by Annie Seaton
‘Wow. That is pretty special. I wouldn’t be using it. I’d leave it in the bank!’
‘Giorgio couldn’t understand why I wanted to leave Italy in the middle of a good career. But my choice was easy. Modelling or David? No contest.’
Ellie wondered what it would be like to love someone so much. She’d had the occasional boyfriend at school but since Dad had died, she’d found it very hard to commit her feelings to anyone. She guessed – if she was honest – it had to do with a fear of losing someone else. It was easier not to get involved; then you couldn’t be hurt.
‘Ellie?’
She realised Gina was staring at her. ‘Sorry.’
‘Everything okay with you? You look sad.’
‘Yes, all good.’ She smiled over at the children who had climbed back into the sandpit in the shade. ‘So I hear it’s hot chips and ice-cream for lunch.’
‘Vegemite sandwiches is more like it. Come and sit with me for a while before we eat. I’m so pleased you ran into David last weekend.’ Gina chuckled and patted the empty lounge beside her, before her expression turned serious. ‘Do you have time to stay and chat for a while?’
‘I do. I’ve got a trip to Darwin this afternoon. I’m sorry it took me so long to catch up with you. It’s been madness here.’ Ellie sat on the lounge and kicked her sandals off, stretching her legs out. ‘How long are you here for?’
‘David will be back on Saturday and then maybe we have another week. Hopefully by that time he –’ Gina cut her words off and shook her head – ‘so a few more days of rest for us.’
Ellie looked at her curiously, but respected Gina’s privacy. David’s attitude had unnerved her a little last weekend. He was very serious and uptight about something, but it was none of her business. Em had always told her she was a soft touch, always taking on everyone else’s worries.
Is that what I’m doing with Kane?
She turned to watch the children digging in the sandpit; they seemed like such a happy little family.
‘Let’s order. I’ve got a couple of hours before I have to go.’ Ellie shrugged. ‘It’s been a bit of a complicated week.’
‘Want to talk about it?’ Gina put her hand on Ellie’s arm. ‘I’m a good listener.’
And she was a good listener. As they ate, Ellie found herself opening up to this woman she had only just met. Mostly family stuff, and how she missed her sisters; nothing about her fears.
Binny and Andrew squabbled around them as the two women ate their lunch. Ellie stretched her feet out on the comfortable day bed and yawned as she handed her empty plate to one of the bar staff.
‘It’s going to be a long drive to Darwin.’
‘Do you have to go?’ Gina leaned back on her chair.
‘No, but I want to.’
‘Anything to do with that good-looking guy I saw you with in the bistro last night?’
Ellie sat up. ‘I didn’t see you there.’
Gina laughed and warmth ran up into Ellie’s cheeks. ‘From what I saw when we left, you weren’t seeing much past the guy who was with you. Boyfriend?’
Ellie shook her head. ‘Just one of the guys from work.’
‘Hmm.’ Gina’s voice was soft. ‘He’d like to be. You should have seen the way he was looking at you.’
Ellie’s face burned as a small tendril of hope unfurled in her chest. ‘We’re just friends.’
Gina had a pretty laugh ‘That’s what I used to say when I first met David.’
‘Seriously, I’m not going to get involved with anyone.’
Gina grinned at her. ‘Can I give you a piece of advice? When you meet someone and you have that instant attraction, don’t let go of it. Life’s too short.’
‘I’ve only known him a week.’
‘I knew David was the man for me an hour after I met him.’ Gina leaned forward. ‘Don’t make the same mistake I did. Don’t fight it, Ellie.’
Ellie squared her jaw. ‘I’m not strong enough to get involved with anyone, Gina. I don’t think I could stand the pain of losing them.’
Gina reached over and took her hand and Ellie stared down at their joined hands. Gina’s were soft and nicely manicured, very different to her square-cut unpainted nails.
‘You’ve lost somebody in your life?’
‘My father. I don’t want to risk that grief again.’
Gina looked up, and her eyes were sad. ‘Life is one big risk, but if you don’t take that risk, Ellie, it’s not living.’
