Lea swung the door open, smiling too widely for my liking. I walked in, shooting her a glare as I passed. Taylor scanned my body, blushing, and turned quickly. I don’t know why she was embarrassed looking at me, I had on jeans and a t-shirt. She on the other hand, wore less clothes each time I saw her. And I knew who was responsible for that.
I stared at her legs. “Nice shorts. Did you pick them out?”
“Not exactly,” she said, clearly unhappy with Lea.
“Change.”
“What? She looks hot! She’s attracting attention now; just thought I’d help.” Lea said, winking. Like I didn’t already know she was attracting attention. She had my attention and while I was refraining myself, it would be nice to not fight anyone else off of her.
“She doesn’t need the kind of attention she’ll get with those shorts, Lea!”
Taylor cleared her throat, waving at us. “Hey, um, guys I’m right here. I can speak for myself.”
I snapped my head in her direction and clenched my jaw. “Is that what you wanna wear to the bar?”
She bit her lip, shrugging. When she looked at Lea with puppy eyes, I knew I had won. “Maybe longer shorts, Lea do you have longer shorts?” She asked, tugging on the shorts.
Sighing, Lea stomped to the closet as I smiled. She tossed a pair of shorts at Taylor, and I folded my arms, waiting.
“Get out,” she said.
I threw my arms up, laughing, “Nothin’ is more revealing than those shorts.”
“Out!” She yelled, pointing to the door.
Lea and I walked in the hallway while she changed. Thankfully, it had thinned out. There were just a few students. My phone buzzed from my pocket. I pulled it out finding a text from Joel.
Heads up. Party at the apartment.
I shoved the phone back in my pocket, annoyed. Lea cocked her brow at me, waiting for me to say something. She knew me better than anyone else. She knew I was getting fed up with Joel, and that I wanted out, but she didn’t really know why.
“Spill it,” she said.
I leaned my back against the wall, kicking a foot back. I pulled my phone out, tossing it at her, and she caught it. She read the message, twisting her mouth to the side.
“Have you talked to him about it?”
I rolled my eyes. “Somehow it didn’t come up during circle time last night.”
“Just tell him you don’t want people over there.”
“I have…He says it’s good for business. I’m thinkin’ about finding another place.”
“Business? You’re selling still?” She cocked her head to the side, glaring at me.
I shrugged my shoulders. “Not much longer. I told them I didn’t want to anymore last night.”
She looked around before stepping closer. “What did Jay say?”
“Told me to get rid of what I had and I’d be out.”
The door swung open, and Taylor stepped out, wearing longer shorts. She looked between the two of us, concerned.
“What’s going on?” She asked, stopping in front of me.
The thick liner that shaped her eyes, brought out the green in them. The closer I looked, I forgot what she had said. She stared at me, waiting to answer, and growing embarrassed. Her plump lips were coated with gloss, making it harder than ever, to not kiss her.
I didn’t understand. I loathed kissing before, but since she came around, it was almost all I could think about. I just needed to get it out of the way, and I would stop thinking about her. It was becoming a problem. I’ve turned down sex twice lately.
“Joel’s having a party at their apartment,” Lea said. Taylor looked her at then back at me, waiting for an excuse. “He doesn’t like people over there. He’s a control freak.”
“I’m not a control freak. I don’t like people over there, especially when I’m not there,” I said, annoyed. Lea mouthed control freak.
“Why don’t we just go to the party?” She asked.
I sighed, looking at Lea. I had no idea who was at my apartment, but I knew who could be. I didn’t want Taylor around those people, but I guess I could try it out.
“Yeah?” I asked Lea. Sometimes we would have conversations without actually saying anything. She nodded.
“We could do that.”
We piled in my mustang. The more Lea complained about my music, the louder I turned it. Taylor covered her mouth, laughing at me. She kept her hands in her lap, covering her legs the entire drive.
