by Laura Kaye
He unraveled the last loop of cloth, bloody from being closest to the wound, and dropped it to the floor.
Anna gasped and her hands fisted around the edge of the mattress as she stared at the spiked metal band that surrounded and dug into his leg, which was bloody and swollen. “What is that? And why…?”
“It’s a cilice. An instrument of punishment used for paying penance,” he said in a low voice, fear and nerves and much older, much darker emotions curling into his gut. “I didn’t want you to see it because I didn’t think you’d understand. How could you? But I want someone to know who I am, Anna. And I want that someone to be you.”
Slowly, she eased off the bed and down onto her knees, her gaze flashing back and forth between his eyes and where the chain-link loop of sharp metal teeth bit into his flesh. Blood oozed from some of the deeper cuts, but in other places his skin tried to heal around the metal. It was why Devlin had chosen this particular device. If he harmed himself, the pain and the wound and the sacrifice would be temporary because he’d heal. An injury had to be inflicted by a stronger god in order to be lasting, which explained the scars covering most of his body. Eurus had been a stronger deity even before he’d stolen Aeolus’s Firestone ring, and now that power had increased exponentially. But this, this would leave a lasting wound because Devlin never removed it, so the teeth were always chewing at his skin.
“What is it you believe you need to atone for?” she asked, meeting his eyes. Hers were glassy with emotion.
“My errors and arrogance cost my brother Farren his life and ensured that my other brother, Alastor, has lived a life of torture and imprisonment. My actions condemned both of them. So I vowed to make certain sacrifices until I made it right. Or at least, as right as I can—by saving Alastor and avenging Farren.” His heart beat in his throat and nervous energy prickled down his spine. Devlin dropped his gaze to the floor.
She moved into his line of sight, still on her knees before him. “So, the long abstinence?” He nodded. “And this…cilice?” Nodded again. “But if you hurt yourself like this,” Anna said, swallowing thickly, “how can you be as strong as you need to save Alastor and destroy your father, too?”
It was a fair point, which made it particularly uncomfortable. “The pain focuses me,” he said, grasping at an old rationalization.
“It hurts you, Devlin.” Her gaze dropped to his thigh, where his skin in between the teeth was an angry, puffy red. “It takes from you. Your intention to honor them is admirable, but when will it be enough? How much and for how long will you have to deny yourself the right to life and happiness? And how can you do the things you need to do to truly free yourself and Alastor from that past if you don’t give yourself every advantage? If you don’t stop hurting yourself?”
Anna crawled closer until her heat seared his calf, his knee, his thigh. Sitting at his feet, she softly wrapped her arms around his injured thigh and laid her cheek against the metal.
Devlin absolutely loathed the sight of her skin touching that thing.
And then, eyes closed, she turned her head and pressed a kiss against it, her lips just brushing his ruined skin through a round link. Again and again, she repeated the torturously beautiful gesture until Devlin wasn’t sure he could speak.
But he could act.
Reaching to the inside of his thigh, he found the leather tie that determined the cilice’s tightness. He untied it, then released the metallic clasp. Anna leaned back, but of course the device was buried too deep in Devlin’s skin and muscle for it to fall loose.
He was going to have to tear it out tooth by tooth.
“Oh, God, you have to pull it out, don’t you?” she asked, coming to the same conclusion.
“Yes,” he managed, his stomach threatening to rebel. “But this wound will heal.” He leaned down, caressed Anna’s cheek, and pressed a kiss to her lips. “You’re right.” Resolved, he stepped out of the immediate circle of her embrace and yanked the end that wrapped around the front of his leg free. Brilliant pain flashed from his leg through his entire body. He grunted and blinked back the white spots flickering at the edge of his vision. A quarter of the way out. Another yank. A roar of pain. Then another and another. He screamed. Or maybe that was her? And then it was free.
Metal clanked against the floor.
Devlin staggered. But Anna was up and had caught him before he’d even seen her move. “No more, Devlin. Please tell me you’ll never use that again.”
He heaved a rasping breath and tried not to lean all his body weight against her. “No,” he said, feeling oddly lighter despite the pain. “No more. I need…to be strong…for you.”
