by Lovell, Dani
Eventually, we slow, we begin to release each other a little and our lips part. We only look into one another’s eyes as we do, still allowing nothing into our moment. It was perfect; we were in public, yet totally alone. Amongst friends, but just us. Just friends, but… something more. We’ve never shared such closeness before, yes - we’re super close as friends, but this is romance… this goes so much deeper than friendship… it’s almost, almost like a… a ‘love’ thing.
“Whoa, what was that?” Bea asks, looking really rather gobsmacked, along with Daniel and Alexia. Oh god…
“Are you two… are you dating?” Alexia asks, shocked.
We release each other fully and I begin to stutter and mumble some nonsensical mumbo-jumbo before Oliver interrupts.
“No, we’re not dating, I just needed to kiss her. Nothing more to see here, let’s move on, shall we?”
“Um… sure. Let’s do that. To the Casino.” Daniel says, confused.
“The Casino.” Oliver repeats, and the men begin to move.
“Bea, come on, baby, stop gawping.”
“But…” she says to her fiancé, still rooted to the spot, “but… I thought they had only shagged, I didn’t realise they were getting all… ‘in love’ and everything…”
“We’re not, Bea,” I say, panicked, “we’re just… we just…”
“We just - it’s none of your business, Beatrice,” Oliver says.
“Don’t make it my business then, Oliver, by pashing like maniacs right in front of me!”
“Baby, just leave it… let them figure it out for themselves.” Daniel says again and Bea frowns, not wanting to agree, but reluctantly doing so anyway. I love how much respect these two have for each other.
The three of them walk ahead of us, leaving us to that awkward ‘what just happened?’ moment.
We amble slowly behind, silently, trying to figure out where to start. Strangely, I go first.
“So… okay. I think this is starting to get out of hand.”
“Why?” he says quickly, disgruntled.
“Well, you know…” I add, softly, so as not to hurt his feelings, “why is this all happening now? Why are we starting to do more than usual? Why is stuff starting to happening in front of people? And why are you telling everyone stuff all of a sudden when it was always our big, naughty secret before?”
He shrugs and looks forward before rubbing his forehead. “I don’t really know the answer to any of that, just… I like it.”
“You like people knowing?”
“Yes, and I know it’s always been that way, Clare, but why are you so dead set on people not knowing?”
“Because we’re not an item, that’s why. Because we’re friends, we’re BFFs… if people start getting the wrong idea, they’ll start to gossip and then one of us will meet someone else, it’ll end and we’ll both look like idiots - not to mention one of us getting hurt. And to add insult to injury, we’ll lose what we’ve got.”
“But don’t you think we can add to what we’ve got?”
“And then take it away again later? No, Oliver, there’s no room for mathematics here, we have something amazing and I’m not prepared to risk it by telling everyone we’re shagging every now and again and having some stupid public ‘purely sexual’ relationship like teenagers.”
“What’s the real story here?”
“Oliver, please, let’s not argue on my birthday.”
He turns and steps in front of me to stop me in my tracks, holding both of my hands between us. “No, I’m not arguing with you, really, I’m not. I don’t want to argue, it’s your birthday and we’re having an amazing time here, so don’t think that’s what I’m doing. I want to know if there’s more to it.”
There is more to it, of course there is more to it. I don’t want to fall in love with him again. I don’t want to be heartbroken and miserable for another couple of years because he’s decided to move on from whatever fun we’re having. I know what it feels like when Oliver doesn’t want you and I never want to feel like that again. But I’m not telling him that.
“No, I just don’t understand what’s happening. We were the same as we always were and now, all of a sudden, you want to stay the night and tell our friends that we’re being intimate occasionally and kiss in public…”
He sighs and smiles, kindly. “I don’t know why things have changed… But when I was with Stacy, I just wanted you… all the time, every time I saw you… I wanted you. I kept picturing you when she was having one of her crazy rants… I’d picture you at work, smiling, or I’d hear your soft voice chatting away to me about what colour rug I should get for the sitting room… I’d imagine you were in my house with me, on the sofa, watching a film and giggling the way you do… I couldn’t stop and I don’t know why it was happening. When Stacy left… you were the first person I wanted to come to.”