I pulled in a gas station, and left them in the car. When I walked inside, I cursed. I didn’t ask what Taylor wanted. Lea was a fucking garbage disposal; she would eat or drink anything you gave her. But with Taylor’s lack of experience, I wanted her to enjoy it.
I grabbed the fruitiest shit I could find along with beer, paid, and walked out to my car. I laid the drinks in the trunk and drove to the apartment.
When I pulled in, I was immediately pissed. I’d planned on taking Lea and Taylor out to eat tonight, hoping to talk to her more. Joel had to fuck that up. I ripped the drinks from the trunk, storming up to the apartment.
“No one better be in my room,” I said, ranting to anyone that was listening.
I shoved the door open, hoping I’d knock someone out. They all looked at me, unfazed, and went back to the party. Some of the girls, however, were staring at me like I was a fresh piece of meat that just came through the door.
I sat our drinks on the counter, pulling one out for me and Taylor. Joel was seated at our small dining room table, losing at Poker. I handed Taylor her drink and walked over to him.
“What’s goin’ on?” He asked, staring at his cards.
“I’m wonderin’ the same. You can’t just bring people over here without asking me,” I said, slamming my beer on the table to get his attention.
He smirked, “I pay half the rent. Guess I could do whatever the fuck I want.”
I lifted my beer, taking a sip to calm my nerves. “When you dig yourself a hole, you can lie in it,” I said, walking off.
He laughed, playing a hand. The other guys around the table were looking at us now, interested. “Dude, everyone here uses. Calm the fuck down.”
I looked over to where Taylor was. She didn’t use, and she sure as hell better not find out by anyone at this party that I do.
The girls Joel invited over started getting brave. They were now putting on a show; and I could see, across the room, Taylor’s face flash crimson red. Mike, one of Joel’s friends, approached Taylor, and I stalked over. I grabbed her arm and leaned over, close to her ear.
“Come with me.”
She jumped, and I let my hand slide down her arms, falling to her hands. She didn’t protest, so I laced our fingers and pulled her into my room. I flipped the light on, and she looked around my room. I’d never felt more exposed in my life.
“Are you comfortable being here?” I asked.
“Yeah,” she said, her brows bumped into a scowl.
That was a good sign. I sat on my bed, letting tension roll off. I wish we could stay in here all night. Away from those idiots…away from my lifestyle. She’s going to find out soon enough. I won’t be able to hide it; the campus is too small.
“I’m hoping if we stay in here long enough the show will end,” I said, and she sat beside me.
“Did they give you the same show last night?”
That brought a smiled to my face. She was jealous, and it came out more each time we hung out. Her lips were pressed in a hard line as she scooted away from me.
“Not going to let that one go, are you?” I laughed, “Hell no, I don’t bring girls here. This is all Joel’s doing.”
“C’mon, you expect me to believe that?” She asked, shoving my shoulder. I find it absolutely hilarious she’s playing it off as a joke.
“I found out the hard way. I don’t fuck girls here; I go to their place. They show up here wantin’ more and shit.”
Her jaw fell. I cringed, hoping I wasn’t too honest. She was jealous, so I thought
I’d set her straight. I want her to know, when the time is right, she’s the only one I’ve ever cared about.
“I’m officially repulsed by you! Do you hear yourself talk?”
I laughed, pulling on her hand. “Let’s get back out there. You and Lea can get piss drunk and stay the night. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay with being here.”
“I’m not staying here!”
“I won’t steal your virtue, promise,” I said, winking.
She walked across the room, putting her hands on her hips. “What if I show up wanting more tomorrow?”
I wasn’t sure I’d heard her right. I shook my head, thinking. I walked to her side, needing to be closer to her.
“Well, Taylor, I wouldn’t slam the door in your face,” I said.
I grabbed her chin, I tilted it up, with every intention of kissing her. I took a step closer, leaned in, but I was pushed back. With her hands on my chest, her face was flushed.
“You slam your door in girls’ faces?”