She helped him to the bed and he fell heavily onto its edge.
“And for you, Devlin. So you can do what you have to do and come back to me.”
He nodded. “For both of us, then.” He licked at dry lips, unconsciousness luring him under. “Lie with me for a while? It won’t take my body long to undo this damage.”
“Thank God for that,” Anna said. “But I should tend to this first. Just stay here.”
He caught her hand. “Don’t worry about it. It’ll heal.” He tugged his jeans over the wound and patted the bed beside him.
“You sure?” He nodded as she crawled over his legs and settled in against his injured side toward the bed’s middle. “I wouldn’t mind taking care of you, you know?”
“I know,” he mumbled. He tugged the blanket behind her so he could wrap it over her body. “I want…take care…you, too,” he said, sleep nearly claiming him. Her heat settled into the crook of his neck and her arm crossed his chest. And despite the major emotional and physical ass-kicking he’d just undergone, it was the closest to heaven that he’d ever been.
Chapter Seventeen
They were almost back to Aeolus’s compound—her, Devlin, and four gods Anna had seen but not formally met. A storm had been whipping up as they’d prepared to leave, and Devlin’s expression had darkened as he’d studied the sky and then ordered two gods off to stand guard over her father at Evan’s house—just to be on the safe side, he’d said. Then he’d insisted they hurry. The introductions would have to wait until some other time when the world wasn’t maybe ending.
As they soared through the storm-darkened sky, Anna felt like she’d lived an entire month since she’d gotten out of bed that morning, panicked that Devlin had left. And, oh, what highs and lows. The joy and pain of her father’s semi-return to himself. The fight with Evan. The heart-pounding ecstasy of making love with Devlin. The horror and sadness of seeing how he tortured himself. God, the pain he carried, it was almost unimaginable.
Devlin had been very quiet since they’d gotten out of bed after their nap, though the little touches and presses of kisses against her hair as they’d prepared to leave made it clear his silence wasn’t based in anger. And so Anna gave him her touch and her silent support and held on to him with all her heart and soul as they flew through the sky. She didn’t think she was imagining the deep satisfaction flowing out of his elemental form and into hers.
After all that they’d shared this morning, that satisfaction meant everything. He deserved it and so much more. Her chest still ached for him. But at least when they’d awakened after two hours’ sleep, the horrible wound on his leg from the cilice was significantly better. All the open cuts had closed, and the jagged, ripped skin had knit itself back together again. Even the swelling had gone down. At this rate, Anna wouldn’t be surprised if all traces of the injury disappeared by tomorrow. It couldn’t happen soon enough.
When he’d peeled away the last layer of the bandage, Anna’s heart had felt like a glass figurine that had been smashed into a million pieces. It boggled the mind that a god could’ve been so badly abused that he blamed himself for the consequences of his father’s horrible actions. Who would’ve thought that the divine could be guilty of the same failures toward their children as some human parents were?
And it made Anna realize how lucky she’d been
. For everything she’d had to give up as an adult, she’d had possibly the best father ever while growing up. Devlin’s experience reminded her of how much she had to be grateful for. And that resurrected her worry for her father. God, she hoped he’d be okay while she was gone. The one saving grace was she knew Evan would take great care of him just like he always had.
Aeolus’s compound came into view, rising out of the clouds like a verdant oasis in the middle of great nothingness. Lush greenery surrounded a series of interconnected buildings in an architectural style she might’ve associated with an Italian villa. It was beautiful, alluring scenery. It was paradise.
And Anna could see it in color. Again.
Their divine escort remained at the perimeter of the compound, and then she and Devlin were inside a great ornamental hall decorated with enormous and colorful floor-to-ceiling murals. Tiles of all colors made up a massive compass face on the floor. The next thing she knew, her feet were standing just outside of the circle.
“I’ve got you,” Devlin said, his arms around her shoulders. Anna melted into the comfort of his body even though the adjustment to becoming corporeal seemed much easier this time than the last. She glanced up…and gasped. Just as she’d suspected, his eyes were the most beautiful violet—
“You’re late,” came a voice from behind her.
“I know,” Devlin said, not moving. Anna startled and lifted her head. “Don’t rush. Just take your time.”