I gawp at him, semi-open-mouthed, stunned. He sounds like me! “I… er… well… Oliver, I…”
He smiles. “It’s okay, I wasn’t saying that to get a response. I just… I needed to tell you what was going on with me. It’s like, being with her and having her tell me to stay away from you and creating issues between us… well, it kind of did the opposite. It made me realise that you are so much more to me than just a friend. I really love you, Clare, you know that don’t you?”
“Of course I do, I love you, too, we all love each other, Oliver.”
“Yeah, but… I do…”
I giggle, “I know! Listen, we need to catch up with everyone or we won’t know where to go. Maybe we can talk later, because, honestly, I think I need to digest everything you just said. Then, maybe we can sit down to try to figure out how we move forwards without damaging what we have - but at the same time, letting everyone know we’re still just ‘us’ the same as always, only we’ve had a bit of a kiss and a cuddle here and there.”
“Okay.” He nods. “But I still want another kiss and cuddle later… can we do that?” I giggle shyly and roll my eyes. “Come on, gorgeous girl, don’t get shy…” he says, grinning from ear to ear and pulling me into him. “It’s still me. And I want you so much.”
I nod, my cheeks hot and my mouth uncontrollably stretching into a huge smile.
“Good. Now I’d like you to quickly kiss my lips before we catch up.”
I’m as giddy as a three-legged goat as I reach up to peck his soft, full lips and he winks, sexily before releasing one hand and tugging the other as we make our way towards our friends.
~~~~~~~
The Casino was tremendous fun! We tried our hand at everything! Blackjack, Roulette, Craps, Three Card Poker, Slots… I admit half of it went straight over my head and I just ended up doing whatever Oliver or Alexia told me, but still, it was so much fun to see if their instruction lead me to a win.
Alexia surprised me massively! She’s amazing! I’d never have thought she’d be such a mastermind in the gambling world. Of course she only uses it for fun, but she was completely oblivious to the admiring looks in her direction from the men observing; a stunning, elegant brunette with a figure to die for and a fabulous presence, arriving at a table, subtly calling the shots and stepping away the winner, every time. They were practically drooling over her. I’m yet to work out her ‘type’, but none of these men were it, clearly.
Roulette was my game of the evening, pick some numbers and see if you win. I’m no Alexia when it comes to this stuff. I’m no Alexia when it comes to anything, she’s a brainiac with class and poise. I’m not stupid, and my grades were always in the higher bracket, but I think I’m just more creative and homey than intelligent and sophisticated.
After some time and a few drinks, we leave the ‘Bellagio’, taking the car to the ‘Stratosphere’. Apparently, Daniel thinks the view from the top of the tower will be a great addition to the night. I’m not afraid of heights but I can imagine I’m going to feel a little wobbly all those feet in the air!
When we get up there, it’s breathtaking. The view
of Vegas by night from 1149ft is stunning, Daniel was definitely right. Looking out, I start to want Oliver to hold my hand or slip his arms around my waist like Daniel and Bea are doing. We would never have done this before so I berate myself again for beginning to think like this. Besides, Oliver isn’t even showing any interest in doing such a thing, he’s not even standing with me. Get a grip, Clare, come on. It’s not happening, don’t let yourself go there.
“Surprise!” Oliver shouts, making us all turn to look at him. “We’re doing it, boys and girls, we’re owning ‘Big Shot’ tonight!”
Everyone gasps. “What? I’m not going up there!” Bea cries, pointing to the picture of the huge ride on top of the tower. There are a few rides here, and we are all planning on watching someone do the ‘Sky Jump’ in a minute, but the ride Oliver seems to have just bought us all tickets for, is the tall one with the ring of seats around a pole that catapults you up into the air and then falls back down to the top of the tower. Holy crap.
“Too late, sister, we’re all going!”