I can’t win with this one. Respecting her wishes, I took a step back and opened the door.
“Lea’s probably looking for us.”
She passed by me and I walk to my bathroom. I lock the door behind me, shuffling through the cabinet. When I find something to calm my nerves, I grab the bottle and pop two in my mouth. I’m not getting anywhere with her. Maybe I’m reading the signals wrong. If I can’t figure her out in a few days, I’m out. My head’s all fucked up and I’m done with this shit. No wonder everyone bitches about relationships. This shit is ridiculous.
Fuck it. I’m kicking it up a notch, if she doesn’t want anything to do with me, I’ll know. But I’m about to make it hell for her.
I walked out of the bathroom, looking for her. She’s standing next to Lea, talking. I go over, placing my hand on the small of her back, and lean into her ear.
“Want another drink?”
“Sure,” she stuttered, nodding.
I grabbed another drink off the bar. Turning to see, Mike walking up to Taylor again. I stalked over, listening to their conversation. “How you feeling? Hayze gave you the hook-up?”
“What?” She asked, confused. Rage boiled through my body as I slung our drinks down.
“What the fuck did you say?” I yelled, pushing him from behind “Get the fuck away from her!”
Before Mike could react, Joel appeared, pushing me back. Mike looked to Joel, dumbfounded. “I don’t know what happened, man all I said was…” He started to mouth some shit, but I sent my fist flying to shut him up.
“Get the fuck out! Don’t bring him back to this apartment,” I said looking at Joel. He nodded, holding his hands up. I looked around the living room. The music had stopped and everyone was looking at me. The whispers had already started. Taylor’s hand was over her mouth, and her eyes were wide with horror.
“Actually, everyone just get the fuck out,” I said, motioning to the door. As everyone left, I saw Lea taking Taylor to my room.
I fucked up again. I needed to let her go free of my shit.
With everyone out of the apartment, Joel looked at me, laughing. “You need to pull it together, man.”
I shook my head. “I don’t like people over here.”
“That’s not it. That dude was hitting on Taylor,” he said, laughing. He grabbed the pillows that were tossed on the floor, putting them back on the couch. I was too pissed to help him clean. I stood, with my hands propped on top of my head, breathing fast.
“He wasn’t hittin’ on her. He was askin’ if I gave her the hook up.
“So? Dude, she’s gonna find out…Might as well just tell her now.”
I shook my head, determined. “No, she won’t. I’ve cut back, and I’m about to stop sellin’. She won’t have a reason to know.”
“I’m sure your dad thought the same thing,” he said. He didn’t mean in to be an ass. He was probably just trying to wake me up and show me that junkies don’t belong with preacher’s daughters. Nevertheless, I punched the fuck out of him.
“Get the fuck out. I’m sleepin’ in here tonight,” I said, shoving him.
Cradling his jaw, he was still laughing as he walked to his room. “Night asshole. You know I’m right.”
I picked up the nearest beer bottle and hurled it against the wall. It shattered, sending shards flying over the room. He was right, and I knew it, but damn if I wasn’t going to try to beat the odds.
16
A NEW DIRECTION
I went out of my way, searching for her on campus. I wanted to apologize; I knew it probably wouldn’t make a difference, but it was a worth a try. She had seen a portion of what my life was like, and she probably doesn’t want anything to do with me. She was avoiding me.
So, it was a little creepy on my part that I was standing outside her dorm room door. I could hear someone shuffling around the room. Part of me hoped that it was Lea. She could just tell her I stopped by and apologized for being a sorry piece of shit and losing my temper.
I did have an excuse though. I wasn’t using as much and I was having slight withdrawals. It probably wouldn’t help my case by telling her that, but it made me feel better about myself.
I couldn’t stand out here all day. Eventually she would walk out and find me standing here. That would be awkward. I knocked on the door, waiting I leaned on the door frame to appear casual.
She opened it, holding it wide so I could pass. Without saying a word, I walked in and sat on her bed.