“I’m okay,” she said. And then the splendor of the space chased away every other thought. “What is this place? It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” The murals depicted the four seasons in glorious bold colors, and everywhere she looked she found amazing details in the art that she yearned to examine closer. Holding his hand, she turned in a circle, scanning the—
A huge group of people stood maybe ten feet away, every single one of them looking at her.
“Oh,” she said. “Uh. Hi.” Several women, including one who was very pregnant, stood among the group of gods she’d already met.
Devlin squeezed her hand and stepped beside her. “My lords,” he said, bowing his head toward his grandfather and the three big Anemoi.
“Devlin. It’s good you’re here,” Aeolus said.
Next to Aeolus, a tall, thin woman wearing some sort of a black scarf over her hair gave Devlin a small smile. “Good to see you,” she said with a bit of an accent.
“Tisiphone,” he said with a nod.
But they were the only ones to offer a greeting. The awkwardness that hung thick in the air made it clear the others didn’t share Aeolus’s sentiment. Anna looked between Devlin’s reserved and uncertain expression and the faces of the others. She didn’t think she imagined the hostility radiating from Zeph and the pretty brown-haired woman standing next to him, or from a dark-haired man she hadn’t yet met.
“Has something happened?” Devlin finally asked, obviously sensing the tension, too.
“No,” Aeolus said. “Everything—”
“Yeah, dude,” Chrysander said. “Laney had a vision.” Aeolus frowned as the blond god nodded toward a black-haired woman with striking blue eyes standing next to him. Anna’s brain latched onto the word vision. There was someone else like her here?
“And?” Devlin asked, his thumb stroking over Anna’s knuckles.
The brown-haired woman stepped forward, pulling out of Zeph’s grip when he tried to restrain her. “And she saw you attacking Zephyros,” the woman said, bronze light flaring from behind her dark eyes. So, a goddess, then?
Anna’s stomach dropped as she realized…holy hell…They don’t trust Devlin. He was here to risk his life, and they didn’t trust him. Did he have no one on his side? Besides her, of course, but how useful was she against a wall of gods?
“I don’t know what your Laney saw, but I have no fight with Zephyros,” Devlin said in a low voice. “I’m here to put an end to our troubles, not add to them.” He stepped forward, and Anna hated it when Zeph came to Ella’s side in a clearly defensive posture. “Is your name…are you Ella?” he asked, making Anna wonder why he didn’t already know. Had they never before met? But weren’t these gods his family? The woman nodded. “Well, then, is there anything I could do to put your mind at ease, Ella?”
Uncertainty crept over her stern expression, and she and Zeph traded glances.
Laney whispered something to Chrys. For a moment, they went back and forth. Finally, she said, “His aura is purple. It’s pure, bright purple. Eurus’s is a black so dark it deadens the light around him. I think…he’s not like his father.”
Aeolus whirled on the group. “Of course he’s not! I’ll not hear this debate any longer. For the thousandth time, he is not his father. At great personal risk, he has trained to help us. At additional great risk, he plans to travel into the Eastern Realm to retrieve Eurus’s key. I expect better of every one of you. If the father is the best and only way to judge the son, then that doesn’t say much for you two, does it?” He stared pointedly at Zephyros, then Chrysander. “Because as you’ve both pointed out—and correctly, I’ll admit—this whole situation, from the way I treated Eurus to his long history of retribution to hiding the loss of the Firestone ring, is my fault. I’ve been an arrogant, conceited god for most of my existence, reveling in my power over others as a means of grappling with the losses I’ve suffered. Should the world hold you responsible for all that because of your association with me?”
The woman beside him rubbed Aeolus’s back, and the gesture left Anna with the impression they were together.
Chrys’s and Zeph’s mouths both hung open, as if they’d never heard Aeolus say such things before. And though some part of Anna resented whatever role Aeolus had played in the bad things that’d happened to Devlin, another part was cheering the older god’s defense of him. Anna looked to see Devlin’s reaction, and was heartsick to find him head down, shoulders hunched, fists clenched. Clearly uncomfortable and defensive and bowing under the open debate on his character.
