by P X Duke
A purge. I couldn’t comprehend. I’d given up trying.
Eventually, my hidden observation post provided me with a sense of how often the walker cruised through the neighborhood. Whoever it was, they were obviously reconning for their own purposes, just as I had been doing.
Twice a week, Monday and Thursday, early in the a.m., the person would pass by. Usually he would return by mid-afternoon. The pack he carried, empty in the morning, would be full and heavy on his back in the afternoon. Obviously he too was stocking up with whatever he could find.
Being the resourceful type, I resorted to binoculars and studied the walker up close and personal. That’s when I recognized the walker for what she was. My curiosity piqued, I began to pay even more attention. She was on a schedule that took her through my neighborhood on a regular basis.
The double-barreled shotgun hanging across her chest gave me pause.
With time to kill and not much else to do, I waited her out. More often than not, and usually like clockwork on those two days, I’d be rewarded. She would trudge past early in the day, backpack empty. By day’s end, she would labor past on the return trip with the backpack full and heavy, judging by her gait.
She appeared to be in her mid-twenties. Probably long-haired, with her hair tied in a bun when she wasn’t wearing the hoodie or the ball cap. Hippy-looking the way she dressed, but like me, she would have been too young to know much about that generation.
She always had on a long-sleeved shirt and long pants and hiking boots. She wore a bandanna around her neck against the sun when the hoodie got left behind.
She was doing exactly what I was doing, and doing it quite well, judging by the way she carried herself with the full pack. She had to be in good shape.
I wasn’t brave enough yet to follow her. I considered it, then thought it best to leave her alone for the time being. I didn’t want to make it look like I was some sort of stalker bent on taking everything she had for my own.
Besides, she had that shotgun.
That alone was worrying. I hadn’t thought to collect any weapons. Since spotting her, I became more nervous each day I went without when I finally did consider a weapon. I guess I was naive, to say the least, because there was probably more like her around, even if I hadn’t yet spotted them.
Over time, the loneliness had become bearable. Since catching sight of the woman, I realized how lonely I had been all these months. I began to think again about finally having a partner with which to share this new world in which I found myself trapped.
I went back to my own search and acquire missions. I had to. Winter would be on its way soon enough.
FOUR
Caitrin
Caitrin considered herself lucky to have had a job. Graduating as a communications major with a minor in psychology hadn’t presented many opportunities.
The small, on-line company that sold doomsday prep gear took a chance on her. She intended to prove them right about providing the opportunity. Green as she was, when necessary, she applied what she had learned as best she could. She worked hard, learned the lingo as she went along, and ended up pleasing the business owner with her enthusiasm.
Consequently, when the company did its monthly tests of the gear it sold, she got invited to go along on the campouts in the hill country to the north of the city. City girl that she was, she quickly adapted to the rigors of the overnight routine, and grew to enjoy the camaraderie of the small group of employees as well as the experience.
What she learned amazed her each time the group did an overnight or a long weekend. Getting comfortable using the gear. Setting up camp and lighting fires and cooking. Learning survival techniques. Bugging out when the campouts ended. It all eventually became routine for her. She was always a little sorry to return home.
As a result of the campouts, she had gotten to know one of her workmates. Soon after returning to the city from one of their excursions, she had begun dating Konnor.
Like her, Konnor had been raised in the city. He had gone to a small community college and studied web design. In the small company they worked for, he too had slowly worked his way to finally becoming a trusted employee. He too stayed flexible and did what was asked of him by his employer.
Shortly after the troubles began, for that’s what Konnor called them, he had asked her to move in with him. She agreed. It seemed like the thing to do. Safety in numbers, even though their number was only two, appeared to be reasonable. After all, at the time, no one knew how long the troubles would last.
And, as she had learned from working for the doomsday prep company, after watching their videos, after spending time at the campouts, she knew two people in an emergency could do twice as much as one in the sense that the work could be split and parceled out. The business owner had lectured all of them on the benefits.
The interior of the city wasn’t an ideal place for either of them, but when the store closed its doors, the owner had tossed them the keys and told them to help themselves. They had moved into the basement. It wasn’t an ideal setup, but the concealed rooms served their purpose and prevented them from being discovered when the roundups began.
Neither of them had anticipated that. Not even in their worst nightmares, and they had never shared a bad nightmare, so far.
When the city emptied itself of every last human being, it was Caitrin’s idea to get them out of the dark basement and moved into an empty house miles away in the suburbs. It took both of them three days to transport every last thing they could think of to the house. It was a job, even using two bicycles.
Occasionally, they had to avoid a diesel truck huffing and puffing around the city, but the noise the huge military vehicles created made it easy to stay out of their way. As the months went on, the patrols occurred less and less. It was as though every last vestige of humanity had been uprooted and sent packing. To where, they didn’t know.
Nor did they care to.
