’ve been a part of their family. They’re lucky to have you.”
I inhale sharply then try to mask it with a cough. What the hell did he exactly say to her? He wouldn’t have told her the story, I know that, but even if he alluded to it, I don’t know what I’ll do.
“Trust me, Lucy. I was the lucky one in that situation.”
“So I hear.”
I cough again.
“Don’t worry, Kale. He didn’t give me any details. If you have things to share, I’ll respect your decision to wait until you’re ready. Just know that whenever you do decide you’re ready, I’ll be here to listen.”
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