Chapter 19
Wednesday afternoon
Darwin Hospital
‘I’m very sorry. I don’t think she will survive the night, Mr McLaren. Her body is too weak from the cancer and she had another myocardial infarction in the ambulance.’ The doctor’s eyes had been kind, but resigned, as though this conversation was one he was well used to. ‘If there is anyone else to call, you should call them now.’ The doctor nodded and left the room.
Cancer.
Kane leaned forward in the hard plastic hospital chair beside his mother’s bed as shock coursed through his body. Her eyes were closed and she was breathing easier now that she was on oxygen. He looked at her hands on the white cotton blanket. Thin and dry-skinned, her fingers plucked restlessly at the thick hem of the blanket as her chest rose and fell softly.
Earlier that morning, he had driven to the farm at break-neck speed after getting a distressed call from his mother saying she couldn’t breathe. He had heard her rasping breath and her short choppy words, and had immediately hung up and called an ambulance. He’d felt absolutely bloody useless when he’d got her back on the line, but he’d kept talking, reassuring her, keeping her calm as he’d run to his Jeep. By the time he’d arrived at the farm, the ambulance had left. He called the Jabiru Medical Centre but they told him the paramedics had stabilised her and she was en route to Darwin hospital. Kane had collected some clothes and toiletries and picked up his mother’s phone before he’d locked up the house.
But she wouldn’t need any of them if what the doctor had said was right.
‘Kane?’ Her voice was soft but at least the wheezing had eased.
He stood and looked down at her. ‘Mum. Are you comfortable?’
‘Yes. I’m better now, darling.’ Susan reached out, took Kane’s hands between hers and squeezed them but the pressure barely made an impression on his skin.
‘Come closer.’ She took a deep shuddering breath and coughed.
‘Do you want me to call the nurse?’ Kane helped her sit up and waited until she had stopped coughing before he eased himself carefully down on the bed beside her.
‘What about Panos? Did the hospital call him?’
‘I don’t know.’ He tried to keep the disgust from his voice. He was going to have harsh words with his stepfather after –
But now was neither the time nor the place.
‘Call his mobile. His number’s in my phone.’
‘I’ll do it now.’
Kane fought the pricking at the back of his eyelids as his mother leaned back against his arm. Her breath juddered and stopped, and she coughed. The rattle of her breathing was the same as he’d heard many times in the desert.
He pulled out her phone, found the contact for Panos and pressed the shortcut. But the call went straight to message bank. ‘Do you have another number for him?’
She shook her head. ‘Try again later. Talk to me for a while first. Just talk to me. Tell me about some of the good times we had together.’
Oh, fuck. Kane knew what that request meant, but somehow he managed. He spoke softly and soothingly as his mother fought for breath, keeping his voice steady.
‘Remember when I was little and you let me have that cat? I wanted a kitten, and I found that mangy, scabby cat in the bush.’ He let the first tear roll down his cheek. ‘We had Christmas at Aunty Val’s in Brisbane that year. Remember? The last one with Dad? We all went to Redcliffe for a picnic and you let me take the cat on a lead.’
Kane let all the
memories fall softly around his mother. Recollections that he hadn’t thought of for years poured from him. In his mind, his mother stood strong and caring in front of him. His father stood beside her. Dad had been killed in a car accident the year before Kane had started school, but Mum had always done her best to be there for him.
She’d always laughed a lot and he realised now how sad she’d been over the past few years – on the rare occasions he’d made the time to visit her, even before she’d remarried. He had failed her as a son. Just like he’d failed everyone else. Now the breathing of this shell, of his once-strong mother, eased and she turned to him with a sigh.
‘We had a good life.’ Her voice was soft. ‘I missed your father so much when he died. But I had you.’
‘Yes, Mum, we had each other.’ Kane moved his arm and she leaned back into the pillow. He rested his head gently on his mother’s shoulder and a memory came to him, sharp and clear, of resting his head on that same thin collarbone when he was a small boy, sneaking in for a cuddle in the middle of the night.
‘I’m sorry I went away, Mum. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.’