Caitrin missed her family, such as it had been. In truth, she missed her father. He had written off her mother when she wouldn’t stop drinking. When she was twelve or thirteen, she overheard the ultimatum he gave to her mother. As with all of them before, it too went ignored. A few months after that, he had packed up and left, leaving Caitrin alone with her alcoholic mother.
Her father maintained sporadic contact for a while, until she had gotten a notice that he had passed away. When her mother died shortly after, Caitrin was the only person at her funeral.
That was probably a part of the reason she had so quickly moved in with Konnor. She knew she didn’t want to be alone any longer, especially given what was happening all around her.
So far, Caitrin had been happy with her partnership with Konnor. Like any beginning relationship, there were bumps in the road, but overall, it seemed to her as though it had been a good arrangement for both of them. They had quickly moved into the traditional male-female roles of provider and housekeeper. She didn’t mind, given the circumstances, even though she knew she was more than capable of also doing the providing.
When Konnor finally realized he needed help, he asked, and she threw herself into the task to the best of her abilities. She felt he had to know that as she depended on him, Konnor could depend on her.
Many days they came home exhausted from their efforts to obtain food, water and everything else they needed to survive. They would fall into bed together, too tired to make love, and too tired even for shared conversation about the day’s events.
The strict daily routines they forced upon themselves sapped all of their energies. Often they’d end up in each other’s arms, crying themselves to sleep.
There was no relief in sight.
The purges, the troubles, the searches to survive, became difficult for both of them. Forgetfulness, bad hygiene, suspicion, depression, all vied to take over their lives. At first, it appeared normal to Caitrin. She too was guilty of those same emotions and errors in judgment.
Konnor in particular became more wit
hdrawn. He talked of getting out of the city. Caitrin agreed, and pushed for a move far into the suburbs, far distant from the city center. It made sense to her. It also made sense that such a move would be good for Konnor, too. It would help to take his mind off of whatever it was that was eating at him.
The planning and the gathering of the necessary supplies for such a move took all of their time. They hauled it all into the former store that had became their residence. Then began the exhausting work of moving it to the new home they had chosen, far from downtown.
It was the firearms that finally convinced Caitrin that things were getting serious. Konnor had them stacked in a corner, complete with ammunition boxes. She didn’t want anything to do with them, but he finally convinced her otherwise.
She picked out a double-barreled shotgun that caught her fancy. That surprised her at the time.
It wasn’t long before she began carrying it everywhere she journeyed in the abandoned city. She added an ammo belt strung over shoulder to opposite waist. She began to feel more and more like a soldier of fortune, but she knew better than to believe it. She’d never fired a firearm of any kind.
She thought the reason the double-barreled shotgun stood out for her was because she had seen them in movies. That, and it looked simple to operate. Two shells in, close the breach, pull the triggers. She’d give herself bonus points if she was ever called upon to use it and actually hit what she might aim at.
Following a few practice rounds that would have woke the dead were there any within hearing distance, she knew she couldn’t miss at close range with lead shot. When she got home that day, she shortened the barrels. The increased maneuverability impressed her so much, she went out and fired a few more rounds to convince herself she hadn’t made a mistake.
From that, she knew as long as she pulled the rifle tight into her shoulder and leaned into it, that she’d be able to hit whatever she crossed paths with, as long as it was in front of her.
Initially, Caitrin had believed that the stress and fatigue from the search for a new place and their subsequent move was beginning to affect Konnor’s judgment. She allowed him to sleep late and stay home for a couple of days. Even that didn’t improve his outlook or his attitude.
He remained withdrawn and incapable of expressing emotion. He stopped doing what they both did when they became frustrated. He could no longer laugh with her. He became unable to concentrate and couldn’t remember even the simplest things she asked him to do. Eventually, she couldn’t get him out of bed, no matter what she tried.
She even resorted to cooking breakfast, naked, in front of the stove.
Caitrin couldn’t ignore any longer what had been staring her in the face. When she finally recognized Konnor’s symptoms for what they were, she panicked. Even though he hadn’t been delusional or hallucinating, she knew from her psychology courses that Konnor was becoming schizophrenic.
Further, she knew she had no treatment for him.
She began to grow concerned for her future. Without Konnor, she would have been much worse off, and she knew it. He had contributed so much to her survival and her emotional well-being. Now all that was threatening to unravel because she could do nothing for him.
With winter coming on, she didn’t think she’d be able to survive on her own.
Caitrin didn’t want to contemplate what it would be like living with a crazy person. That was especially so when the craziness already in their lives because of the purges was almost more than they could handle together.
If he was going around the bend, she’d have to deal with it.
If only she knew how.
It took a week for Caitrin to convince Konnor that she should be allowed to make the daily excursions into the city. She’d need at least that much time to gather up the remaining items they would need. She was able to convince him to allow her to start with two days a week, on Monday and Thursday.