“Children bearing the sins of the parents. It’s a timely question, my lord,” said a woman’s voice from behind the group of Anemoi. The group parted, and a strikingly beautiful woman walked regally between them. She wore a long, shimmering dress that appeared to be different colors as she moved and shifted, and her almost-white hair included strands of sky-blue highlights. Anna gasped. In the woman’s hand, she carried a tall, winged staff that glittered and threw off prisms of light, and around her waist, a small silver flask attached to a braided silken belt.
“Iris, welcome back,” Aeolus said, as she sank into a graceful curtsy.
Wait, Iris? As in…goddess of the rainbow and my ancient ancestor Iris? Anna gaped at the woman as butterflies whipped through her belly. Translucent colors trailed behind her every movement like a train on a gown. A living embodiment of the rainbow.
The woman rose and her blue-eyed gaze settled on Anna. Iris’s magic shimmered all around her, and Anna found it stunningly beautiful. Grief suddenly gripped Iris’s expression.
“Iris, may I introduce you to Annalise Fallston? Anna, this is your forebear, Iris, goddess of the rainbow and messenger of the gods,” Aeolus said, beckoning them together.
Anna’s heart was trying to run away it was beating so hard. “Hello,” she said, feeling the strong urge to curtsy herself but fearing she’d look ridiculous. Devlin’s hand fell on the small of her back, and she could’ve kissed him for the silent support because she was shaking so bad she was sure everyone could tell.
Iris approached Anna with an avid curiosity on her face. “Are you well, child?” she asked.
“Uh, yes. Yes, I’m fine.”
“You are beautiful,” she said.
Heat flooded into Anna’s face, especially since she was a very pale reproduction of the Technicolor goddess standing in front of her. “Thank you,” she managed.
“May I embrace you?” Iris asked, her hands fluttering at her chest.
“Of course,” s
he said.
Iris smiled and then the goddess’s arms surrounded her. She was little, just like Anna, and warm, and she smelled of rain on roses, clean and sweet. Emotion clogged Anna’s throat, and the moment felt so significant she forgot all about their audience. Finally, Iris withdrew, but she clasped Anna’s hands in hers and stared at her.
Something flashed behind her blue eyes, and she pressed her lips into a thin line. “How old are you, Anna?” she finally asked.
“Twenty-nine.”
Iris’s jaw dropped open and her cheeks paled. “And when is your birthday?”
“September thirtieth,” she said.
Impossibly, Iris paled further. She put her hand to her forehead. “No,” she said pleadingly.
Anna glanced over her shoulder at Devlin and found on his face the same dread that was crawling into her belly. “What?” Anna asked her.
“You turn thirty in two weeks?” she asked, incredulity and outrage straining her voice. She turned to Aeolus. “You must keep her here. Do not let her return to the human world.”
Aeolus exchanged concerned glances with the men. “Why?”
“She cannot go there anymore.”
The storm god frowned. “Iris—”
“She’s my daughter,” Iris said, “and she will die if she goes back.”
Goosebumps rippled over Anna’s skin. Her…what? She didn’t know what to believe, what to think. Anna pressed her hands to her face as tears pricked the back of her eyes—tears for the distress pouring off this woman. “I don’t understand,” Anna whispered.
Iris grasped her hand again, though the goddess’s grip had gone ice cold. “I mean exactly what I say, Annalise. You are of my flesh and blood. And you are cursed—we both were. In the human world, where your powers are suppressed, you are destined to die on your thirtieth birthday. Truth be told, I’m surprised you seem so well.”
Anna shook her head. “My mother died years ago. Her name was Tessa—”
“No, child,” Iris said, her expression so sad. “She was but a vessel for the life I brought forth thousands of years ago. A baby I was forced to give up because my race of gods, the Titans, fought to wrest control from your father’s race. As punishment for the forbidden affair, the Titan elders commanded that I never see your father again and that I place you in the human realm immediately after birth. Now things are different, but then, the war between the gods made the world so volatile that the Titans feared the power you would grow to possess. They couldn’t destroy you, because you were stronger, even then, so they cursed you twice over to limit your power—first by imposing death in each lifetime on your thirtieth birthday, and second by only allowing each new reincarnation a certain, small proportion of your true power.”