‘Hush. It’s all right. Panos looked after me.’ Her voice was a little stronger and her fingers smoothed the back of his head. Kane lay quietly as she began to speak. ‘As best he could. I need to tell you something. I know it’s going to confirm what you always thought of him, but Panos is a good man. He’s just weak where money is concerned. He was always looking for more.’ She raised her hand to her mouth and took a deep breath. Kane could hear the crackling in her chest. ‘More than I could ever give him. When Ellie came to see me on Monday, it all came back. I’d tried to forget about it – to put it behind me – but I know that was the wrong thing to do. She told me how her mother is still suffering, and I realise now I should have done more to help them.’
‘Help who, Mum?’ Kane was confused and he lifted his head. Susan stared at him, her eyes clouding over. Whether it was from her state of mind or the medication that was pumping into her veins, he didn’t know.
‘Ellie’s mother.’
‘What happened?’
‘It was before we were married. Panos got tangled up with some man in Darwin who had a lot of different interests. He only made friends with Peter Porter so he could be the intermediary for this man who wanted the land.’ A bitter laugh escaped her lips and she coughed again. ‘He offered him a fortune for it but Panos never knew why he wanted it. He was going to be paid a big commission. He gambles, Kane. Anything. Horses, football, anything he can bet on. It’s an addiction.’
Kane fought showing the disgust that filled him. Susan shook her head from side to side, trying to sit up. Kane gently held her steady.
‘Panos was determined to secure the sale, but Peter wouldn’t accept the offers.’ Her fingers gripped his arm and her sudden strength surprised Kane. ‘What disgusted me most was that after . . . after Peter was gone, Panos came in like the saviour and Sandra was so grateful to take the money from him so she could get away from the memories. She was distraught with grief.’ She leaned forward and coughed. ‘I was disgusted with Panos.’
‘So Panos bought it in the end, not this other person?’
‘I don’t know. He told me he bought it, but I’ve always wondered where he got the money. It’s in his name. I’ve seen the papers.’
‘How did her father . . . die?’ Kane held his mother’s gaze; her eyes were so sad.
‘He hung himself. Sandra found him in his packing shed. No wonder she’s still a mess.’ The tears rolled down her cheeks, and Susan reached up and held Kane’s chin, turning his head slowly until his eyes were close to hers. ‘I’ve always felt guilty that Peter died. I’ve always suspected that Peter killing himself had something to do with that man wanting to buy the farm.’
‘What was his name?’
‘Russell Fairweather. Panos used to go to the races with him.’ Her breath came in short hitches and Kane filed that name away as he laid her back gently on the pillows. ‘I’ll go and try Panos again, Mum. He needs to be here with you, too.’
He rose slowly, kissed his mother’s brow gently, and picked up his phone and headed for the door.
*
The hospital had a sharp antiseptic smell and Ellie shivered as she crossed the highly polished lino floor to the front desk at the entrance. She’d always hated hospitals – especially this one. Her father’s parents had both been in here when she was a child, and they had visited them every weekend for a month. Neither had come home again, and this place held only memories of sadness and death. Even when she drove past, a shiver of sadness always crawled down Ellie’s spine.
‘Yes?’ The receptionist on the front counter smiled at her.
‘I’m looking for a Mrs Sordina. Susan Sordina.’
The woman tapped the keyboard and pointed at the bank of elevators to the left of the large foyer. ‘Fourth floor. Ward 3A. Mrs Sordina is in a private room. Report to the desk and they’ll tell you if you can see her.’
The lift was empty. Ellie stabbed at the button for the fourth floor, regretting her mad dash to Darwin more as each second passed. It had been a compulsion that she hadn’t been able to ignore – a feeling that had pushed her to drive for almost three hours along the Arnhem Highway. Heather had looked at her strangely when she’d met her in the car park and told her she was taking an unexpected trip to Darwin.
‘Why?’
‘I’m going to visit Kane’s mother in hospital.’ She wondered at the relief that crossed Heather’s face.