He almost refused to let her do it.
She’d get up first thing in the morning, fix herself a quick bite to eat, and then dress for the day. She hid the fact that she was a woman by wearing bulky clothes. Her jeans were loose. She tucked the cuffs into the expensive hiking boots she had obtained during a smash-and-grab at an outdoor store’s window display.
She considered strapping down her breasts, and decided against it. A sports bra would have to do. Overtop of that went a t-shirt and a regular shirt. She added an oversize hoodie. Under that, a ball cap covered the long hair she kept in a bun whenever she went outside. She checked herself in the mirror each time before she left, as if she might have missed something.
She never did.
On her way out the door, she added the shotgun and the ammo belt. From the belt on her jeans she hung a small k-bar with a handle just big enough to fit her hand.
As hard as it had been for Caitrin to convince Konnor to let her go, he never seemed to notice her disappearance on those twice-weekly excursions. She stopped saying good-bye in fear that it would set him off on one of the ever-increasing rants that he was beginning to subject her to. She couldn’t take the yelling and screaming. All she wanted to do when he started in on her was to escape to the isolation of the outside world.
After a while, she began enjoying the silence and the solitude.
As her treks got longer, she’d often be gone all day, almost into darkness. She wouldn’t allow herself to be out in the night. At the end of the day, often as late as twilight, she’d arrive home, exhausted, feet sore and back aching from the weight of the huge pack she toted.
She knew she was using those two days as an escape from her developing problems with Konnor. She spent the time thinking, and she didn’t like the one question she kept asking herself. What was she going to do without Konnor to help her exist within the confines of the deserted city?
Despite her worries, she enjoyed being out of Konnor’s way. She got to examine parts of the city that she barely knew existed. She was most cheerful when she passed through the city’s parks with their huge shade trees and picnic tables. Some of them even had barbecues. It reminded her of what was missing, but she soon chased those thoughts out of her head.
Caitrin used a city map to mark out the areas she had already explored, and made notes of where she might return where the pickings turned out to be good. On foot, it was slow going. She’d tried using a bicycle, but ditched that idea when the heavy pack she carried got the better of her. She had tipped over, and in her clumsiness, knocked herself out when she was dumped on the ground by the off-center weight of the pack.
Hell, even a kid knows how to ride a bike, she told herself on the way down.
When she came to, she looked around, embarrassed that anyone might have seen her, until she remembered she was all alone. She laughed at her clumsiness, but she walked home rubbing both her head and her ass, and added her bruised ego into the mix for good measure. Later, when she looked herself over, naked, in the mirror, she saw the huge bruise where the shotgun had dug into her rib cage.
As Konnor’s condition worsened, she began to dread coming home at all. She never knew what mood he’d be in. She knew she was becoming the sole provider when she realized that Konnor had stopped going anywhere. More and more, his paranoia was inserting itself into their relationship and turning it into a nightmare for both of them.
She was slowly coming to realize that she would have to do something about life with Konnor. She just didn’t know what.
It was one of the shortcuts that she took on the two days she went out into the world. At first, it was only an eerie feeling that overtook Caitrin when she passed through one of her regular neighborhoods on her scavenger hunts. It wasn’t the entire neighborhood, but only one small area of it.
At first she couldn’t explain the feeling. As the days and weeks passed and she became more self-assured, she decided that someone must be watching her. When the realization finally struck home, she began paying more attention to her surroundings when she trudged through the small cul-d
e-sac.
Nothing looked out of the ordinary. In fact, it almost looked like every other street she traversed. Almost. Something wasn’t quite right about this one, though. Her mind was already made up about that.
Caitrin thought she might start to avoid the area, and then thought better of it. If she was going to become paranoid now, in a city that she was certain was pretty much deserted, she might as well throw in the towel, stay home, and join Konnor in his crazy fantasies.
She couldn’t allow herself do that.
Then it struck her.
She stopped. She looked around.
Overhead, the sun was in just the right position to shine through the front windows of all of the homes in the cul-de-sac. In turn, she examined each of them from where she stood.
Nothing looked to be out of the ordinary. However, at first glance, in what seemed to be a random pattern, the curtains in some of the houses were closed. In others, they were open. If memory served her right, in almost every other neighborhood she traveled through, the curtains on almost all of the houses had been left open. People wanted to be witness to the proceedings going on in their neighborhoods. With the curtains closed, they couldn’t do that.
It was a small thing, she knew. And maybe she was starting to join Konnor in his madness. But she didn’t think so.
Caitrin shook her head, unable to believe what she had allowed to run through her mind. She resolved to shut it out. She took a step and her foot slipped off the curb. Unbalanced by the heavy load of the huge backpack, she tripped, stumbled and the off-balanced weight sent her careening onto a lawn.
On her way down, a corner of a curtain moved. Or did it? She thought it did. Did it really? She couldn’t be sure.