“In these clothes?” Alexia asks, looking at Oliver like he’s insane.
“Yep, you can take your shoes off.” As if that’s a reasonable response for Alexia. “We’re heading in one direction; up!”
“Fantastic!” Daniel cries, maybe they were in on this together.
“Oh my god,” Bea says, shaking her head, “fine, but let’s get this over and done with because I think I’m going to need a swift drink afterwards.”
Alexia and I nod in agreement, sighing. Boys.
Sitting in one of the contraption’s small seats, the operation guy pushes my red safety harness thing down against my front and I’m shaking with anticipation. The seating is in groups of four around the pole, so Alexia, Daniel and Bea sit together on one side, leaving me and Oliver on another. I sit on the edge and he sits next to another couple.
I swear this safety thing isn’t on tightly enough… what if it pings off mid-flight?
“Hey,” Oliver says, clutching my hand. “It’ll be fun! I’ll keep hold of you, you’ll be fine.”
I smile, nervously, and nod. At least he’s quite reassuring. If the safety thing does happen to ping off… he’ll be strong enough to hold me and make sure I don’t go flying off into space… won’t he? What if the force is too strong for that? Oh god. Please let this thing be on right.
Eventually, once everybody has been strapped in safely, the seats lift a little and hover. The music is nerve-wracking and even the safety announcement - ensuring everyone keeps their head back while the ride is in motion - puts the fear of God in me. Wow, Tilly would love this.
Oliver looks at me, excitedly, and a nervous giggle escapes me. He squeezes my hand and almost instantly, we’re rudely catapulted up, up and away! I scream loudly all the way to the top and as soon as we get there, laugh all the way back down. We are thrown up and down at high speed a few more times before the ride returns to the base, Oliver holding my hand for the duration.
My cheeks must be flushed and my hair is all over my face by the time we get back to the start, along with a huge smile and a case of the giggles that doesn’t seem to be leaving me. Oliver is laughing along with me, too.
“So much fun!” I cry, as the guy helps me out of the seat. “We should do it again!”
Oliver laughs out loud, “You’ve changed your tune!”
“I loved it!”
We move around the corner to join the others who are in the same state, laughing like crazy, hair all over the place and rosy cheeked. Alexia looks uncharacteristically disheveled, but with a quick run of her fingers through her hair and her shoes returned, she’s back to her perfect self.
“Brilliant!” Daniel laughs, “Good call, Olly.”
We gather our belongings and make our way down and out to the car, still buzzing and laughing, what fantastic fun and nowhere near as terrifying as I had expected.
The car takes us to a bar somewhere, no idea where or what it’s called, I’m not keeping track anymore, I’m having great fun everywhere so I’ll just go with it. The bar is heaving and has a live band playing so the atmosphere is fantastic.
We have a few drinks, Bea and I dance while Alexia and the boys chat… I’ve noticed Alexia isn’t a huge dancer. There was one occasion in Aspen, - that night that Luke and Tils went home early and the rest of us went a little overboard - when she enjoyed a sexy little dance with one of their male friends from the club, Sebastian - I think his name was - a crazy-fun guy, he was the one teaching us all of the champagne drinking games back at the house afterwards. But other than that - I’ve never really seen her get down to it.
It took me a while to remember parts of that night, I rarely suffer with a hangover but I have never felt so ill as I did the morning after that night. If I recall correctly, Oliver and I fell asleep on the floor in front of the fire… I remember everyone passed out in the lounge before us and we snogged like mad… may have even got a bit touchy feely which was mad considering other people were in the room with us, albeit - asleep. But we ended up passing out with the rest of them and I’m pretty sure no one saw us doing anything. Fun times.
A few Moscow Mules later, I can’t stop smiling. ‘Happy drunk’ is what I like to call it. I’m not really a depressive kind of a person so I never really get ‘unhappy drunk’, but today is that special kind of ‘it’s my birthday, I love everyone and I’m super-happy’ drunk.
“Hey, sweetie, I’m going to head back now,” Alexia says, slipping an arm around my shoulder and kissing my cheek.