Maybe it wasn’t appropriate. Maybe she should have gotten Kane’s number from Jock and called him. Maybe there’d be more family here to support them both. Although if there was more family, surely they wouldn’t have left Susan alone at the farm? She reminded herself that Susan had asked her to be Kane’s friend. That’s all it was about, nothing to do with this strange feeling that flowed through her when she was near him.
She was here now; she’d visit Susan, see if Kane was okay and then spend the night in Darwin. She’d have a leisurely breakfast by the harbour in the morning and get back to the lodge with plenty of time to spare for her afternoon shift. It would give her some time to gather her thoughts and look at the email that Emma had sent. Her laptop was in the boot of her car; after two break-ins, she hadn’t been confident about leaving it in her apartment.
The doors slid open silently as the lift reached the fourth floor. The desk was unmanned and there was no sign of any staff. The clinical smell was even stronger up here in the wards, and Ellie shivered again. It was quiet and the curtains were drawn, the last shard of afternoon sun peeking through the space between them. She hesitated, uncertain of what to do. As she turned back to wait by the desk, her heart jumped. Kane was sitting in a plastic chair further down the corridor, his head back against the wall, his eyes closed.
Ellie walked slowly towards him, her flat-soled leather sandals making no sound on the shiny lino floor. There were deep lines etched beside his mouth and dark shadows circled his eyes. She stood there for a moment looking down at him before reaching out and placing her hand gently on his shoulders. He lunged forward. His hand grabbed hers tightly as his eyes opened. The pressure of his fingers made Ellie wince and she pulled her hand back.
Confusion crossed his face and Kane put the other hand up to his forehead. ‘Ellie! What are you doing here?’
‘I thought you might like some company.’ She spoke softly. ‘I hope it’s okay? Jock told me your mum’s pretty sick.’
Ellie dropped to a crouch in front of him and took his hands in hers. ‘How is she now?’ she asked softly.
Kane shook his head. ‘Not good. The doctor is in there with her. She had another turn when she was talking to me.’ His voice was clipped as though he was trying to say it in few words. ‘They’re giving her morphine to ease . . . to ease her last hours.’ Ellie’s throat closed as Kane continued and his voice shook. ‘I’ve said my goodbyes.’
‘Oh, Kane.
I’m so sorry.’ She brushed her eyes with the back of her hand as the tears filled them. ‘What about Panos? Is he in there with her now?’
‘We’ve tried everything. Called his mobile, the office, parliament house, but we can’t locate him.’ He nodded towards the nurses’ station. ‘They’ve been great. They’ve left messages everywhere and they’re trying his mobile every ten minutes or so.’
‘Oh, that’s not . . . good.’
‘Why did you come?’ Kane’s voice was soft.
Ellie held his gaze steadily. ‘I thought you might need a friend.’
Kane dropped his head and leaned his forehead against hers. ‘Thank you.’
Ellie pushed to her feet and stood beside him. His arms went around her waist and sympathy overwhelmed her as he leaned against her. She knew the grief that had overtaken her when Dad had died. She put her hand on his shoulder and he turned his head slowly to look up at her. The warmth of his skin seeped through the cotton of his black T-shirt and ran up her arm with a jolt.
He held her gaze and something passed between them. A look that reaffirmed their connection. Whether it was friendship or something more, Ellie wasn’t sure. She hugged the feeling to herself for a moment and then put it away safely to examine later. Maybe Gina’s advice was worth considering.
‘Well, I am here. And I’m going to stay.’
She stepped to the side and reached for another plastic chair. Kane was still regarding her steadily, but his face had softened and all she could see was a man who was uncertain and alone, as his mother lay dying in the room across the corridor.
‘You don’t have to talk to me. I can get you a coffee.’ Ellie kept her voice soft.
‘Thank you.’ Kane reached for her hand and held it loosely. They sat there without speaking until the door opened. The doctor stepped out and walked across to them.
‘She’s asleep and resting as comfortably as we can make her. Perhaps you’d like to sit with her.’ He glanced across at Ellie. ‘You can both go in if you would like to. At this stage . . . we don’t worry about the rules.’ He turned to Kane. ‘Did you manage to contact her husband yet? I’m sorry, it won’t be long now.’