“We, uh, haven’t really had the chance to talk since the other night,” I said, rubbing the back of my head, and avoiding her intrusive stare. I felt like I was on trial being here.
“Yeah,” she said, sighing. She sat beside me, and her legs touched mine briefly before she tugged hers away.
“I could lie, I could give you excuses, but I’m not,” I said.
Well, that was the partial truth. I could never be truthful with her, but I was going to tell her all that I could.
Leaning in, she touched my arm. “What’s bothering you, Hayze?”
“Right now?” I asked, my brows bumped together. She nodded, encouraging me to continue. “Right now I’m pissed at what you saw the other night. I knew what kind of people would be at that party and I took you anyway. And the way I acted… I know I’m an asshole, everyone around me knows that. But I don’t want you to see it, to witness it and I damn sure don’t ever want it directed at you.”
“You were taking up for me,” she said, smiling “Better?”
I thought about that for a minute. I’m not better; my head is all fucked up. I need to find out what’s going on. If she feels the way I do, whatever-the-fuck that means, I need to know. I can’t continue acting erratically.
“I would feel better if you’d let me take you out. Are you free tonight?”
She bit her lip, thinking. “I am.”
I was embarrassed to admit how relieved I was. I had never been on a date. I’ve never even asked a girl to go on one. She looked down at her clothes, and tightened her ponytail. I smiled at her, reluctance. In jeans and a worn t-shirt, she was gorgeous.
“You look perfect,” I said, standing from the bed.
“You are sure? I mean I can put on Lea’s shorts or a dress,” she laughed, pointing to the closet. I think she was joking, but I wasn’t amused. The clothes she had been wearing were certainly going to send me into an early heart attack.
“Absolutely not.”
I grabbed her hand, pulling her from the bed. I opened the door for her, never letting go of her hand. It felt nice to touch her. Usually I avoided hand-holding like the plague, but this was…nice.
I opened the passenger side door for her and jogged over to my side. I cranked the car, and my music blared. I turned it down, then noticed she was singing along.
“I can’t think of a song you don’t know, Aerosmith, really? You’re like eighteen,” I said.
“I like classic rock. I have an older brother. Well, two older brothe
rs, but one doesn’t count,” she said, shrugging. Problems with her dad and her brother, maybe we were the same.
“Is it just you three?”
“Yeah, What about you? Any brothers or sisters?” She asked as I turned on the busy street. I was already regretting asking her about her family. I didn’t like where this was going.
“Yeah,” sighs, “Two half-brothers, one half-sister, we share the same dad.”
I turned into the shopping district, parking in front of the taco stand. We walked inside, standing in line to order, and I turned to her.
“Do you have your ID?”
She dug through her purse and found the card. I took it and handed it to the guy behind the counter as I ordered. She walked ahead of me, passing a lot of opened tables, and sat at the back.
I sat on the opposite side of the booth, sliding our beer in front of us. I took a sip, then rubbed my hands over my face, trying to wake up.
I had a long night. I’ve been pissed Jay won’t let me out until I finish selling, so I used extra last night. I don’t have the best logic, but I got rid of a lot, which means I’m closer to being done with him and his shit.
“You look tired,” she said. She ran her finger along the rim of her glass, pushing the salt in.
“I’m always tired.”
“You said you lived here all your life? Do your parents still live here?” She asked, taking a sip of beer. Her mouth twisted in disgust and she shoved it across the table. I covered my smile with my hand. I guess I should’ve asked what she wanted.
“My mom does,” I said, not wanting to talk about my family anymore. I was already on edge because I didn’t sleep all night.
“Are you close to your brothers and sister?”
“My little brothers live in Colorado now. I don’t get to see them much. I guess you could say I’m pretty close to my sister. I see her every day,” I said, amused. I could tell her this small thing about myself. It wouldn’t hurt.
“Does she go to the university? “She asked, trying out her beer again.
“She does,” I said, leaning in.
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