“Yeah, I think we’ll join you, Lex,” Bea adds.
“Oh…” I pout, “are you all leaving me? I don’t want to go…”
“You don’t have to, I’m sure Oliver will be happy to stay - he’s at the bar ordering another as we speak.”
“Oh, okay. That’s cool then. Well, thank you all for making my night so über-amazing. I’ve loved all of it.”
“You’re welcome, so have we! I’ve got loads of photos as souvenirs, too, to show everyone what we did in Vegas on your birthday!”
“Yay! I love you all.”
We hug and schmooze and do all the drunk bye-bye stuff people do, and Oliver joins in when he returns from the bar.
“Oliver… you’ll stay with me won’t you? Pweeeease?”
He chuckles, “Of course, baby! I’m not going anywhere until you do.”
I smile and stand on tip toes to kiss his cheek before taking my new drink from his hand and attempting to drink through the straw without actually looking at it, sticking it up my nostril in the process. That always happens to me.
“Olly, you have the number for the driver, just text when you want to leave and he’ll meet you outside.” Daniel shouts as they make their way through the crowd.
He raises his arm and shows a thumbs up to gesture that he heard and understood.
“So! Great night, birthday girl?”
“I’m having the best night ever!” I shout, throwing one arm in the air to accentuate the fact.
“Good girl.” He steps forward and puts his hand on my waist, tugging me against him. “So you’re going to let me kiss you now everyone has gone? I’ve been waiting all night like a good boy…”
I giggle, confidently. That’s the booze. “Aww, Oliver, you are a good boy. I love you… I really love you. You’re the bestest boy ever. Kiss me, you amazing kissing kisser, you.”
He chuckles and kisses me immediately, and all I can think is… ‘mmm… perfect’.
When we pull away, we’re both smiling and chirpy. “This is fun!” I cry, “Kissing you in public is fun! Yeah, bitches… I say pointing around at no one in particular, “the hot English boy is kissing me, so back off, aight?”
Oliver bursts out laughing - gosh, I’m such an idiot when I’m drunk. “Yeah, dudes, the hot English chick is kissing me! Take your cheesy Vegas chat-up lines elsewhere because she wants Oliver-loving tonight!”
“Yeah, I do… you know it…” I say in an Amer
ican accent, winking and poking his chest with my finger like I’m the coolest person in the room.
“I do know it… and I want serious Clare-loving… the kind that goes on forever and ever.”
“Okay, sir… done. We will go at it all night.”
“I like the sound of that…” he says, stroking my bottom. “Clare. I love you.”
I giggle and try to pull a serious, straight face. “Oliver, I love you, too…” I say, laughing through it.
He grins, perfectly, and pulls me by the arm over to a seating area at the side. Sitting me down next to him, he says, “Yeah, but I do. Like, I really do.”
“I know, you big dummy! I do, too!”
“Clare,” he says, lightly holding my face in his hands and I giggle yet again, but his face isn’t quite as amused. He’s serious, but lovely. “I mean… I love you. I love you. Like… love, love you.”
I frown, suspiciously… jovially. “What is this? What’s happening? Why do you keep saying that?” And I burst out laughing for no apparent reason.
He giggles along with me. “Why do you keep laughing? Stop laughing!” he laughs.
“I apologise…” I say, trying to concentrate, tightening my lips, trying to straighten my face. “I will get serious… I will… in a minute… hang on…”
His smile is contagious and I giggle again. “I just can’t! I’m sorry. Anyway, you were saying… you love me.”
“Yes! I love you. And I love you… not like I love my sister. Or Tilly.”
“Well I already knew that, Oliver, I mean come on. You have something different with me.”
“Oh my god, Clare, would you just get it? I love you. Like… love like lovers… love like… ‘in love’. I love you - the kind of love I want with the woman who’ll be my wife. Do you understand me?” he says, exasperated.
“Ohhhh,” I say long and loud, “you’re in love with me…”
“Yes!” he cries.
“Oh okay. Cool.”